catching all the lights
catching all the lights
yunho/changmin
pg
dance dance dance.
this seems more middle-aged than i had intended *_*.
---
To become what you want to be, you simply have to be.
Changmin has awkward limbs and an even more awkward time trying to put them in the right places. He's good at math and english and decent at science and he's not bad at gym, either. He's tall and fairly goodlooking in that awkward way and there are enough girls who send him chocolates on valentine's day with their pink frilly letters that stink up his locker for days with their girly scents.
But what he really wants is to dance. There are always shows on tv about the next hottest dance competition and when he sees those people getting on stage and dancing their hearts out in a way that make them seem boneless, he wants that. He wants the passion and the thrill and the final moment of elation when all of that strenuous hard work pays off. It's one thing to be at the top of the class every year but it's another to actually live his life and be proud of his accomplishments.
Grass is always greener on the other side and he thinks it's fine if it is. What's so bad about striving for something you don't already have?
He sneakily signs up for dance lessons in his last year of high school. He's got more than enough credits to graduate, all of his teachers love him, he knows what buttons to press and what words to say to get extensions just in case he needs one. No essay has ever been handed in late, no project has ever been incomplete, and he's never earned anything but awed disdain from his fellow classmates and unending praise from his teachers.
Every Tuesday and Thursday night, changmin takes the train out to a big, unremarkable building that looks too rundown to be operational. on the very top floor, there is a nicely decorated dance studio owned by a dance school on the verge of going under.
Changmin suspects he may be the last student. He's certainly the only student present. Eyes drifting from wall to wall and shoes making dull clacks against the hardwood floor, Changmin wanders inside until he's standing right in the middle of the room, the center of attention to an audience of one.
"So you're your little sister, huh?"
Changmin jumps guiltily and spins around to face a guy his age, maybe a bit older. "It was the only way I could sign up for the classes without my parents thinking something weird was going on."
"Lesson one," Yunho says, not without extreme amusement, "if you want to dance, don't be ashamed of it. How well can you express yourself if all you do is hide?"
Changmin licks his lips and walks closer, staring stupidly at Yunho's outstretched hand before taking it. "I'm Changmin."
"Yunho. Ready?"
No, he's not ready, but what can he do? Music starts playing from nowhere and Changmin gets pulled into a tight and very intimate position, his face flaming as Yunho steadily stares into his eyes, the ghost of a breath making its way across his lips. He licks them again just as Yunho dips him and twirls him around, making his body do all sorts of things before Changmin trips over his own feet and they land in a heap on the floor.
Yunho doesn't seem to be making any effort to get up. "I think I'd like you for a dance partner," he mumbles less than two inches away from Changmin's face.
"But I don't know how to dance," Changmin breathes, eyes wide and very bewildered.
"Lesson two, what do you think you're paying me for?"
Changmin doesn't realize that in the coming months, Yunho will tell him more and more and more and teach him enough that the lessons spill out into real life. He doesn't know that lesson 54 will be about how to kiss in a playground slide before letting Yunho's hands drift far enough that lesson 55 ("I'd like to date you." "I'd like to date me too, but I'll settle for you.") comes the same night. Lesson 132 is something he learns all on his own, that whether girl or boy, feelings are feelings and he has to apologize for being a douche to his boyfriend. Lesson 140 revolves around how to lift his hips just so- and- ahhhh.
When he goes off to college and only sees Yunho once a month, it's inevitable that they grow distant. It's a good first love, one that he can be proud of, one that he is proud of deep down where it matters. For a while, he forgets, and he forgets the lessons, forgets the dancing, forgets yunho.
Lesson 192: first love is forever, even if you forget.
Lesson 193: romantics suffer the most the second time. They want to avoid heartbreak and pain and loneliness so much that in their desperation for the warmth and passion and stability of love, they leave themselves wide open for hurt.
Changmin sees Yunho for the first time in nearly a decade in a commercial on tv. Yunho didn't make it big or get super famous but he is doing those commercials for the dance shows Changmin always used to see on tv and are apparently still running. He doesn't go to the auditions in order to live a dream; he's a low-level nobody at the responsible age of closer-to-30-than-ever and he's not young enough for those pipe dreams anymore.
