Beauty and the Beast | Chapter 15/20: love

love_cassiopeia

Beauty and the Beast | Chapter 15/20

May 09, 2009 13:36

Beauty and the Beast
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: Jung Yunho - a gifted and successful actor. Kim Jaejoong - Yunho's biggest fan. After receiving the task to interview Yunho for his journalism assignment, Jaejoong realizes that his favourite actor just might transform him from a "fan" into something much more.
Rated: PG-13 ~ NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Comedy
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 15: Beast falls out of love

BGM: Yiruma - Passing By

15.

Beast falls out of love

Changmin’s office, Sony Film Studios Korea. 12:40 PM Seoul, South Korea

How long had it been, I wonder, since I locked my heart into the eye-catching idol? When did my devotion start, and how did I suddenly become so infatuated with him? Was this fate’s doing, or was I simply going against fate, achieving what I wanted and knocking down every obstruction in my way?

How come I had never thought twice about the consequences? It was true, Kim Jaejoong was irresponsible at heart-but there was nothing irresponsible about wanting to create all this disorder. I felt guilty, being the infamous Kim Jaejoong; the wretched fool who deserved nothing more but to die.

He left the room in frustration, aggravated that he had stumbled upon such calamity during his life. The actor was only twenty-two, too young to be experiencing such dreadful consequences. He was so foolish, so idiotic, and yet, he was the weapon of mass destruction to my heart, causing it to split unwillingly.

Although such a weapon was invented to defeat me, I had no choice but to love the weapon which set out to abolish me initially. It wasn’t because of the weapon’s unfaltering good looks or his money-making talent; it was solely because of him. I loved the weapon because it was what it was; even if I was to die in its hands in the end.

Our horror fairy tale had come to a conclusion-not a happily ever after, but a cruel end. Misunderstandings and fate’s play eventually met hand in hand with our careless mistakes, causing the pages of our novel to dwindle into ashes.

It was quiet in the office-to quiet. Changmin sat in his armchair as I stood, pondering whether or not to chase after the talented actor who left the room. My thoughts became completely futile, however, as I remembered the expression painted on his countenance moments ago. He held a great deal of disgust, most of which I recognized without bonding my eyes with his.

I looked to the pensive manager. I could tell that he had suffered greatly; first from Yunho’s sudden disappearance, and now from having to borrow money from the company. Changmin had full responsibility over the stubborn actor, and every bit of success along with his every failure, would eventually fall into Changmin’s palms.

Who was I to complain? After all this time, I had continuously protested about my constant misfortune-about fairy tales burning to ashes-when these two people (who have worked nonstop their entire lives) were dreading for their own lives as well. Who was I to perceive that I was ill-fated, when these two lost all sense of direction?

Moving to Japan; it wasn’t as horrible as having to work two years without salary or to have the company look down upon you. It was a fair punishment, one which I had foolishly augmented to make an excuse for my misery.

My eyes began to blur, distorting the image I saw into a vague phantasm. The actor’s piercing words had intoxicated me, taking all hints of my wisdom away with it.

I had no idea that I began to cry until Changmin strolled over to me, worry dominating his model-like features. I hated tears-despised them, for they were proof that I had finally lost the crucial game.

“Jaejoong…” The manager approached me in caution, his eyes tainted with anxiety. He took a finger up to my cheeks, gently wiping away the irksome liquid.

“Jaejoong, tell me, what’s on your mind?” The manager questioned. His voice was so gentle, so soft-it almost reminded me of a mother’s.

I was unable to speak, too ashamed to let the wise and attractive man discern my ridiculous thoughts. When I didn’t reply, the man repeated his question, digging through my mind for a valid answer.

Changmin dumbfounded me as he cupped my face in his palms, using his thumb to bereave my skin of the irritating liquid. I felt like a child, whimpering in his mother’s arms, causing her sadness to form from his continuous whimpers. Changmin didn’t need this; no one did.

I had no choice but to disclose my misery with him. Letting my tears fall was an indication that I had proved the truth to myself; being honest. I had no reason whatsoever to lie to myself anymore. The ignited spark between the idol and his fan had faded away, whether I liked it or not.

