FIRST ENTRY OMG
So, hello there. After about a year of lurking, the personal profile finally arrives.
Most of it will surely be either music or SKins related, or at least for the forseeable future.
To start though, the first fanfic in two years (and second ever). It's one of those rather unimportant 10-song drabble type things that have been going around, just using ( Read more... )
Most of it will surely be either music or SKins related, or at least for the forseeable future.
To start though, the first fanfic in two years (and second ever). It's one of those rather unimportant 10-song drabble type things that have been going around, just using ( Read more... )
Comments 19
Kissing her in the morning, when she’s still got all of her fire but none of her armour, is sometimes too much to bear.
That might be one of my favorite sentences in like anything, ever. No joke.
They generally got better as I went down (I'm assuming you wrote them in the order they're listed?) which should be confidence-inspiring; with practice/repetition comes glorious shit like that sentence I just quoted. I think you've got a really good grasp on Naomi, who in some ways we know a lot more about than we do about Emily (whose defining personality trait is "nice and gay", really) and so all of these, about her fears and how she really just feels invaded, just seem spot-on, as far as one can get spot-on in 100 words several times over anyway. :)
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Yeah, I think 4 and 6 are my favourites, and I amy take stuff from them and flesh it out a bit more.
Yeah, these were done in this order, and also finished (just about) within the time that each associated song lasted.
And I'm glad you think I've got Naomi in any way as she's my favourite character and the one who has most points of interest to explore in fics, at least from the way I write. You do a damn good job with Emily yourself given the problem you already mentioned, so I think I'll leave her for now.
Or, just o back and do a set more focused on her. Dunno, something about this type of drabble kinda grabs me, but maybe just as preamble to proper stuff.
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And yeah, these are good! Lots of potential - you have a good grip on what's going on with Naomi, and there's some lovely things - this sentence made me squeak at how completely right it is: Kissing her in the morning, when she’s still got all of her fire but none of her armour, is sometimes too much to bear.
Looking forward to more :)
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Thankee kindly, musical taste is the one thing I think I really pride myself on, as dumb and clique-y as that is.
And I obviously hit on something with that line then. It shall ahve its own fic!
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More fic, yay!
And speaking of music - that track by Friendly Fires is not one I've heard, is it new?
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To agree with the other comments- number 6: fabulous. Reminds me how beautiful new love is.
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But I really am gearing up to trying some new stuff now. Found so many songs that make me think of them that I can't really avoid it. And this lovely weather is making me feel free-er than I have for a while, more liberated to try, or retry, stuff.
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Still not wuite sure about my style, it feels a bit forced sometimes, and I can definately see that Twistomatic's stuff has had quite an impact, sonot quite sure what to do about that.
But this bit actually works better given what we know now than it did at the time, which shows I at least read Naomi well:
A few months into it all, whatever it is (love, she supposes; forever, maybe), she gets scared again. She’s lost herself, outside of Emily. She can’t pinpoint what she is any more, apart from out of her depth.
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Okay, okay, come summer and maybe even before then, the writing will commence. Althought it'll be a struggle whether to go for post-S4 possibilities, The Artist-like rewrites or just some lovely filler stuff ...
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Seriously, these are really lovely. They make me so nostalgic for the Naomily we all loved, even if Naomi could be a complete bitch at times, and there are ways in which their relationship was so unequal it was just wrong. I've never shipped a canon couple as hard as I ship them, even now.
I really have to echo Sive, that line "Kissing her in the morning, when she’s still got all of her fire but none of her armour, is sometimes too much to bear." is just too beautiful for words.
The drabble form really works for you here. It gives these the feel of prose poems; sparse, elegant, and really beautiful.
Oh, and my other favourite line:-
"And then she gets it. Sometimes, when you fall, someone catches you." Just perfect.
I'm very impressed, Al, and I'm looking forward to seeing more :)
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They're not too verbose or anything though? I do worry sometimes that I'm being too flowery, that all those parenthesis and addendums don't add anything to the original thought, but then it feels forced if I go for a more direct approach.
Anything you can see that could do with an improvement, cos it does feel like something, though not serious, is missing. Sometimes.
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It's nice when you write something that you then read back and can actually be really pleased with, isn't it. It's like, "I wrote that? Cool. But how? Where did it come from?"
I totally get you on worrying about excessive verboseness. It's something I worry about a lot too, and I try to keep a tight rein at times. That's one thing I admire in Sivi's writing, the sparseness, the feeling that there's not a single excess. It's an amazing skill.
It's also one style, though, and there are others, and there's nothing wrong letting a few words do the work of one sometimes, if those words are nicely formed.
It's a pretty hard thing to edit yourself, I think, I'm certainly not good at it. I think it probably comes with time and practice though.
I'll have another read through when I have a little time and let you know if anything comes to mind :)
I hope all's good with you, by the way :)
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I get that about the different styles, which is why I'm not disappointed in these and can actual bear to post them. If it was a real issue I was having with my writing you wouldn't see anything from me ever! It's more of a "what can be improved" situation, and that's the first possible weak area that jumped out to me.
I'm ... not so good. Not in any big way, just got a cold and an essay for tomorrow that hasn't been started and I have no idea how I can make it any longer than 700 words, and it needs to be 2000 >_<
So yeah, boo me. To keep me distracted for a moment more, I have my one other completed fic available for your scrutiny, if you're interested?
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