Pulsatilla | Chapter 21/23
*
é c r i t u r e
Jaejoong, can you hear me?
He tried to distinguish it-the small voice that had been calling out to him for the past few minutes--but failed miserably. His entire vision was barricaded, filled with an endless darkness that seemed undefeatable. He shifted around persistently, trying to perceive where in the world he was right now-or, if he was even in the world at all.
Was this what death felt like?
No, death is not the word for it, expiration is. Was this what it would feel like? Filled with darkness, completely empty, with nothing at all to do? If he had a notepad at the moment, he would diligently take notes on the experience, preparing himself for the future that was relentlessly headed his way.
Jaejoong, stop it. You’re being melodramatic. Wake up.
Yes, the entire area was empty-except for that little voice which continuously sang out to him at a barely audible tone. No matter how hard he tried to push it away, the irritating but headstrong voice continued ravaging its way through his mind.
Jaejoong, you need to wake up. Tomorrow you are going to leave Yunho. You need to spend as much time as you possibly can with him right now.
Hearing the voice pronounce his partner’s-husband’s-name so freely, Jaejoong finally found the strength to cut the rope that had been tying him down to this dark, empty place for the past thirty minutes. He opened his eyes ever so slightly, using the dim moonlight that had crept in through the living room curtains to coerce himself into realizing the events that were about to occur.
“That’s right…” He whispered unconsciously. “I expire tomorrow.”
As he fully awoke and took a short glance at his slender left hand, a heart attack nearly found its way to his frail body. Slowly but rapidly, the occurrences of the day began to return to him, giving him pieces of information which he could barely dare to believe.
The first piece of information indisputably was invoked by the strange silver metal that now inhabited his pale ring finger, calling it its home. It was right: he had just gotten ‘married’ to Yunho that morning, dressed in that ridiculous wedding dress so he could resemble Seulki to every last detail. He shook his head at his recklessness, knowing that the ring would hold any meaning whatsoever tomorrow. Nevertheless, Jaejoong took his time to admire it, gazing at it from the left and then from the right, trying his best to savour its delicate beauty and the meaning behind it.
The second piece of information that had been handed to him was the arrangement of hands on the living room clock. It was 11:45-which meant he had been asleep for less than half an hour. He had made Yunho an opulent feast that night, knowing that once tomorrow came, Yunho would have no opportunity of tasting his cooking (or rather, taking care of his health) again. After finishing dinner, Yunho took Jaejoong to the movie theatre to watch a thriller-Yunho’s favourite genre and now apparently Jaejoong’s as well-where Jaejoong nearly fell off his seat being so immersed into the frightening but exhilarating movie. After coming home and finishing some more work-related material, Yunho went off to bed at eleven, fatigued from the exuberant but exhausting day they had spent together. “You wear me out more than anything else in the world,” were Yunho’s bantering words to him that night before he went off to rest.
Yunho had pleaded Jaejoong to join him in the bedroom, but instead Jaejoong insisted on staying in the living room to do some extra cleaning and organizing. He considered that since he would be leaving tomorrow, it would be best for him to clean the house from top to bottom, knowing Yunho would muddle it all over again once he was in absence. Even though he knew his cleaning would go to waste eventually, Jaejoong felt that if the house looked even a tiny bit cleaner, the mess inflicted upon it would not compare to the mess Yunho would make to the living room Jaejoong had left untouched.
He sighed, discovering that he had fallen into a deep slumber on the sofa while he was cleaning. Perhaps spending time with Yunho was tiring on his account as well (although he didn’t want to admit it), mentally and physically. He subconsciously began to wonder whether the fatigue was caused by his quickly-deteriorating life, or by the eventful day he had spent with Yunho. Although both choices appeared equally correct, Jaejoong did all in his power to tell himself that the desire to seek rest was caused by an overdose of happiness.
Standing up from his perch on the sofa, Jaejoong tried to remember the ominous little voice that had sounded off-that had awakened him a few moments ago. Remembering what it had told him word for word, Jaejoong took two steps in the direction of Yunho’s room, wondering if the man had fallen asleep. He had no intention whatsoever of letting the time he had left in this world go to waste by squandering it on sleep and part of him said Yunho shouldn’t be either. Wishing the bedroom door would open magically by itself before him, Jaejoong exhaled, knowing every nerve in his body desired to spend more time with Yunho. It was their last night together, and even if he wanted to, he didn’t think it was wise to have Yunho share a passionate night with him. After all, he didn’t want to remember Yunho by the pleasure he brought along; he wanted to remember him for his words, his smile, his frown, his voice-by him and only him.
