my favorite love story is ours
my favorite love story is ours
suho/kai
pg-13
junmyeon is slated for a short stint on MBC's We Got Married and jongin has a lot of thinking to do about his virtually wed and favorite hyung.
---
“Hyunnng!” Sehun whines, at the frazzled ends of his patience, “can we please go home now? I’m sure Jonginnie doesn’t need another snapback anyway!”
Junmyeon sighs at the magnae’s plea but he doesn’t put down either of the caps in his hands. One is cooler but the other has a better color scheme. “I just want to make sure he likes it, Sehun-ah,” he explains earnestly.
They were on their way back from a snack run when Junmyeon saw some snapbacks in a window display and suddenly grew glue on the bottoms of his shoes. Of course not for himself. Of course for Jongin.
It’s not Jongin’s birthday. There’s no imminent gift-giving holiday looming. Jongin didn’t do anything spectacularly praiseworthy to warrant any sort of gift either, especially one this expensive, if the price tags hanging off of both hats are any indication. Sehun sucks on his bubble tea, rolling his eyes. Junmyeon has zero chill when it comes to Jongin. He may spoil Sehun most (hence the bubble tea and bag of snacks in his hands, courtesy of Kim Junmyeon’s wallet), but it’s Jongin who sits on the throne of Junmyeon’s heart, too settled for too many years for Junmyeon to even realize how biased he is sometimes.
“I think he’ll like the one with the blue on it more,” Sehun says eventually, working hard to keep his exasperation at bay. Junmyeon looks at him and the cap and at him again before nodding, happy once more, thanking Sehun for the advice before going off to pay for it.
What a silly hyung, Sehun thinks, flicking the abandoned snapback as he walks past. It really wouldn’t have mattered which one Junmyeon had picked. He’d like anything if it was from you. Because it’s you.
---
In the middle of setting the table for dinner, as they’re getting work updates: “--and Jongin, no more carbs for the next three days before the shoot, so go crazy with all the chicken you want.”
“Got it, hyung.”
“Junmyeon-ah, good news, everything worked out okay with scheduling, so you’re going to be on a 10-episode special for We Got Married after all. We’ll have a meeting about it Friday but first filming should be in a month or so.”
“Y-yes hyung, thanks.”
In the middle of dinner: As soon as their manager-hyung leaves, Chanyeol and Baekhyun can’t stop asking Junmyeon questions even though Junmyeon literally has no more information about his virtual bride than they do. Jongdae is grinning from ear to ear, really happy that Junmyeon has something so fun to take part in, hopeful that he’ll get invited to their on-screen wedding to sing them something sweet.
Sehun doesn’t say much of anything--he’s too busy looking between Junmyeon’s embarrassed smile and how hard Jongin’s staring at it.
After dinner: Jongin and Junmyeon sit together on the couch in front of the TV, some mindless love story unfolding in spades of drama and tears. Junmyeon isn’t paying attention to it, mind obviously somewhere far away. Jongin can see it on his face.
He struggles for something to say, wanting to ask how Junmyeon feels, but unsure if he actually wants to hear the answer. Having independent activities is a great thing, Jongin is happy for him, but the fact that it’s We Got Married is making something knot uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. It’s a fun show and sometimes it’s nothing more than fun that two individuals can have together. He was there for all of Taemin’s ridiculous shenanigans and it was cute to see all the harmless flirting being broadcasted each week.
But a lot of the times, feelings get messy, because feelings are messy things. And Junmyeon invests, that’s what makes him such a great leader and hyung and friend in the first place, and lord knows Jongin knows best how easy it is to love him. He doesn’t have an objective point of view on this, he’s been in too deep from the start. He lives firsthand how much warmth Junmyeon’s smile can fill a person up with, and it makes him really uneasy to think of a beautiful stranger being on the receiving end of it.
Jongin takes a cautious look around, silently grateful that Sehun’s corralled the other members away from them. He wanted privacy with Junmyeon for a bit, even if he didn’t say it out loud.
“Do you think it’ll go well?” Junmyeon asks, so sudden that it makes Jongin startle.
He looks at Junmyeon carefully, not bothering to pretend to not know what Junmyeon’s talking about. “I mean, it’ll be fun,” Jongin says, picking nervously at the hem of his shirt, “who knows, maybe you guys will really get along and you can date for real after.”
Awesome. Jongin closes his eyes and sighs. Be passive aggressive, that always works well.
Junmyeon turns to him now, a slight crease between his brows. “You think everyone would be okay with that?” But the question isn’t about everyone, it’s about Jongin, because Junmyeon’s been sweet on him since he first took Jongin out for dinner before all the lights and fame, and there’s no way that Jongin doesn’t know that. Not after all this time.
Plus, there was that time, maybe a handful of months after debut when a lot of their relationships were still shaky, when Junmyeon and Jongin had been the last ones awake in the apartment. They’d had a group pow-wow about image and going forward and working together and it had been a lot more constructive and less cheesy than it sounds when describing it out loud. Everyone else had gone to bed. Jongin had stayed with him in the living room, just sitting on the floor and leaned up against him like so many late nights after dance practice, and he was playing with Junmyeon’s fingers in total silence, and Junmyeon had been so overwhelmed with affection that kissing Jongin on the cheek was the only thing he could think of.
Except, he didn’t exactly aim that dead center on the cheek, and Jongin hadn’t been not expecting it, considering he turned toward Junmyeon just so. Junmyeon hadn’t thought it strange that he’d caught Jongin on the corner of the mouth, right where a smile starts, or that Jongin hadn’t done anything but look up at him through his eyelashes, definingly shy, and sit there with him until dawn.
So that was that, many years ago. But there’s also an entire reel of moments between then and now, a random spray of bullets in Junmyeon’s fondest memories, all starring Jongin.
“Do you really think people would be okay with me dating?” He asks, quiet and uncertain. He has an answer that he wants to hear and he’s looking at Jongin like Jongin will give it to him, but that’s what hope is, isn’t it?
Jongin shifts in his seat, increasingly uncomfortable. He’s still sitting too close to Junmyeon for it to be for any good reason but it’s not the kind of close he really wants. “I think it’d be good if you’re happy, hyung,” he mumbles, staring at Junmyeon’s shoulder instead of his face, “it’s been a while since you’ve dated, right?”
Because Junmyeon sometimes lacing their fingers together under the covers when they watch movies together on his bed isn’t dating.
Because Junmyeon sometimes linking arms with him when they walk to and from work events isn’t dating.
Because Junmyeon sometimes ending late night phone calls with a quick “love you” (pw: exolsubs) that rattles around in Jongin’s brain for hours isn’t dating.
Because Jongin being in love with him isn’t dating, no matter how much he wishes it was.
Junmyeon sucks in a shallow breath, turning his face away to hide any disappointment that might show through. Jongin, as he tends to be, is right. But still...ouch. Whatever pseudo-relationship they’ve been circling each other playing at these last few years, Junmyeon clearly got things a little too excited in his own head. It was just a foolish hope that it meant something more than silly friendship every time Jongin sought out his hand to hold.
No, that isn’t fair to Jongin. It’s not like Junmyeon doesn’t know how to read him--he does, and that’s why this is so much worse. It would be easier if it was just friendship on Jongin’s face every time they were alone.
They got the talk enough times from management and seniors in the company--loneliness is a strange beast. It stalks you closest in the quiet of night, and sometimes proximity is the closest thing to intimacy they can find. Civilian relationships are hard for people like them and a group member is always so close, so understanding, so easy… But never mistake that for love, because it never is, and Junmyeon should’ve reminded himself of that more often.
Junmyeon sighs again, like there’s a world of weight stacked onto his shoulders. “You sure have a way with words, Jongin-ah.”
“I mean, if we were dating in some alternate universe, I’d probably be that clueless boyfriend that says everything wrong, don’t you think?” Jongin asks. His forced, helpless laugh even sounds natural. Probably.
Junmyeon gives him a smile that’s kind of angled in a bunch of directions, hard to explain and even harder to feel good about. “I guess I’d be too jealous of you anyway,” he answers quietly, and he laughs too, but there’s no laughter in his eyes, there’s no brightness to it at all. Jongin leans himself away in nervousness, afraid to think too deeply into it.
“What- what would you even be jealous about?” Jongin laughs again, the sound as jagged as his nerves. He wants to know what Junmyeon means though, he wants to know the answer so badly. “I mean, I have to dance well, it’s practically all I’m good for anyway...”
He expects Junmyeon to deny it. Wave his hands about, scold Jongin in that ultimate biased softie hyung way of his about putting himself down, tell him he’s amazing the way Junmyeon has been insistent on since Jongin was 14. But Junmyeon doesn’t. He’s incredibly blank for a moment, like he isn’t even there, and Jongin watches an internal battle pass like a wave over Junmyeon’s features, though he can’t imagine what Junmyeon’s actually thinking.
“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. It’s out of pace, out of place, but he doesn’t explain it. “I suppose I’d be a jealous boyfriend if we were together.”
Sure, let Jongin think he meant it that way. After this many years, there’s nothing Junmyeon hasn’t made obvious enough for Jongin to see. If Jongin still can’t see how he feels, that’s a choice that Jongin’s made.
So, that will be how things are, and Junmyeon will let him keep thinking that he’s envious of him for his dancing, or popularity, or good looks, or any other number of things Junmyeon doesn’t feel anything but pride over. How would he explain himself anyway? He can’t be jealous about Jongin when Jongin isn’t his to be jealous about.
Maybe it is a good thing they can’t date, then. Junmyeon would agonize every day over how much of Jongin he wants to keep to himself--everything--and how much of him he can actually have--partial at best.
That’s not so different from how his life is now, anyway.
---
Jongin is the one sitting beside Junmyeon in the meeting room when they deliver specifics: Junmyeon’s going to be on TV for a while, he’s getting virtually married, and yeah Jongin might be living some real déjà vu what with Taemin being on We Got Married already and all, but he’s the perfect fit as the snarky bandmate who’s known Junmyeon longest! He’s definitely most suitable to occasionally sit on the studio panel, more than anyone else.
Relief? It’s better that it’s him than any of the other Exo members. Maybe it’s relief that makes Jongin’s palms sweat. He wipes them under the table onto his jeans, staring at Junmyeon’s impassive face. Any expression would do, just something for Jongin to go off of so he’ll know how to react.