Yunho isn't at the auditions so Changmin leaves after searching the building. He knows it's stupid and pointless but he does it anyway.
On his way home, Changmin steps off his train on a whim and takes one in the opposite direction. Unfamiliar scenery watches him head to an old building, still as dilapidated as before, the top floor lit so brightly that it makes Changmin hope again.
"Hey," Yunho says, looking at Changmin in surprise.
Changmin can't even bring himself to speak. There are a few pre-teens sitting in front of Yunho in a row, all of them outfitted in stretchy fabric and wearing worn sneakers.
"I thought this place would go under." Changmin reaches up and slaps himself across the mouth. "I didn't want that to be the first thing I said to you in a decade. I'm so nervous right now I can't stop talking."
"Mister Yunho..." a young girl says quietly, "he's too big for this class."
Yunho looks at Changmin, not without extreme amusement. "Everyone, practice your twirls. I'll be right back."
Lesson 196: keep your eye on the dance.
Changmin doesn't bother fighting it when Yunho pulls him into an empty room and kisses him so deeply that Changmin's knees buckle toward each other. He doesn't care that Yunho's fingers are pulling at his hair so hard that it hurts, he loves that he feels alive right now, he wishes he hadn't left this place and forgotten all the things that Yunho used to tell him at night when Changmin called his parents to say he was at a friend's place to sleep over when all he was doing was lying on coarse mats Yunho would spread out on the dance floor for them to sleep on. There was no trauma in their separation, no bad feelings harbored, no immediate regrets that came to mind.
But he wishes he were 20 again, and he wishes he were young enough to abandon everything, and he wishes he could come back to a place he thought he was trapped in but now realizes is the most freedom he ever felt.
He has to relearn lesson 140 completely. By the time Yunho runs out of the room with his shirt barely on and pants backwards to check on the kids, they've all packed to go home. Changmin stays on his back on the dance floor, right in the center, his face warm from the bright lights that make this place shine.
"I never learned how to dance," Changmin says, quiet as Yunho comes back to the room. He lets himself be scooped up and kissed, his fingers going to yunho's nape and shoulders, falling to grip at firm upper arms. "Are you disappointed?"
"I'm never disappointed when an old student comes to visit me. I'm getting old, Changmin. I rely on my memories these days to get me by."
"Smartass," Changmin snaps back, not unkind, tracing Yunho's scar with his index finger. "Why did I leave again?"
"Lesson 197: you had things you were looking for, and that always matters most." Yunho offers Changmin a smile that's a bit too sad for Changmin's liking. "I hope you found them."
"Why didn't you try to stop me from leaving?"
"It wasn't up to me to keep you from going where you wanted to go."
That may be so, but... "I still wish you had."
"Didn't find what you were looking for?"
Lesson 198: keep your heart on inspiration.
Changmin smiles at Yunho, tears rising to his eyes to make them shine. "You know what?" he asks softly, "for once, the grass was already greener on my side."
Lesson 199: you can't dance forever. One of these days, your bones will grow weary, your joints will hurt, your feet will trip where they used to glide. There will be other dancers, younger, brighter, more enthusiastic, willing to make the same mistakes and all you can do is watch them fail and hope they learn.
But Changmin's content to sway with Yunho in their cramped little kitchen, hip to hip and chest to chest, foreheads pressed together as they share a smile only the two of them understand. The trains that pass and rumble the apartment every 13 minutes go unheeded, the hour commute to and from work are spent thinking about dinner and what movie they should see on the weekend, and life doesn't really change. Changmin still has his moaning and groaning to do about life and he still can't get Yunho to be less messy to clean their already tiny apartment up a little. They don't live in extravagance and Yunho's been saving up for years just to buy Changmin a car.
Lesson 200: happiness is a process. If you want to achieve happiness, be happy.
Sometimes, they'll dance by themselves in their living room, candles burned low and all the lights off. They'll be perfectly in sync, no flashy moves or awe-inducing tricks, just slow, steady movements both of them are familiar with.
Changmin owes Yunho a lifetime for all the lessons. But that, he's more than willing to pay.
---
:x sorry if this seems so random/rushed/underdeveloped. i literally just typed it out in an lj post to try and get rid of my asldfkjwlfj writer's block. =_=;;
yunho/changmin
pg
dance dance dance.
this seems more middle-aged than i had intended *_*.