Turning the doorknob slowly, Jaejoong gradually regretted his intention of having to wake Yunho up and instead wanted to reverse his actions. He had not done much cleaning tonight, and he considered going back and finishing up the kitchen and den. But it was far too late; he had already gone too far. Stepping courageously into the dark room, Jaejoong found Yunho lying on the bed wide-awake.
Astounded, Jaejoong gasped silently. “Yunho… you’re still awake?”
Bewildered just as much as Jaejoong was, Yunho nearly jumped out of his position on the bed. “Yeah… I thought you were going to tidy up the living room.” Yunho replied wearily as Jaejoong turned on the lights, sending a wave of pain to Yunho’s adjusting pupils. “Did you get tired?”
Ignoring the question completely and instead, driven by his own desires and qualms, Jaejoong decided to run a quick inquiry over Yunho. “Why are you lying awake like that? Are you thinking about anything in particular?” He frowned, hoping Yunho had not sensed a single clue that would lead to his expiration. “You’re the kind that doesn’t lay awake for long until you fall asleep. What’s keeping you awake?”
“Jaejoong-ah… I…”
“You what?” He asked in a demanding tone as he sat down attentively on the bed Yunho had been laying upon. He put a hand on Yunho’s sweaty face, wondering what exactly was bothering him.
Seeing that his victim had fallen into his trap, Yunho pulled Jaejoong into a tight embrace, then submersed himself into his lips wildly, driven by his painfully burning lust. Even though he knew now wasn’t the right time, Yunho had no power whatsoever over his emotions, and instead let them run wild, choosing Jaejoong as the palate to empty them on.
At first, Jaejoong was staggered from the sudden act of affection, but as time passed on, he began to enjoy every moment of what Yunho was doing to him. The touch of his long, strong fingers mixed in with his familiar masculine scent made Jaejoong’s mind malfunction for a few moments-not that it ever functioned correctly to begin with. Moving his velvety lips in correspondence with his lover’s, Jaejoong began to fall at an relentless pace. That is, falling to the desire of wanting to have Yunho inside of him.
As Yunho’s fingers traced along the rim of Jaejoong’s t-shirt, Jaejoong finally remembered the important information he had stapled into his mind tonight. He vowed that he would not have sex with Yunho on his last night alive (didn’t they just have sex last night?); instead, he wanted to savour Yunho for who he was. Realizing that Yunho was going away too fast-in the direction opposite of his plan-he gently pushed Yunho’s hands and lips away, hoping the man wouldn’t throw a tantrum after nearly getting an erection by the mischievous foreplay.
“I’m sorry Yunho, I’m so sorry.” A part of him hated himself for stopping Yunho, for this was Yunho’s wish for the night. But what if he knew the truth? Another part of his mind contradicted. What if Yunho knew you were going to ‘expire’ tomorrow? Would he want to do this without remorse, or would he want to experience you not for your body, but for everything else?
“No need to apologize.” Yunho declared, hinting that slightest bit of anger in his voice which Jaejoong could easily recognize. “But is there something wrong, Jaejoong? You don’t look too good.”
“I’m fine.” Jaejoong lied, knowing perfectly well that he wasn’t. “Why are you even worrying about me now? I'm completely recovered from the incident at the government facility-not that I ever needed recovering.” Jaejoong despised the high, fake pitch in his voice-the one that tried its best to sound realistic, but was dying miserably from the horrifying fact that Yunho might know what was about to happen to him.
“Blame me for saying the wrong words Jaejoong… but do you look a bit weak tonight, or am I just imagining things?”
Yunho’s words struck a nerve inside Jaejoong, sending his entire body into panic. However, he tried his best to remain calm, knowing that acting anxious would lead him nowhere.
“You’re the only person in the world who has a wild enough imagination to even consider creating me.” Jaejoong answered, setting a pillow to the frame of the bed and resting his neck against it, mimicking Yunho’s perch. “Stop worrying, silly. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
The same frightened, fretful look still remained in Yunho’s eyes even after Jaejoong’s so-called ‘reassurance.’ “Are you telling me the truth, Jaejoong?” He asked candidly. “You know that as a married couple, we can’t have any secrets between us, right?”
