I know I made a mistake, now it's too late...
Long entry under the cut. Enjoy yourselves. *shrugs*.
I'm twisted 'cause one side of me is telling me I need to move on, on the other side I want to break down and cry. Too many days, so many hours, I'm still burning until you return..
Today was double performance day. I, however, didn't do the 2 PM. I woke up around 11 and felt dizzy and nautious. It was horrible. So Katie and Jordan told Viv I was going to rest and see if I could do the seven. So I went back to bed and when I woke up I felt a little better so I figured I'd at least go hang at Thacher and see what happens. Before I left Troy, Katie, and Jordan called me seeing how I was and if I was coming. They were so sweet. How could I not go now? Haha. So yeah, Matt brought me and when I got there I got big hugs from everyone. I went on stage and watched Katie and Troy's little show they made up. Haha, they made me laugh so hard. Most people were out playing football or eating or something, but when they came back everyone asked me how I was and such. They're all so nice.
When we all gathered in the music room someone was playing Wicked so we sang Defying Gravity. <3 Then someone put on a CD that had Starmites on it so they started singing past plays. Then someone randomly started singing "Mama Will Provide" and so we all sang that, Rain, and We Dance. It was like a Once On This Island fest. Jeff, Kyle, and I all agreed how awesome that show was and how much we miss it. It was really fun, and it calmed me down a bit. So that was good. Then we did our ritual, of course. I didn't scream very loud tonight...I was afraid of getting sick. But yeah. Then we went on.
When it was time to go on I felt kind of nautious again but I thought I could at least handle He's The Wiz. So I did and it was okay I suppose. There was a big crowd again and they were a good audience. I heard that the 2 PM show had a really bad crowd. I felt bad. Anyway. By the time act two came around I felt really sick. Jeff got me peanut butter cups during intermish because everyone thought I just needed sugar. Haha, typical Tyt cast. <3 Anyway. That wasn't smart. By the time I had to go do Funky Monkey I wasn't sure I could. But Anna, Kyle, and Margo helped me a lot and got me through it and Everybody Rejoice. Then I wasn't going to go on for Ya'll Got It 'cause of all the dancing but once again they helped me through it. I love the cast so much. Tomorrow is going to be so sad. I won't see them for like a month. But there's always Bye Bye Birdie. Eee I can't wait. Steph, Chris, and Kaelah came for me tonight. I was so glad to see them all. We've been going through some stuff but it's good to know they're still there for me. They brought me flowers, candy, and Steph got me a mariage balloon. Hehe. It was really nice seeing them all again. I didn't go cast parying tonight. I felt too sick and...I don't know.
Tonight was really hard. I realized a lot of things about myself. And about the world in general. I'm in for a rude awakening, I guess. With Tyt ending I won't have that support anymore, and now with this. By this I mean my recent break up, if you didn't know. But all I know is that it's going to be a really hard next couple of months. It was like this last year too. But now it's worse. I don't have the comfort and security of having my bestfriends always there for me all day in school. Speaking of which. I really need to thank Allison and Jackie and Troy and Steph and Chris and Katie and Jordan and and...just everyone who's always there for me and always will be. I love you all so much...you have no idea. And especially Matt for being there for me and understanding everything I'm going through. I heart big brothers.
Fuck I'm crying. I promised myself I wouldn't. I just...I can't help but feel responsible for this. I don't care how many people tell me it's not my fault...somehow it is. Because it always is. Everything seems to be falling apart all of a sudden. It's like, I was so happy, but then all of a sudden I'm not good enough for anything anymore. And I can't be happy again. I really don't want this to ruin my life like it did about this time last year with you know who. But I can't help but shake the feeling like there's something I should have done. I guess I should have known I wasn't good enough for a good relationship. I don't know. I guess I'll stop complaining now.
Last performance of The Wiz: Sunday, August 8th. If you havn't seen it yet, I suggest you come to Thacher Elementry in Attleboro at 7:00 PM. Even if you have seen it, come again. It's really a great show, and we love to see you there. That's all I guess.
<33
Suddenly I'm standing at your door
and the steps don't feel like they did
before. The radio's playing loud, but
it's not our song. Suddenly she's all
alone with you, she's looking in your
eyes like I wanted to. I knock four
times and pretend you're not at home
And suddenly I'm all alone.