Due to Exo’s busy scheduling, Junmyeon is only slated to do a 10-episode special. There just isn’t any more time than that. That’s only two months’ worth of filming and only once a week; it’s barely even a blip on the radar! The skeleton staff and their managers are talking a lot about scheduling, events, planning around other filming dates, things that go in one ear and fall out the other. The only thing Jongin catches is her name, Cho Wonhee, and her ulzzang slash aspiring actress slash model status, and then he’s too busy unclenching his fists once he notices how tight he’s got his hands curled up.
“Thank you for this opportunity,” Junmyeon says, ever the consummate leader and professional. He looks at Jongin, making him freeze. “Sounds like fun, right, Jongin-ah?”
“Y-yeah,” Jongin stammers, caught off guard. And what for? This will be fun for them, it’s barely even work, especially since he already kind of went through this once when Taemin was on. “Fun. I’m practically an expert anyway.”
Yeah, relief.
Or dread.
But Jongin doesn’t have any reason to dread his hyung going on fake dates with a super pretty woman named Cho Wonhee.
So it’s definitely relief.
---
Unexpectedly, Junmyeon is not very candid with how things go with Wonhee. He’s nervous for days leading up to their first scheduled meeting but he doesn’t consult anyone other than Sehun about what he should wear. Certainly there’s a script to follow, but there’s also quite a bit of freedom that Junmyeon capitalizes on easily. Jongin only found out from asking around that Junmyeon had brought small chocolate flowers to his first meeting with Wonhee, because he’d done some reading up and discovered that Wonhee’s favorite flowers are forget-me-nots and no one hates chocolate.
Jongin doesn’t ask him about what he does or plans. He hears tidbits about it from Sehun but he also doesn’t want to be too obvious or obsessive by asking for details, so he tries to keep his questions sparse and nonchalant for the most part.
Although, to be honest, Junmyeon’s discretion in his fake dating with Wonhee only serves to make Jongin feel worse. Junmyeon really would be the best boyfriend. He’s discreet, doesn’t brag, doesn’t gossip, and clearly thinks a lot about what to do, give, and say. Jongin knew all that already but it’s messing with him now. He hates himself more for it because the real reason he’s feeling horrible about it is because he used to be on the receiving end of all that care. He has no illusions about how much Junmyeon spoiled him. Still spoils him, even though Junmyeon’s been a lot more distant since that night they spoke on the sofa.
So Jongin lives in self-imposed ignorance, because while it isn’t bliss, it doesn’t sit quite as final as undeniable truth.
---
The first time Jongin meets Wonhee, it’s all caught on camera. They have to film a segment where Junmyeon needs to introduce some of his closest friends, and while Jongin is honored to hold that title, his stomach is excelling in acrobatics the entire time.
Wonhee is really graceful, put together and funny the way anyone would like. She and Jongin are the same age. Jongin is a little starstruck despite being the bigger star, perhaps because she’s the one Junmyeon’s eyes are on when they’re all sat together at the cafe.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” Wonhee says, easygoing and easy to like.
Jongin swallows, giving Junmyeon a look, but Junmyeon doesn’t look back at him. Well, Jongin can’t very well lie and say the same. He’s heard nothing at all. “Good things, I hope?” he asks, hands pressed together under the table.
“Of course good things!” Wonhee exclaims, laughing, “you’re half of all he talks about. It’s good to know that my husband is so doting to his dongsaengs!”
“I’m really not doting,” Junmyeon insists immediately, red in the face and laughing. He’s still looking at her though, just her.
Jongin looks down at his clasped hands, heart so swollen he fears everyone will hear it when it pops in his chest. He can’t do it, it’s impossible for him to love Junmyeon any more than he already does. It’s so hard to think straight in moments like this, when Junmyeon doesn’t even try to deny how much he apparently brings Jongin up in conversation, but still refuses to look in his direction.
When Jongin finally lifts his face, he startles to find Wonhee looking at him, eyes clear and bright. He looks at Junmyeon again immediately out of instinct, heart pounding from the distinct feeling that he’s just been seen right through.
“So, tell me something embarrassing about Junmyeon-oppa,” she says to Jongin with a grin, eyes twinkling.
Jongin blushes for no reason. Traitorous face. “He has more clothes than the rest of us because he can’t be bothered to do laundry more often,” he blurts out, laughing quietly when Junmyeon smacks him on the arm. “His room with Sehunnie is a total mess!”
“Yah, Kim Jongin, whose side are you on!”
“I’ll be counting on you for more information, brother-in-law,” Wonhee teases, and the conversation flows easily, even if Jongin never feels quite at peace with the paranoid suspicion that he’s being replaced.
---
Junmyeon and Wonhee’s wedding is a small, sweet affair. They save on budgeting since this is only a 10-episode special but it speaks so much to Junmyeon’s likability that staff members, coordis, and even a couple of managers volunteer to help out with decorations for nothing. The small dining hall they’re in feels warm with the handmade pastel bouquets and decorations hanging all around.
Wonhee’s friends are as beautiful as she is and Jongin rolls his eyes when he catches some of his more energetic bandmates tugging at their bowties and fiddling with their hair. He tugs at his own bowtie once Junmyeon appears, cheeks flushing as he takes in the sight of his hyung dressed up so nicely.
He gets to see Junmyeon dressed up nicely all the time. He gets to see Junmyeon’s hair swept up and away from his beautiful face all the time. He gets to see Junmyeon smile like that when Wonhee steps in in her gorgeous wedding gown all the time. Or at least, he certainly used to, when it was always directed at him. Jongin grows tenser and tenser in his seat, aware that he’s staring and unable to stop.
“A toast to our beautiful newlyweds!” Chanyeol cheers, kicking off the dinner party. It’s certainly entertaining to have so many idol friends in one place for something so contrived but it’s in Jongin’s favor that the cameras are focused on everyone else. That way he can decidedly focus on not focusing on Junmyeon.
He takes a parched gulp of the orange juice clutched in his hand. Good thing the affair’s alcohol-free.
“Hey,” Sehun says to Jongin well into the party, while the film crew is taking a break. “You might want to tone down the staring.”
“I wasn’t staring,” Jongin says defensively, clutching his juice glass closer to his body.
“Fine. Tell me what I just gave Wonhee.”
“What??”
“That’s what I thought,” Sehun says, sighing at him with the levelest look, “tone down the staring before you make Junmyeon-hyung even more upset than you already have.”
Jongin’s mouth drops open and he’s speechless as Sehun walks away, convinced that his entire life has somehow gotten away from him while he wasn’t looking. He never has any idea what’s going on anymore, especially when Junmyeon himself appears in front of him moments later, a big smile on his face.
“Why are you just standing here, Jongin-ah?” Junmyeon asks, hands in his pockets. His smile widens at Jongin’s speechless stare. “Well, don’t just stand here collecting flies! I heard from a reliable source that the tall pretty girl over there is your fan~”
“Are you upset with me, hyung?” Jongin blurts out, moving closer into Junmyeon’s personal space. His stomach drops to his toes when Junmyeon immediately takes a step back, and there, Jongin should’ve known better than to think Sehun would be wrong about Junmyeon being upset, even as Junmyeon says to him with a brilliant, blinding smile,
“Of course not, Jongin-ah. Why would I be upset with you?”
---
Because Jongin is not nosy and very not desperate to know more about Junmyeon’s rather secretive time with Wonhee, and because he would rather eat his own hand than ask Sehun for help, Jongin gives Wonhee his Kakaotalk ID. And genuinely, he really does like her, even if the present circumstances are less than ideal for him on a personal level. She’s easy to talk to and sometimes texts Jongin about questions regarding Junmyeon. He likes her more for that, for caring about Junmyeon beyond the parameters of the show, despite how nervous it makes him to dispense so much advice on how to let someone else make Junmyeon happy.
They’re in the dead of winter when Wonhee texts him about giving Junmyeon a present to celebrate the new year. Their TV marriage has been well received for the most part, even amongst their younger fans, and unbelievably, is already close to coming to an end.
Jongin can’t say he’s anything but relieved. He doesn’t really think that things will go back to how they were before this all started, but he can hope, can’t he?
To: Wonhee
Honestly, I think he’d like anything you gave him
He’s a softie for personalized gifts…
And he has like 3% body fat so he gets cold easily
Especially his hands
To: Jongin
That’s it!! I actually figured it out
I’ll make him something rather than buy it
Thanks, Jongin!
Jongin quietly marvels at the texts, leaving them unanswered. Maybe he should take up some sort of hobby.
---
“Oppa, are you okay?” Wonhee asks, hands curved around a hot mug of tea. Her smile is curious but holds no judgment and Junmyeon sighs, returning the smile with helplessness.
They’re tucked in the back corner of a nearly deserted cafe, both dressed in plain incognito. It’s not scheduled or required for them to meet outside of film times but Junmyeon is quite fond of Wonhee and he didn’t think twice when she invited him out to meet for coffee. It’s inconvenient that it’s nearly two in the morning but it’s not like he’s been sleeping very well lately anyway.
“If you’re asking, it must be because you think that things aren’t okay,” Junmyeon points out, “I hope I haven’t been strange to you?”
“Not at all.” She props her chin in her hand, tapping a nail on her phone. “Actually, I invited you out to talk to you about something important. Just wanted to ask your thoughts on Jongin? I think he’s really great.”
“...What?”
Wonhee bites the inside of her cheek. It won’t do to laugh at the wide-eyed perkiness in which Junmyeon’s now regarding her. “What?”
“I- I mean, he is very handsome,” Junmyeon stammers, heart pounding. He didn’t expect this of all things. It’s never a surprise to him when girls fall for Jongin, he’s in the same damn boat himself, but he didn’t expect it to come from Wonhee at all! She seemed more interested in Chanyeol if anything… “Jonginnie is- he’s very kind, very soft-hearted. Ah, he’s thoughtful, he’s really caring, and he goes out of his way. He’s done more for me than I could list. He’s basically been with me for the entirety of my meaningful life. Um...”
He looks at Wonhee, squirming in his seat when she doesn’t say anything in reply. “He’s someone very important to me and I’d always vouch for him no matter what,” he states, nodding, “s- so you have great taste to be interested in him, because I think he’s very--” Junmyeon pauses, needing to take a moment for himself. He breathes deep but the twist in his chest doesn’t ease at all. “Jongin is very easy to love.”
“Right...” Wonhee says slowly, “well, I guess it’s good that I’m not interested in him then because it sounds like I’d be absolutely beside myself if I was.”
Oh, fuck.
Junmyeon turns red to his toenails. “Ah,” he eventually summarizes, at the height of eloquence and grace.
Wonhee really does laugh now, desperate to text Jongin as soon as possible just to troll him. “Don’t worry oppa, I won’t say anything. I suspected anyway.”
