Over the Line
Post ep for 3x01. Content/information from the episode is included.
Summary: Steve has something to say. He goes about it in his usual roundabout, unorthodox and slightly creepy manner.
Steve sits in the dark street, staring up at the second floor of the darkened apartment building. As if somehow he can will his partner awake at 3am. He's been sitting here for close to half an hour ,and he knows he should turn around and go back home, maybe sit out on the grass until the sun rises. But something is stopping keeping him here.
His phone rings, so very loud in the stillness of the night. When he sees who is calling, he answers and looks back up at the window.
"You gonna sit there all night, Steve? It's kinda creepy y'know."
"I have no idea what you mean. I am tucked up safe in my bed."
"Then you'd better call HPD, Babe, coz someone's stolen your truck and is sitting out side my house. I worked it out fifteen minutes ago, but I'm going to guess its been at least double that."
Steve sighs, he knows he's beat. "How did you know I was here?"
"I'm pretty sure the neighbour has an illegal cat, it keeps leaving me gifts of death outside my door. I thought I heard it and looked out the window."
Steve feels like he's slipping, he should have noticed and it's a good thing this isn't an actual stakeout. Danny must have twitched the blinds one of the dozen times Steve had started typing and deleted a text to him.
"Oh."
"So unless there is a threat against my life hitherto unknown to me, and you are my security detail, I would like to repeat my first question. You gonna sit there all night or come up?"
"Hitherto? Really?"
"Stalking? Really?"
"Fair point." Steve sighs again. "I just... I couldn't sleep." He feels like an idiot the second the words leave his mouth.
"You want me to come warm you some milk and tuck you in and read you a story?" Danny snarks gently and Steve can hear rustling and worries that the offer is actually genuine. That any second Danny's sleep-messed head will poke out the door, followed by the rest of him.
And suddenly he wants to get out of here so badly it hurts in his chest. Because nobody has even offered to make him warm milk since...
Well. He's just refusing to think about that right now. It isn't why he's here.
Only it kind of is.
"No, Danny. I don't want you to treat me like your ten-year old daughter."
And Danny realises that this is the crux of the issue here. "Well someone needs to look after you, you sure as hell aren't, running off to Japan then coming straight back and jumping into a case. Not just any case, our friend was murdered, our other friend attempted murdered. You've had no sleep for god knows how long and now you're sitting in your truck in the middle of the night."
"I just... I wanted to tell you something. But it's stupid. It can wait until the morning."
"It is morning."
"The morning with sun."
"Just, geez McGarrett, stop being so stubborn and get your ass up here. This is stupid."
"No. I just..."
"For fuck's sake, spit it out or I am coming down there and I'm going to give you a piece..."
"I don't want you to go," Steve blurts out. "To Vegas," he adds. In case there's any confusion.
"Well, yeah I know that dumbass."
"But today, when I said you shouldn't fight, and said that Vegas isn't a bad place... I didn't want you to think I don't care about what happens. I do care." I care too much he thinks.
"I know you do," Danny says softly. "You always have, Steve. I realised when you tried to make up for getting me shot by buying me a dolphin adventure that you'd be a hard one to get rid of."
"I just don't want..."
"You can say it, Steve."
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Shakily. "I don't want Grace to ever, ever feel the way I do right now."
"I know, Babe."
"I don't think Dad sending us away was part of my Mom's plan. She thought we'd be taken care of. But what she did... It broke him and he was petrified with fear and that's the McGarrett family legacy. Fear and abandonment and suspicion and mistrust and building walls around ourselves so we can just get on with doing what we came to do."
Danny listens, knowing that it's unlikely Steve will open up like this again soon. It's probably half sleep deprivation and half sheer emotional exhaustion that has him at this point.
"I don't know what to say, Steve. What they did, what your mom set in motion, is not something I can even imagine living through. Some days I wonder at how you've turned out as capable as you have. Honestly, Babe, you're a freak of nature."
"Uh, thanks?"
"But the thing is, Steve, I kind of understand why she did it. And why your dad sent you away. I don't want to be that person who says you can't understand until you have kids, I've seen how psychotically protective you can be. But I can't explain how all logic flies out the window when your kid is in danger. I honestly can't tell you what I would do in your Mom's situation. I'd rather die than let something happen to Grace. I would have traded places with her in a second when she was kidnapped."
"Yeah." And he hopes Danny knows that he would have too.
"It's not so different, pretending to be dead and losing everything you love and actually being dead. In fact, it's probably harder. Living without Grace, I'd be..." his voice cracks.
"But I'm not a kid. For a decade I've been capable of keeping myself safe. Why didn't she..."
"Because," Danny stops him firmly. "Your kid is always your kid. No matter how old they are, you want to protect them. You want to fight for them."
"Danno."
"I know, Babe. I know."
"How do you fight for her without her getting caught in the middle of it?"
"I don't know that either. But I don't want her ever thinking I don't want her. That giving up on her was just easier. I would go to the Gobi Desert if it meant being near her. And I really, really hate the desert."
"The Gobi's not so bad," Steve shrugs. "The local goat stew is pretty good."
"Oh my god, you're unbelievable."
"I like to think so," Steve smiles despite everything. "Look, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry. I just didn't want you thinking I was trying to get rid of you."
"I didn't. I get it, Steve. Really. We'll work it out, okay?
"Okay."
"You sure you're right to drive home?"
Steve nods. "Yeah, I'm good. I'll see you in the morning, 'kay Danno?"
"Sure thing, Babe. Night. And thanks, for y'know, caring so much about what happens to her. It really means a lot. To both of us."
"Sure."
"You really are mooshier than the average SEAL, you know that right?"
"Goodnight, Daniel," Steve smiles fully this time and ends the call. He looks in the side mirror while he drives away, and sees the light shine through the gaps in the blind. He knows Danny's watching him to the end of the block and smiles to himself. It's kind of nice to know that someone's looking out for him.