regret 10/?
title: regret
author: love_teddies
rating: nc-17
notes: thanks to leifang666 for helping out again
Gackt is driving to Ibaraki, heading for Kami’s grave. He had been thinking for a while about what had happened with Kamijo but he couldn't find any answers for it. Perhaps going to pay Kami a visit will help clear his head enough that he'll be able to come to some sort of understanding there. But now he is having another emotional struggle on how to face Kami like this. Did he really fall for the other? “No, my love is only for Kami and no one else. I just haven’t had sex for a while, that’s all” he thought to himself.
--------
Mana is at Kami’s grave. He always pays a visit to Kami one day after the anniversary, Gackt usually come on the day itself, and he doesn’t want to meet the other man. He knows what he did 11 years ago is wrong. But ever since Gackt raped him that time, he feared the soloist greatly.
-------
Gackt notices that there is someone there with Kami, but he doesn’t know who as the man’s back is facing him. “Hi, there! Are you his friend?”
“Yeah” Mana turns and he froze the instant he saw Gackt. His greatest fear is now in front of him.
Gackt is also shocked to see Mana here. After all these years he still hasn’t forgiven him. What Mana did to Kami was inhumane. “Why are you here? How can you even face him after what you did?” Gackt said with disgust.
“Sorry, I think I should go now” Mana said with worry in his voice. He clearly wanted to get away from the other man.
“Don’t leave yet. Wait for me at the entrance. I’ve got something to say to you” Gackt ordered, turning away from Mana.
“Huh. Ok” Mana answered. He was shocked and wasn’t sure what the singer had to talk to him about but most of all he was scared. Since
that day, he couldn’t sleep well. Every time he closed his eyes he sees that incident. But he never blamed Gackt as it was him who raped and indirectly caused Kami’s death.
As soon as Mana is out of sight, Gackt turned to face Kami’s tombstone. He missed the drummer dearly and knew now that if he could go back to that time he left for America he wouldn't have gone. Instead he would have stayed in Japan, by Kami's side, then none of this would have happened. He blamed himself for Kami’s death and probably always would.
“If only I stayed, this will never happen. Kami wouldn’t have been violated” he said this to himself over and over again.
“Kami, I’m sorry. I’m ready to join you and am now only waiting for god’s permission. “ he said, eyes tearing as he looked at Kami’s tombstone.
Gackt opened a bottle of sake that he brought along and pours it along Kami’s grave. “I got this for you. Enjoy.” Then he opened another one for himself and drank heavily feeling emotionally drained.
Gackt had something on his mind to ask Kami. Along the whole journey here, he’s been thinking about that night with Kamijo. “Kami, what is happening to me? That night with Kamijo, why do I feel this way?” he demanded to the grave but off course there is no answer.
He sat beside his lover’s grave for a while, clearing his mind after all that had happen. When he finally remembered about Mana waiting for him, he bid his farewell and went to meet Mana.
Mana was sitting on a bench at the entrance of the memorials site. He quickly got up when he saw Gackt.
“Hi. What you wanted to tell me?” Mana asked softly, he feared the singer.
“Hop in” Gackt said opening his car door. Mana did as told, even though he had no idea where the other was taking him or what the singer wanted to talk to him about.
After a few minutes, they arrived at a quite badly maintained love hotel. Mana now had a clue on what Gackt is planning. They leave the car and Gackt got them a room and reluctantly Mana followed him into it.
“You know what to do” Gackt said and headed towards the bathroom
“Wait. Do what?” Mana asked even though he knew what the taller man wants.
“Don’t act like you’re a virgin or anything” Gackt answered and entered the bathroom
Mana’s greatest nightmare has come back. But he knew he couldn’t escape so he starts peeling of his clothing. After he was done he lay on the bed and waited for Gackt. He prayed that Gackt will not hurt him like last time.
Gackt comes out nude. “Looks like you’re ready” he said to Mana but eyes never meeting. He crawled up to Mana. He looked at the other with intensive eyes; try to find some sort of answer from the guitarist. In fact he is using Mana as an experiment, to answer what happened with Kamijo. He thinks that having sex with Mana will be the best answer on whether or not has he moved on.
Mana just laid still. He plans to let Gackt to do anything to him. Mana felt that he owed this to the soloist. If Gackt asked him to be his sex slave for eternity he will willingly accept this. He knows that he deserves this after what he did to Kami. At least he'd be paying for his sins.
Gackt ravishes the other’s body. He put his hand into Mana’s mouth, and Mana knew what he meant and started licking, coating it with his saliva. When Gackt decides that it’s fine, he removes his fingers only to insert them into Mana’s entrance. Mana tried to hold back by biting his lips but when Gackt’s third finger went in, he let out a loud moan.
When Gackt was sure the other was well prepared he strokes his own erection to life. Mana knows what was coming next and spread his legs wider, giving the other better access. Gackt slid himself into Mana and starts thrusting furiously without any warning, sending the man beneath screaming for mercy though at least he had been prepared.
Soon both men were on the edge. Mana came first even without being touched at all and with the pleasure comes the embarrassment that his body enjoys been used like this. Gackt came a few minutes later and spent he pulls out and lay down on the bed surprising Mana as he starts to cry. His body is still shaking as he felt the same post-sex misery and guilt he had experienced after his night with Kamijo.
Mana too notes of Gackt's sorrow and though he doesn't understand it he blames himself. Guilt struck him hard as he knows he was the main cause of all this sorrow. Slowly he got up and whispered to Gackt. “ I’ll be leaving” and when the other remained silent he got dressed and left.