Cupping my cheeks in his palms, the manager took the chance to embrace me, to wrap his strong arms tightly against me. His continuous warmth met at my chest, painfully melting away the armour of ice which enveloped me. His embrace became terrifyingly tense as my tears tenaciously shook my body, causing it to wildly quiver in his arms. I held onto the manager with enthusiasm, knowing he was the only thing I had left.

He was my last refuge, my asylum.

I hadn’t taken the time to truly understand Changmin, but I felt the two of us had blended together perfectly without words. As he embraced me, I felt as if I could truly depend on him-that I could put my whole life into his palms. In a way, he resembled Yunho flawlessly.

“I-I…” I was unable to speak a word as he embraced me. “I thought that he had truly fallen in love with me… I really did.”

The manager shook his head, vaguely forgiving me for my tears. “I know, Jaejoong, I know.”

“I just thought this would last longer before it came to an abrupt end.” I let my mind speak for itself without any hesitation. “Perhaps it just had no potential to last.”

The manager’s fingers entwined within my ebony hair, playfully travelling through the soft strands. “Look, Jaejoong, Yunho is not the only man in the world.” He stated the truth, the only truth. “There are millions of fish out in the ocean, ones who don’t hold as much value as Yunho, but ones which will trust you with their whole hearts.”

I nodded, unable to take his words for granted. And yet, I was still hesitant to fully adapt to it, knowing that the actor will always continue to haunt my thoughts endlessly.

“Forget about him, Jaejoong.” The manager commanded, pulling away from me. “It’s simple.”

I grinned, meeting my tear-tainted pupils up with his. I hoped it would be as simple as he predicted, for I was tired of the many complexities that deluged my life.

“I hope so.”

Sony Film Studios Korea. 12:40 PM Seoul, South Korea

It was the actor’s seventh year, third month, and twenty-sixth day of creating a career behind the camera, and yet in all the days that he had been awarded the title of an ‘actor,’ he had never felt more humiliated as he did today. The rumours, ridiculous female actresses, and his tight schedule which barely provided any time for him to rest-they were nothing compared to what he experienced currently. The whole concept of love had been stripped away from him, leaving the actor with nothing else to treasure in life.

Jung Yunho was certainly not a weakling, much less a fool. In fact, he considered himself wise and fickle, unable to fall for anyone’s deceitful tactics. He was a thick-skinned man; a very masculine one, luring every female’s heart into his presence. The man had everything. From the looks he inherited from his family to the rough exterior he built from his years of filming. The actor was nowhere near weak or feeble-or at least, not to the naked eye.

He grew up in the distant countryside as a quiet boy who usually committed to his studies. He would not offer his parents any hints of trouble, for he obeyed them diligently. His days were filled with a paper and a pen, resolutely studying for his future-for money.

However, as a group of talent scouts came to a town as small as his, it was almost considered destiny that he would fall straight into their opulent palms. His good looks worked hand in hand with his versatile personality, allowing the agency to claim him as their own, taking away the child’s youth along with them.

It wouldn’t take long until he met Changmin, one of the smartest yet youngest in the business. The manager had always appeared mysterious to him; he couldn’t understand why, especially because the two of them held an invulnerable brotherly bond which held them together. Changmin had an answer for everything, even if the question did not make much sense to begin with.

The child started masturbating at age fourteen-a surprise, considering his quiet and tranquil persona. He was always of ashamed of it without a doubt, but with the utter loneliness he was forced to experience and the meaningless life he held in his palms, he felt lifeless without the sexual activity. He would at times go too far, driving himself insane with lust. And yet at times, he deceived himself by assuming the touch was from someone else; the touch of a gentle, beautiful goddess.

With the amount of lust he held within his mind at such a young age, he had no idea that his life as an adult would hold such emptiness. The picturesque goddess he saw as he touched himself was long gone; therefore his world was immediately engulfed by an influx of she-devils, desiring his masculine body for their own selfish desires.

In order to defeat the attractive hordes of she-devils, he cancelled away every possibility of love within himself, causing a bullet-proof armour to build up around him. The actor stopped masturbating as soon as the armour appeared, never allowing his hands to travel to such a place ever again.

At times, he missed the erotic sensation dearly, wishing he would let loose in order to sleep with one of the tall and slim she-devils. At times, he desired them so much that he himself had nearly lost his mind. He rejected affection so much that in the end, he longed for nothing but love, knowing that it would eventually kill him in the end.

