Moral support needed
Sorry, this is pretty long.
Well this is a tough situation. To make it short, I had a boyfriend for 3 years who treated me like crap. It started perfect then gradually he began to treat more and more awfully. To know what kind of horrible things he did, read this post . Please read if you want to truly understand how he was with me. (It's long though.) But there are many more instances of terrible things he did that made me cry not included in this post.
Ok, so last February the landlord sent the notice to ask if we were renewing the lease or not, and that's when it started. I finally gathered my courage and I said he was treating me like crap and that I was unhappy and that I was going to buy a house on my own rather than continuing to live with him. I cried and all he said was okay. 2 weeks later, he had found himself a new apartment and a new girlfriend. He tried to hide the girlfriend, but one day he got a phone call late at night and ran to his room and shut the door to talk. That's how I knew!
Now, I was fine about the break up. I was a bit sad but I knew I had done the right thing. I was the one in control of the situation. He was going to be alone and I was going to be happy without him. But then the situation reversed itself! As soon as I learned he had gotten himself a new girlfriend ALREADY, that's when I went downhill.
I asked how he could have replaced me so soon, how come he wasn't sad. He told me that no, he was not in fact sad. And that for him, it wasn't "so soon". Because he said that he had stopped seeing himself as my boyfriend 6 months ago. I asked why he didn't tell me then, why we didn't talk about it. He said he did,but no, he didn't! He only gradually became colder and colder. The second it became "allowed" to get a new girlfriend, he did.
I cried and I was sad and I told him all I was feeling. He showed no remorse, no regrets. He said he wanted to stay friends. I asked him why he did all those mean things to me, and he said "You bring out the mean in me. I'm not mean to anyone else." That pretty much killed me! I asked if he hated me then, since he was only mean to me. But he said no. I don't understand. He also said "I'm sure you'll find someone who will treat you the way you want." To which I answered " Treat me the way I DESERVE, you mean!" "Want, deserve, whatever." See? He thinks it's me who has a problem!
I told him how I missed the nice things he used to do with me and thanked him for them. He said I should stop thinking about the past and think about the future. I can't do that as quikly as you did!!! He also said that I would find the right person someday. That he wasn't the person who could make me happy anymore. That's because you decided you would not make me happy anymore!! You could make me happy, you chose not to! He said we had good times but that we were going in different directions now. He said we can never be anything other than friends now. He said it was normal that I was sad, because it all happened so quickly for me. But that it wasn't quick for him, because it started 6 months ago but he said and did nothing to change it!!
I'm not perfect. I did things that could justify being angry .He could have said "Hey, I don't like it when you do xyz, can you please do something about it?" And I would have. But instead he just threw a fit over little things and was super moody. But when I said "Hey I don't like it when you do xyz, can you please do something about it?" he just told me to stop complaining. He once threw a fit because I walked indoors with my shoes and left a bit of dirt because I had forgotten something and had no time to take off my shoes cause I would be late. I said I would clean it when I came home and he said "No, you won't!" He took out the mop to clean and went "Well, I guess I'm gonna be late to work today!" I said he didn't have to do it, that I would but no, he didn't believe me. All over a tiny bit of dirt.
I used to be FINE with this break up until he got a new girlfriend less than 2 WEEKS later. I wanted him to be sad, to think back on how he treated me and think "woah, maybe it was my fault. Maybe I really did act wrong. " But NO! He doesn't! No regrets, no remorse, only a fun new life without me with this new girl who is SO MUCH BETTER than me!! And now I can't stop thinking about all the fun times and nice things we did together, and thinking that now he will do them with this new girl. It makes me want to break things to think that he is having sex with someone else now. He could be having sex with her as I'm writing this!! It's stupid, but I can't accept it. I don't even know who the girl is, and it's best I don't find out. I think it's someone I don't even know.
I know he's allowed to do what he wants but DAMN why didn't you at least wait until you had moved out to start dating?? Then I would not have known! Now everyday I come home in the empty apartment where he is not and I'm sad. I know I need to stop thinking about this. I know. I need to move on. But we work at the same office, you see. He is even my boss! I can't quit this job, I need it. I can't cut ties with him. Everyday I see him, happy and not a care in the world, while I'm depressed and crying over this jerk who does not deserve any tears! I want to think that one day, he'll realize his mistakes and he will be all alone. But no. He will never. If this girlfriend would dump him, he would just say "whatever, her loss." I know I could get a new boyfriend too, but I don't want one. Not now. Because you know, I'm heartbroken and upset and sad?? Unlike him!
I shouldn't stay friends with him, he doesn't deserve my friendship. But somehow I would be even more sad if I never talked to him again. He had good sides sometimes. I can't stop thinking about the times where he hugged me, where he bought me dinner, where he said I was beautiful. I can't stop thinking now he's doing the same to someone else. I try to remind myself of all the bad things he done, but I remember the nice him. My friend said "It doesn't matter if he was always crummy underneath or if he became crummy over time. He's crummy NOW." And she is right, I know. If only he changed! But I think he's beyond changing. If only I could move on as easily as he did...
