Which Way Was Starboard Again?
Chapter 2
So we’ve been rowing this little dingy in the smelly Pacific for about… I have no idea how long. It’s not like I’d had time to go back to my ‘room’ and get my pocket watch. I had no idea how Yun- THE PIRATE knew where we were going. It was pitch dark and the moon wasn’t even out. I glared at the man, still rowing like he knew exactly what he was doing. I was starting to think he was a delusional person who just thought he was a pirate captain and didn’t actually have a ship or a boat, when the moon came out, and I saw the clear outline of a black ship about ten feet away. Great. I’m being kidnapped by a pirate. He probably does this all the time. He goes around boats and grabs the hottest one there and just takes them away to build his creepy gay harem on a stupid black ship.
“Are we there yet?” I groaned unhappily. “Why did you anchor the ship so far away?”
“Okay, you have been nothing, but mean and unsupportive since we started. Do you want me to turn this boat around?” He chided me.
“Huh… let me think… YES!” I shouted in discontent. “And give me back my sword! It was a gift!” I reached for the hilt stuck in his scabbard. He blocked my hand with one of the oars. I saw a flash of something black on his arm, but he pulled it back before I took a good look. He has such thick arms. I bet he could crack open nuts just by flexing them. Stop staring at the pirate’s arms you idiot!
“I’ll trade it for a kiss.” He pursed his lips in my direction. Ew. Okay, not really, he actually has pretty nice lips, but he’s a pirate! I’ve been in the Navy for at least two years fighting the exact same type of person! Yes, they were much less attractive and had rotting teeth, whereas this beautiful specimen was perhaps the epitome of all that is hot. He could probably pose for those nude paintings artists are so into lately. And his teeth are gorgeous. Anywhoooo, as I was saying, I’ve spent the better half (two years is a long time in this era) of my life killing his people, I’m not going to randomly start making out with him... am I? NO!
“I hate you.” I grumbled, crossing my arms unhappily over my chest. I pulled his warm jacket around me. I wonder how it smells so darn good. He probably douses it in his hotness. You know, maybe I should stop thinking about the way he looks and smells, and concentrate on my knees. Yes, my knees… they are quite… knee-ish. “Give it back.”
“Awwww… Why are you so touchy about a stupid sword?” He asked, and then gasped. “Did your lover give it to you?” He wagged his eyebrows at me.
“What? NO! It was a gift from the King himself.” I huffed proudly.
“Huh…” The pirate pulled out the hilt of the sword. “Golden grip… I should’ve known. I guess we could melt this for a couple hundred coins.”
I gaped at him in shock. “You wouldn’t!” I squinted suspiciously at the pirate.
“Try me.” He smirked whitely. God, why are all pirates thieving conniving monkey farts? Other than the fact that that’s pretty much the job description.
“Jerk.” I spat, reaching for the sword. He blocked me again and I saw the black thing on his arm. “What’s that? A pirate tattoo?”
“What? This?” He flexed his bulging bicep, not really showing it to me. “It’s the water dragon mark. I was born with it. It makes me the protector of the oceans.” He winked at me.
“If you’re going to make something up, you should at least make it credible.” I scoffed crossing my arms over my chest.
I was suddenly pulled over by my collar to his half of the boat. He glared at me with a fiercely serious expression on his face. I almost crapped my pants in fear. “Listen here, Jaejoong.” He growled. “I might be a pirate, a thief, a murderer, a scoundrel, a criminal and a crook, but I am NOT a liar! Do you understand me?” I stared blankly at him, and nodded rapidly. “Good.” He smiled and ruffled my hair. “We understand each other then.” Freak.
“Hello boys…” A sweet melodic and distinctly female voice made both of us jump half-way out of our skin. I had to hang on to the pirates huge arms not to fall off. Like he didn’t have enough reason to leer at me. It was a big black dragon tattoo flowing down his left arm, like a long river wrapped around his biceps. I stopped drooling after his muscles long enough to look up and see a weird looking girl with huge boobs and seaweed in her hair smiling up at us, her lower body hidden under the waves.
“Uh…” I exchanged a worried glance with the pirate, who just shrugged equally confused. “Hi?”
She smiled, and the pirate and I both sucked in a slightly disgusted breath. Her teeth were all like sharp and pin-like. Ew. “Where are you two gentlemen heading this fiiiiine evening?”