With the mentioning of the words ‘married couple,’ Jaejoong immediately shifted his eyes to the small piece of white gold that now occupied his slender ring finger. What exactly did this ring stand for? Was it to give themselves proof that the romance they shared was genuine, or perhaps, a seal telling them that they would not be allowed to have any hidden information or grudges between each other? If that was the case, Jaejoong knew he was causing their marriage to decay by doing the wrong thing.
But marriage is also about love, Jaejoong lectured himself, trying to push the previous thoughts out of his mind. If I truly love Yunho, I would not let him know. If I do not want him to suffer, I’ll depart early tomorrow morning, leaving him a note, telling him that I’ve found a new life to live-my own life.
He figured that perhaps that was the only way to provide Yunho with a gentle but believable declaration that he was going-and not coming back, of course.
Replying, Jaejoong tried to twist the truth as gently as he could. Yunho had asked him if there was something wrong-something on his mind that continued to bother him. There had been a million of them (excluding the expiration). So there was no reason why he couldn’t select one of those and with that, tell Yunho the truth, was there?
He wouldn’t be lying-but neither would he be telling the truth.
“The truth is…” He trailed off, trying to find an option that would fulfil Yunho’s inquisitiveness and anxiety for the moment being. “I’ve been curious.” He finally stated. “I’ve been curious to the point that I start assuming the wrong things. I’ve been curious about you, Yunho. About your life. You know so much about me-what I’ve done ever since the first day I appeared on earth. But I, I only know what your character is like, but I have no clue about what had happened in the past.” He noted, realizing that he perhaps wasn’t such a bad liar after all. “I want you to tell me everything about you.”
At first, Yunho was rather baffled at the fact that Jaejoong had been fretful the entire time solely because he didn’t understand him well enough. But as he thought more and more about it, he began to discover that Jaejoong’s point of view was completely rational and sensible. Since when does a person want to be kept in the dark about their lover’s past? And now, since they were successfully married, and in Yunho’s opinion, on their way to ‘happily ever after’, there was no reason to keep anything hidden between each other-even his childhood which seemed centuries away from his grasp. Or perhaps, even the details of how he came to fall in love with Seulki.
“So you want me to write an autobiography.”
Jaejoong scoffed. “No, I just want you to tell me everything.”
“How can I tell you all the events that happened in my life without some kind of organization involved?”
“Man, Yunho, you really think this is difficult, don’t you?” Jaejoong questioned petulantly. “Well, for your information, it’s not! Don’t overcomplicate this Yunho-you might do it to everything else you lay your hands on, but never complicate yourself, or me, for that matter.”
Jaejoong’s tone sounded rather caustic to Yunho, but strangely, it reminded him of how a teacher would speak to a student-pedantically, but with good intentions. Despite the fact that Jaejoong’s words were quite ear-splitting and harsh, a weak smile broke through Yunho’s lips, telling Jaejoong that yes, he had learned his lesson.
“I’ll start with my childhood, happy?” Yunho suggested in a benevolent tone.
“Start wherever you feel like you need to start.”
Grinning, Yunho continued. “My parents were quite on the conservative side-Christians, both lawyers. Instead of sending me to a public school, they sent me to a private academy in hopes that I would grow up well in a healthy environment, and thus, be able to become a successful lawyer like them in the future. That was entirely a load of shit of course, because I took no interest in law or any other major professions. At that time, all I wanted to become was a singer, or perhaps-a professional Hapkido fighter.”
Jaejoong tried to envision Yunho singing at a sold-out concert hall and was plagued by laughter. Then, he imagined him in Bruce Lee’s gig, which really didn’t seem to fit him all that well, considering he was a refined business man at the point. Childhood desires will always be a bit on the wild side, won’t they?
“But of course, high school got in the way, and then college, which my parents paid for with their own wallets. They sent me there so I could study, get an outstanding degree, and then graduate with a bright future ahead of me. When it became the time to select my major, they told me to choose this and that, not giving specific reasons why. I was then coerced into medical school-which I thought was rather ridiculous at first, and then turned out to be rather impossible, to be honest-and then when I failed, I steered into biology. And luckily, it led me to that government facility, where I raked in large amounts of cash. Some people call me blessed for my creativity and luck that severed me from hard work, and yet some people call me dedicated-saying I’ve been through rain and shine to get to where I am now.”
Jaejoong smirked, intrigued, not only by Yunho’s story-but by Yunho’s serious, somewhat sensual voice that carried out his monologue. “Well, are you happy where you are now?” He asked. “Has all your hard work paid off?”