I loved him so much. And I know he loved me back then too. Despite everything, I miss him so much. But he doesn't miss me. He was special. He said and did things no one else did. Was it all fake? He replaced me. He doesn't need me anymore. I don't mean anything to him now. I'm just a "friend". I'm so heartbroken. If only he missed me, I'd know I meant something. He did not even apologize. He just said you need to move on.
AAAARRRG I don't even know why I'm writing this here. It took all I had not to write him an email full of obscenities. Why do I care about someone who's been this terrible to me?? Who manipulated me?? It's because he showed no sadness, no remorse over the fact that I would be leaving! He never tried to fix "us"! He just let it degrade until this mess. I tried to talk to him! But it changed nothing.
I did nothing wrong, and yet sometimes I find myself thinking "oh, maybe if I had not done this or that..." But NO! He's the one who should be thinking this! Not me! WHy is it me?? He moved on so QUICKLY and SO EASILY!! He is not upset. I am very upset that he is not upset! Do you understand? In his mind it was over 6 months ago. It was easy for him. He just waited for the final straw where I left him. He could have broken up with me then, but he didn't. He left me living a lie for 6 months, becoming meaner and meaner each day to me.
Fuck him I bet he's so happy in his awesome new apartment having sex with his awesome new girlfriend. He has everything and I have nothing! But that's not true, I have a house and I still have my friends who have been supportive. But it still feels like he now has everything that I could not give him. I finally bought the house that I always dreamed of, I'm moving there in 2 weeks and I am not happy anymore. I just keep thinking about this and I shouldn't. He ruined everything! Why can't I forget him?? He's a jerk! A terrible human being. He does not deserve tears! He deserves nothing! I need to be stronger! 3 years of my life wasted in suffering. I want to stop being sad and laugh at this. Laugh at him and his sorry excuse for existence. But it's not easy for me. I get attached a lot. I miss the nice him. The nice him is gone forever, and that makes me so sad. It took me a long of courage to finally leave. The smart me knows it was the right thing to do. But the emotional me wants things to go back to when it was fun. But that's never going to happen again and it makes me sad to say goodbye.
They say that success is the best revenge. I wanted to appear strong and not show him any weakness but I failed badly at that. I showed him much weakness and even seeked comfort from him. But all he said is move on, stop thinking about the past, you need someone who will make you happy and we both know that isn't me anymore. *Sigh...*
Sorry. I guess writing this made me feel better. I'm hoping that someone who was brave enough to read all this may have the magic words that will make my brain "click" into a different state of mind, know what I mean? The words I need to put this behind me.
Well this is a tough situation. To make it short, I had a boyfriend for 3 years who treated me like crap. It started perfect then gradually he began to treat more and more awfully. To know what kind of horrible things he did, read this post . Please read if you want to truly understand how he was with me. (It's long though.) But there are many more instances of terrible things he did that made me cry not included in this post.
Ok, so last February the landlord sent the notice to ask if we were renewing the lease or not, and that's when it started. I finally gathered my courage and I said he was treating me like crap and that I was unhappy and that I was going to buy a house on my own rather than continuing to live with him. I cried and all he said was okay. 2 weeks later, he had found himself a new apartment and a new girlfriend. He tried to hide the girlfriend, but one day he got a phone call late at night and ran to his room and shut the door to talk. That's how I knew!
Now, I was fine about the break up. I was a bit sad but I knew I had done the right thing. I was the one in control of the situation. He was going to be alone and I was going to be happy without him. But then the situation reversed itself! As soon as I learned he had gotten himself a new girlfriend ALREADY, that's when I went downhill.
I asked how he could have replaced me so soon, how come he wasn't sad. He told me that no, he was not in fact sad. And that for him, it wasn't "so soon". Because he said that he had stopped seeing himself as my boyfriend 6 months ago. I asked why he didn't tell me then, why we didn't talk about it. He said he did,but no, he didn't! He only gradually became colder and colder. The second it became "allowed" to get a new girlfriend, he did.
I cried and I was sad and I told him all I was feeling. He showed no remorse, no regrets. He said he wanted to stay friends. I asked him why he did all those mean things to me, and he said "You bring out the mean in me. I'm not mean to anyone else." That pretty much killed me! I asked if he hated me then, since he was only mean to me. But he said no. I don't understand. He also said "I'm sure you'll find someone who will treat you the way you want." To which I answered " Treat me the way I DESERVE, you mean!" "Want, deserve, whatever." See? He thinks it's me who has a problem!
I told him how I missed the nice things he used to do with me and thanked him for them. He said I should stop thinking about the past and think about the future. I can't do that as quikly as you did!!! He also said that I would find the right person someday. That he wasn't the person who could make me happy anymore. That's because you decided you would not make me happy anymore!! You could make me happy, you chose not to! He said we had good times but that we were going in different directions now. He said we can never be anything other than friends now. He said it was normal that I was sad, because it all happened so quickly for me. But that it wasn't quick for him, because it started 6 months ago but he said and did nothing to change it!!
