Which Way Was Starboard Again?
Chapter 4
I woke up to an annoying rumbling sound thinking that the ship was under attack. It wasn’t though. I wasn’t even on the ship. I was on a smelly pirate ship, in an insanely comfortable bed. And the rumbling sound? It’s the stupid molester pirate’s incredibly loud snoring, as he is asleep right behind me, his stupid muscly arm around my belly. I glared at the dragon tattoo on the arm that was draped across my unnaturally clean pillow, trying to summon an ultimate fatal dart that could shoot out of my eyes and murder him to death. He’s much paler than I thought he was. Stupid pirate. How dare he not be a figment of my imagination? Curse him for being real! The snoring suddenly stopped, and something warm tightened around my waist and I let out the manliest yelp of all time.
“Good morning, Pretty Boy.” The evil pervert hummed groggily. That’s weird… I can feel two arms around my midriff, but the tattooed one is still lying on my pillow. Does he have three arms? What’s going on? He bit my ear and tugged at it. Ew! What is it with him and biting people? I glared at his stupid tattooed arm, pretending I was still asleep. That was quite possibly the worst idea I have had today, or ever, because his hands slid up my chest and pinched my nipples. A gurgled scream echoed loudly throughout the room. I have no idea where it came from, honest. “Tsk… You shouldn’t be so loud in the morning, Pretty Boy. You’re going to wake up the others.” He whispered like it should’ve been my top priority to not wake up his precious band of rainbow sprites. I don’t even know what that means!
“Get your hands OFF ME, you stupid ugly perverted PIRATE!” I shouted, squirming away from his semi-unwanted touch.
I turned over onto my belly, to scramble away from him, and I noticed something very weird. The pale tattooed arm was somehow attached to my shoulder. Holy Crap! It’s MY arm. My arm has a stupid dragon tattoo on it. I’m going to freak out now. “Oooh~ Are we presenting?” The pirate grabbed my ass, and started nibbling on my shoulder blades.
I flipped onto my back -he immediately pinned me to the bed-, and sucked in a deep breath. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU FUCKTARD?! WHY IS THERE A FREAKING TATTOO ON MY ARM?! AND WHY IN FUCKING HELL AM I SHIRTLESS?! STOP TOUCHING ME! GET OFF!” I screamed in a single breath and proceeded to struggle uselessly for freedom. “YOU STUPID MONKEY-FACED JERK! GET OFF ME! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL-” He rudely interrupted my yelling my head off by slamming his stupid moist lips into mine, and kissing me senseless. I didn’t kiss him back I swear! My lips just moved with his. Okay, I kissed him back. GET OVER IT!
“There.” Yunho puffed, pulling back. “Nice and quiet.”
I glared at him, thinking of a million not-so-nice-and-quiet things to say to him and trying to keep my eyes from darting down to his steamy abs, instead I asked him the one very crucial question that was gnawing at the back of my mind. “Why am I shirtless?” You might not think this is important, but the day you wake up shirtless with a half-naked he-man wrapped around your body you’ll probably understand my sentiments.
The pirate smirked, leaning down and biting my ear. I shuddered. This guy has like a freaky biting fetish… Oh my God… I just thought that it was kind of hot. What is WRONG with me? “You don’t remember?”
That sentence, could logically only mean one thing. “We didn’t… did we?” Please say no, please say no, please say no.
“Until you passed out.” He laughed at my horrified expression, which probably looks like an open-mouthed fish. Oh dear Lord, I did it with a pirate. Oh no. Why can’t I remember anything? Was I drunk? Of course I was drunk! Why else would I sleep with the insanely attractive and superhot pirate? I WOULDN’T! Did I cheat on my boyfriend? Does this constitute cheating? Am I a cheater now? Or am I a cheat-ee? WAIT! I’m the rape-ee! And therefore was not willing! And unwilling cheating is not cheating at all. Yes… that convinces me. Except for the fact that I got RAPED! “Relax.” The pirate whispered soothingly. I mean… silkily… GREASILY! GREASILY IS WHAT I MEANT! “You were very good. You know all the right moves.”