Yunho chuckled. “If I hadn’t gone down that road, where the hell would you be now, huh?” He questioned in a sardonic tone. “Surely I hate working for that damn government facility, but after Seulki’s death… if I didn’t have you … I would have no idea what my purpose on earth is anymore.”
Jaejoong tried to withhold his smile as Yunho’s confession rang loud and clear in the bedroom. With him gone in a few days, what could Yunho possibly turn to? But no, he wouldn’t be gone-at least, not in Yunho’s eyes. Gone from this penthouse perhaps, but not gone from the world.
“Have you ever thought about suicide after she passed away?” Jaejoong regretted asking the question barely a second after it left his mouth. Just what was he doing anyways, asking Yunho questions about suicide at twelve at night when he would be leaving him the very next morning?
“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly okay to ask this question.” Yunho nearly read Jaejoong’s mind, seeing that his entire body had tensed up. “And yes, at that point, I did feel as if I was ready to die. The phone calls from her parents-yelling at me, condemning me for being on this very planet-it all made me regret the day I was born. Not only that, but there was a voice in my head too, telling me to go to hell, that I didn’t deserve to live. The guilt at that time consumed me like a disease, vowing not to stop until I did the unspeakable.” He looked straight at the ceiling, wishing that the memories of that time would just vanish into thin air. “That was, until I was struck with the idea of you, Jaejoong.”
The dark-haired beauty was puzzled by his creator’s equivocal statement. “What do you mean, the idea of me?”
“What I mean is, the idea of using my mind and body to create a sub-human who is capable of replicating her-of replacing her. At first, the idea seemed so strange and ludicrous to me that I denied it instantly, but when thoughts of suicide slowly crept their way into me, I knew the only thing that could save me was that-or rather, you.” He suddenly remembered how cruelly he had treated him the moment he had walked out of the chamber and regretted it. “I took her hair clippings and other DNA samples in hopes to create something beautiful-something that would make me smile, and luckily, you came about as a result.”
Despite that his heart would have sung out in happiness at that point, Jaejoong felt extremely uneasy as Yunho uttered such words. Perhaps it was the worry that consumed him when he considered his expiration tomorrow. Or perhaps, it was something much more than that. Perhaps it was utter guilt that produced the thought of, “if I disappeared, would Yunho look to suicide as an option as well?” Although he tried his best to drain the thoughts from his weary mind, he was proven unsuccessful when the image of Yunho after Seulki’s death continued to pester him. Just how could he make Yunho want to live on without being there? If he had the power, he would most definitely consider trying his best to stay alive.
“What if I were to die?” Certainly such words were on the dangerous side, but he needed to know the truth-the complete truth-regardless of whether the question was inane or not. “Have I lived up to the status Seulki once held to make you think of suicide if I were to die someday?”
Yunho was struck speechless by Jaejoong’s question-just where was he trying to get at? “What do you mean ‘live up to her status?’” The tone in his voice was rather ill-tempered. “You and Seulki… you’re two different people. Why must you ask whether or not you’ve reached her status or not? If you really demand an answer to that type of question, the what the hell are you even doing here anymore, loving me?”
Discovering the mistake he had made-the same one he had been making since day one-Jaejoong grinned, knowing fully well that things were truly better than he expected them to be. Jaejoong had heard it with his own ears and seen the fire in Yunho’s eyes as he made his statement. His purpose on earth had changed during the course of his temporal but idyllic life. At first, his motive was to dig up all the strength and courage he had to mold himself to be exactly like Seulki-to imitate everything she did. Now, realizing the control he had over Yunho, and the large portion of his heart he held in his very fingertips, Jaejoong knew he could be himself around his lover-to act his own way, choose his own road, and of course, love Yunho in his own strange, unique way.
“Fine.” Jaejoong replied stubbornly, knowing there was nothing in the world he could do to force Yunho into answering such an absurd question. “Let me ask you another question instead.” He paused, thinking that this question would be capable of lighting something up within Yunho-something that wasn’t originally there before. “Tell me Yunho, am I real?”
At first, the scientist couldn’t comprehend what Jaejoong had meant when he said ‘real.’ In fact, he assumed that the ‘real’ Jaejoong was talking about had more than one simple meaning behind it and therefore required an excruciating amount of strength to figure out. Looking through his past however (or in this case, his past with Jaejoong), Yunho found the answer to the meaning of the question--the question that looked so simple on the outside, but was so profound if you really took the time to analyze the details.
