Thought you had all the answers
Dear Glynna,
Your sister is very worried about you - so worried that she even wrote to me. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?
Don’t let anyone bring you down. You’re in charge of your own emotions and it is no one else’s place to cause you grief.
Love Ma
Dear Ma,
Thanks for writing. I’m all right now. I mean that I’m not going around crying anymore.
I don’t even understand how what Myr said made me cry. Everything he said was totally right, I didn’t disagree with any of it. I guess I was pretty unimpressed with myself for being so stupid. He told me something - I wasn’t meant to pass it on, but I didn’t realise. I thought Fiona and Janus knew about it, so I asked Fiona and she of course told Janus and then it all got back to Myr.
Except it’s not all as simple as that. I don’t know what it is, and I get that I’m not meant to.
But I just feel like an idiot for blurting it out like that. I just thought it sounded so bad, with Myr looking so depressed about it. I couldn’t imagine how that’d affect Fiona, and she seemed kinda off lately. So I just assumed. It was so stupid. And he was right, I did end up upsetting everybody. It was my fault. If I’d have thought about it for half a second I probably wouldn’t have said anything.
But you know - I think people get upset as soon as you tell Fiona something. It’s just this thing. I mean, it’s always been that way. As soon as I tell her something, people get upset. And I’m not an idiot, I can see why. She gets so aggressive, and it’s really annoying. But then I let that get to me and just don’t tell her stuff, and that was really upsetting. I didn’t really notice how bad it was until today. I feel so relieved. It’s stupid. But I think maybe that’s why I was so upset.
And you know, she and Dari were getting along so well, I know it was just because I was crying, but it felt nice otherwise to have them be like that.
Anyway, I just mean she isn’t just aggressive and a troublemaker. Whenever she says something she means it. She doesn’t go around saying stuff just to make a scene, and I don’t think people get that. And I think it hurts her a lot that they don’t. Myr said that she’s the last person he wants around in a sensitive situation. I think she’d be so sad if she knew he thought that. Except - I think she actually does know, and she pretends not to. I guess it’d be kind of obvious if everyone around you was thinking the same thing.
I just feel really bad for letting what everyone thought of her affect the way I thought about her. I like telling her everything. Not being able to is really horrible. I kind of want to just tell people not to speak to me about things if they don’t want Fiona to hear it.
I’ve been a pretty bad sister, haven’t I?
It’s stupid but somehow I think - I thought Fiona was gonna be mad at me after Myr was mad. And I guess it made me really happy instead of annoyed when she started talking angrily about him. Not that I think she should be mad at him. He’s just kind of a boofhead really. Stuff really just doesn’t occur to him.
Anyway, it’s okay now. I’m gonna work harder at talking to Fiona from now on and actually trying to get stuff out of her because she gets so upset so often now. I think it’s because of Janus - not because he’s a bad boyfriend or anything, just because she doesn’t know what to do. And there’s all this stuff going on for him and she doesn’t know what to do, and I guess she isn’t used to not knowing?
Thanks for writing, ma. I love you.
Love Glynna.
Dear Glynna,
I’m very proud of you. I know these things aren’t easy, but you just need to take your time, reserve your judgements, and I think - you need to realise your feelings are real and important. I know you’re always very careful with your words, but sometimes you just need to be honest with people. Tell them how you feel, exactly. Otherwise things will never be solved, and you’ll feel the bite of it forever.
Make mistakes, make lots of them - just make sure you’ve learned something at the end so you don’t go making them over and over again.
To me it sounds like you and Myr need to work each other out - you’re from such different backgrounds and not understanding each other is not just “the way it is”. He might be a boofhead, I’ve no idea, but there’s probably a reason.
You’ve always been so good at looking deeper, don’t give that up. It’s part of what makes you so special. Please don’t be judgemental based on hurt.
Be honest with Fiona, be honest with everybody. There’s no reason to exclude anyone in order to include another. Keep looking after each other. You’re both changing, and you need to adapt to that - stay in tune with each other. It seems so difficult now because it’s the first time you’re having such profound changes in your lives. She needs you as much as you need her. Be kind, but be assertive and she’ll respond.
I’m hoping you’re both over your jealousy, because you know you two will always be there for one another. And if you’re not, there’s nobody else to blame.
I love you very much, darling. I’m very proud of your spirit.
Love Ma.