(no subject)
Dated 27 August, mid-afternoon
To save confusion with the first-person narratives, a ~ has been inserted between each tag.
The day had been long and full for me, between finishing my last batch of candles and keeping an eye on Imriel, who seemed determined to get into as much trouble as he could in the span of the time I'd planned to spend working. So it was that in the middle of the afternoon I was making my third cup of coffee, hoping desperately that it would give me some more energy. Tucking my feet up onto the first rung of a stool, I sat with my head in one hand, wondering how early was too early to go to sleep.
~
I don't run around the compound all too much, exceptin' for when I'm ready to sleep. Today though it was more than hot outside, an' I wanted to look around in the library room for some new books to read. I pulled a heavy book out, something about a wizard boy an' some pontificator's stone or summat, and decided to stop by the kitchen to try to pinch some snacks for my readin' time. There was a pretty lady sittin' in there, lookin' awful tired. I didn't wanna disturb her, but didn't wanna startle her, neither. "Howdy," I say softly, wavin' my fingers at her as I open up the 'frigerator lookin' for somethin' to drink.
~
I looked up with a startled smile for the young girl, smoothing a wayward lock of hair out of my face. "Oh, good afternoon," I said, pulling up a more genuine smile as I took another sip of my coffee. She looked Imriel's age, perhaps a little younger, and I wondered briefly if she too was here without family or parents. For her sake, I hoped not. "Is there anything I can help you find?"
~
"Lookin' for some food, ma'am," I say, after she notices me. "I'm gonna be sittin' down with a book for a little while an' just am lookin' for food an' drink." I wave the book at her before sittin' it on the counter, so I can use both hands to pull out the pitcher of juice I find. It's awful heavy, so I don't wanna be droppin' it. Someone would most likely be awful mad if I did.
~
She was awfully sweet, and I smiled with a wave of my hand at the cupboards. "If there's anything I can reach for you, just let me know," I said, watching her hold the jug with steady hands. Propping my chin back on my knuckles, I looked at her with my head to the side, then realized I hadn't introduced myself. "I'm Phedre," I said, offering my hand as she set the jug down on the counter.
~
"My name's Scout," I say, reachin' out an' takin' her hand firmly. Satisfied with the greetin', I turn back to the pitcher, grabbin' a clean glass from near the sink (those ones I can reach) to pour my juice into.
"How long've you been here, Miss Phedre?" I ask, genuinely curious. It's interestin' to find out where people are from or how long they've been stuck here.
~
"Oh, nearly nine months, a very long time," I said. "Though it does pass fairly quickly, with all the strange things that go on here. And what of you, Miss Scout?" I asked with a smile. "Have you been here very long?"
~
Nine months. That is an awfully long time. I don't think I could imagine bein' here that long. What happens when I'm s'posed to go back to school, or have a birthday, or any of that. It's strange thinkin', that it is.
"Jus' goin' on a month or so, I reckon," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. I pour myself a cup of juice, then go to return the pitcher to the 'fridge. "I've met a lot of people out here already, though, loads more interestin' people than I'd ever have found in my home." I shove the pitcher back in an' grab myself a few pieces of fruit while I'm in there, then back out of the 'fridge. "An' I've seen all sorts of interestin' things. Wolves and dogs an' goats, an' maybe even dinosaurs if'n I'm lucky." I don't usually talk about the dinosaurs to the grown-ups, as they look at me all disapprovin' like, so's it jus' sorta ... slips outta me 'afore I realise it.
~
I had heard of the giant lizards that lived in the forest; even seen bits of them that people brought back for use in the kitchen. I truly hoped the girl was not planning to go after them, just as much for her own sake as for the fact that if Imriel found out someone as young as she had ventured into the jungle, I knew there would be nothing I could do to stop him doing the same. "I'd be terrified to go out there alone," I said casually. "Those giant lizards could eat a person in a single bite."
~
"Psh," I say with a chuckle, imitatin' the noise Atticus would make whenever he thought something one of his friends said was awful silly. "I wouldn't be alone." I pop a piece of mango into my mouth an' chew on it, thinkin' on my list of Reasons Why I Should Go See The Dinosaurs. (I'd been doin' a lot of thinkin' on this list for a while now. It's a big list.)
"There's my friend Arya who wants to go see 'em. An' she's got lots of brothers and they've all got these big ol' wolves that can keep us safe." I follow up my piece of mango with a sip of juice, then go on. "An' there's always people -- grown ups, even -- in the jungle whenever I'm out there. Jus' the other day I saw a man walkin' bout, lookin' like he'd cut off the head of any giant lizard that done got too close to 'im."