“Do I really seem head over heels?” Junmyeon asks, bewildered and frightened but also incredibly light. This is the first time he’s ever admitted to the way he feels for Jongin out loud, especially in a place that isn’t the dark, private confines of his own bedroom. “I didn’t think it was so obvious.”
“Would it make you feel better if I told you you didn’t seem head over heels?”
“Really?” Junmyeon asks hopefully.
“I mean, you’re totally beside yourself and making googly eyes most of the time,” Wonhee assures, “but sure oppa, I’ll lie to you if you want me to.”
“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’ve been so obvious??”
“It isn’t just you,” Wonhee says, grinning when bewilderment intensifies on Junmyeon’s face. “Nevermind,” she reassures, “oppa, what do you think it means when people say that love is blind?”
---
One night, Sehun walks into Jongin’s room and hands over a box, clearly a present.
“What’s this for?” Jongin asks, puzzled and impressed by the snapback he finds inside. His smile slowly slides into a frown when Sehun just stares at him, a rare serious expression on his face. “What?”
“I picked it out because I figured you’d like the blue.”
“I really like it,” Jongin replies, confused. “Thank you.” He turns the cap over in his hands. “Did you really buy this for me?”
“Well, I did really pick out the blue,” Sehun says pointedly.
That’s what he thought. “Why are you giving this to me…?” Jongin doesn’t want to admit to wanting Junmyeon’s attention but if Junmyeon was going to go out of his way to get him a present for no reason, then Jongin at the very least wants to receive it from him directly.
“Hyung told me to give it to you but not to tell you it’s from him,” Sehun complains, frowning in a way that looks close to a pout. “I mean, what’s the point, it’s not like you wouldn’t figure out immediately who it’s from. As if any of the rest of us buys you presents this expensive for no reason.” At Jongin’s put-out frown, Sehun sniffs, “you’re the only one who gets spoiled this much and you don’t even appreciate it.”
“I do so!”
“Oh yeah?” Sehun fires back, prodding a finger into Jongin’s face in that really annoying way, “then what have you been doing these last two months, huh? What was the point of making Junmyeon-hyung feel so awful?”
Jongin’s stomach lurches, sour with guilt, even worse because he doesn’t know what he’s feeling guilty about. “How am I supposed to make it right if I don’t even know what I did wrong?” he demands, but it sounds like begging.
“You didn’t do anything!” Sehun exclaims, tugging on fistfuls of Jongin’s hair to shake his head back and forth, “that’s the whole point, you doorknob!”
“What was I supposed to do!?” Jongin whine-shouts back, shaking Sehun side to side by the shoulders, “You think I can compete with a girl!? Especially a girl that pretty!?”
“Oh my god, yes!! How are you the only one who doesn’t realize--”
“Sehun.” Jongin and Sehun both freeze, slowly turning their attention to a stone-faced Junmyeon standing in the doorway, cheeks and nose red from the cold, hair windswept and a little messy.
He looks incomprehensibly attractive. Jongin’s fingertips go numb.
“Can you leave for a bit? I need to talk to Jongin alone.”
Sehun shuffles out without another word, but not before giving Jongin’s ass a great big pinch. Jongin squirms but doesn’t dare say a thing, pinned by Junmyeon’s seriousness, both afraid and hopeful of what he’s going to say. It’s been so long since Junmyeon’s asked to talk to him one on one. Jongin’s not an idiot, he knows avoidance when he sees it, but he was willing to wait as long as it took for Junmyeon to not be upset with him again.
Junmyeon sighs, shaking his head a little as he closes the door behind him. “I was just out to see Wonhee,” he says, no preamble.
Junmyeon and Wonhee had filmed the New Year’s gift exchange episode just a few days ago. Jongin had gone in only earlier today to film some commentary for certain spliced scenes, and it had already been amazing enough to see on tape how sweet of a person Wonhee is. There’s no beating a handmade gift.
Jongin’s shoulders tense up to his ears. “I thought today wasn’t a filming day?”
“It wasn’t.” Junmyeon pulls out a pair of mittens from the pocket of his down coat, stylish forest green, clearly hand-knit. There’s a small, blue J stitched on the inner wrist of the right-handed mitt, and Jongin marvels at them up close--Wonhee had clearly spent a lot of time on those mittens. “She told me today that you were the one who gave her advice on what to get me for a New Year’s gift, so she made these for me based on what you said,” Junmyeon continues, not meeting Jongin’s eyes, “But I can’t understand why you’d tell her to do this.”
“She- She wanted to know what you would like,” Jongin stammers, thrown by the pace and the tone of their conversation. “I wanted you to get something you’d like,” he clarifies.
“So why didn’t you get them for me instead?”
Jongin stares at Junmyeon’s face, the disappointment on it stunning him into stupefied silence. Isn’t it obvious?
Junmyeon may favor him but Wonhee has the advantage of spending time meaningfully at Junmyeon’s side without fear of judgment or reproach. She’s so beautiful and genuinely sweet, thoughtful enough to knit Junmyeon mittens, kind enough that it doesn’t matter that they’re not perfect, smart enough to know that the present can easily be given while used as an excuse to hold Junmyeon’s hands.
It’s easy for Jongin to see but hard for him to replicate or organically produce--he wasn’t built to be thoughtful in that particular way, though he now wishes he was, considering how bright Junmyeon’s smile had been on tape. That was real. It had been a real Junmyeon smile, a happy, dazzled one. Jongin would know what they look like better than anyone.
“All of this that’s been going on,” Junmyeon starts, then sighs, frustrated and unwilling to finish. “It’s such a thoughtful gift,” he says instead, meeting Jongin’s gaze now, “and it makes me think that you were thinking of me.”
If he could laugh, he would, just so he doesn’t cry, but Jongin can’t even do that. “I was thinking of you,” he admits plainly, shrugging. He tries on a small smile for size but it seems to make Junmyeon even sadder, so he takes it back and looks down at the mittens cupped in Junmyeon’s hands. “Junmyeon-hyung...” Jongin’s mouth twists, and he takes a half-step closer to Junmyeon’s immovable force, aching to be close.
Junmyeon leans the other half-step in, until his forehead is gently pressing to Jongin’s shoulder. This is the closest they’ve been in two months, ever since that night on the couch when Junmyeon’s stint on the show was first announced. Jongin wants to cradle him closer but he doesn’t dare move.
It’s like he was never taught how to do anything important in life. Why doesn’t something this difficult ever come with a manual? He doesn’t know the procedure for comfort, or happiness, or being so in love that it’s suffocating to think about.
“It’s not so different, right?” Jongin asks quietly, tilting his head to feel the soft brush of Junmyeon’s hair against his cheek. He closes his eyes, needing to marvel in it, needing to feel close. “Sehunnie brought me the snapback you got for me. That makes me think that you were thinking of me, too.”
Junmyeon takes a deep, shaky breath and pulls away, nearly making Jongin stumble. He’s smiling even though he seems so sad, an obvious exercise in self-restraint. If there was ever a better leader at putting others first, Jongin’s yet to meet them.
“I’m always thinking of you, Jongin,” Junmyeon says.
Well, good, because that would only be fair, Jongin thinks, but can’t even think to say it.
There’s so much to be said about the way Junmyeon’s looking at him, like he wants to just eat him up, but without any prompting, Jongin is too scared to move. He can only watch Junmyeon slowly and carefully tuck the mittens away, and though he says Junmyeon’s name, Junmyeon turns and leaves without meeting his eyes again.
It isn’t until much later that it occurs to Jongin that he should’ve asked why Junmyeon and Wonhee met on an unscheduled day. By the time he thinks of it though, he’s already been curled up in bed for hours to hide under his blankets, Junmyeon’s gift clutched to his chest with one hand and the other furiously scrolling on his phone, in search of the perfect blog that will teach him what to do about being so lovesick.
---
To her credit, Wonhee doesn’t only troll Jongin to the ends of the Earth--she really does have good intentions, too. The trolling was just a bit of fun.
“Why do you keep sending me pictures of Junmyeon-hyung anyway?” Jongin asks, running a finger up and down his mug of hot chocolate.
Okay, so the trolling was indeed a giant, enormous helping of fun, but Wonhee doesn’t think anyone else would’ve done it differently. It’s amazing to find someone her own age who is just so thick in the head about their own situation!
“I work with him and live with him half the time,” Jongin explains, like Wonhee didn’t obviously already know that. He knocks his heels together under the table, pulling his new snapback a little lower each time a new customer walks into the cafe. Wonhee, for all her beauty and recent TV status, seems unbothered about being recognized with him. “Also, it’s kind of weird how many shirtless photos you have of him? Have you been getting them from Sehun?”
“Why, you want more?” Wonhee asks, a knowing grin on her face. Jongin scowls.
“It’s not that, I just mean that you don’t need to be sending me pictures. Why are you doing that?”
“I don’t know, I figured you’d like them.”
Jongin’s face heats up. “Why would you even say that?”
“I take it that that’s not a no,” she points out.
“Oh my god, it’s like you troll me this hard on purpose. I bet Junmyeon-hyung’s never seen this side of you.”
Sweetly, gently, Wonhee pats his hand. “Of course not,” she states as a matter of fact, “how could he when all he sees is you?”
Jongin snaps a glare in place, ready to say something in rebuttal, but there isn’t any teasing on her face. He stops, sits up straighter, already too exposed with his own feelings to keep putting up a front with everyone else.
“Oh, is Jonginnie finally getting serious?” Wonhee teases some more, but her smile is sympathetic, nearly pitying. Maybe it is pity--Jongin would have the shame to feel embarrassed, but he’s already too self-aware of the mess he’s gotten himself and Junmyeon into without realizing. He doesn’t blame her for feeling the way she does.
“Is this why you asked to meet today?” Jongin asks quietly, looking down at his interlaced fingers.
“You know we filmed our last episode yesterday, right? And it was really a lot of fun, and I was just going to leave things as they were because I didn’t think it was right to meddle.” Wonhee shrugs, thinking back on the last two months. “To be honest, I was considering whether or not I should be envious of you when Junmyeon-oppa and I first met. But then it was really obvious to me that what would be the point? Given the choice, there’d be you and no other choices, so what hope does anyone else in the world have?”
Jongin flushes five different degrees of hot, though it does nothing for the ice in the pit of his stomach. Has it really been that obvious to even a stranger? He’s always known, he always has known about Junmyeon’s affection for him, but has he really been such a coward that he’s blinded himself to the depth of it?
“Yah, I have my pride as a woman, too!” Wonhee says, trying to lighten the mood. Jongin looks so distraught, like he’s upset with himself. That wasn’t the intention of any of this. “If you don’t get your act together, don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t make him fall in love with me!”
