the unedited transcript of my...
Interview with
Michael Ian Black
(very famous)
Lisa Flores: All right, I'm going to start with some simple, quick "this or that" questions. Just say which one you like better, okay?
Michael Ian Black: Okay.
LF: High fives or low fives?
MIB: High fives.
LF: Tilden or Hayes?
MIB: Tilden or Hayes...?
LF: 1876 election candidates.
MIB: I'll go with...I'll go with Hayes. I'll go with the popular.
LF: Spit or swallow?
MIB: Spit.
LF: Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff?
MIB: ...Hilary Duff.
LF: Post-communist kleptocracy or fascist puppet state?
MIB: Kleptocracy.
LF: Pancakes or waffles?
MIB: Waffles.
LF: Bin Laden or Hussein?
MIB: ...Hussein.
LF: Raffi or Kidz Bop?
MIB: Kidz Bop.
LF: All right, now for some tougher questions. There have been rumors about Stella having a second season, and I actually checked the website and it says that you're not sure yet but that there's a petition for it. Do you want to give the website so people know to go to it?
MIB: Our website is stellacomedy.com. I don't know, is that where the petition is?
LF: Oh, you don't even know about the petition?
MIB: Well, I know there's a petition.
LF: Okay, there's a link, so people will find it.
LF: What's the writing process like for "Stella"?
MIB: We use the qwerty method.
LF: Queer...?
MIB: Querty. Q, U, E, R, T, Y. Left hand: A, S, D, F. Right hand: J, K, L, semi-colon.
LF: How do you bounce ideas off each other?
MIB: Um, the classic, 'hey, what do you think about this?' That's pretty good.
LF: Do you have to water it down for Comedy Central?
MIB: Not really. I mean, we don't...we didn't really go into the show wanting to be offensive or particularly bawdy, we just wanted to see if we could make a funny tv show.
LF: There were a lot of great guest stars on the show. Which was your favorite to work with?
MIB: There was a horse. I liked that horse.
LF: How'd you get so tan in the episode where you ran for president of the resident's board?
MIB: Good question. Makeup.
LF: Really?
MIB: That's generally how you do it.
LF: No spray tan?
MIB: No, there's special makeup that you can apply that puts on a tan. Turns out it's hard to get off. It takes a good scrubbing to get it off. But fortunately, you know, I had an intern.
LF: David [Wain]?
MIB: Yeah.
LF: If you, David Wain and Michael Showalter were in a boyband, who would be the bad boy?
MIB: Showalter would probably be the bad boy.
LF: Who would be the heartthrob?
MIB: David would be the heartthrob.
LF: So then you would be the homosexual?
MIB: Clearly.
LF: If you had to fight either David or Michael, who would it be and why?
MIB: I would fight David just 'cause I think his nuts are big enough that a well placed kick would incapacitate him.
LF: You've written and directed a movie called The Pleasure of Your Company, scheduled to be released this year?
MIB: Probably next year.
LF: Next year, okay. So tell me about the movie.
MIB: It's a romantic comedy about two strangers who meet and decide to get married.
LF: Jason Biggs?
MIB: Jason Biggs and Isla Fisher, yeah.
LF: So, what is your favorite decade? On the downlow.
MIB: If I had to pick a decade as a whole... That's tough. The seventies.
LF: When you did Wet Hot American Summer, don't you think you should've been the taker?
MIB: I mean, that was the obvious choice.
LF: Yeah, you're kind of swishy.
MIB: Yeah. But, uh... That was the obvious choice.
LF: Bradley Cooper's like...
MIB: Yeah, he's a little more buff.
LF: Yeah.
MIB: But see, you can't tell in these kinds of relationships who's the pitcher and who's the catcher, and we really wanted to make a statement.
LF: Have you ever eaten a baby?
MIB: No comment.
LF: Maybe you had an extra Guatemalan baby on your hands at some point...?
MIB: No comment.
LF: Who is Michael Ian Black the person versus Michael Ian Black the performer? Other than less funny.
MIB: I would agree with that. Michael Ian Black the person... Caring. Dedicated. Rowdy when he needs to be. Michael Ian Black the performer... Has been. Never was. Never will be. And illusionist.
LF: What's your guilty pleasure? And this can be anything, like a show, a food...
Martha Hagen (his wife): Taco Bell.
MIB: Well, I don't feel guilty about Taco Bell. That's just a pleasure. I guess that thing, where uh...where you get your balls cupped a little bit.
LF: Just the cupping, no squeezing or anything?
MIB: No no, no squeezing.
LF: No light squeeze?
MIB: Nothing else, just cupping.
LF: Career-wise, what's the biggest mistake you've made?
MIB: This...might be it.
LF: This right now, specifically?
MIB: This might be it.
LF: Probably.
LF: What's on your ipod? Or, if you don't have an ipod, your MP3 player or discman...
MIB: Well, I mean...do you want a full print-out?
