The Pandorica lets forth a boatload of shit.
- -Prediction from before: The Doctor travelled back in time to see Amy in the second half of the angels episode. Also, there is something we didn’t see at the end of the angels 2 episode. I feel like there was no logical transition from that to Vampires in Venice.
- -The ship from “The Lodger.” That’s the Tardis rebuilding itself if it actually does explode? Something of that nature? I hope not, though. The new Tardis interior is sexy and the thing we saw looked like a spider. (Edit: We saw it in the sky. Nevermind.)
- -Okay, so right before I started watching, I went and looked at the big print of Starry Night we have in the den. The crack is from starry night. It’s the wave above the skyline. With that out of the way, here we go.
- -The book, the Romans. Everything has to do with Amy. Okay, we got it. That makes me think that Karen Gillan won’t be back for another season, as this has been Amy-this, Amy-that all series long but whatever. I never liked her anyway. In a yet-to-be-determined-as-related note, I hate when people say the cracks have been really obvious. There have been loads of really well-placed cracks. Like the one at the bottom of the Tardis rubble? That was epic!
- -Inside the Pandorica is River? That’s some brain crack that I thought of when Amy was talking about the Box o’ Evil. A woman lets all the evils of the world out of the box? What if the woman was all the evil of the world? That makes no sense after a second of thinking about it, as River would obviously remember herself being born or whatever. But I like River and I loved when we saw “Hi Sweetie” on the wall and I’d like to know more about her. And what part of “We meet in the wrong order” does Amy not understand? Also, why would Angel-River have needed an introduction to Amy if she’d met her in this episode? Amy wouldn’t know River, but River would know Amy.
- -RORY!!!!111!!ONE!!1 Poor baby! Also, wtf happened with Amy not remembering. She should have. If the ring means something to her, so should his freaking face.
- -If Rory died, went into the crack, and lived, does that mean that the guys who walked into the crack lived, went in, popped out somewhere else and died? Are they alive? Are they somewhere else in time? Are they part of the Roman army too?
- -The Doctor screaming “Bitches, I’m here!” is a huge cop-out. If the Daleks and Cybermen and whomever else aren’t afraid to face him on their own, why would they be afraid when they have tons of other species working towards the same goal? They could just duke it out after the Doctor’s dead.
- -The crack leads to their wedding? It seems to circle around Amy’s life, and the theme of “time can be rewritten” and “there are fixed points in time” seem to be surfacing a lot. Could it be like when Donna had the bug-thing and she had to set time right again? Maybe their wedding or something about their relationship is a fixed point in time, so this is the universe’s effort to compensate for Rory’s death.
- -Whoa, whoa, whoa. “Things happen” is NOT a proper explanation as to why Rory isn’t dead. Fix this shit, Doctor.
- -Bitch, if you tell me Rory’s not real now, I’m going to bust a cap. I missed him this much and looked forward to his return this much for you to tell me he’s not even REAL?!? River!
- -Alliance makes some sense. That’s why they all left together. It explains why the angels and Prisoner Zero knew about it, as it seems all the baddies are privy to this information.
- -River, you suck at parking.
- -Rory! Stop making me want to cry! It’s just like the “I’m John Smith!” thing in that episode with Martha! That freaking killed me!
- -There is literally no way out of this. River’s stuck between a rock and an exploding Tardis. Amy got killed by her half-revived, half-robot (but all adorable) boyfriend because she’s st00pid (Though I think we all know Amy won’t be dead for long. They have to bring her back in the last episode. Although, that is what I thought after Rory’s death, too…). The Doctor is locked inside the fracking Pandorica. There isn’t even a usable pickled Doctor hand so they can’t even pull an RTD and grow another Doctor.
- -Okay, back to Rory. Fuck this shit. I’m pissed.
- -WAIT. RORY. Rory’ll fix it. Okay, everybody chill the fuck out. Rory’s got this.
Me: I mean, Rory's such a fine piece of plaid-wearing eye candy that yeah, I'd call him a miracle.
Me: Amy, bitch, you are happy because Rory fucking Williams is looking at you with puppy-dog eyes of love and you'll never get anything as awesome as his sweet ass unless you REMEMBER WHO THE HELL HE IS.
Me: Also, how is something unlocking the Pandorica from the inside if it was just a Doctor Throne?
Jez: Uh...remote control?
Me: Its Amy's fault.
Jez: EVERYTHING is Amy's fault.