I'm not perfect. I did things that could justify being angry .He could have said "Hey, I don't like it when you do xyz, can you please do something about it?" And I would have. But instead he just threw a fit over little things and was super moody. But when I said "Hey I don't like it when you do xyz, can you please do something about it?" he just told me to stop complaining. He once threw a fit because I walked indoors with my shoes and left a bit of dirt because I had forgotten something and had no time to take off my shoes cause I would be late. I said I would clean it when I came home and he said "No, you won't!" He took out the mop to clean and went "Well, I guess I'm gonna be late to work today!" I said he didn't have to do it, that I would but no, he didn't believe me. All over a tiny bit of dirt.
I used to be FINE with this break up until he got a new girlfriend less than 2 WEEKS later. I wanted him to be sad, to think back on how he treated me and think "woah, maybe it was my fault. Maybe I really did act wrong. " But NO! He doesn't! No regrets, no remorse, only a fun new life without me with this new girl who is SO MUCH BETTER than me!! And now I can't stop thinking about all the fun times and nice things we did together, and thinking that now he will do them with this new girl. It makes me want to break things to think that he is having sex with someone else now. He could be having sex with her as I'm writing this!! It's stupid, but I can't accept it. I don't even know who the girl is, and it's best I don't find out. I think it's someone I don't even know.
I know he's allowed to do what he wants but DAMN why didn't you at least wait until you had moved out to start dating?? Then I would not have known! Now everyday I come home in the empty apartment where he is not and I'm sad. I know I need to stop thinking about this. I know. I need to move on. But we work at the same office, you see. He is even my boss! I can't quit this job, I need it. I can't cut ties with him. Everyday I see him, happy and not a care in the world, while I'm depressed and crying over this jerk who does not deserve any tears! I want to think that one day, he'll realize his mistakes and he will be all alone. But no. He will never. If this girlfriend would dump him, he would just say "whatever, her loss." I know I could get a new boyfriend too, but I don't want one. Not now. Because you know, I'm heartbroken and upset and sad?? Unlike him!
I shouldn't stay friends with him, he doesn't deserve my friendship. But somehow I would be even more sad if I never talked to him again. He had good sides sometimes. I can't stop thinking about the times where he hugged me, where he bought me dinner, where he said I was beautiful. I can't stop thinking now he's doing the same to someone else. I try to remind myself of all the bad things he done, but I remember the nice him. My friend said "It doesn't matter if he was always crummy underneath or if he became crummy over time. He's crummy NOW." And she is right, I know. If only he changed! But I think he's beyond changing. If only I could move on as easily as he did...
I loved him so much. And I know he loved me back then too. Despite everything, I miss him so much. But he doesn't miss me. He was special. He said and did things no one else did. Was it all fake? He replaced me. He doesn't need me anymore. I don't mean anything to him now. I'm just a "friend". I'm so heartbroken. If only he missed me, I'd know I meant something. He did not even apologize. He just said you need to move on.
AAAARRRG I don't even know why I'm writing this here. It took all I had not to write him an email full of obscenities. Why do I care about someone who's been this terrible to me?? Who manipulated me?? It's because he showed no sadness, no remorse over the fact that I would be leaving! He never tried to fix "us"! He just let it degrade until this mess. I tried to talk to him! But it changed nothing.
I did nothing wrong, and yet sometimes I find myself thinking "oh, maybe if I had not done this or that..." But NO! He's the one who should be thinking this! Not me! WHy is it me?? He moved on so QUICKLY and SO EASILY!! He is not upset. I am very upset that he is not upset! Do you understand? In his mind it was over 6 months ago. It was easy for him. He just waited for the final straw where I left him. He could have broken up with me then, but he didn't. He left me living a lie for 6 months, becoming meaner and meaner each day to me.
Fuck him I bet he's so happy in his awesome new apartment having sex with his awesome new girlfriend. He has everything and I have nothing! But that's not true, I have a house and I still have my friends who have been supportive. But it still feels like he now has everything that I could not give him. I finally bought the house that I always dreamed of, I'm moving there in 2 weeks and I am not happy anymore. I just keep thinking about this and I shouldn't. He ruined everything! Why can't I forget him?? He's a jerk! A terrible human being. He does not deserve tears! He deserves nothing! I need to be stronger! 3 years of my life wasted in suffering. I want to stop being sad and laugh at this. Laugh at him and his sorry excuse for existence. But it's not easy for me. I get attached a lot. I miss the nice him. The nice him is gone forever, and that makes me so sad. It took me a long of courage to finally leave. The smart me knows it was the right thing to do. But the emotional me wants things to go back to when it was fun. But that's never going to happen again and it makes me sad to say goodbye.
They say that success is the best revenge. I wanted to appear strong and not show him any weakness but I failed badly at that. I showed him much weakness and even seeked comfort from him. But all he said is move on, stop thinking about the past, you need someone who will make you happy and we both know that isn't me anymore. *Sigh...*
Sorry. I guess writing this made me feel better. I'm hoping that someone who was brave enough to read all this may have the magic words that will make my brain "click" into a different state of mind, know what I mean? The words I need to put this behind me.