You Caught Me On A Downslide
Title: You caught me on a downslide.
Author: Louise
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Summary: 'I'm Ryan. I'm Ryan and you're Brendon, remember?
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own. Title Belongs to 'Pictures in an Exhibition' by Death Cab for Cutie.
"I'm Ryan."
“I’m Ryan and you’re Brendon. Remember?”
He nodded, a small smile creeping onto his face, as his he was harbouring a secret, something only he knew; when in reality, he knew nothing at all.
But Ryan humoured him. How could he not? When he saw the beautiful face of his best friend approach, the sloppy grin plastered on, and his unfocused chocolate eyes, he was powerless.
- -
Bloomfield High School for the Mentally Challenged. That was it. In one simple name, you could pretty much sum up everything about the school. The title, in itself, suggested a place where no one really wanted to be, but yet, they didn’t have much of a choice.
Brendon’s hand in his own; smooth meeting clammy. They walked through the school doors. Ryan half expected them to be stared at, like a bug under a microscope, but it didn’t happen. Not this time. Not like the last school; a normal school, where Brendon tried to fit in, but couldn’t quite manage. He was too different.
The other kids taught him that. They had been warned not to bully him, severe consequences for those who disobeyed that rule; but pitying looks and malicious smirks were all that was needed to remind them that they were not wanted.
Here, everyone was too wrapped up in themselves. Of course they were. The title of the school told you that it would happen. There would be no making friends here, no relationships, but Ryan was okay with that. Brendon couldn’t get hurt, not again.
- -
They were an odd couple, really. They relied on each other, because, if they didn’t, they would be alone. They had no one else. So Ryan figured it was better for them to be alone together, than not have anyone at all.
You could say it was quite beautiful, the love that they felt for each other, but in other ways, it was not. They used each other, for their needs, when no one else would do it. Ryan relied on Brendon, as much as Brendon relied on Ryan. And their love for each other, although unconventional, was precious. And both boys thanked God for it everyday, even if they weren’t supposed to love God anymore.
- -
They had routines. Routines that had to be followed, for Brendon’s sake. But Ryan was pretty sure that if they didn’t follow those routines, he could get upset too.
Breakfast had to be in specific order. Orange juice, cereal, toast. The orange juice had to have bits. The cereal was Cheerio’s. The toast had to be wholegrain. Or else it didn’t work. And things would get rough.
- -
Ryan had a few bruises, here and there, from when Brendon got a little upset, and took it out on him. Ryan didn’t mind. Brendon couldn’t help it. He didn’t know what he was doing. Afterwards, Brendon would break down, apologising profusely, as Ryan calmed him. As long as they were together, it was okay. They were both okay.
- -
What disheartened them most, was the rejection from their families. They expected the rejection, yet it did not make the blow any less harsh. Their hearts shattered into a million tiny pieces, yet they did not let it show. Ryan simply packed up their things, and left. Using the money from his college fund, he rented a small apartment, just big enough for two.
- -
Sometimes, Brendon seemed like he was normal. Those times were bliss. Ryan looked forward to them. Once, or twice a week, Brendon would remember himself, and the two would share happy memories together. Those times were cherished, by both boys. They would simply lie in bed together, Brendon curled up in Ryan’s arms, his strong grip keeping him calm. Ryan would hold Brendon so close, as if nothing could ever hurt him, while he was with him. They would lie there for hours recollecting happier times, and putting them into a very content mood.
- -
Other times, were terrible. Brendon would go off into his own world, and he wouldn’t recognise anything. Ryan could handle the violence, even the emotional abuse, but he would break down when Brendon got scared. The older boy would simply hold his friend, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, telling him how much he loved him. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn’t.
- -
No matter how hard their life was, they would never regret any of it. They were in love. Maybe not the most normal type of love, but it didn’t matter to them. Whatever obstacles life decided to throw at them, they would get through it together. They were one.