PS-Comment if you love me. I feel the need for them.
I'm twisted 'cause one side of me is telling me I need to move on, on the other side I want to break down and cry. Too many days, so many hours, I'm still burning until you return..
Today was double performance day. I, however, didn't do the 2 PM. I woke up around 11 and felt dizzy and nautious. It was horrible. So Katie and Jordan told Viv I was going to rest and see if I could do the seven. So I went back to bed and when I woke up I felt a little better so I figured I'd at least go hang at Thacher and see what happens. Before I left Troy, Katie, and Jordan called me seeing how I was and if I was coming. They were so sweet. How could I not go now? Haha. So yeah, Matt brought me and when I got there I got big hugs from everyone. I went on stage and watched Katie and Troy's little show they made up. Haha, they made me laugh so hard. Most people were out playing football or eating or something, but when they came back everyone asked me how I was and such. They're all so nice.
When we all gathered in the music room someone was playing Wicked so we sang Defying Gravity. <3 Then someone put on a CD that had Starmites on it so they started singing past plays. Then someone randomly started singing "Mama Will Provide" and so we all sang that, Rain, and We Dance. It was like a Once On This Island fest. Jeff, Kyle, and I all agreed how awesome that show was and how much we miss it. It was really fun, and it calmed me down a bit. So that was good. Then we did our ritual, of course. I didn't scream very loud tonight...I was afraid of getting sick. But yeah. Then we went on.
When it was time to go on I felt kind of nautious again but I thought I could at least handle He's The Wiz. So I did and it was okay I suppose. There was a big crowd again and they were a good audience. I heard that the 2 PM show had a really bad crowd. I felt bad. Anyway. By the time act two came around I felt really sick. Jeff got me peanut butter cups during intermish because everyone thought I just needed sugar. Haha, typical Tyt cast. <3 Anyway. That wasn't smart. By the time I had to go do Funky Monkey I wasn't sure I could. But Anna, Kyle, and Margo helped me a lot and got me through it and Everybody Rejoice. Then I wasn't going to go on for Ya'll Got It 'cause of all the dancing but once again they helped me through it. I love the cast so much. Tomorrow is going to be so sad. I won't see them for like a month. But there's always Bye Bye Birdie. Eee I can't wait. Steph, Chris, and Kaelah came for me tonight. I was so glad to see them all. We've been going through some stuff but it's good to know they're still there for me. They brought me flowers, candy, and Steph got me a mariage balloon. Hehe. It was really nice seeing them all again. I didn't go cast parying tonight. I felt too sick and...I don't know.
Tonight was really hard. I realized a lot of things about myself. And about the world in general. I'm in for a rude awakening, I guess. With Tyt ending I won't have that support anymore, and now with this. By this I mean my recent break up, if you didn't know. But all I know is that it's going to be a really hard next couple of months. It was like this last year too. But now it's worse. I don't have the comfort and security of having my bestfriends always there for me all day in school. Speaking of which. I really need to thank Allison and Jackie and Troy and Steph and Chris and Katie and Jordan and and...just everyone who's always there for me and always will be. I love you all so much...you have no idea. And especially Matt for being there for me and understanding everything I'm going through. I heart big brothers.
Fuck I'm crying. I promised myself I wouldn't. I just...I can't help but feel responsible for this. I don't care how many people tell me it's not my fault...somehow it is. Because it always is. Everything seems to be falling apart all of a sudden. It's like, I was so happy, but then all of a sudden I'm not good enough for anything anymore. And I can't be happy again. I really don't want this to ruin my life like it did about this time last year with you know who. But I can't help but shake the feeling like there's something I should have done. I guess I should have known I wasn't good enough for a good relationship. I don't know. I guess I'll stop complaining now.
Last performance of The Wiz: Sunday, August 8th. If you havn't seen it yet, I suggest you come to Thacher Elementry in Attleboro at 7:00 PM. Even if you have seen it, come again. It's really a great show, and we love to see you there. That's all I guess.
<33
Suddenly I'm standing at your door
and the steps don't feel like they did
before. The radio's playing loud, but
it's not our song. Suddenly she's all
alone with you, she's looking in your
eyes like I wanted to. I knock four
times and pretend you're not at home
And suddenly I'm all alone.
PS-Comment if you love me. I feel the need for them.