“I thought you liked Chanyeol-hyung,” Jongin points out, a weak smile on his face. He can appreciate that she’s trying to cheer him up.
“Why does everyone keep saying that? Is it because I’m tall? Anyway!!” Wonhee shakes her head, then waves both of her hands in front of her. “I’m not going to argue with whatever it is you guys have when he looks at you the way you look at him.” Jongin startles but she doesn’t let him get a word in. “He’s such a wonderful oppa, and you’re a pretty decent friend I suppose, so it’d be great if you guys were happy. Don’t you know how much extra filming we had to do over these ten episodes just to have enough material on the show that doesn’t revolve around you? It’s like you’re the only thing he thinks about.”
I’m always thinking of you, Jongin.
Well, it’s not like Jongin’s ever known Junmyeon to lie.
“Sorry to have gotten you mixed up in all of this,” Jongin mumbles, embarrassed but very grateful. “I know I should’ve sorted all of this myself years ago, to be honest. I don’t really know why it’s come to this.”
“It’s okay,” Wonhee reassures, pushing a small plate of macaroons toward him, “if love was easy, you think anyone would still sing love songs?”
---
To: Jongin
I know I know
What if you
Just kiss him
REALLY DEEPLY
To: Wonhee
Do you ever STOP??
I’ll think of something
To: Jongin
Attached image file: dem abs dem arms dat face.jpg
To: Wonhee
HOW DO YOU HAVE PHOTOS I’VE NEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE
To: Jongin
I knew you’d freak out
Don’t stare too hard
Your phone might catch fire
CUZ HE’S HOT
To: Wonhee
I’m blocking you
---
There is no plan. There are only grand, breathtaking, perfectly timed and executed plans in the movies, usually involving some sort of fast running scene and panting-yelled confession.
Jongin does not have this. He’s tried to pen down a few ideas but seeing anything remotely cheesy on paper makes him want to hypothetically eat his only remaining hand, so that’s a no-go there. They have a bunch of concerts to rehearse for and now that We Got Married is finished, Junmyeon’s been throwing himself back into being Suho at exhausting levels of effort.
Rather than waste time with more never-to-see-light-of-day plans, Jongin simply asks him out to dinner.
Of course, Junmyeon doesn’t say no. He’s admittedly surprised and rather anxious but he is also pleased that Jongin asked.
“This is more upscale than we usually go for,” Jongin notes with amusement in the restaurant, teasing his hyung a little. They’re in a private room and there’s so much food on the table that they’d need an extra Chanyeol or two to finish it all. It’s just barbeque, nothing they don’t all indulge in once in a while, but Jongin’s earliest and fondest memories of going out with Junmyeon are of being treated to greasy cheese pizza and honey-garlic chicken. There isn’t even real cutlery at places like that.
“I’ll have you know I’m 3000 percent class,” Junmyeon sniffs, “this hyung will occasionally take you out to places with granite tabletops, see?” He pats the table to make a point, serious expression dissolving into a grin. “Why, you just want to order pizza next time?”
“Of course not!” Jongin exclaims, so relieved to see Junmyeon in a good mood that he has no words for it. He was so scared that they would be awkward with each other but he should’ve known better with a decade of history between them.
The samgyeopsal sizzles so wonderfully on the grill that for a moment, Jongin forgets about his original intention. Which was not just about getting treated to dinner, actually, and he had had zero expectations regarding food, but Junmyeon is indeed the best hyung and Jongin is captivated by all the tender meat. He remembers quickly, though, when Junmyeon hands over a lettuce wrap for him, so packed with meat that the lettuce is about to rip.
“Oh, hyung,” Jongin says, straight-faced, “I don’t know that all your meat will fit in my mouth.”
Junmyeon’s face twitches just a little. “But a good dongsaeng would try, Jongin-ah.”
Jongin manages to keep it together for three whole seconds before he’s doubled over with serious giggles, the back of his neck tingling when he hears the adorable sound of Junmyeon’s laughter. Wow, it’s been a while since he’s heard that, hasn’t it?
So light, so unthinking, so cute. Junmyeon is so cute.
“Junmyeon-hyung,” Jongin says, eyeing yet another lettuce wrap growing out of control in Junmyeon’s hands, “did you ever think about dating Wonhee at all?”
What a random topic. Junmyeon’s eyebrows knit together, though he doesn’t stop with what he’s doing, determined not to meet Jongin’s eyes. “No, actually,” he says, “I didn’t like her that way and she wasn’t interested in me, either.”
“Okay.” Jongin pokes at an innocent dish of radish kimchi, heart thudding in his ears. “Is that because she told you about my feelings for you?”
Now, Junmyeon does freeze. Jongin sucks in a deep breath and holds it, not daring to make a single sound, wondering how long he can live in this excruciating silence before he backpedals and plays it off as a joke. As long as there’s even a chance, he’s got to suck it up and try and deal with it, because Wonhee was right--when did anyone, anywhere, at any time tell him that love was supposed to easy?
“You have feelings for me?” Junmyeon asks, sounding far away to himself. Is this really happening? Is he hallucinating from drinking too many vitamin supplements? He puts down everything he has in his hands and braces himself with both against the table. “You have feelings for me?” he asks again, but gentler, and he looks Jongin in the eye, heart ramming in his throat.
“Yeah,” Jongin replies, somehow without any breath in his words, “a lot.”
“Then no, that isn’t why,” Junmyeon says. He feels as stable as sheets of paper in a hurricane with nothing but a loose paperclip to keep him together. “She wasn’t interested in me because I didn’t like her that way. Because I already like you that way.”
He pauses, then resumes with making Jongin yet another lettuce wrap, his sole purpose in life reduced to having something to do with his hands. He can’t bring himself to look at Jongin’s face but he can feel the intensity of Jongin’s staring and it’s making his cheeks flame.
“...Oh,” Jongin replies eventually, finding himself wearing a frown. He’s confused. Isn’t this supposed to feel revelatory?
“Are you okay with that?” Junmyeon asks, and although he’s probably going for nonchalant, Jongin can only hear all the worry laced into every word.
“I mean, only if we can date?” Jongin proposes, asks, suggests, he doesn’t know anymore. He’s beyond bewildered at how easy this part is turning out to be.
Junmyeon blinks at him, handing over an obscene lettuce wrap.
Ridiculous. “Hyung, I can’t possibly eat this...”
“You can and you will,” Junmyeon informs him, “so wait, why are you frowning?”
“Well...I guess I thought it would feel more…‘a-ha!’ to me, does that make sense? Like, it’s one thing to know how someone feels, but it’s supposed to be another to hear it out loud, right?”
“I honestly thought you didn’t like me that much,” Junmyeon admits, smiling to see Jongin immediately gear up to refute him. “I’m surprised you’re not more surprised.”
Jongin’s frown turns into a pout. “You didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know!” he whines, “I’m really happy you told me, and thank you, hyung! But I kind of already knew everything...”
“Well,” Junmyeon says, laughing a little, “I’m in love with you, I bet you didn’t know that.”
Jongin did. He did, even if he never dared to let himself think about it. But still, it’s an entire universe of difference to hear it out loud, even if it isn’t a surprise, even if it’s something that Jongin has known deep down for many years.
“Do you want me to make you a wrap, hyung?” Jongin asks, defenselessly shy. He can’t quite look at Junmyeon’s smile without fear of evaporating and floating away, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to sneak peeks.
Because Jongin has some sense, he doesn’t pack the wrap as fully as Junmyeon did, then slides out of his booth so he can squish in next to Junmyeon instead.
“Here, my first mission is to feed you,” he declares, leaning against Junmyeon, as second-nature as dance.
But of course, when Junmyeon leans in, Jongin gives him a kiss instead.
Junmyeon wasn’t exactly not expecting that, either.
---
Jongin goes in to finish filming commentary for the last episode of We Got Married on a sunny and bitingly cold Thursday morning. He doesn’t mind anymore that everyone--staff, MCs, even the other couples--keeps saying what a cute couple Junmyeon and Wonhee are. He’s already texted Wonhee a picture of Junmyeon taking a nap, figuring that was as clear as he needed to be.
Alright, so he does have some regrets about the approximately 300 inappropriate emojis she’d spammed him with for hours after, but even that felt like a victory.
“If you remarry after me, I hope you do it very soon,” Wonhee is saying on screen. “Someone tall and beautiful and talented, and you have to make sure your feelings don’t go to waste by waiting!”
“What a kind thing to say!” one of the MCs says, “it’s like she has someone in mind!”
Jongin struggles to keep a straight face. She really did know all this time.
Junmyeon is holding onto her hand, looking sad. “I promise, Wonhee-yah. I feel like I still don’t know very much about love.”
“Junmyeon-hyung, what are you even saying!!” Jongin exclaims flatly, horrified.
“What would I even say?” Junmyeon continues, “I doubt anyone will be as easy to talk to as it has been with you.”
Wonhee gives him a big hug. “Try the truth, oppa! And do it over barbeque or something, everyone likes barbeque.”
Later that day, when Junmyeon comes to pick him up in the car with a hot cocoa immediately at the ready, all Jongin can do is duck over and give him a quick kiss on the mouth, even at the risk of being seen.
“What was that for?” Junmyeon asks, blindingly pleased and glowing.
“I got lectured today because I couldn’t stop laughing watching you,” Jongin says, buckling himself in. “You are too funny when you think you’re trying to be subtle.” He grins at Junmyeon’s pout. “And, I also learned something about myself.”
“Oh?” Junmyeon asks.
“I think it’s probably impossible for me to love you any more than I already do,” Jongin answers, reaching out to warm one of Junmyeon’s hands between his. “But ask me again tomorrow, I keep surprising myself every day.”
---
to the anon who originally gave this prompt for the cuddlybros 2015 fic fest: i deeply apologize for being a fuck-up at life and never delivering on the sukai goods ahahahaha. i know this isn't what you asked for either, but it was such a good prompt that i couldn't let go of it, and even though it took me over a year to actually get through it all, i finally managed it today. at work. go figure. anyway, THANK YOU for this wonderful idea and i hope you've gleaned even a bit of enjoyment from it!
to everyone else: lololol sorry y'all, this fic really does span a year in my life so there are mood and tone changes EVERYWHERE and i know i meandered off into la la land at some points but this is the best version of this fic that i think i'll ever manage. so thank you for reading, as always, and i hope you've enjoyed :)
PS IF ANYONE IS COMING FOR EXO'S TOKYO DOME DATES IN NOVEMBER/DECEMBER...hit me uppppp
suho/kai
pg-13
junmyeon is slated for a short stint on MBC's We Got Married and jongin has a lot of thinking to do about his virtually wed and favorite hyung.