LF: What's the last song you listened to on it?
MIB: It's hard to say. I have it on shuffle all the time.
LF: What's your favorite band at the moment?
MIB: My favorite band at the moment?
LF: And can I say that's what you said for the ipod question?
MIB: Honestly, you could've made up these answers yourself. I wouldn't have cared.
LF: I'm going to do that, then.
MIB: I'm listening to...I guess the last band that I really liked is Snow Patrol.
LF: Are you doing what you've always wanted, or is there something else you'd like to pursue?
MIB: I'd like to use what I'm doing now as a springboard to becoming an ice cream maker.
LF: You can buy kits that make ice cream. Machines.
MIB: I want to be an ice cream entrepreneur.
LF: Which do you prefer: acting, directing or writing?
MIB: That's also a tough question. It just depends, it depends on how I'm feeling on any given day. I like puppeteering, because then you get to be a little bit of everything. And with the puppet you act, but you also direct and you can also write. It's the best of both worlds. That's why most of my free time is spent volunteering down at the hospital, doing puppeteering.
LF: How did your experience with "The State" on MTV affect your view of working in television?
MIB: Well, it definitely made me think that it would be fun to continue doing it, particularly if somebody would pay me more than they did at MTV. And, as it happens, that has been the case. It continues to be fun and they're paying me more than they used to.
LF: Do you think Comedy Central filled "Stella's" time slot with "Mind of Mencia" because, obviously he's willing to take risks with his comedy that, frankly, you guys aren't?
MIB: I suspect that's the case. I think the difference between our show and "Mind of Mencia" is that people like that show.
LF: Because it's funny?
MIB: Because it's funny. Because it's apparently very, very funny.
LF: Soooo funny.
MIB: I think if Carlos Mencia had been here tonight, that room would've been packed.
LF: Yeah, well Hofstra's full of fucking idiots.
MIB: Are you going to print that? Is that off the record?
LF: The editor will probably take that out, but I'll transcribe it. I don't care if they know. They should know.
LF: Did someone choose your wardrobe for The Baxter or did you just show up to set like that? Because that was good.
MIB: Actually, the wardrobe was my main contribution to The Baxter.
LF: For real?
MIB: Yes.
LF: That was really good.
MIB: That was pretty much my only contribution, the wardrobe. Just my wardrobe, not everybody's.
HC: Okay, I think that's it. I never know how to end these things, so...thank you.
MIB: That's a good way to end it. That's kind of the classic way to end.
Michael Ian Black
(very famous)
Lisa Flores: All right, I'm going to start with some simple, quick "this or that" questions. Just say which one you like better, okay?
Michael Ian Black: Okay.
LF: High fives or low fives?
MIB: High fives.
LF: Tilden or Hayes?
MIB: Tilden or Hayes...?
LF: 1876 election candidates.
MIB: I'll go with...I'll go with Hayes. I'll go with the popular.
LF: Spit or swallow?
MIB: Spit.
LF: Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff?
MIB: ...Hilary Duff.
LF: Post-communist kleptocracy or fascist puppet state?
MIB: Kleptocracy.
LF: Pancakes or waffles?
MIB: Waffles.
LF: Bin Laden or Hussein?
MIB: ...Hussein.
LF: Raffi or Kidz Bop?
MIB: Kidz Bop.
LF: All right, now for some tougher questions. There have been rumors about Stella having a second season, and I actually checked the website and it says that you're not sure yet but that there's a petition for it. Do you want to give the website so people know to go to it?
MIB: Our website is stellacomedy.com. I don't know, is that where the petition is?
LF: Oh, you don't even know about the petition?
MIB: Well, I know there's a petition.
LF: Okay, there's a link, so people will find it.
LF: What's the writing process like for "Stella"?
MIB: We use the qwerty method.
LF: Queer...?
MIB: Querty. Q, U, E, R, T, Y. Left hand: A, S, D, F. Right hand: J, K, L, semi-colon.
LF: How do you bounce ideas off each other?
MIB: Um, the classic, 'hey, what do you think about this?' That's pretty good.
LF: Do you have to water it down for Comedy Central?
MIB: Not really. I mean, we don't...we didn't really go into the show wanting to be offensive or particularly bawdy, we just wanted to see if we could make a funny tv show.
LF: There were a lot of great guest stars on the show. Which was your favorite to work with?
MIB: There was a horse. I liked that horse.
LF: How'd you get so tan in the episode where you ran for president of the resident's board?
MIB: Good question. Makeup.
LF: Really?
MIB: That's generally how you do it.
LF: No spray tan?
MIB: No, there's special makeup that you can apply that puts on a tan. Turns out it's hard to get off. It takes a good scrubbing to get it off. But fortunately, you know, I had an intern.
LF: David [Wain]?
MIB: Yeah.
LF: If you, David Wain and Michael Showalter were in a boyband, who would be the bad boy?