~
I had heard of the giant lizards that lived in the forest; even seen bits of them that people brought back for use in the kitchen. I truly hoped the girl was not planning to go after them, just as much for her own sake as for the fact that if Imriel found out someone as young as she had ventured into the jungle, I knew there would be nothing I could do to stop him doing the same. "I'd be terrified to go out there alone," I said casually. "Those giant lizards could eat a person in a single bite."
~
I smile. "Oh, this man had a lot of swords. Like he was a regular ol' sword factory or summat." An' indeed he did. "He had more swords an' sharp things 'an hands."
I thought about my passin' the strange man in the woods the other day, an' how... well, how downright unnatural I thought he was. "I reckoned he was crazy or something close. He was up in a tree, perched there like some great big gray bird. Not too often I see grown men in a tree. Even my own brother don't wanna go climbin' in trees with me no more at home, an' he's still just a boy."
~
Her talk of many weapons sank my heart even more, as I heard the Yeshuite's words echo in my head, And his blades will shine like a star in his hands..... Oh, how my heart ached for him, and I wished fervently that I might force myself to stop wishing for what would not be, could not be.
And then her other words sunk in, and I thought my heart had stopped in my chest. Like some great big grey bird...... And in a flash I saw it, as if I saw through her eyes; Joscelin in his grey Cassiline attire, perched watchful in a tree as I'd seen him crouched in front of a fire, and I wanted to pound my chest with a fist to stop the fractious hope that sprang up in my heart. It could not be, after so very long.... how many men might wear grey attire? How many carry a sword and a knife? And was the word of this child to be counted upon when in truth the man might have been a lad of eighteen wearing dirty white and not my strong young Cassiline.... It was too much, and I ground at my eye with the heel of my hand.
"This man you saw," I asked, looking at her straight on. "What did he look like?" It was morbid curiosity, but I had to know. I could no more keep from asking than I could keep from breathing.
~
The lady looks a bit peculiar, like she's all worried or some such. "He's just a crazy man in a tree," I say with a shrug. Nonetheless, she seems very curious, so I try to remember as best I can what he looked like.
"He was tall, pale, with long hair all tied back. He looked like he'd been in the trees for a long while now, he was kinda grubby. Like when me and my brother an' Dill would be sittin' an' playin' in trees for days at a time, not even stoppin' for dinner or nothin'." I sipped on my juice slowly, tryin' to recall what else the man said.
"He was real nice when I did talk to him. Not too talkative, but nice enough. Said he was lookin' for someone, tryin' to see if he could spy someone from home or somethin'. I was kinda scared of him, with him carryin' this big ol' sword an' lookin' all frightful like he did, so I didn't stay too long to chat."
~
Oh, gods... I felt a hot stinging in my eyes, and pressed my fist to my mouth. My pulse leapt in my throat, and I fought to keep my composure. "Did he have small shields, steel, strapped here?" I asked, drawing a finger from wrist to elbow on first one arm, then the other. I heard my voice shake, and I knew almost before I saw the recognition in her eyes what the answer would be.
~
"Well, yes, Miss Phedre, he did," I say with a nod and a smile, only barely stumblin' over her unfamiliar name. "Could hardly see it under the heavy coat-thing he wore, but whenever he shifted in the tree to be lookin' down at me, well, I'm pretty sure I saw somethin' shiny at his arms."
"Have you seen the bird-man, too, then, Miss Phedre?" I was genuinely curious, that I was. Wasn't too often that anyone got all excited over a nutty man up in a tree.
~
"Yes," I said hesitantly, the nodded and said more decisively, "I knew him very well at... in the place we came from." I felt my fingers tremble on my coffee cup, and folded them together in my lap to keep them still. "In fact," I said with a slight, shaky smile, "I would say it is a fair bet the person he was looking for was me." The thought of him searching and not knowing-- what he might do until someone told him I was here-- all I could think of was the sight of him, barely silhouetted in firelight, climbing the bridge to La Dolorosa. He had nearly died for me how many times before; Elua only knew what he would do now.
~
"Hm," I say, takin a sip from the juice an' finishin' the cup. I toss the bits of mango around in my hand before poppin' another in my mouth. "Well, I'm guessin' it's a good thing that I did see you in here then. Otherwise, Mr Bird-Man might sit up in his tree forever without no one knowin' he was there."