When Yunho didn’t answer rapidly, Jaejoong became rather impatient. “I’m asking you an easy question, Yunho.” He explained. “Am I real or not?”
The word ‘real’-the ‘real’ Jaejoong was talking about-it meant something along the lines of being an actual human being, didn’t it? It meant having real human qualities, real emotions, and of course, real flaws to go along with it. It meant being able to shed real tears when depressed and being able to put on real smiles when happy. In the end, that word also meant being able to bring out real love from the once-locked heart-the rare, unexpected kind that not even actual humans can share between themselves unless they went through a piece of hell to achieve it.
Yunho tried to remember every single thing, every single second, and every single tear and laughter that had been shared between them. Though some were painful to look at and unbearable, the other joyous memories melted away the pain like the sun does ice. Almost as if watching a film being played at the speed of light, Yunho knew that all those real memories would remain within him forever-even if one of them were to disappear one day.
Yunho was unable to hold back his tears of joy as he decided on a final answer. “Of course, Jaejoong.” He uttered. “You’re the most real thing that’s ever happened to me.”
The small watch situated on his thin wrist indicated that it was four-fifteen in the morning. Though outside the window, it looked more like twelve-fifteen at night, Jaejoong knew he had to drag himself out of bed and enforce his eyelids to stretch themselves just a little bit wider. In spite of the overwhelming darkness, the birds outside the bedroom window signified the signs of morning-or in this case, the few hours he had left in this somewhat-likable and somewhat-abominable world.
Taking a glance down at his partner-the partner he chose to accompany him through life-he began to recall the conversation the two of them shared just a few hours ago before they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Auspiciously, he had learned everything he needed to know about his partner, whether it was his childhood, blurry high school days, or, to his amusement, what he had really thought of him during his period alive on this planet.
The question concerning whether he was real or not-Jaejoong knew it was a sketchy question to ask, but one which was extremely crucial to the both of them. He had been put on this earth since day one without an answer to that question, having doubts and uncertainties build up within him due to some of the cruel events which seemed to follow him wherever he fled. Since when did he not need an answer? Since when did he not deserve an answer? Everyone, he believed, needed a chance to discover what their true purpose on earth is.
After attaining such a clear answer from Yunho-who seemed to have the words strung together in perfect order-he had fallen asleep in his arms, too exhausted to carry on another situation. The two of them didn’t try anything capricious that night, not with his expiration the next day and his dwindling strength added to the equation. Jaejoong was thankful for that, thankful that he had chosen to control his impulse along with Yunho’s. Otherwise, he knew he wouldn’t have the energy to awake so early this morning or the desire to leave after such a tantalizing night.
Jaejoong inattentively wished that he had been awake while he was fast asleep for the past few hours. He knew such a thing was utterly impossible, but there was a part of him that yearned to look at every inch of Yunho, to feel every inch of him. He knew insanity was finding its way to every corner of his body (not that he minded it , of course) and that trying to leave the man he had shared so many laughs and tears with was going to be the hardest thing he had ever needed to do.
He glanced down at his angel-the one that had illuminated his vapid life with his scintillating light. Then, after a while, he saw a normal, corrupted man in the angel’s place, one who was selfish and imprudent. The man had flaws, ones which Jaejoong wished he could correct but obviously could not. He had a mouth, used to spit out brazen words he had never intentionally meant to say. Jaejoong wished at some point of his temporal life that he could change every single flaw Yunho possessed. But loving a person was about loving them as a whole-flaws included. Even if he was to build a time machine to go back in time to change things, Jaejoong knew the frivolous arguments and ordeals they had been through was a part of them, and he found the flaws beautiful; he found them to be perfect.
Shifting out of his perch on the mattress, Jaejoong was baffled by the fact that Yunho was not a light sleeper in the least bit. It was now four thirty-five, which indicated that he had been in that exact perch, staring blankly at Yunho for a good twenty minutes (perhaps ‘blankly’ wasn’t the right word; a thousand thoughts had sailed through his mind with one glimpse of the man). And yet, Yunho had still not bothered to awake. A part of him-a very minor but powerful part-wished Yunho would be somehow awoken by his irksome actions. He wished he would awaken so he could somehow save him from the wrath that was awaiting him. But no, never would he stoop so low to do such a senseless thing. The part of him that was yearning to hold on, to receive one extra breath of oxygen, it was continuously persuading him to awake Yunho-to somehow say a few last-minute words to him. Perhaps he would even dig up the guts to tell Yunho that he was expiring, and in return, ask the prince charming to rescue him from his fate, if he was lucky.