I shoved the irritating man off of me, getting to my feet and fidgeting nervously in the corner. “Oh, shitty shit, shit! What the hell?! And my first time… and to a pirate?... And I can’t even remember… but my first!... and Hyun Joong… AND A FREAKING PIRATE!”
“First time?” The pirate jumped off the bed, and walked to me, grinning excitedly. Don’t look at his body. Don’t freaking ogle his abs! Oh, Look! A nice painting by yonder window. It looks rather strange… HOLY CRAP! It’s some sort of phallic symbol! Don’t look at the painting! Don’t look at the painting! “You mean you’re still a virgin? Perfect!” His long sexy muscled arms slammed on either side of my face. “I’ve never had a virgin before. I bet you’re all hot and tight.” He looked me up and down with this leery expression on his face that made me feel all dirty inside... AND DEFINITELY NOT IN A GOOD WAY! “I bet you’re a screamer.”
“Still a virgin? You said we did it until I passed out!” I pointed accusingly at his nose. His face is ridiculously small. I’ll use that next time we’re insulting each other.
“Yeah, we did the whole sword fighting thing until the tentacle Sea God magicked you, and you passed out. Wait…” He smirked slyly. “Did you think I meant we had sex?” He grabbed my nose between his two fingers and tugged at it teasingly. “You’re so perverted, Pretty Boy.”
So, I DIDN’T have sex with the pirate! YES! My flower is intact! I haven’t been dirtied by a smelly pirate! I definitely do NOT feel slightly disappointed. “I’m not perverted! That’s generally what people think when someone says ‘we did it until you passed out!’” I pouted. “You’re the pervert! You mislead me into thinking we had SEX! It’s not like I remembered it. I was mostly hoping yesterday night was a horrible nightmare.” I smiled to myself. I’m not a rape victim! YAY!
“If I had sex with you, you’d definitely remember.” Yunho chuckled annoyingly, then slammed me into the hull of the ship. “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle” He whispered in my ear, and I landed a sharp upper-cut right under his chin.
“That’s not what I’m worried about, you stupid idiotic PIRATE!” I groaned as he rubbed his jaw in pain. HAH! “Why do I have YOUR stupid tattoo on MY arm?”
“We both have it, Pretty Boy. Weren’t you paying attention to the Sea God?” He stuck his right arm next to my left one, revealing his matching dragon. When our arms touched, the dragons coiled together, and twisted around our arms. I yanked my hand back, and gave the pirate my best ‘did that just freaking happen?’ look. “Our destinies are linked now.”
“What the fuck does that even mean?” I cried, gesturing dramatically. “The tentacle thing was a sea god? That is some fucked up shit.”
Yunho rolled his eyes. “Wow… I guess you’re as dumb as you are pretty.”
“Shut up!” I swung my fist towards his face, but he avoided my punch at the last second. “I’m sorry I’m not as ancient Sea God curse savvy as you are. Geez. And I’m not pretty. I’m handsome.”
He scoffed. “Riiiiight. It’s not really a curse. It’s a contract.” He explained, moving ‘subtly’ (emphasis on the quotation marks) closer to me. “As long as the little shrimp out there is under our protection, you and I will have our destinies linked together.”
“You mean the cute mermaid kid?” I pouted thoughtfully. “What does having linked destinies entail?”
“It depends on the contract… usually it just means no matter what path you end up choosing, we will always meet up somehow. Some contracts can be a bit more serious… I know this one time, two of my friends had to always be an hour’s distance from each other, or else they felt intense abdominal pain.” His face twisted in a displeased grimace. “Don’t worry, it’s supposedly only temporary.”
“Are you making this up as you go along?” I glared at him suspiciously, somehow missing the fact that his hand was resting on the small of my back. “Don’t answer that. You probably are. So how long does this “contract” last?” I smirked, mocking him and his stupid fish people stories.