MIB: Showalter would probably be the bad boy.
LF: Who would be the heartthrob?
MIB: David would be the heartthrob.
LF: So then you would be the homosexual?
MIB: Clearly.
LF: If you had to fight either David or Michael, who would it be and why?
MIB: I would fight David just 'cause I think his nuts are big enough that a well placed kick would incapacitate him.
LF: You've written and directed a movie called The Pleasure of Your Company, scheduled to be released this year?
MIB: Probably next year.
LF: Next year, okay. So tell me about the movie.
MIB: It's a romantic comedy about two strangers who meet and decide to get married.
LF: Jason Biggs?
MIB: Jason Biggs and Isla Fisher, yeah.
LF: So, what is your favorite decade? On the downlow.
MIB: If I had to pick a decade as a whole... That's tough. The seventies.
LF: When you did Wet Hot American Summer, don't you think you should've been the taker?
MIB: I mean, that was the obvious choice.
LF: Yeah, you're kind of swishy.
MIB: Yeah. But, uh... That was the obvious choice.
LF: Bradley Cooper's like...
MIB: Yeah, he's a little more buff.
LF: Yeah.
MIB: But see, you can't tell in these kinds of relationships who's the pitcher and who's the catcher, and we really wanted to make a statement.
LF: Have you ever eaten a baby?
MIB: No comment.
LF: Maybe you had an extra Guatemalan baby on your hands at some point...?
MIB: No comment.
LF: Who is Michael Ian Black the person versus Michael Ian Black the performer? Other than less funny.
MIB: I would agree with that. Michael Ian Black the person... Caring. Dedicated. Rowdy when he needs to be. Michael Ian Black the performer... Has been. Never was. Never will be. And illusionist.
LF: What's your guilty pleasure? And this can be anything, like a show, a food...
Martha Hagen (his wife): Taco Bell.
MIB: Well, I don't feel guilty about Taco Bell. That's just a pleasure. I guess that thing, where uh...where you get your balls cupped a little bit.
LF: Just the cupping, no squeezing or anything?
MIB: No no, no squeezing.
LF: No light squeeze?
MIB: Nothing else, just cupping.
LF: Career-wise, what's the biggest mistake you've made?
MIB: This...might be it.
LF: This right now, specifically?
MIB: This might be it.
LF: Probably.
LF: What's on your ipod? Or, if you don't have an ipod, your MP3 player or discman...
MIB: Well, I mean...do you want a full print-out?
LF: What's the last song you listened to on it?
MIB: It's hard to say. I have it on shuffle all the time.
LF: What's your favorite band at the moment?
MIB: My favorite band at the moment?
LF: And can I say that's what you said for the ipod question?
MIB: Honestly, you could've made up these answers yourself. I wouldn't have cared.
LF: I'm going to do that, then.
MIB: I'm listening to...I guess the last band that I really liked is Snow Patrol.
LF: Are you doing what you've always wanted, or is there something else you'd like to pursue?
MIB: I'd like to use what I'm doing now as a springboard to becoming an ice cream maker.
LF: You can buy kits that make ice cream. Machines.
MIB: I want to be an ice cream entrepreneur.
LF: Which do you prefer: acting, directing or writing?
MIB: That's also a tough question. It just depends, it depends on how I'm feeling on any given day. I like puppeteering, because then you get to be a little bit of everything. And with the puppet you act, but you also direct and you can also write. It's the best of both worlds. That's why most of my free time is spent volunteering down at the hospital, doing puppeteering.
LF: How did your experience with "The State" on MTV affect your view of working in television?
MIB: Well, it definitely made me think that it would be fun to continue doing it, particularly if somebody would pay me more than they did at MTV. And, as it happens, that has been the case. It continues to be fun and they're paying me more than they used to.
LF: Do you think Comedy Central filled "Stella's" time slot with "Mind of Mencia" because, obviously he's willing to take risks with his comedy that, frankly, you guys aren't?
MIB: I suspect that's the case. I think the difference between our show and "Mind of Mencia" is that people like that show.
LF: Because it's funny?
MIB: Because it's funny. Because it's apparently very, very funny.
LF: Soooo funny.
MIB: I think if Carlos Mencia had been here tonight, that room would've been packed.
LF: Yeah, well Hofstra's full of fucking idiots.
MIB: Are you going to print that? Is that off the record?
LF: The editor will probably take that out, but I'll transcribe it. I don't care if they know. They should know.
LF: Did someone choose your wardrobe for The Baxter or did you just show up to set like that? Because that was good.
MIB: Actually, the wardrobe was my main contribution to The Baxter.
LF: For real?
MIB: Yes.
LF: That was really good.
MIB: That was pretty much my only contribution, the wardrobe. Just my wardrobe, not everybody's.
HC: Okay, I think that's it. I never know how to end these things, so...thank you.
MIB: That's a good way to end it. That's kind of the classic way to end.