---
To become what you want to be, you simply have to be.
Changmin has awkward limbs and an even more awkward time trying to put them in the right places. He's good at math and english and decent at science and he's not bad at gym, either. He's tall and fairly goodlooking in that awkward way and there are enough girls who send him chocolates on valentine's day with their pink frilly letters that stink up his locker for days with their girly scents.
But what he really wants is to dance. There are always shows on tv about the next hottest dance competition and when he sees those people getting on stage and dancing their hearts out in a way that make them seem boneless, he wants that. He wants the passion and the thrill and the final moment of elation when all of that strenuous hard work pays off. It's one thing to be at the top of the class every year but it's another to actually live his life and be proud of his accomplishments.
Grass is always greener on the other side and he thinks it's fine if it is. What's so bad about striving for something you don't already have?
He sneakily signs up for dance lessons in his last year of high school. He's got more than enough credits to graduate, all of his teachers love him, he knows what buttons to press and what words to say to get extensions just in case he needs one. No essay has ever been handed in late, no project has ever been incomplete, and he's never earned anything but awed disdain from his fellow classmates and unending praise from his teachers.
Every Tuesday and Thursday night, changmin takes the train out to a big, unremarkable building that looks too rundown to be operational. on the very top floor, there is a nicely decorated dance studio owned by a dance school on the verge of going under.
Changmin suspects he may be the last student. He's certainly the only student present. Eyes drifting from wall to wall and shoes making dull clacks against the hardwood floor, Changmin wanders inside until he's standing right in the middle of the room, the center of attention to an audience of one.
"So you're your little sister, huh?"
Changmin jumps guiltily and spins around to face a guy his age, maybe a bit older. "It was the only way I could sign up for the classes without my parents thinking something weird was going on."
"Lesson one," Yunho says, not without extreme amusement, "if you want to dance, don't be ashamed of it. How well can you express yourself if all you do is hide?"
Changmin licks his lips and walks closer, staring stupidly at Yunho's outstretched hand before taking it. "I'm Changmin."
"Yunho. Ready?"
No, he's not ready, but what can he do? Music starts playing from nowhere and Changmin gets pulled into a tight and very intimate position, his face flaming as Yunho steadily stares into his eyes, the ghost of a breath making its way across his lips. He licks them again just as Yunho dips him and twirls him around, making his body do all sorts of things before Changmin trips over his own feet and they land in a heap on the floor.
Yunho doesn't seem to be making any effort to get up. "I think I'd like you for a dance partner," he mumbles less than two inches away from Changmin's face.
"But I don't know how to dance," Changmin breathes, eyes wide and very bewildered.
"Lesson two, what do you think you're paying me for?"
Changmin doesn't realize that in the coming months, Yunho will tell him more and more and more and teach him enough that the lessons spill out into real life. He doesn't know that lesson 54 will be about how to kiss in a playground slide before letting Yunho's hands drift far enough that lesson 55 ("I'd like to date you." "I'd like to date me too, but I'll settle for you.") comes the same night. Lesson 132 is something he learns all on his own, that whether girl or boy, feelings are feelings and he has to apologize for being a douche to his boyfriend. Lesson 140 revolves around how to lift his hips just so- and- ahhhh.
When he goes off to college and only sees Yunho once a month, it's inevitable that they grow distant. It's a good first love, one that he can be proud of, one that he is proud of deep down where it matters. For a while, he forgets, and he forgets the lessons, forgets the dancing, forgets yunho.
Lesson 192: first love is forever, even if you forget.
Lesson 193: romantics suffer the most the second time. They want to avoid heartbreak and pain and loneliness so much that in their desperation for the warmth and passion and stability of love, they leave themselves wide open for hurt.
Changmin sees Yunho for the first time in nearly a decade in a commercial on tv. Yunho didn't make it big or get super famous but he is doing those commercials for the dance shows Changmin always used to see on tv and are apparently still running. He doesn't go to the auditions in order to live a dream; he's a low-level nobody at the responsible age of closer-to-30-than-ever and he's not young enough for those pipe dreams anymore.