“My ship.” Yun- THE PIRATE shrugged, looking amazingly uninterested in the girl’s huge boobs. Even I was interested… and I’m gay! Wait, do we use the word gay in the middle Ages? Oh, who cares?! We do now!
“Can we help you?” I asked the naked lady.
“I’m a mermaid.” She smiled hideously again. “You two are such lovely boys. Would you like to accompany me to my cave?”
“So that you can drown us?” Yunho asked her.
I mean the PIRATE! THE PIRATE ASKED HER!
“Yes!” She nodded enthusiastically, and then realized her mistake. “Wait no! Oh, damn it! I’m sorry. I’m new at this.” She apologized sweetly. “This is my first time actually. My trainer thought that I could do it on my own, but I’m kind of a screw up. Usually guys are supposed to get automatically entranced by my lady parts and just ignore the whole conversation, but you guys like totally ignored my luscious boobs! Well, not the pretty one, you were kind of staring a little, but not in the entranced totally into me stare they usually have.” She shut up long enough to draw in a breath and kept on babbling. “So usually, at this point I have to sing you two my hypnotising song. Would you like to hear it? I’ve been practicing really hard to get it just right.”
“Yeah, sure go ahead.” I nodded encouragingly. I used to want to be a singer at the King’s palace before I joined the navy, so I like to support budding artists whenever I can.
“Jaejoong are you crazy?!” The pirate screamed at me.
“Okay, first of all, Pirate, I would rather you didn’t talk to me like you know me, because you don’t. And second of all, I am perfectly sane, and you’re being a douche bag. Let the girl sing.” I told him. “Or are you too entranced by her chest to care what comes out of her mouth.”
“If you didn’t get the message when I licked your face and bit your ass back there, I’m not exactly into women, Pretty boy.” He growled.
“STOP CALLING ME THAT!”
“I’ll call you whatever the hell I want.” He grabbed my arm and made me turn to face him. “If you hadn’t noticed, PRETTY BOY, this girl is a MERMAID! Her song will hypnotize you and then she’ll drag you into the depths of the ocean where you DIE!” He shouted.
“I really will… Oh wait… maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” The girl mused.
“Well, EXCUSE ME for supporting young artists!”
“She’s not an artist you idiot! She’s a mermaid!”
“I don’t care! Let go of me!” I pulled my arm away, making the boat rock dangerously.
“Oooh, I don’t like confrontation.” The mermaid shook her hands like it physically could dispel our argument.
“Okay, stop moving you’re going to tip over the boat.” He grabbed my arms and pinned them to my side. “We can argue when we’re not in this dingy, okay?”
“Fine!” I snapped at him.
“So… Can I sing now?” The mermaid sucked in a deep breath, and let out a series of horrifyingly off-pitch notes, that may or may not have been strung together to make some kind of melody… maybe. It was like a horrible screeching noise that just went on and on.
“Stop! Stop it! PLEASE!” I wailed, covering my ears with my hands. I looked over to see my kidnapper doing the same.
“Jaejoong, make her shut up!” He whined, looking like he was trying to shove his hands into his skull. “Oh God. It’s so horrible!”
“Mermaid lady! MERMAID LADY!” I shouted to get her attention. She finally stopped her… ‘singing’ if you can actually call it that, and looked up at us in confusion.
“What’s wrong? Didn’t my song hypnotize you?” She asked us, genuinely curious.
“Does it look like it hypnotized us?” Yunho groaned, releasing his ears. “That was horrible!”
“Yeah, I’m going to have to agree with the pirate, sweetie.” I nodded.
“I told you I have a name!” He growled at me.
“And I told you I didn’t care.” I smiled brightly at him, and turned back to the big-bosomed mermaid. “You were kind of off pitch.” I said sweetly. “You should probably practice your breathing, and your ear.”
“Damn it all! And I practiced so hard! And my trainer said I was good! He probably lied to me to make me feel better.” She pouted unhappily. “Wait! You seem to know a lot about singing! Maybe you can teach me.” The mermaid smiled brightly at me.
“Oh, I couldn’t.”
The pirate rolled his eyes at me. “Why don’t you sing us something, Pretty Boy? I’m sure it can’t be any worse than the mermaid’s song.”