---
“Hyunnng!” Sehun whines, at the frazzled ends of his patience, “can we please go home now? I’m sure Jonginnie doesn’t need another snapback anyway!”
Junmyeon sighs at the magnae’s plea but he doesn’t put down either of the caps in his hands. One is cooler but the other has a better color scheme. “I just want to make sure he likes it, Sehun-ah,” he explains earnestly.
They were on their way back from a snack run when Junmyeon saw some snapbacks in a window display and suddenly grew glue on the bottoms of his shoes. Of course not for himself. Of course for Jongin.
It’s not Jongin’s birthday. There’s no imminent gift-giving holiday looming. Jongin didn’t do anything spectacularly praiseworthy to warrant any sort of gift either, especially one this expensive, if the price tags hanging off of both hats are any indication. Sehun sucks on his bubble tea, rolling his eyes. Junmyeon has zero chill when it comes to Jongin. He may spoil Sehun most (hence the bubble tea and bag of snacks in his hands, courtesy of Kim Junmyeon’s wallet), but it’s Jongin who sits on the throne of Junmyeon’s heart, too settled for too many years for Junmyeon to even realize how biased he is sometimes.
“I think he’ll like the one with the blue on it more,” Sehun says eventually, working hard to keep his exasperation at bay. Junmyeon looks at him and the cap and at him again before nodding, happy once more, thanking Sehun for the advice before going off to pay for it.
What a silly hyung, Sehun thinks, flicking the abandoned snapback as he walks past. It really wouldn’t have mattered which one Junmyeon had picked. He’d like anything if it was from you. Because it’s you.
---
In the middle of setting the table for dinner, as they’re getting work updates: “--and Jongin, no more carbs for the next three days before the shoot, so go crazy with all the chicken you want.”
“Got it, hyung.”
“Junmyeon-ah, good news, everything worked out okay with scheduling, so you’re going to be on a 10-episode special for We Got Married after all. We’ll have a meeting about it Friday but first filming should be in a month or so.”
“Y-yes hyung, thanks.”
In the middle of dinner: As soon as their manager-hyung leaves, Chanyeol and Baekhyun can’t stop asking Junmyeon questions even though Junmyeon literally has no more information about his virtual bride than they do. Jongdae is grinning from ear to ear, really happy that Junmyeon has something so fun to take part in, hopeful that he’ll get invited to their on-screen wedding to sing them something sweet.
Sehun doesn’t say much of anything--he’s too busy looking between Junmyeon’s embarrassed smile and how hard Jongin’s staring at it.
After dinner: Jongin and Junmyeon sit together on the couch in front of the TV, some mindless love story unfolding in spades of drama and tears. Junmyeon isn’t paying attention to it, mind obviously somewhere far away. Jongin can see it on his face.
He struggles for something to say, wanting to ask how Junmyeon feels, but unsure if he actually wants to hear the answer. Having independent activities is a great thing, Jongin is happy for him, but the fact that it’s We Got Married is making something knot uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. It’s a fun show and sometimes it’s nothing more than fun that two individuals can have together. He was there for all of Taemin’s ridiculous shenanigans and it was cute to see all the harmless flirting being broadcasted each week.
But a lot of the times, feelings get messy, because feelings are messy things. And Junmyeon invests, that’s what makes him such a great leader and hyung and friend in the first place, and lord knows Jongin knows best how easy it is to love him. He doesn’t have an objective point of view on this, he’s been in too deep from the start. He lives firsthand how much warmth Junmyeon’s smile can fill a person up with, and it makes him really uneasy to think of a beautiful stranger being on the receiving end of it.
Jongin takes a cautious look around, silently grateful that Sehun’s corralled the other members away from them. He wanted privacy with Junmyeon for a bit, even if he didn’t say it out loud.
“Do you think it’ll go well?” Junmyeon asks, so sudden that it makes Jongin startle.
He looks at Junmyeon carefully, not bothering to pretend to not know what Junmyeon’s talking about. “I mean, it’ll be fun,” Jongin says, picking nervously at the hem of his shirt, “who knows, maybe you guys will really get along and you can date for real after.”
Awesome. Jongin closes his eyes and sighs. Be passive aggressive, that always works well.
Junmyeon turns to him now, a slight crease between his brows. “You think everyone would be okay with that?” But the question isn’t about everyone, it’s about Jongin, because Junmyeon’s been sweet on him since he first took Jongin out for dinner before all the lights and fame, and there’s no way that Jongin doesn’t know that. Not after all this time.
Plus, there was that time, maybe a handful of months after debut when a lot of their relationships were still shaky, when Junmyeon and Jongin had been the last ones awake in the apartment. They’d had a group pow-wow about image and going forward and working together and it had been a lot more constructive and less cheesy than it sounds when describing it out loud. Everyone else had gone to bed. Jongin had stayed with him in the living room, just sitting on the floor and leaned up against him like so many late nights after dance practice, and he was playing with Junmyeon’s fingers in total silence, and Junmyeon had been so overwhelmed with affection that kissing Jongin on the cheek was the only thing he could think of.
Except, he didn’t exactly aim that dead center on the cheek, and Jongin hadn’t been not expecting it, considering he turned toward Junmyeon just so. Junmyeon hadn’t thought it strange that he’d caught Jongin on the corner of the mouth, right where a smile starts, or that Jongin hadn’t done anything but look up at him through his eyelashes, definingly shy, and sit there with him until dawn.
So that was that, many years ago. But there’s also an entire reel of moments between then and now, a random spray of bullets in Junmyeon’s fondest memories, all starring Jongin.
“Do you really think people would be okay with me dating?” He asks, quiet and uncertain. He has an answer that he wants to hear and he’s looking at Jongin like Jongin will give it to him, but that’s what hope is, isn’t it?
Jongin shifts in his seat, increasingly uncomfortable. He’s still sitting too close to Junmyeon for it to be for any good reason but it’s not the kind of close he really wants. “I think it’d be good if you’re happy, hyung,” he mumbles, staring at Junmyeon’s shoulder instead of his face, “it’s been a while since you’ve dated, right?”
Because Junmyeon sometimes lacing their fingers together under the covers when they watch movies together on his bed isn’t dating.
Because Junmyeon sometimes linking arms with him when they walk to and from work events isn’t dating.
Because Junmyeon sometimes ending late night phone calls with a quick “love you” (pw: exolsubs) that rattles around in Jongin’s brain for hours isn’t dating.
Because Jongin being in love with him isn’t dating, no matter how much he wishes it was.
Junmyeon sucks in a shallow breath, turning his face away to hide any disappointment that might show through. Jongin, as he tends to be, is right. But still...ouch. Whatever pseudo-relationship they’ve been circling each other playing at these last few years, Junmyeon clearly got things a little too excited in his own head. It was just a foolish hope that it meant something more than silly friendship every time Jongin sought out his hand to hold.
No, that isn’t fair to Jongin. It’s not like Junmyeon doesn’t know how to read him--he does, and that’s why this is so much worse. It would be easier if it was just friendship on Jongin’s face every time they were alone.
They got the talk enough times from management and seniors in the company--loneliness is a strange beast. It stalks you closest in the quiet of night, and sometimes proximity is the closest thing to intimacy they can find. Civilian relationships are hard for people like them and a group member is always so close, so understanding, so easy… But never mistake that for love, because it never is, and Junmyeon should’ve reminded himself of that more often.
Junmyeon sighs again, like there’s a world of weight stacked onto his shoulders. “You sure have a way with words, Jongin-ah.”
“I mean, if we were dating in some alternate universe, I’d probably be that clueless boyfriend that says everything wrong, don’t you think?” Jongin asks. His forced, helpless laugh even sounds natural. Probably.
Junmyeon gives him a smile that’s kind of angled in a bunch of directions, hard to explain and even harder to feel good about. “I guess I’d be too jealous of you anyway,” he answers quietly, and he laughs too, but there’s no laughter in his eyes, there’s no brightness to it at all. Jongin leans himself away in nervousness, afraid to think too deeply into it.
“What- what would you even be jealous about?” Jongin laughs again, the sound as jagged as his nerves. He wants to know what Junmyeon means though, he wants to know the answer so badly. “I mean, I have to dance well, it’s practically all I’m good for anyway...”
He expects Junmyeon to deny it. Wave his hands about, scold Jongin in that ultimate biased softie hyung way of his about putting himself down, tell him he’s amazing the way Junmyeon has been insistent on since Jongin was 14. But Junmyeon doesn’t. He’s incredibly blank for a moment, like he isn’t even there, and Jongin watches an internal battle pass like a wave over Junmyeon’s features, though he can’t imagine what Junmyeon’s actually thinking.
“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. It’s out of pace, out of place, but he doesn’t explain it. “I suppose I’d be a jealous boyfriend if we were together.”
Sure, let Jongin think he meant it that way. After this many years, there’s nothing Junmyeon hasn’t made obvious enough for Jongin to see. If Jongin still can’t see how he feels, that’s a choice that Jongin’s made.
So, that will be how things are, and Junmyeon will let him keep thinking that he’s envious of him for his dancing, or popularity, or good looks, or any other number of things Junmyeon doesn’t feel anything but pride over. How would he explain himself anyway? He can’t be jealous about Jongin when Jongin isn’t his to be jealous about.
Maybe it is a good thing they can’t date, then. Junmyeon would agonize every day over how much of Jongin he wants to keep to himself--everything--and how much of him he can actually have--partial at best.
That’s not so different from how his life is now, anyway.
---
Jongin is the one sitting beside Junmyeon in the meeting room when they deliver specifics: Junmyeon’s going to be on TV for a while, he’s getting virtually married, and yeah Jongin might be living some real déjà vu what with Taemin being on We Got Married already and all, but he’s the perfect fit as the snarky bandmate who’s known Junmyeon longest! He’s definitely most suitable to occasionally sit on the studio panel, more than anyone else.
Relief? It’s better that it’s him than any of the other Exo members. Maybe it’s relief that makes Jongin’s palms sweat. He wipes them under the table onto his jeans, staring at Junmyeon’s impassive face. Any expression would do, just something for Jongin to go off of so he’ll know how to react.
Due to Exo’s busy scheduling, Junmyeon is only slated to do a 10-episode special. There just isn’t any more time than that. That’s only two months’ worth of filming and only once a week; it’s barely even a blip on the radar! The skeleton staff and their managers are talking a lot about scheduling, events, planning around other filming dates, things that go in one ear and fall out the other. The only thing Jongin catches is her name, Cho Wonhee, and her ulzzang slash aspiring actress slash model status, and then he’s too busy unclenching his fists once he notices how tight he’s got his hands curled up.