“As long as the fish kid’s alive, or human I guess.” He shrugged. “The Sea God wasn’t big on the details, actually. We should ask him next time we see him.” He leaned very close to me until our foreheads and noses were touching. “But until then, we can have a little fun.”
I scoffed, “Yeah right, because I’m buying you’re stupid ‘linked destinies’ bullshit.” I rolled my eyes superiorly. “Stop touching me. I’m getting out of here. I don’t care if I have to paddle back to shore; I’m not staying with YOU!” I started walking out of this HORRIBLE cell of EVIIL to call my other crewmates, but the pirate grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I squeaked, in a very manly manner.
“You’re not going anywhere.” He growled, he twisted my arm behind my back and bent me over the bed. “I believe I made a very generous offer yesterday, and you’re going to take it.”
“OW! Let me go, you gorilla!” I shoved against him. He pulled my arm higher up my back, and I hissed loudly. “Stop that! It hurts.”
“It’s supposed to.” The pirate captain snickered, leaning down to whisper in my ear. I could feel the warmth of his chest against my back. Ugh, I wish he’d stop harassing me. “So?”
“So WHAT? You’re pissing me off!” I tried to push him off by shrugging my shoulders. “Leave me alone!”
“What? Did you think I was just going to let you borrow one of my paddle boats and leave here as you please?” He scoffed, and tugged on my earlobe with his teeth. “Like I’ve suggested, you and your little friends will stay here, and I’ll PERSONALLY help you find your useless boyfriend, if that’s what you want. Although, by the time we find him, you’ll probably have fallen hopelessly in love with me.” Yunho hummed snidely. I could feel his teeth just biting in a non-painful way into the back of my neck. Is this guy half dog or something? “They always do.”
“You’re stupid. And stop biting me!” I pushed him back with my unrestrained elbow. “Why do you care if I find my boyfriend or not anyway?”
“Tsk…” He leaned over to show me his stupid pouting expression. “I’m just being affectionate. Besides, you like it when I bite you.”
“I do NOT!”
“Yes you doo~ I can tell.” He started nipping the base of my neck, down to my shoulders. I shuddered… because I was COLD! It gets chilly in ships, okay? Especially when you’re half-naked. “You have such yummy shoulders.”
“Yeah…” I mumbled. Mm… His biting kind of feels like a massage. “Stop that. Get off me.” I refused him half-heartedly. I shoved harder against him, and he chomped painfully at my neck. “OW! Okay, that’s it, SHOO!”
“Nope.”
The door to the captain’s room slammed open, and an adorable guy with weird hair and odd clothing burst into the room. “Get up, an’ greet the morn’ ya scallywags! It’ be high noon, and youse mangy dogs arr still in yer’ quarters! Get off yar arses and get t’a moppin’ the deck.”
I blinked at the new comer. “Uh… what?”
“G-Dragon, we do NOT talk like that!” Yunho groaned, not bothering to get the hell off me.
“Arr! Was I interuptin’ yer courtship cap’n?” The weirdly adorable guy gasped. “Dude, seriously, put a sock on the door or something next time… Hi, I’m G-Dragon, time-traveling dentist, and part-time gangsta.” He thrust his hand in front of my face for me to shake it. “Nice to meet you.”
“What’s a dentist?” I blinked in confusion, trying to pull my hand out of Yunho’s grasp to shake his. “Yah! Let go off me!”
“Nope.” The pirate huffed unhappily. “Go away. Can’t you see I was about to get into Pretty Boy’s pants?” He pouted at the weird cutie.
“My name is NOT PRETTY BOY!” Using my not manhandled elbow I stabbed him in the stomach. He made a tiny ‘oof’ sound, and I rolled over the bed, popping up on the other side like a spring. Yunho lunged for me, and I moved to kick him, but he grabbed my foot before it could connect with his chest. So, I did this really awesome backflip that I didn’t even know I could do, kicked him in the face with my other foot, and landed on my two feet. “I’m Kim Jaejoong, and don’t you forget it.”