I glared at him. “Yes!” The mermaid clapped her hands enthusiastically. “Sing, Pretty Boy! Sing!” I have a sinking feeling that this horrible nickname is going to spread. “Just one song.”
“Okay, okay.” I rolled my eyes. I sang the first song that came into my head, and it turned out to be ‘Twinkle, twinkle little star’. What? I was on the spot, okay? And it’s an awesome song, so hah! I finished the song, smiling awkwardly at the duo. “So yeah… breathing and pitch.” I nodded, looking away from them.
The mermaid blinked her mouth gaping open like a fish. Did I suck that bad? “Can I accompany you to your cave?” She gasped at me. What?
A hand snaked around my head and fisted in my hair, and suddenly the pirate’s lips were on mine, and then his tongue was in my mouth. Wow, pirates really don’t waste time do they? His lips are really soft. Holy crap! I’m kissing him back, aren’t I? I’m going to freak out now. “Get off me!” I shoved the man off me. He pulled away, and licked his lips slowly, not taking his eyes away from mine. A shiver ran down my spine. God is he hot.
“That was amazing.” The pirate sighed.
“The song or the kiss?” Mermaid girl giggled perversely.
“JAEJOONG!” The captain’s voice echoed in the night. Oh thank the LORD! I thought they had abandoned me. A slightly bigger than our… than the pirate’s paddle boat appeared, at the same time another half-naked person popped out of the dark waters. Well, now we can have a party.
“Hyung!” Changmin waved at me. He was sitting in the boat with the captain, smiling like a douche monkey that just got handed a banana. “We found you!”
“Melody, what’s taking you so long?” The second mer-person chided our large-bosomed friend. It was a semi-naked guy this time. He was pretty darn adorable. I just wanted to jump into the water and hug him. You know I have a boyfriend stuck in some pirate ship in the Pacific, I should really stop checking out and making out with other men. I gave the pirate a sidelong glare. He winked at me.
“What took you guys so long?” I groaned at my crewmates.
“Junsu-ssi! They’re not getting hypnotized by my song like you said they would.” The merlady pouted at the merman. “And Pretty Boy said I was off pitch.”
“That’s NOT my name!” I growled at the mermaid.
Changmin burst into a huge fit of laughter. “HAHAHAHAHA! PRETTY BOY! THAT IS SO EPIC! HAHAHAHA! I’m so calling you that FOREVER!”
“You do and I’ll stab you so hard the blade will literally go through your body, make a sharp U-turn and go through your body again!” I threatened. He stuck his tongue out at me, and I almost threw myself onto their boat to punch him. The pirate held me back.
“Okay, both of you shut up!” Yoochun and the pirate shouted simultaneously. The pirate smirked at the captain, obviously enjoying himself.
“Miss me, Chun?” He snorted playfully. I punched him in the shoulder. “Ow!”
“Melody, how many times have I told you that you can’t hypnotize more than two people at a time?” The merman gestured to the bunch of us. “See? With too many people, your song isn’t as effective.”
“But there were only these two before!” She gestured at us. “And they weren’t even entranced by my luscious boobs!” She pouted, and I noticed Changmin and Yoochun’s eyes make a beeline to her breasts. Perverts. “I screwed up didn’t I? I’m a horrible mermaid! I’m never going to experience the thrill of drowning unsuspecting men into the depths of the ocean, and I’m going to be alone forever. Who would want to date a mermaid that can’t even hypnotise people with her song? I’m a horrible, horrible failure as a mermaid, a woman AND a fish!”
“Aw, don’t be like that.” The merman hugged the girl, and patted her gently on the back. “I’m sure they were a little bit hypnotized.” He shot the pirate and me a glare, and it was sooooo darn cute. I feel all mushy inside just looking at the merman. So so cute.
“Uh… yeah… I had a slight urge to…” I glanced at the pirate for help.
“No, your hypnotizing skills suck. So does your singing.” He shrugged coldly. The poor mermaid burst into tears. I sighed. Of all the things he could have been morally responsible about he had to choose honesty.
“Hey, don’t be so mean to the girl.” Yoochun shouted from across the small expanse of water between the dingies. “I felt hypnotized and I was like a mile away.” He nodded encouragingly. He was a bad liar.