“Thank you for this opportunity,” Junmyeon says, ever the consummate leader and professional. He looks at Jongin, making him freeze. “Sounds like fun, right, Jongin-ah?”
“Y-yeah,” Jongin stammers, caught off guard. And what for? This will be fun for them, it’s barely even work, especially since he already kind of went through this once when Taemin was on. “Fun. I’m practically an expert anyway.”
Yeah, relief.
Or dread.
But Jongin doesn’t have any reason to dread his hyung going on fake dates with a super pretty woman named Cho Wonhee.
So it’s definitely relief.
---
Unexpectedly, Junmyeon is not very candid with how things go with Wonhee. He’s nervous for days leading up to their first scheduled meeting but he doesn’t consult anyone other than Sehun about what he should wear. Certainly there’s a script to follow, but there’s also quite a bit of freedom that Junmyeon capitalizes on easily. Jongin only found out from asking around that Junmyeon had brought small chocolate flowers to his first meeting with Wonhee, because he’d done some reading up and discovered that Wonhee’s favorite flowers are forget-me-nots and no one hates chocolate.
Jongin doesn’t ask him about what he does or plans. He hears tidbits about it from Sehun but he also doesn’t want to be too obvious or obsessive by asking for details, so he tries to keep his questions sparse and nonchalant for the most part.
Although, to be honest, Junmyeon’s discretion in his fake dating with Wonhee only serves to make Jongin feel worse. Junmyeon really would be the best boyfriend. He’s discreet, doesn’t brag, doesn’t gossip, and clearly thinks a lot about what to do, give, and say. Jongin knew all that already but it’s messing with him now. He hates himself more for it because the real reason he’s feeling horrible about it is because he used to be on the receiving end of all that care. He has no illusions about how much Junmyeon spoiled him. Still spoils him, even though Junmyeon’s been a lot more distant since that night they spoke on the sofa.
So Jongin lives in self-imposed ignorance, because while it isn’t bliss, it doesn’t sit quite as final as undeniable truth.
---
The first time Jongin meets Wonhee, it’s all caught on camera. They have to film a segment where Junmyeon needs to introduce some of his closest friends, and while Jongin is honored to hold that title, his stomach is excelling in acrobatics the entire time.
Wonhee is really graceful, put together and funny the way anyone would like. She and Jongin are the same age. Jongin is a little starstruck despite being the bigger star, perhaps because she’s the one Junmyeon’s eyes are on when they’re all sat together at the cafe.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” Wonhee says, easygoing and easy to like.
Jongin swallows, giving Junmyeon a look, but Junmyeon doesn’t look back at him. Well, Jongin can’t very well lie and say the same. He’s heard nothing at all. “Good things, I hope?” he asks, hands pressed together under the table.
“Of course good things!” Wonhee exclaims, laughing, “you’re half of all he talks about. It’s good to know that my husband is so doting to his dongsaengs!”
“I’m really not doting,” Junmyeon insists immediately, red in the face and laughing. He’s still looking at her though, just her.
Jongin looks down at his clasped hands, heart so swollen he fears everyone will hear it when it pops in his chest. He can’t do it, it’s impossible for him to love Junmyeon any more than he already does. It’s so hard to think straight in moments like this, when Junmyeon doesn’t even try to deny how much he apparently brings Jongin up in conversation, but still refuses to look in his direction.
When Jongin finally lifts his face, he startles to find Wonhee looking at him, eyes clear and bright. He looks at Junmyeon again immediately out of instinct, heart pounding from the distinct feeling that he’s just been seen right through.
“So, tell me something embarrassing about Junmyeon-oppa,” she says to Jongin with a grin, eyes twinkling.
Jongin blushes for no reason. Traitorous face. “He has more clothes than the rest of us because he can’t be bothered to do laundry more often,” he blurts out, laughing quietly when Junmyeon smacks him on the arm. “His room with Sehunnie is a total mess!”
“Yah, Kim Jongin, whose side are you on!”
“I’ll be counting on you for more information, brother-in-law,” Wonhee teases, and the conversation flows easily, even if Jongin never feels quite at peace with the paranoid suspicion that he’s being replaced.
---
Junmyeon and Wonhee’s wedding is a small, sweet affair. They save on budgeting since this is only a 10-episode special but it speaks so much to Junmyeon’s likability that staff members, coordis, and even a couple of managers volunteer to help out with decorations for nothing. The small dining hall they’re in feels warm with the handmade pastel bouquets and decorations hanging all around.
Wonhee’s friends are as beautiful as she is and Jongin rolls his eyes when he catches some of his more energetic bandmates tugging at their bowties and fiddling with their hair. He tugs at his own bowtie once Junmyeon appears, cheeks flushing as he takes in the sight of his hyung dressed up so nicely.
He gets to see Junmyeon dressed up nicely all the time. He gets to see Junmyeon’s hair swept up and away from his beautiful face all the time. He gets to see Junmyeon smile like that when Wonhee steps in in her gorgeous wedding gown all the time. Or at least, he certainly used to, when it was always directed at him. Jongin grows tenser and tenser in his seat, aware that he’s staring and unable to stop.
“A toast to our beautiful newlyweds!” Chanyeol cheers, kicking off the dinner party. It’s certainly entertaining to have so many idol friends in one place for something so contrived but it’s in Jongin’s favor that the cameras are focused on everyone else. That way he can decidedly focus on not focusing on Junmyeon.
He takes a parched gulp of the orange juice clutched in his hand. Good thing the affair’s alcohol-free.
“Hey,” Sehun says to Jongin well into the party, while the film crew is taking a break. “You might want to tone down the staring.”
“I wasn’t staring,” Jongin says defensively, clutching his juice glass closer to his body.
“Fine. Tell me what I just gave Wonhee.”
“What??”
“That’s what I thought,” Sehun says, sighing at him with the levelest look, “tone down the staring before you make Junmyeon-hyung even more upset than you already have.”
Jongin’s mouth drops open and he’s speechless as Sehun walks away, convinced that his entire life has somehow gotten away from him while he wasn’t looking. He never has any idea what’s going on anymore, especially when Junmyeon himself appears in front of him moments later, a big smile on his face.
“Why are you just standing here, Jongin-ah?” Junmyeon asks, hands in his pockets. His smile widens at Jongin’s speechless stare. “Well, don’t just stand here collecting flies! I heard from a reliable source that the tall pretty girl over there is your fan~”
“Are you upset with me, hyung?” Jongin blurts out, moving closer into Junmyeon’s personal space. His stomach drops to his toes when Junmyeon immediately takes a step back, and there, Jongin should’ve known better than to think Sehun would be wrong about Junmyeon being upset, even as Junmyeon says to him with a brilliant, blinding smile,
“Of course not, Jongin-ah. Why would I be upset with you?”
---
Because Jongin is not nosy and very not desperate to know more about Junmyeon’s rather secretive time with Wonhee, and because he would rather eat his own hand than ask Sehun for help, Jongin gives Wonhee his Kakaotalk ID. And genuinely, he really does like her, even if the present circumstances are less than ideal for him on a personal level. She’s easy to talk to and sometimes texts Jongin about questions regarding Junmyeon. He likes her more for that, for caring about Junmyeon beyond the parameters of the show, despite how nervous it makes him to dispense so much advice on how to let someone else make Junmyeon happy.
They’re in the dead of winter when Wonhee texts him about giving Junmyeon a present to celebrate the new year. Their TV marriage has been well received for the most part, even amongst their younger fans, and unbelievably, is already close to coming to an end.
Jongin can’t say he’s anything but relieved. He doesn’t really think that things will go back to how they were before this all started, but he can hope, can’t he?
To: Wonhee
Honestly, I think he’d like anything you gave him
He’s a softie for personalized gifts…
And he has like 3% body fat so he gets cold easily
Especially his hands
To: Jongin
That’s it!! I actually figured it out
I’ll make him something rather than buy it
Thanks, Jongin!
Jongin quietly marvels at the texts, leaving them unanswered. Maybe he should take up some sort of hobby.
---
“Oppa, are you okay?” Wonhee asks, hands curved around a hot mug of tea. Her smile is curious but holds no judgment and Junmyeon sighs, returning the smile with helplessness.
They’re tucked in the back corner of a nearly deserted cafe, both dressed in plain incognito. It’s not scheduled or required for them to meet outside of film times but Junmyeon is quite fond of Wonhee and he didn’t think twice when she invited him out to meet for coffee. It’s inconvenient that it’s nearly two in the morning but it’s not like he’s been sleeping very well lately anyway.
“If you’re asking, it must be because you think that things aren’t okay,” Junmyeon points out, “I hope I haven’t been strange to you?”
“Not at all.” She props her chin in her hand, tapping a nail on her phone. “Actually, I invited you out to talk to you about something important. Just wanted to ask your thoughts on Jongin? I think he’s really great.”
“...What?”
Wonhee bites the inside of her cheek. It won’t do to laugh at the wide-eyed perkiness in which Junmyeon’s now regarding her. “What?”
“I- I mean, he is very handsome,” Junmyeon stammers, heart pounding. He didn’t expect this of all things. It’s never a surprise to him when girls fall for Jongin, he’s in the same damn boat himself, but he didn’t expect it to come from Wonhee at all! She seemed more interested in Chanyeol if anything… “Jonginnie is- he’s very kind, very soft-hearted. Ah, he’s thoughtful, he’s really caring, and he goes out of his way. He’s done more for me than I could list. He’s basically been with me for the entirety of my meaningful life. Um...”
He looks at Wonhee, squirming in his seat when she doesn’t say anything in reply. “He’s someone very important to me and I’d always vouch for him no matter what,” he states, nodding, “s- so you have great taste to be interested in him, because I think he’s very--” Junmyeon pauses, needing to take a moment for himself. He breathes deep but the twist in his chest doesn’t ease at all. “Jongin is very easy to love.”
“Right...” Wonhee says slowly, “well, I guess it’s good that I’m not interested in him then because it sounds like I’d be absolutely beside myself if I was.”
Oh, fuck.
Junmyeon turns red to his toenails. “Ah,” he eventually summarizes, at the height of eloquence and grace.
Wonhee really does laugh now, desperate to text Jongin as soon as possible just to troll him. “Don’t worry oppa, I won’t say anything. I suspected anyway.”