~
My voice when I spoke was helpless to suppress the laughter in it, a manic, breathless laughter borne more of shock than mirth. "You are likely right," I said, thinking of all the vigils Joscelin had kept, and how single-minded he could be when the mood drove him; Scout hardly knew how right she was in that regard. "I... I thank you for telling me, Miss Scout," I said with another unsteady smile. "It is news I am very glad to hear."
~
"Glad I could be the bringer of good news, an' just on' first meetin' ya, too," I say with a broad grin. It's not often I find I've got somethin' in common with someone when I meet 'em for the first time, so this is good news. "If'n I see the bird-man again, I will definitely tell him that there's a Miss Phedre about that was happy to hear that he was here, even if he was sittin' up in a tree." The bird-man's a good hider, though, so goodness knows if I'll ever actually find him again.
~
"Thank you," I said softly. "Truly, I owe you many thanks." There seemed little else to say; though I was still concerned about her desire to see the giant lizards, I was fairly certain she could not walk that far on her own without coming across someone (perhaps even Joscelin) again who would keep her out of danger; not to mention the fact that I was now too stunned by her revelation to do more than sit in shock and wonder what on earth I was going to do with this news.
~
"You're welcome, Miss Phedre," I say. She looks like she wants some time to do thinkin', an' I can only wonder who this bird-man is to her. I go to the sink to wash out my empty cup of juice, then grab a few more pieces of mango to take back to the rec room with me to eat while I read. "You have a good day, now, an' thanks for the conversation."
~
"You too, Scout, it was very nice to meet you," I said, my voice clear though my head was anything but. After she'd gone I put my head in my hands and just let it all wash through me: the relief that he was here; the worry for his safety out in the jungle alone; the yearning to waste not another second in rushing to find him; the fear of what in Elua's name I was going to say to Greg, or how I was going to explain Imriel to him if he did not already know; and mostly the keen grief at the months I'd spent away from him, a feeling I'd spent so long pushing away, now all rushing back at once to hit me like a ton of rocks. It was too much, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes at the overwhelming wave of feeling cascading over me. Too worn out to keep them back, I let them fall, and sat with bitter tears dripping into my coffee until my eyes were dry.
To save confusion with the first-person narratives, a ~ has been inserted between each tag.
The day had been long and full for me, between finishing my last batch of candles and keeping an eye on Imriel, who seemed determined to get into as much trouble as he could in the span of the time I'd planned to spend working. So it was that in the middle of the afternoon I was making my third cup of coffee, hoping desperately that it would give me some more energy. Tucking my feet up onto the first rung of a stool, I sat with my head in one hand, wondering how early was too early to go to sleep.
~
I don't run around the compound all too much, exceptin' for when I'm ready to sleep. Today though it was more than hot outside, an' I wanted to look around in the library room for some new books to read. I pulled a heavy book out, something about a wizard boy an' some pontificator's stone or summat, and decided to stop by the kitchen to try to pinch some snacks for my readin' time. There was a pretty lady sittin' in there, lookin' awful tired. I didn't wanna disturb her, but didn't wanna startle her, neither. "Howdy," I say softly, wavin' my fingers at her as I open up the 'frigerator lookin' for somethin' to drink.
~
I looked up with a startled smile for the young girl, smoothing a wayward lock of hair out of my face. "Oh, good afternoon," I said, pulling up a more genuine smile as I took another sip of my coffee. She looked Imriel's age, perhaps a little younger, and I wondered briefly if she too was here without family or parents. For her sake, I hoped not. "Is there anything I can help you find?"
~
"Lookin' for some food, ma'am," I say, after she notices me. "I'm gonna be sittin' down with a book for a little while an' just am lookin' for food an' drink." I wave the book at her before sittin' it on the counter, so I can use both hands to pull out the pitcher of juice I find. It's awful heavy, so I don't wanna be droppin' it. Someone would most likely be awful mad if I did.
~
She was awfully sweet, and I smiled with a wave of my hand at the cupboards. "If there's anything I can reach for you, just let me know," I said, watching her hold the jug with steady hands. Propping my chin back on my knuckles, I looked at her with my head to the side, then realized I hadn't introduced myself. "I'm Phedre," I said, offering my hand as she set the jug down on the counter.
~
"My name's Scout," I say, reachin' out an' takin' her hand firmly. Satisfied with the greetin', I turn back to the pitcher, grabbin' a clean glass from near the sink (those ones I can reach) to pour my juice into.