“DUDE! You are so freaking awesome! You’re like… like JACKIE CHAN, Bro!” G-Dragon wheezed excitedly. “I like worship you FOREVER, man! Fist-bump me!” He reached his arm towards me, and I thought he was going to punch me, but he just let his fist hang in mid-air.
“Um…” I blinked at his hand.
“Ow!” The pirate got back up from lying uselessly on the floor, covering his bloody nose with his hand. “What is it with you and hitting my nose?!? My beautiful nose…” He lamented, holding his face. His evil eyes glared at me. “This nose was carved by ANGELS! ANGELS!”
“You deserved that.” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. “That’s what you get for trying to rape people.” I shrugged, and was of course suddenly attacked by the stupid Yunho. “Ow!” I pouted when my head banged against the wall, and I quickly covered up my visage. “NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!”
“YAARRR!!” The weird adorable guy threw himself in between me and the pirate captain. “SWASHBUCKLE, MATEY!” He shouted at Yunho.
The pirate and I shared a confused glance. He shook his head at me and sighed. “Apparently people from the future think we talk like retards that can’t articulate properly, and say ‘Arr!’ every other minute.” He shrugged. “People from the future are dickwads.”
I stared at him for a couple of seconds. “What?”
“Oh! I totally forgot to tell you, bro!” G-Dragon laughed to himself. “I’m from the future, specifically the year 2011. I accidentally came here with my time-travelling dentist chair.” He smiled. “A dentist is a person who fixes other peoples teeth, like I did for the Cap’n.” He pointed at Yunho who smiled his incredibly white smile. “He overdid it on the bleach though.”
“So… you’re saying that you’re from the future?” I squinted disbelievingly. “How does that make any sense?”
“I understand your scepticism, yo, but like it’s true.” He nodded. “I’m bein’ honest wich ya mate!”
“I have no idea what he’s saying.” I told the pirate.
He nodded in agreement. “If you’re done introducing yourself, we would like some privacy, please.” Yunho wrapped his arm around my waist, and I punched him in the chest. His man-boobed chest. Hihihi.
“Arr! I almos’ forgot to tell ye! Queen Bitch wants ta have a word wif the Cap’n, if ye would?” The futuristic dentist babbled incoherently. We both blinked at him, and he sighed. “This is so disappointing. You’re pirates! You should talk like pirates!” G-Dragon shook his head sadly. “Heechul wants to talk to you. I think it involves the naked people outside. He also mentioned something about getting on the people tied up on the mast.”
“Fine.” He sighed, grabbing my right arm painfully hard, and pulling me after him into the hallway and up the stairs. I struggled uselessly against his vice-tight grip. Stupid big muscled freak! “Is that it?” He asked the dentist, who was bumbling behind us to catch up.
“Yup… oh… and how come Yoochun’s back? I thought you guys broke up.” He huffed unhappily. How the hell does he know the Captain? “Didn’t he say he was leaving to join the navy?”
“Yeah, I kidnapped this one from the Navy ship.” He jerked his thumb in my direction, and I huffed, turning away from him as he pulled me up onto the deck. “The other two just followed along.”
“And who gets the naked chick? The three straight people on this boat are sort of arguing about it.” G-Dragon informed him.
I stumbled onto the main deck. There were maybe five mildly to really good-looking pirates gathered on the deck. The two bulkier (fatter) ones were glaring at each other in the middle, while the ridiculously pretty pirate was chasing around the naked merman, who had somehow grown legs and was stumbling uncoordinatedly around the mast, tripping and falling on his face every so often. Yoochun was still tied to the mast with a very unsettled expression on his face, while Min was trying not to stare at the legged mermaid’s nakedness. She was just sitting near the ledge, eating an apple like she wasn’t completely naked, or at least very used to being completely naked. He of awesome eyebrows was at the wheel staring at a compass like it held an unsolvable enigma. He looked up and noticed the pirate captain.
“YUNHO!” He waved at us. “HI! HEY, PRETTY BOY!” He smiled brightly at me. “WHICH WAY WAS NORTH ON THIS THINGIE AGAIN?!?” The man with the spectacular eyebrows waved the compass in our direction.