“Do I really seem head over heels?” Junmyeon asks, bewildered and frightened but also incredibly light. This is the first time he’s ever admitted to the way he feels for Jongin out loud, especially in a place that isn’t the dark, private confines of his own bedroom. “I didn’t think it was so obvious.”
“Would it make you feel better if I told you you didn’t seem head over heels?”
“Really?” Junmyeon asks hopefully.
“I mean, you’re totally beside yourself and making googly eyes most of the time,” Wonhee assures, “but sure oppa, I’ll lie to you if you want me to.”
“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’ve been so obvious??”
“It isn’t just you,” Wonhee says, grinning when bewilderment intensifies on Junmyeon’s face. “Nevermind,” she reassures, “oppa, what do you think it means when people say that love is blind?”
---
One night, Sehun walks into Jongin’s room and hands over a box, clearly a present.
“What’s this for?” Jongin asks, puzzled and impressed by the snapback he finds inside. His smile slowly slides into a frown when Sehun just stares at him, a rare serious expression on his face. “What?”
“I picked it out because I figured you’d like the blue.”
“I really like it,” Jongin replies, confused. “Thank you.” He turns the cap over in his hands. “Did you really buy this for me?”
“Well, I did really pick out the blue,” Sehun says pointedly.
That’s what he thought. “Why are you giving this to me…?” Jongin doesn’t want to admit to wanting Junmyeon’s attention but if Junmyeon was going to go out of his way to get him a present for no reason, then Jongin at the very least wants to receive it from him directly.
“Hyung told me to give it to you but not to tell you it’s from him,” Sehun complains, frowning in a way that looks close to a pout. “I mean, what’s the point, it’s not like you wouldn’t figure out immediately who it’s from. As if any of the rest of us buys you presents this expensive for no reason.” At Jongin’s put-out frown, Sehun sniffs, “you’re the only one who gets spoiled this much and you don’t even appreciate it.”
“I do so!”
“Oh yeah?” Sehun fires back, prodding a finger into Jongin’s face in that really annoying way, “then what have you been doing these last two months, huh? What was the point of making Junmyeon-hyung feel so awful?”
Jongin’s stomach lurches, sour with guilt, even worse because he doesn’t know what he’s feeling guilty about. “How am I supposed to make it right if I don’t even know what I did wrong?” he demands, but it sounds like begging.
“You didn’t do anything!” Sehun exclaims, tugging on fistfuls of Jongin’s hair to shake his head back and forth, “that’s the whole point, you doorknob!”
“What was I supposed to do!?” Jongin whine-shouts back, shaking Sehun side to side by the shoulders, “You think I can compete with a girl!? Especially a girl that pretty!?”
“Oh my god, yes!! How are you the only one who doesn’t realize--”
“Sehun.” Jongin and Sehun both freeze, slowly turning their attention to a stone-faced Junmyeon standing in the doorway, cheeks and nose red from the cold, hair windswept and a little messy.
He looks incomprehensibly attractive. Jongin’s fingertips go numb.
“Can you leave for a bit? I need to talk to Jongin alone.”
Sehun shuffles out without another word, but not before giving Jongin’s ass a great big pinch. Jongin squirms but doesn’t dare say a thing, pinned by Junmyeon’s seriousness, both afraid and hopeful of what he’s going to say. It’s been so long since Junmyeon’s asked to talk to him one on one. Jongin’s not an idiot, he knows avoidance when he sees it, but he was willing to wait as long as it took for Junmyeon to not be upset with him again.
Junmyeon sighs, shaking his head a little as he closes the door behind him. “I was just out to see Wonhee,” he says, no preamble.
Junmyeon and Wonhee had filmed the New Year’s gift exchange episode just a few days ago. Jongin had gone in only earlier today to film some commentary for certain spliced scenes, and it had already been amazing enough to see on tape how sweet of a person Wonhee is. There’s no beating a handmade gift.
Jongin’s shoulders tense up to his ears. “I thought today wasn’t a filming day?”
“It wasn’t.” Junmyeon pulls out a pair of mittens from the pocket of his down coat, stylish forest green, clearly hand-knit. There’s a small, blue J stitched on the inner wrist of the right-handed mitt, and Jongin marvels at them up close--Wonhee had clearly spent a lot of time on those mittens. “She told me today that you were the one who gave her advice on what to get me for a New Year’s gift, so she made these for me based on what you said,” Junmyeon continues, not meeting Jongin’s eyes, “But I can’t understand why you’d tell her to do this.”
“She- She wanted to know what you would like,” Jongin stammers, thrown by the pace and the tone of their conversation. “I wanted you to get something you’d like,” he clarifies.
“So why didn’t you get them for me instead?”
Jongin stares at Junmyeon’s face, the disappointment on it stunning him into stupefied silence. Isn’t it obvious?
Junmyeon may favor him but Wonhee has the advantage of spending time meaningfully at Junmyeon’s side without fear of judgment or reproach. She’s so beautiful and genuinely sweet, thoughtful enough to knit Junmyeon mittens, kind enough that it doesn’t matter that they’re not perfect, smart enough to know that the present can easily be given while used as an excuse to hold Junmyeon’s hands.
It’s easy for Jongin to see but hard for him to replicate or organically produce--he wasn’t built to be thoughtful in that particular way, though he now wishes he was, considering how bright Junmyeon’s smile had been on tape. That was real. It had been a real Junmyeon smile, a happy, dazzled one. Jongin would know what they look like better than anyone.
“All of this that’s been going on,” Junmyeon starts, then sighs, frustrated and unwilling to finish. “It’s such a thoughtful gift,” he says instead, meeting Jongin’s gaze now, “and it makes me think that you were thinking of me.”
If he could laugh, he would, just so he doesn’t cry, but Jongin can’t even do that. “I was thinking of you,” he admits plainly, shrugging. He tries on a small smile for size but it seems to make Junmyeon even sadder, so he takes it back and looks down at the mittens cupped in Junmyeon’s hands. “Junmyeon-hyung...” Jongin’s mouth twists, and he takes a half-step closer to Junmyeon’s immovable force, aching to be close.
Junmyeon leans the other half-step in, until his forehead is gently pressing to Jongin’s shoulder. This is the closest they’ve been in two months, ever since that night on the couch when Junmyeon’s stint on the show was first announced. Jongin wants to cradle him closer but he doesn’t dare move.
It’s like he was never taught how to do anything important in life. Why doesn’t something this difficult ever come with a manual? He doesn’t know the procedure for comfort, or happiness, or being so in love that it’s suffocating to think about.
“It’s not so different, right?” Jongin asks quietly, tilting his head to feel the soft brush of Junmyeon’s hair against his cheek. He closes his eyes, needing to marvel in it, needing to feel close. “Sehunnie brought me the snapback you got for me. That makes me think that you were thinking of me, too.”
Junmyeon takes a deep, shaky breath and pulls away, nearly making Jongin stumble. He’s smiling even though he seems so sad, an obvious exercise in self-restraint. If there was ever a better leader at putting others first, Jongin’s yet to meet them.
“I’m always thinking of you, Jongin,” Junmyeon says.
Well, good, because that would only be fair, Jongin thinks, but can’t even think to say it.
There’s so much to be said about the way Junmyeon’s looking at him, like he wants to just eat him up, but without any prompting, Jongin is too scared to move. He can only watch Junmyeon slowly and carefully tuck the mittens away, and though he says Junmyeon’s name, Junmyeon turns and leaves without meeting his eyes again.
It isn’t until much later that it occurs to Jongin that he should’ve asked why Junmyeon and Wonhee met on an unscheduled day. By the time he thinks of it though, he’s already been curled up in bed for hours to hide under his blankets, Junmyeon’s gift clutched to his chest with one hand and the other furiously scrolling on his phone, in search of the perfect blog that will teach him what to do about being so lovesick.
---
To her credit, Wonhee doesn’t only troll Jongin to the ends of the Earth--she really does have good intentions, too. The trolling was just a bit of fun.
“Why do you keep sending me pictures of Junmyeon-hyung anyway?” Jongin asks, running a finger up and down his mug of hot chocolate.
Okay, so the trolling was indeed a giant, enormous helping of fun, but Wonhee doesn’t think anyone else would’ve done it differently. It’s amazing to find someone her own age who is just so thick in the head about their own situation!
“I work with him and live with him half the time,” Jongin explains, like Wonhee didn’t obviously already know that. He knocks his heels together under the table, pulling his new snapback a little lower each time a new customer walks into the cafe. Wonhee, for all her beauty and recent TV status, seems unbothered about being recognized with him. “Also, it’s kind of weird how many shirtless photos you have of him? Have you been getting them from Sehun?”
“Why, you want more?” Wonhee asks, a knowing grin on her face. Jongin scowls.
“It’s not that, I just mean that you don’t need to be sending me pictures. Why are you doing that?”
“I don’t know, I figured you’d like them.”
Jongin’s face heats up. “Why would you even say that?”
“I take it that that’s not a no,” she points out.
“Oh my god, it’s like you troll me this hard on purpose. I bet Junmyeon-hyung’s never seen this side of you.”
Sweetly, gently, Wonhee pats his hand. “Of course not,” she states as a matter of fact, “how could he when all he sees is you?”
Jongin snaps a glare in place, ready to say something in rebuttal, but there isn’t any teasing on her face. He stops, sits up straighter, already too exposed with his own feelings to keep putting up a front with everyone else.
“Oh, is Jonginnie finally getting serious?” Wonhee teases some more, but her smile is sympathetic, nearly pitying. Maybe it is pity--Jongin would have the shame to feel embarrassed, but he’s already too self-aware of the mess he’s gotten himself and Junmyeon into without realizing. He doesn’t blame her for feeling the way she does.
“Is this why you asked to meet today?” Jongin asks quietly, looking down at his interlaced fingers.
“You know we filmed our last episode yesterday, right? And it was really a lot of fun, and I was just going to leave things as they were because I didn’t think it was right to meddle.” Wonhee shrugs, thinking back on the last two months. “To be honest, I was considering whether or not I should be envious of you when Junmyeon-oppa and I first met. But then it was really obvious to me that what would be the point? Given the choice, there’d be you and no other choices, so what hope does anyone else in the world have?”
Jongin flushes five different degrees of hot, though it does nothing for the ice in the pit of his stomach. Has it really been that obvious to even a stranger? He’s always known, he always has known about Junmyeon’s affection for him, but has he really been such a coward that he’s blinded himself to the depth of it?
“Yah, I have my pride as a woman, too!” Wonhee says, trying to lighten the mood. Jongin looks so distraught, like he’s upset with himself. That wasn’t the intention of any of this. “If you don’t get your act together, don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t make him fall in love with me!”