"How long've you been here, Miss Phedre?" I ask, genuinely curious. It's interestin' to find out where people are from or how long they've been stuck here.
~
"Oh, nearly nine months, a very long time," I said. "Though it does pass fairly quickly, with all the strange things that go on here. And what of you, Miss Scout?" I asked with a smile. "Have you been here very long?"
~
Nine months. That is an awfully long time. I don't think I could imagine bein' here that long. What happens when I'm s'posed to go back to school, or have a birthday, or any of that. It's strange thinkin', that it is.
"Jus' goin' on a month or so, I reckon," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. I pour myself a cup of juice, then go to return the pitcher to the 'fridge. "I've met a lot of people out here already, though, loads more interestin' people than I'd ever have found in my home." I shove the pitcher back in an' grab myself a few pieces of fruit while I'm in there, then back out of the 'fridge. "An' I've seen all sorts of interestin' things. Wolves and dogs an' goats, an' maybe even dinosaurs if'n I'm lucky." I don't usually talk about the dinosaurs to the grown-ups, as they look at me all disapprovin' like, so's it jus' sorta ... slips outta me 'afore I realise it.
~
I had heard of the giant lizards that lived in the forest; even seen bits of them that people brought back for use in the kitchen. I truly hoped the girl was not planning to go after them, just as much for her own sake as for the fact that if Imriel found out someone as young as she had ventured into the jungle, I knew there would be nothing I could do to stop him doing the same. "I'd be terrified to go out there alone," I said casually. "Those giant lizards could eat a person in a single bite."
~
"Psh," I say with a chuckle, imitatin' the noise Atticus would make whenever he thought something one of his friends said was awful silly. "I wouldn't be alone." I pop a piece of mango into my mouth an' chew on it, thinkin' on my list of Reasons Why I Should Go See The Dinosaurs. (I'd been doin' a lot of thinkin' on this list for a while now. It's a big list.)
"There's my friend Arya who wants to go see 'em. An' she's got lots of brothers and they've all got these big ol' wolves that can keep us safe." I follow up my piece of mango with a sip of juice, then go on. "An' there's always people -- grown ups, even -- in the jungle whenever I'm out there. Jus' the other day I saw a man walkin' bout, lookin' like he'd cut off the head of any giant lizard that done got too close to 'im."
~
I had heard of the giant lizards that lived in the forest; even seen bits of them that people brought back for use in the kitchen. I truly hoped the girl was not planning to go after them, just as much for her own sake as for the fact that if Imriel found out someone as young as she had ventured into the jungle, I knew there would be nothing I could do to stop him doing the same. "I'd be terrified to go out there alone," I said casually. "Those giant lizards could eat a person in a single bite."
~
I smile. "Oh, this man had a lot of swords. Like he was a regular ol' sword factory or summat." An' indeed he did. "He had more swords an' sharp things 'an hands."
I thought about my passin' the strange man in the woods the other day, an' how... well, how downright unnatural I thought he was. "I reckoned he was crazy or something close. He was up in a tree, perched there like some great big gray bird. Not too often I see grown men in a tree. Even my own brother don't wanna go climbin' in trees with me no more at home, an' he's still just a boy."
~
Her talk of many weapons sank my heart even more, as I heard the Yeshuite's words echo in my head, And his blades will shine like a star in his hands..... Oh, how my heart ached for him, and I wished fervently that I might force myself to stop wishing for what would not be, could not be.
And then her other words sunk in, and I thought my heart had stopped in my chest. Like some great big grey bird...... And in a flash I saw it, as if I saw through her eyes; Joscelin in his grey Cassiline attire, perched watchful in a tree as I'd seen him crouched in front of a fire, and I wanted to pound my chest with a fist to stop the fractious hope that sprang up in my heart. It could not be, after so very long.... how many men might wear grey attire? How many carry a sword and a knife? And was the word of this child to be counted upon when in truth the man might have been a lad of eighteen wearing dirty white and not my strong young Cassiline.... It was too much, and I ground at my eye with the heel of my hand.
"This man you saw," I asked, looking at her straight on. "What did he look like?" It was morbid curiosity, but I had to know. I could no more keep from asking than I could keep from breathing.
~
The lady looks a bit peculiar, like she's all worried or some such. "He's just a crazy man in a tree," I say with a shrug. Nonetheless, she seems very curious, so I try to remember as best I can what he looked like.