The merman smiled super-adorably and turned to face the captain, probably to thank him for being so nice to his… girlfriend? Sister? Distant relative? I don’t know. He let out a very distinct squeak. “Oh…”
“Uh… hi.” Yoochun waved at him.
The merman started smoothing down his hair. “Oh… yes, hi.” Uh-huh. Boob-girl is definitely not his girlfriend. “I’m… I’m Junsu.” He squirmed.
“Yoochun.” The captain smiled sweetly at the merman who squeaked again.
The pirate grabbed my arm, and stood up, making me follow suite. “Now, if you’re all done doing whatever the hell it is you were doing, I’m going to take this pretty boy up to my ship, thank you very much.”
“How are you going to-” I started to chide, but he reached over into the dark and knocked on the hull of a black ship. How the hell did we get to his ship? Why did nobody inform me that this was happening? A long rope fell onto my face. “I’m not climbing that rope with you!”
“Who said anything about climbing?” He grabbed the rope and started to tie it around my waist.
“Hey! Hey, stop it!” I punched him in the chest. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, and brought his lips down on mine.
“Oh!” I vaguely heard the merman squeak in shock.
Changmin yelled something, and there might have been some kind of splash in the background, but I was very preoccupied by the feel of his mouth on mine. His hands went around my waist and I was sort of aware -somewhere in the dark crevices in my mind- that he was probably tying me up to the freaking boat, but my mind was sort of muddled by how incredibly amazing he smelled.
“Have a safe trip.” He whispered against my mouth, and then I was pulled all the way up onto the freaking black ship. I’m proud to say that I barely reacted at all. Except for maybe a small scream.
I was hauled overboard, and fell onto the deck. I stood up quickly; ready to pounce at the slightest threat. Yeah, at least twenty incredibly attractive guys with knives and swords already pulled out and pointing at my face. I might have let out a manly yelp of surprise. One of the guys who had an incredible set of eyebrows was the closest. He winked at me. Well, for an ambush, this actually wasn’t that bad.
“Oh great, he brought another pretty one. I’m telling you, I’m going to have to start killing off all this competition.” A surprisingly pretty man huffed unhappily. I’m starting to think my harem idea wasn’t that far off the mark.
“WOULD YOU TWO LET GO OFF ME?!” The pirate’s voice boomed under us.
“NOOOO! WE MUST SAVE HYUNG!” Changmin’s voice followed angrily.
The pirate and my crewmates rolled over the edge of the ship, landing on the deck much like I had. They all got up speedily, except for the pirate who took his sweet time. “Why did you two follow me?” I groaned.
“No gratitude.” Yoochun huffed unhappily. “We came to save you!”
“Where are the rest of the crew then?”
“Still asleep.” Changmin shrugged.
“Great Yunho, we send you to bring the jewels, and you kidnap these three saps. We can’t trust you with anything!” The pretty one groaned in annoyance. “Although for all it’s worth… nice catch.” He smirked looking up and down Chun and Min. I noticed he completely skipped over me. I’m a nice catch too!
“Heechul, please.” The pirate captain groaned. “I was just going to get this one.” He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer to him. Ugh. I pushed at his chest with my hands, but he held on firmly. “But these dipshits came along.” He jabbed his thumb in the others’ direction.
“What do we do with them?” One of the pirate people yelled.
“Tie them up to the mast, I’ll deal with them tomorrow.” He bit my ear almost painfully, and tugged at it. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to have a little fun.”
“Aren’t pirates supposed to share the treasure?” He of awesome eyebrows laughed.
The pretty one glared evil daggers at me. I attempted a friendly smile, and he turned an interesting shade of I’m-going-to-murder-you purple. Yay! I got kidnapped onto a pirate ship and now I have made an evil enemy. Awesome! I can die happy NOW!
“I’m not sharing this one, Siwon.” The pirate hauled me over his shoulder again, and this time I didn’t bother fighting back. What’s the point of escaping on a boat when at least thirty people can just grab me and bring me back to the hot pirate captain?
Yoochun and Changmin were tied up to the mast, glaring at me like this was all my fault. Which it wasn’t! Maybe they’re just pissed that I’m going to get laid tonight and not them. Wait… why am I excited about that? It’s the night air… it’s confusing me.
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** YAAAY! Enjoy!**