“I thought you liked Chanyeol-hyung,” Jongin points out, a weak smile on his face. He can appreciate that she’s trying to cheer him up.
“Why does everyone keep saying that? Is it because I’m tall? Anyway!!” Wonhee shakes her head, then waves both of her hands in front of her. “I’m not going to argue with whatever it is you guys have when he looks at you the way you look at him.” Jongin startles but she doesn’t let him get a word in. “He’s such a wonderful oppa, and you’re a pretty decent friend I suppose, so it’d be great if you guys were happy. Don’t you know how much extra filming we had to do over these ten episodes just to have enough material on the show that doesn’t revolve around you? It’s like you’re the only thing he thinks about.”
I’m always thinking of you, Jongin.
Well, it’s not like Jongin’s ever known Junmyeon to lie.
“Sorry to have gotten you mixed up in all of this,” Jongin mumbles, embarrassed but very grateful. “I know I should’ve sorted all of this myself years ago, to be honest. I don’t really know why it’s come to this.”
“It’s okay,” Wonhee reassures, pushing a small plate of macaroons toward him, “if love was easy, you think anyone would still sing love songs?”
---
To: Jongin
I know I know
What if you
Just kiss him
REALLY DEEPLY
To: Wonhee
Do you ever STOP??
I’ll think of something
To: Jongin
Attached image file: dem abs dem arms dat face.jpg
To: Wonhee
HOW DO YOU HAVE PHOTOS I’VE NEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE
To: Jongin
I knew you’d freak out
Don’t stare too hard
Your phone might catch fire
CUZ HE’S HOT
To: Wonhee
I’m blocking you
---
There is no plan. There are only grand, breathtaking, perfectly timed and executed plans in the movies, usually involving some sort of fast running scene and panting-yelled confession.
Jongin does not have this. He’s tried to pen down a few ideas but seeing anything remotely cheesy on paper makes him want to hypothetically eat his only remaining hand, so that’s a no-go there. They have a bunch of concerts to rehearse for and now that We Got Married is finished, Junmyeon’s been throwing himself back into being Suho at exhausting levels of effort.
Rather than waste time with more never-to-see-light-of-day plans, Jongin simply asks him out to dinner.
Of course, Junmyeon doesn’t say no. He’s admittedly surprised and rather anxious but he is also pleased that Jongin asked.
“This is more upscale than we usually go for,” Jongin notes with amusement in the restaurant, teasing his hyung a little. They’re in a private room and there’s so much food on the table that they’d need an extra Chanyeol or two to finish it all. It’s just barbeque, nothing they don’t all indulge in once in a while, but Jongin’s earliest and fondest memories of going out with Junmyeon are of being treated to greasy cheese pizza and honey-garlic chicken. There isn’t even real cutlery at places like that.
“I’ll have you know I’m 3000 percent class,” Junmyeon sniffs, “this hyung will occasionally take you out to places with granite tabletops, see?” He pats the table to make a point, serious expression dissolving into a grin. “Why, you just want to order pizza next time?”
“Of course not!” Jongin exclaims, so relieved to see Junmyeon in a good mood that he has no words for it. He was so scared that they would be awkward with each other but he should’ve known better with a decade of history between them.
The samgyeopsal sizzles so wonderfully on the grill that for a moment, Jongin forgets about his original intention. Which was not just about getting treated to dinner, actually, and he had had zero expectations regarding food, but Junmyeon is indeed the best hyung and Jongin is captivated by all the tender meat. He remembers quickly, though, when Junmyeon hands over a lettuce wrap for him, so packed with meat that the lettuce is about to rip.
“Oh, hyung,” Jongin says, straight-faced, “I don’t know that all your meat will fit in my mouth.”
Junmyeon’s face twitches just a little. “But a good dongsaeng would try, Jongin-ah.”
Jongin manages to keep it together for three whole seconds before he’s doubled over with serious giggles, the back of his neck tingling when he hears the adorable sound of Junmyeon’s laughter. Wow, it’s been a while since he’s heard that, hasn’t it?
So light, so unthinking, so cute. Junmyeon is so cute.
“Junmyeon-hyung,” Jongin says, eyeing yet another lettuce wrap growing out of control in Junmyeon’s hands, “did you ever think about dating Wonhee at all?”
What a random topic. Junmyeon’s eyebrows knit together, though he doesn’t stop with what he’s doing, determined not to meet Jongin’s eyes. “No, actually,” he says, “I didn’t like her that way and she wasn’t interested in me, either.”
“Okay.” Jongin pokes at an innocent dish of radish kimchi, heart thudding in his ears. “Is that because she told you about my feelings for you?”
Now, Junmyeon does freeze. Jongin sucks in a deep breath and holds it, not daring to make a single sound, wondering how long he can live in this excruciating silence before he backpedals and plays it off as a joke. As long as there’s even a chance, he’s got to suck it up and try and deal with it, because Wonhee was right--when did anyone, anywhere, at any time tell him that love was supposed to easy?
“You have feelings for me?” Junmyeon asks, sounding far away to himself. Is this really happening? Is he hallucinating from drinking too many vitamin supplements? He puts down everything he has in his hands and braces himself with both against the table. “You have feelings for me?” he asks again, but gentler, and he looks Jongin in the eye, heart ramming in his throat.
“Yeah,” Jongin replies, somehow without any breath in his words, “a lot.”
“Then no, that isn’t why,” Junmyeon says. He feels as stable as sheets of paper in a hurricane with nothing but a loose paperclip to keep him together. “She wasn’t interested in me because I didn’t like her that way. Because I already like you that way.”
He pauses, then resumes with making Jongin yet another lettuce wrap, his sole purpose in life reduced to having something to do with his hands. He can’t bring himself to look at Jongin’s face but he can feel the intensity of Jongin’s staring and it’s making his cheeks flame.
“...Oh,” Jongin replies eventually, finding himself wearing a frown. He’s confused. Isn’t this supposed to feel revelatory?
“Are you okay with that?” Junmyeon asks, and although he’s probably going for nonchalant, Jongin can only hear all the worry laced into every word.
“I mean, only if we can date?” Jongin proposes, asks, suggests, he doesn’t know anymore. He’s beyond bewildered at how easy this part is turning out to be.
Junmyeon blinks at him, handing over an obscene lettuce wrap.
Ridiculous. “Hyung, I can’t possibly eat this...”
“You can and you will,” Junmyeon informs him, “so wait, why are you frowning?”
“Well...I guess I thought it would feel more…‘a-ha!’ to me, does that make sense? Like, it’s one thing to know how someone feels, but it’s supposed to be another to hear it out loud, right?”
“I honestly thought you didn’t like me that much,” Junmyeon admits, smiling to see Jongin immediately gear up to refute him. “I’m surprised you’re not more surprised.”
Jongin’s frown turns into a pout. “You didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know!” he whines, “I’m really happy you told me, and thank you, hyung! But I kind of already knew everything...”
“Well,” Junmyeon says, laughing a little, “I’m in love with you, I bet you didn’t know that.”
Jongin did. He did, even if he never dared to let himself think about it. But still, it’s an entire universe of difference to hear it out loud, even if it isn’t a surprise, even if it’s something that Jongin has known deep down for many years.
“Do you want me to make you a wrap, hyung?” Jongin asks, defenselessly shy. He can’t quite look at Junmyeon’s smile without fear of evaporating and floating away, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to sneak peeks.
Because Jongin has some sense, he doesn’t pack the wrap as fully as Junmyeon did, then slides out of his booth so he can squish in next to Junmyeon instead.
“Here, my first mission is to feed you,” he declares, leaning against Junmyeon, as second-nature as dance.
But of course, when Junmyeon leans in, Jongin gives him a kiss instead.
Junmyeon wasn’t exactly not expecting that, either.
---
Jongin goes in to finish filming commentary for the last episode of We Got Married on a sunny and bitingly cold Thursday morning. He doesn’t mind anymore that everyone--staff, MCs, even the other couples--keeps saying what a cute couple Junmyeon and Wonhee are. He’s already texted Wonhee a picture of Junmyeon taking a nap, figuring that was as clear as he needed to be.
Alright, so he does have some regrets about the approximately 300 inappropriate emojis she’d spammed him with for hours after, but even that felt like a victory.
“If you remarry after me, I hope you do it very soon,” Wonhee is saying on screen. “Someone tall and beautiful and talented, and you have to make sure your feelings don’t go to waste by waiting!”
“What a kind thing to say!” one of the MCs says, “it’s like she has someone in mind!”
Jongin struggles to keep a straight face. She really did know all this time.
Junmyeon is holding onto her hand, looking sad. “I promise, Wonhee-yah. I feel like I still don’t know very much about love.”
“Junmyeon-hyung, what are you even saying!!” Jongin exclaims flatly, horrified.
“What would I even say?” Junmyeon continues, “I doubt anyone will be as easy to talk to as it has been with you.”
Wonhee gives him a big hug. “Try the truth, oppa! And do it over barbeque or something, everyone likes barbeque.”
Later that day, when Junmyeon comes to pick him up in the car with a hot cocoa immediately at the ready, all Jongin can do is duck over and give him a quick kiss on the mouth, even at the risk of being seen.
“What was that for?” Junmyeon asks, blindingly pleased and glowing.
“I got lectured today because I couldn’t stop laughing watching you,” Jongin says, buckling himself in. “You are too funny when you think you’re trying to be subtle.” He grins at Junmyeon’s pout. “And, I also learned something about myself.”
“Oh?” Junmyeon asks.
“I think it’s probably impossible for me to love you any more than I already do,” Jongin answers, reaching out to warm one of Junmyeon’s hands between his. “But ask me again tomorrow, I keep surprising myself every day.”
---
to the anon who originally gave this prompt for the cuddlybros 2015 fic fest: i deeply apologize for being a fuck-up at life and never delivering on the sukai goods ahahahaha. i know this isn't what you asked for either, but it was such a good prompt that i couldn't let go of it, and even though it took me over a year to actually get through it all, i finally managed it today. at work. go figure. anyway, THANK YOU for this wonderful idea and i hope you've gleaned even a bit of enjoyment from it!
to everyone else: lololol sorry y'all, this fic really does span a year in my life so there are mood and tone changes EVERYWHERE and i know i meandered off into la la land at some points but this is the best version of this fic that i think i'll ever manage. so thank you for reading, as always, and i hope you've enjoyed :)
PS IF ANYONE IS COMING FOR EXO'S TOKYO DOME DATES IN NOVEMBER/DECEMBER...hit me uppppp