Yunho isn't at the auditions so Changmin leaves after searching the building. He knows it's stupid and pointless but he does it anyway.
On his way home, Changmin steps off his train on a whim and takes one in the opposite direction. Unfamiliar scenery watches him head to an old building, still as dilapidated as before, the top floor lit so brightly that it makes Changmin hope again.
"Hey," Yunho says, looking at Changmin in surprise.
Changmin can't even bring himself to speak. There are a few pre-teens sitting in front of Yunho in a row, all of them outfitted in stretchy fabric and wearing worn sneakers.
"I thought this place would go under." Changmin reaches up and slaps himself across the mouth. "I didn't want that to be the first thing I said to you in a decade. I'm so nervous right now I can't stop talking."
"Mister Yunho..." a young girl says quietly, "he's too big for this class."
Yunho looks at Changmin, not without extreme amusement. "Everyone, practice your twirls. I'll be right back."
Lesson 196: keep your eye on the dance.
Changmin doesn't bother fighting it when Yunho pulls him into an empty room and kisses him so deeply that Changmin's knees buckle toward each other. He doesn't care that Yunho's fingers are pulling at his hair so hard that it hurts, he loves that he feels alive right now, he wishes he hadn't left this place and forgotten all the things that Yunho used to tell him at night when Changmin called his parents to say he was at a friend's place to sleep over when all he was doing was lying on coarse mats Yunho would spread out on the dance floor for them to sleep on. There was no trauma in their separation, no bad feelings harbored, no immediate regrets that came to mind.
But he wishes he were 20 again, and he wishes he were young enough to abandon everything, and he wishes he could come back to a place he thought he was trapped in but now realizes is the most freedom he ever felt.
He has to relearn lesson 140 completely. By the time Yunho runs out of the room with his shirt barely on and pants backwards to check on the kids, they've all packed to go home. Changmin stays on his back on the dance floor, right in the center, his face warm from the bright lights that make this place shine.
"I never learned how to dance," Changmin says, quiet as Yunho comes back to the room. He lets himself be scooped up and kissed, his fingers going to yunho's nape and shoulders, falling to grip at firm upper arms. "Are you disappointed?"
"I'm never disappointed when an old student comes to visit me. I'm getting old, Changmin. I rely on my memories these days to get me by."
"Smartass," Changmin snaps back, not unkind, tracing Yunho's scar with his index finger. "Why did I leave again?"
"Lesson 197: you had things you were looking for, and that always matters most." Yunho offers Changmin a smile that's a bit too sad for Changmin's liking. "I hope you found them."
"Why didn't you try to stop me from leaving?"
"It wasn't up to me to keep you from going where you wanted to go."
That may be so, but... "I still wish you had."
"Didn't find what you were looking for?"
Lesson 198: keep your heart on inspiration.
Changmin smiles at Yunho, tears rising to his eyes to make them shine. "You know what?" he asks softly, "for once, the grass was already greener on my side."
Lesson 199: you can't dance forever. One of these days, your bones will grow weary, your joints will hurt, your feet will trip where they used to glide. There will be other dancers, younger, brighter, more enthusiastic, willing to make the same mistakes and all you can do is watch them fail and hope they learn.
But Changmin's content to sway with Yunho in their cramped little kitchen, hip to hip and chest to chest, foreheads pressed together as they share a smile only the two of them understand. The trains that pass and rumble the apartment every 13 minutes go unheeded, the hour commute to and from work are spent thinking about dinner and what movie they should see on the weekend, and life doesn't really change. Changmin still has his moaning and groaning to do about life and he still can't get Yunho to be less messy to clean their already tiny apartment up a little. They don't live in extravagance and Yunho's been saving up for years just to buy Changmin a car.
Lesson 200: happiness is a process. If you want to achieve happiness, be happy.
Sometimes, they'll dance by themselves in their living room, candles burned low and all the lights off. They'll be perfectly in sync, no flashy moves or awe-inducing tricks, just slow, steady movements both of them are familiar with.
Changmin owes Yunho a lifetime for all the lessons. But that, he's more than willing to pay.
---
:x sorry if this seems so random/rushed/underdeveloped. i literally just typed it out in an lj post to try and get rid of my asldfkjwlfj writer's block. =_=;;