"He was tall, pale, with long hair all tied back. He looked like he'd been in the trees for a long while now, he was kinda grubby. Like when me and my brother an' Dill would be sittin' an' playin' in trees for days at a time, not even stoppin' for dinner or nothin'." I sipped on my juice slowly, tryin' to recall what else the man said.
"He was real nice when I did talk to him. Not too talkative, but nice enough. Said he was lookin' for someone, tryin' to see if he could spy someone from home or somethin'. I was kinda scared of him, with him carryin' this big ol' sword an' lookin' all frightful like he did, so I didn't stay too long to chat."
~
Oh, gods... I felt a hot stinging in my eyes, and pressed my fist to my mouth. My pulse leapt in my throat, and I fought to keep my composure. "Did he have small shields, steel, strapped here?" I asked, drawing a finger from wrist to elbow on first one arm, then the other. I heard my voice shake, and I knew almost before I saw the recognition in her eyes what the answer would be.
~
"Well, yes, Miss Phedre, he did," I say with a nod and a smile, only barely stumblin' over her unfamiliar name. "Could hardly see it under the heavy coat-thing he wore, but whenever he shifted in the tree to be lookin' down at me, well, I'm pretty sure I saw somethin' shiny at his arms."
"Have you seen the bird-man, too, then, Miss Phedre?" I was genuinely curious, that I was. Wasn't too often that anyone got all excited over a nutty man up in a tree.
~
"Yes," I said hesitantly, the nodded and said more decisively, "I knew him very well at... in the place we came from." I felt my fingers tremble on my coffee cup, and folded them together in my lap to keep them still. "In fact," I said with a slight, shaky smile, "I would say it is a fair bet the person he was looking for was me." The thought of him searching and not knowing-- what he might do until someone told him I was here-- all I could think of was the sight of him, barely silhouetted in firelight, climbing the bridge to La Dolorosa. He had nearly died for me how many times before; Elua only knew what he would do now.
~
"Hm," I say, takin a sip from the juice an' finishin' the cup. I toss the bits of mango around in my hand before poppin' another in my mouth. "Well, I'm guessin' it's a good thing that I did see you in here then. Otherwise, Mr Bird-Man might sit up in his tree forever without no one knowin' he was there."
~
My voice when I spoke was helpless to suppress the laughter in it, a manic, breathless laughter borne more of shock than mirth. "You are likely right," I said, thinking of all the vigils Joscelin had kept, and how single-minded he could be when the mood drove him; Scout hardly knew how right she was in that regard. "I... I thank you for telling me, Miss Scout," I said with another unsteady smile. "It is news I am very glad to hear."
~
"Glad I could be the bringer of good news, an' just on' first meetin' ya, too," I say with a broad grin. It's not often I find I've got somethin' in common with someone when I meet 'em for the first time, so this is good news. "If'n I see the bird-man again, I will definitely tell him that there's a Miss Phedre about that was happy to hear that he was here, even if he was sittin' up in a tree." The bird-man's a good hider, though, so goodness knows if I'll ever actually find him again.
~
"Thank you," I said softly. "Truly, I owe you many thanks." There seemed little else to say; though I was still concerned about her desire to see the giant lizards, I was fairly certain she could not walk that far on her own without coming across someone (perhaps even Joscelin) again who would keep her out of danger; not to mention the fact that I was now too stunned by her revelation to do more than sit in shock and wonder what on earth I was going to do with this news.
~
"You're welcome, Miss Phedre," I say. She looks like she wants some time to do thinkin', an' I can only wonder who this bird-man is to her. I go to the sink to wash out my empty cup of juice, then grab a few more pieces of mango to take back to the rec room with me to eat while I read. "You have a good day, now, an' thanks for the conversation."
~
"You too, Scout, it was very nice to meet you," I said, my voice clear though my head was anything but. After she'd gone I put my head in my hands and just let it all wash through me: the relief that he was here; the worry for his safety out in the jungle alone; the yearning to waste not another second in rushing to find him; the fear of what in Elua's name I was going to say to Greg, or how I was going to explain Imriel to him if he did not already know; and mostly the keen grief at the months I'd spent away from him, a feeling I'd spent so long pushing away, now all rushing back at once to hit me like a ton of rocks. It was too much, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes at the overwhelming wave of feeling cascading over me. Too worn out to keep them back, I let them fall, and sat with bitter tears dripping into my coffee until my eyes were dry.