“No chance in hell.” Jaejoong whispered in the darkness, trying to eradicate the silly, delirious side of him that wouldn’t rest. “Just leave. He won’t hurt as much this way.”
Getting off the mattress, Jaejoong aligned his feet in the correct direction (or was it, the correct direction?). He had no idea where to go, but knew he would have to die somewhere secretive, a place where Yunho would have no chance of finding him at all.
Before exiting the room, Jaejoong had an urge to see his creator once more-to touch him once more at least. Turning back to the queen-sized bed, Jaejoong perused the subject of his love once more, trying to figure out when and where the two of them would meet again.
“I love you, Yunho.” He whispered after leaving a light kiss on his lover’s masculine forehead. “We’ll meet again someday, I’m sure of it.” Despite the fact that he had no idea where or when such a phenomenal thing would occur, there was a voice in his mind that told him they would-regardless of the way the meddlesome world worked.
Realizing that this was all he could offer Yunho at the moment, Jaejoong set his sights on the living room, letting his eyes probe the surroundings once more, trying to use his photographic memory (if he ever had one) to take pictures of this room where they had eaten meals, shared their first kiss, and even argued until they were speechless, causing them to lie down inevitably and make love to each other to rid themselves of the pain. Although emotions were running wildly inside him, he vowed not to cry. The living room was not a place to shed tears. His last memory of this place-he wanted it to be happy.
Finding a thin memo pad an ink pen on the smooth, marble counter of the kitchen, he exhaled, knowing the exact words to say to Yunho in the last message he would give.
But as soon as the ink hit the ivory piece of paper, his uncertainty began to sporadically arise once again.
Yunho,
I’m sorry, but I’ve decided to leave you… for good, this time. You have cared for and cherished me ever since my first day on earth, and I’m very indebted to you for that. But I constantly feel as if I’m a burden to you.
So I’ve decided to leave you-to not use up every single bit of your money, but to make my own. I do not wish to live under you anymore. I’ve decided finally to live my own life, to set my own goals. To do this, I must leave you.
Please do not be sad. I will be cautious, finding my own life in this dangerous but fascinating world. You’ve nourished me as a mother would nourish her own child. Now it’s time for me to spread my wings and fly.
Jaejoong
He grimaced at his words-all of which spun themselves into a web of lies. Surely it was believable and reasonable, but it was still dishonest. If Yunho had read this note and believed every world, he would not be the least displeased with his decision. Well, he would be displeased, but he would not be suicidal at least-like the time Seulki had passed away right before his eyes. It was a lie he had told Yunho for his last words, but a lie that would keep Yunho away from the dark.
He detached the diminutive memo from the pad, lifting it up to his face to check over. He read it twice, three times, and then eight times. No matter how he decided to look at the note, it still looked far too deceitful. And yes, dishonesty was something that would tear the two of them even further apart.
Turning the memo over, Jaejoong decided to write another message-one which he was uncertain whether Yunho would see or not.
Yunho,
I’m sorry, but if you’re reading this, then you must know that everything I wrote on the front of this note is a complete lie. The truth is… I’m dying.
Or… to more exact, expiring. When you were at the government facility caring for me, Changmin found a note in your penthouse office that you clearly overlooked, saying that I would expire today at 12:00 PM.
I’m sorry, but this is how the world works.
I love you,
Jaejoong
And just like that, Jaejoong flipped the paper back so it remained on its original side-the side of the lie. If Yunho had the nerve to flip over the paper, he would know the truth. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t. It was a fifty-fifty chance, and Jaejoong knew in his heart that after all of his useless thinking, this was the right thing to do.
Leaving the pen and the note on the kitchen counter, Jaejoong was confident of his actions. Though not quite as fulfilled as he would like to be-either by extra statements of his lover’s affection, or, by giving out extra statements of affection to his lover. But it was futile now, it was the time to finally leave this world-his world-behind.
As he opened the main door of the penthouse and stepped out into the dimly-lighted hallways, he remembered Yunho’s words from the previous night.
“You’re the most real thing that’s ever happened to me.”
He smiled weakly, knowing he would never forget those words, or the beautiful man he had fallen in love with for the past few months. If he felt hurt, well, it didn’t matter anymore.
On time, as promised! Thank you guys for the many comments on the last chapter. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reply them, but rest assured, I’m still reading them =D I’m working on the OST for this fic as well, so please look forward to it!
Love you guys <3
-Cindy