Gackt has gotten even more confused now. He thought that he had moved on since the night with Kamijo and this proves the opposite. “Why did I felt like that with Kamijo? Why only him?” he said to himself, tears pooled up at his eyes and soon fell into a fitful sleep.
author: love_teddies
rating: nc-17
notes: thanks to leifang666 for helping out again
Gackt is driving to Ibaraki, heading for Kami’s grave. He had been thinking for a while about what had happened with Kamijo but he couldn't find any answers for it. Perhaps going to pay Kami a visit will help clear his head enough that he'll be able to come to some sort of understanding there. But now he is having another emotional struggle on how to face Kami like this. Did he really fall for the other? “No, my love is only for Kami and no one else. I just haven’t had sex for a while, that’s all” he thought to himself.
--------
Mana is at Kami’s grave. He always pays a visit to Kami one day after the anniversary, Gackt usually come on the day itself, and he doesn’t want to meet the other man. He knows what he did 11 years ago is wrong. But ever since Gackt raped him that time, he feared the soloist greatly.
-------
Gackt notices that there is someone there with Kami, but he doesn’t know who as the man’s back is facing him. “Hi, there! Are you his friend?”
“Yeah” Mana turns and he froze the instant he saw Gackt. His greatest fear is now in front of him.
Gackt is also shocked to see Mana here. After all these years he still hasn’t forgiven him. What Mana did to Kami was inhumane. “Why are you here? How can you even face him after what you did?” Gackt said with disgust.
“Sorry, I think I should go now” Mana said with worry in his voice. He clearly wanted to get away from the other man.
“Don’t leave yet. Wait for me at the entrance. I’ve got something to say to you” Gackt ordered, turning away from Mana.
“Huh. Ok” Mana answered. He was shocked and wasn’t sure what the singer had to talk to him about but most of all he was scared. Since
that day, he couldn’t sleep well. Every time he closed his eyes he sees that incident. But he never blamed Gackt as it was him who raped and indirectly caused Kami’s death.
As soon as Mana is out of sight, Gackt turned to face Kami’s tombstone. He missed the drummer dearly and knew now that if he could go back to that time he left for America he wouldn't have gone. Instead he would have stayed in Japan, by Kami's side, then none of this would have happened. He blamed himself for Kami’s death and probably always would.
“If only I stayed, this will never happen. Kami wouldn’t have been violated” he said this to himself over and over again.
“Kami, I’m sorry. I’m ready to join you and am now only waiting for god’s permission. “ he said, eyes tearing as he looked at Kami’s tombstone.
Gackt opened a bottle of sake that he brought along and pours it along Kami’s grave. “I got this for you. Enjoy.” Then he opened another one for himself and drank heavily feeling emotionally drained.
Gackt had something on his mind to ask Kami. Along the whole journey here, he’s been thinking about that night with Kamijo. “Kami, what is happening to me? That night with Kamijo, why do I feel this way?” he demanded to the grave but off course there is no answer.
He sat beside his lover’s grave for a while, clearing his mind after all that had happen. When he finally remembered about Mana waiting for him, he bid his farewell and went to meet Mana.
Mana was sitting on a bench at the entrance of the memorials site. He quickly got up when he saw Gackt.
“Hi. What you wanted to tell me?” Mana asked softly, he feared the singer.
“Hop in” Gackt said opening his car door. Mana did as told, even though he had no idea where the other was taking him or what the singer wanted to talk to him about.
After a few minutes, they arrived at a quite badly maintained love hotel. Mana now had a clue on what Gackt is planning. They leave the car and Gackt got them a room and reluctantly Mana followed him into it.
“You know what to do” Gackt said and headed towards the bathroom
“Wait. Do what?” Mana asked even though he knew what the taller man wants.
“Don’t act like you’re a virgin or anything” Gackt answered and entered the bathroom
Mana’s greatest nightmare has come back. But he knew he couldn’t escape so he starts peeling of his clothing. After he was done he lay on the bed and waited for Gackt. He prayed that Gackt will not hurt him like last time.
Gackt comes out nude. “Looks like you’re ready” he said to Mana but eyes never meeting. He crawled up to Mana. He looked at the other with intensive eyes; try to find some sort of answer from the guitarist. In fact he is using Mana as an experiment, to answer what happened with Kamijo. He thinks that having sex with Mana will be the best answer on whether or not has he moved on.
Mana just laid still. He plans to let Gackt to do anything to him. Mana felt that he owed this to the soloist. If Gackt asked him to be his sex slave for eternity he will willingly accept this. He knows that he deserves this after what he did to Kami. At least he'd be paying for his sins.
Gackt ravishes the other’s body. He put his hand into Mana’s mouth, and Mana knew what he meant and started licking, coating it with his saliva. When Gackt decides that it’s fine, he removes his fingers only to insert them into Mana’s entrance. Mana tried to hold back by biting his lips but when Gackt’s third finger went in, he let out a loud moan.
When Gackt was sure the other was well prepared he strokes his own erection to life. Mana knows what was coming next and spread his legs wider, giving the other better access. Gackt slid himself into Mana and starts thrusting furiously without any warning, sending the man beneath screaming for mercy though at least he had been prepared.
Soon both men were on the edge. Mana came first even without being touched at all and with the pleasure comes the embarrassment that his body enjoys been used like this. Gackt came a few minutes later and spent he pulls out and lay down on the bed surprising Mana as he starts to cry. His body is still shaking as he felt the same post-sex misery and guilt he had experienced after his night with Kamijo.
Mana too notes of Gackt's sorrow and though he doesn't understand it he blames himself. Guilt struck him hard as he knows he was the main cause of all this sorrow. Slowly he got up and whispered to Gackt. “ I’ll be leaving” and when the other remained silent he got dressed and left.
Gackt has gotten even more confused now. He thought that he had moved on since the night with Kamijo and this proves the opposite. “Why did I felt like that with Kamijo? Why only him?” he said to himself, tears pooled up at his eyes and soon fell into a fitful sleep.