“The one that says ‘N’, you fucking idiot!” The pirate captain shouted back.
“AND MY NAME IS NOT PRETT BOY!” I added, in case I hadn’t made that perfectly clear last night. Idiots, not even bothering to know my name. The pretty one turned to glare fireballs at me. Shit, he’s so scary.
The mermaid perked up and smiled brightly at me. “Pretty Boy! You’re up!” She ran towards me, and it was the freakiest thing I have ever seen. Her boobs were like EVERYWHERE! I wouldn’t want to see that ever again. Especially not in slow motion while she’s running on the beach. I shuddered at the mental image. She hugged me in her nakedness, and I just stood there, trying to touch the least of her skin as possible. “I was so worried! I thought you died and stuff! And that would be NOT cool! Especially since you have to teach me how to sing like you, and convince men like him to join me in my cave.” She pointed at the pirate captain. “You have to be really good to get a guy like him, Pretty Boy. I know.”
“Stop hugging me please, you’re freaking me out. And stop calling me Pretty Boy.” I pushed her off me. I noticed the shirt I was wearing yesterday lying listlessly on the floor, so I picked it up and gave it to her. “Here, wear this.”
Melody looked at me with big dreamy watery eyes. “Thank you.” She sniffled. “Nobody’s ever done something so nice for me before.” She bit her lower lip as a tear rolled down her cheek. What the hell? “I’m gonna… sniff… I’m just going to go sit over there, and fall deeply in love with you.” She pulled my old shirt around her and sniffed it.
“Have fun.” I called after her as she walked away to sit on a barrel. Anyway, I turned back to the pirate who was squinting suspiciously at the ex-mermaid. “This has been great, but if you’ll excuse me. I’ll just be taking my crew and leaving now.” I informed him, and sprinted away to the mast before his mind could process my words. I grabbed the pretty man’s sword from his holster in his waist, on my way there (yeah, I’m that cool) and slashed at the rope holding up my crewmates. I turned and stuck my tongue out at the pirate, before running to the paddle boat attached to the boat.
“GET BACK HERE!” Yunho shouted, and started storming towards me, but I was already all the way up the poop deck. I finally got to the ledge. And that’s when all the fucked up shit started to happen. I was suddenly flying backwards in the air. I slammed into the Queen Bitch on my amazing backward flight, and he fell over onto the ex-merman, who smacked his head on the deck, and there was a sudden searing pain in my forehead. “OOOWW!!!” I heard the pirate moan, right before I slammed into him sideways, and we both fell in a tangle of limbs on the deck.
“What the fuck?!?” I looked around in confusion and shock. I pointed at the poop deck. “I was over there, and now I’m here. How the hell did I get here?!? What did you do to me?” I held my forehead, and he did the same.
“Waaah…” The merman muttered. “I didn’t know my uncle would use such a powerful contract.” He smiled, rubbing his own forehead.
“It looks like he used the most binding contract.” Melody piped up from the barrel she was sitting on. “You two probably can’t get further than ten feet from each other or Junsu without both of you flying back towards each other.” She giggled.
“Huh…” The pirate mumbled. He picked me up, and dropped me over the edge of the boat.
“WHAT THE-” I started to say, but it was swallowed up by a blood curling scream. It might have been mine. MIGHT HAVE. I was about half-way down my plunge to death, when I was tugged back up by some invisible force and smacked into the pirate again. My heart was beating erratically fast. I think I saw a freaking SHARK! “YOU ASSHOLE! WHAT IN FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?”
Yunho grabbed my face and pulled me in for a long kiss. My heartbeat got suddenly faster… probably from disgust. “I guess it’s true then. Guess you can’t leave after all, Pretty Boy.” He smirked, and bit my lower lip. “Welcome to the Black Pride.”
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**Wellp, this is the fourth chappie… sorry if it sucks, I wanted to put too much in it, and it ended up like this… I hope it’s not too bleeh… nways. I’m off to work before I miss my bus! Thanks 4 reading! ENJOY (if you can *cries*)**