FIC: Decisions
Set after the end of Season 3 episode 5 so SPOILERS for everything before that.
TITLE: Decisions
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS: Elsie Hughes
Elsie lay in bed that night trying to ignore the ache in her chest. The darkness was unnaturally quiet and she could almost hear the rest of the household staring at their own ceilings waiting for the nightmare to end or for it all suddenly to make sense, however futilely. Rolling over onto her side, she pulled her blankets with her only to freeze as a sharp pain broke through the familiar discomfort. Breathing through it, she slipped her hand between the sheet and her breast, cradling it’s weight and trying not to think of the growing lump it contained. It had all seemed so simple at the time, allowing Beryl to make the wrong assumption based upon a cheery smile and the inclination of her head. Any doubts she’d had were eradicated after she’d seen the difference in Mr Carson and though Dr Clarkson, who had seemed to read her mind, had made it quite plain that she would not be able to hide it for long, she had still relished the relief the butler showed.
It had seemed ideal when it became apparent that Lady Sybil’s child was to be born at Downton, the perfect distraction. She would simply offer her resignation, hope that her mistress would allow her to go immediately, without further explanation and that she would be able to slip away when the attention of the household was elsewhere. Grief didn’t distract the same way that joy did though and today had been an exercise in propping up weeping housemaids and insuring that the essentials of the day’s routine were done to at least a minimum standard. She knew that things would return to normal on the surface but it would take time and Elsie was uncertain whether even below the stairs, some of them would ever be the same. There had been a different quality to Mr Carson’s silence today, a haunted look in his eyes that tore at her heart like no other. No, she wasn’t going to be able to slip away into the night the way she had first intended.
When the ache grew too fierce, she carefully manoeuvred over onto her other side, using her hand to gently support her breast as she shifted. As she let go however, the pull on it was enough to cause her to bite her lip to temper the urge to cry out. She supposed she was lucky that being bound by her corset during the day seemed to help control the discomfort but these lonely hours of the night seemed to be becoming longer. The doctor had provided her with something to help with the pain, seemingly the only thing he could do, but she was loath to take it as it left her groggy and out of sorts come morning. It was only a question of time before even that was better than this however, she had just hoped that she would have been able to remove herself from the house before it came to that.
Years of experience meant that Elsie was anything but naïve about the ease with which she could be replaced; there was a plethora of housekeepers these days and no doubt Mr Carson would be able to knock one of them into shape. Maybe it would give him something to focus on, help him get through this tough time, heaven knew watching her fade away wouldn’t do it. So full circle it was again, she couldn’t stay. When Her Ladyship had taken the time to reassure her, Elsie had been genuinely surprised and deeply touched but she couldn‘t bare the thought of accepting their help. All she could see was the looks on their faces when they didn’t even know yet, she was better than most at putting up a front but she didn’t think that she could bare an orchestrated death, scheduled into the life of the house. No she would go away, she would give it another couple of weeks for things to settle and hopefully by then she would have heard back from her sister. She could hear footsteps now on the other side of the corridor and she could make an educated guess as to whom they belonged to but just when it tugged on her conscience that she should get up and go see if there was anything she could do, an intense wave of weariness descended on her, Charles Carson could look after himself tonight and she didn’t need to make any decisions just yet. Offering up one last prayer for Lady Sybil, her husband and child Elsie Hughes burrowed under her blankets and allowed herself to slip into sleep.
PS - Just a little snippet :) Do let me know what you think!
TITLE: Decisions
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS: Elsie Hughes
Elsie lay in bed that night trying to ignore the ache in her chest. The darkness was unnaturally quiet and she could almost hear the rest of the household staring at their own ceilings waiting for the nightmare to end or for it all suddenly to make sense, however futilely. Rolling over onto her side, she pulled her blankets with her only to freeze as a sharp pain broke through the familiar discomfort. Breathing through it, she slipped her hand between the sheet and her breast, cradling it’s weight and trying not to think of the growing lump it contained. It had all seemed so simple at the time, allowing Beryl to make the wrong assumption based upon a cheery smile and the inclination of her head. Any doubts she’d had were eradicated after she’d seen the difference in Mr Carson and though Dr Clarkson, who had seemed to read her mind, had made it quite plain that she would not be able to hide it for long, she had still relished the relief the butler showed.
It had seemed ideal when it became apparent that Lady Sybil’s child was to be born at Downton, the perfect distraction. She would simply offer her resignation, hope that her mistress would allow her to go immediately, without further explanation and that she would be able to slip away when the attention of the household was elsewhere. Grief didn’t distract the same way that joy did though and today had been an exercise in propping up weeping housemaids and insuring that the essentials of the day’s routine were done to at least a minimum standard. She knew that things would return to normal on the surface but it would take time and Elsie was uncertain whether even below the stairs, some of them would ever be the same. There had been a different quality to Mr Carson’s silence today, a haunted look in his eyes that tore at her heart like no other. No, she wasn’t going to be able to slip away into the night the way she had first intended.
When the ache grew too fierce, she carefully manoeuvred over onto her other side, using her hand to gently support her breast as she shifted. As she let go however, the pull on it was enough to cause her to bite her lip to temper the urge to cry out. She supposed she was lucky that being bound by her corset during the day seemed to help control the discomfort but these lonely hours of the night seemed to be becoming longer. The doctor had provided her with something to help with the pain, seemingly the only thing he could do, but she was loath to take it as it left her groggy and out of sorts come morning. It was only a question of time before even that was better than this however, she had just hoped that she would have been able to remove herself from the house before it came to that.
Years of experience meant that Elsie was anything but naïve about the ease with which she could be replaced; there was a plethora of housekeepers these days and no doubt Mr Carson would be able to knock one of them into shape. Maybe it would give him something to focus on, help him get through this tough time, heaven knew watching her fade away wouldn’t do it. So full circle it was again, she couldn’t stay. When Her Ladyship had taken the time to reassure her, Elsie had been genuinely surprised and deeply touched but she couldn‘t bare the thought of accepting their help. All she could see was the looks on their faces when they didn’t even know yet, she was better than most at putting up a front but she didn’t think that she could bare an orchestrated death, scheduled into the life of the house. No she would go away, she would give it another couple of weeks for things to settle and hopefully by then she would have heard back from her sister. She could hear footsteps now on the other side of the corridor and she could make an educated guess as to whom they belonged to but just when it tugged on her conscience that she should get up and go see if there was anything she could do, an intense wave of weariness descended on her, Charles Carson could look after himself tonight and she didn’t need to make any decisions just yet. Offering up one last prayer for Lady Sybil, her husband and child Elsie Hughes burrowed under her blankets and allowed herself to slip into sleep.
PS - Just a little snippet :) Do let me know what you think!