That’s when it happened: the first mistake of his entire career. He had been drinking the whole night accompanied by the staff and some of the she-devil actresses of the same corporation. The next morning, he awoke within an unknown room, with a naked arm wrapped securely around his waist. As he stepped onto the streets of Seoul, his eyes immediately engulfed with newspaper magazine headlines of ‘Jung Yunho walks into actress Jeon Ji Hyun’s house!’ The headlines were accompanied with pictures of the actor walking into the unfamiliar home, his arms around the actress,

So in this case, no, the beast was not a virgin before he slept with the beauty. The actor had not intentionally desired to let the alcohol affect him, leaving him dumbfounded as he awoke the next morning. And, as he predicted, the mischievous she-devil had taken full advantage of him, using him until he had not one ounce of strength left.

The headlines continued, even after the inattentive incident. Yunho was immediately rumoured to have relationships with countless actresses after shooting a kiss scene with them in his films. He wanted to rip the magazines apart, knowing that they did not have a flicker of truth within them.

The actor vowed he would not make the same mistake ever again, at least not within his acting career. He severed himself from love once and for all, patiently waiting for his capricious career to end before he ever stumbled upon affection again.

And the goddess… the beautiful goddess who was once so close now appeared so far away.

A total of two years sailed by until the actor left Seoul to film a movie in Paris. With the obnoxious rumours running around and the constant lust of the she-devils, Yunho considered that the trip would help him escape from all the turmoil. Little did he know that he was to embroil himself within the filaments of love, once again.

That’s when he met him-Kim Jaejoong. The actor felt as if the goddess from his reverie had reappeared, descending from heaven to enlighten his bleak existence. Jaejoong held care within his eyes, that of which the actor could undeniably trust. And as he entered Jaejoong’s world, he could almost feel like he’d been lifted to heaven; to paradise.

However, after the series of continuous unfortunate occurrences, the actor realized that the heavenly goddess had been a she-devil after all (or in this case, just the devil). He felt terribly abased, having to make the same silly mistake twice within his life.

How was he to live with himself after this? How could he bear not to hate himself for all eternity?

But with all the guilt that lingered throughout him, he was fervent to see the dazzling goddess once more. After he left the meeting with Changmin and Jaejoong, he discovered that his goddess would be forced to relocate himself to Japan, never to come in contact with him ever again. He desired to see the pale-skinned beauty once more-just one last time before he departed.

Upon entering the room however, Yunho was thunderstruck with the image of Changmin, embracing the beauty safely within his arms. He despised what he saw, and yet, he knew he deserved to see such an appalling sight.

It was my beautiful Jaejoong, the actor cried loudly within his mind. He’s not Changmin’s!

He was encaged in jealousy, allowing himself to drown in his own envy. He stepped back in horror, afraid to re-enter the office in fear that his jealousy would defeat him.

And it was what Changmin said to Jaejoong as he was sobbing that poked at his nerves.

“Look, Jaejoong, Yunho is not the only man in the world.”… “There are millions of fish out in the ocean, ones who don’t hold as much value as Yunho, but ones which will trust you with their entire hearts.” The words aggravated the beast to his limits, causing him to despise his manager and his once-generous friend.

It was in the last line that completely drove him insane. “Forget about him, Jaejoong.” The manager spoke, as if it was a spell to rid Jaejoong of all his admiration towards the actor.

Yunho was disgusted at himself for wanting to love the devil which brought about such crisis, and yet, he could not understand himself for being the least bit jealous. The deceiving goddess was now taken away from him; he should be satisfied, deprived of his love.

Jaejoong had tricked him. It wasn’t supposed to desire he held for the man, it was supposed to be hatred.

He walked away from the door of the luxurious office, relieved that he would not have to worry about any she-devils ever again.

This was the time he chose to expel love completely, not just partially, but entirely.

There was no need of love for Jung Yunho. Not anymore.

Why? You ask. Why does any human want to rid themselves of love?

His profound direction in life and the deceit he lived through will always be apparent through his thick skin. And that, in the end, will always drive him away from the foundation of a promising relationship.

I think all of us understand now, who Actor Jung Yunho-sshi really is. He’s a ferocious beast-and nothing more.

beauty and the beast