The other tangent.
I never really could get the full meaning of the song "Enjoy the Silence" until I had my week with V. I know you're familiar with the song, recalling you yourself even wrote an entry about it before.
But only now do I really understand the song...much more than I used to. I've always loved the song... The "can't you understand, oh my little girl" especially always got me...followed by "all I ever wanted, all I ever needed" and then talking of being in one's arms. Yeah. I'd listen to that part over and over again, just to hear that phrase again. Little girl being all you ever wanted and needed, in your arms.
Anyway. I'm a verbose kinda person. I'm always ready with a witty response, an encouragement, a compliment, an insult; and so on...words are just me, and it's not that I can't be quiet...on the contrary I spend a lot of time quiet, but, never silent. My mind, you see, is always going, and commenting. I think I misused that semi-colon...
(Focusing again.)
With him, in his arms...I was at peace. Words are very unneccessary. I had no need to speak, being held, being loved...what words could express the peace, the trust I felt? What words could truly express something as profound as this perfection? For the first time in so long, I was actually able to relax and allow myself to feel...to enjoy the silence.
The words: the insecurity, the self-doubt and self loathing...my fear of saying something that won't always be true. Much like many other creatures, I have a reluctance to be wrong. I prefer to not make mistakes. Everything I do, as a result, is typically very controlled and deliberate...I avoid not planning my conversations out.
...but there in his arms...I could be silent. I could be at peace. Funny, he doesn't think so much in words as I do...he's much more instinctual, more tangible, more physical...quite non-verbal. On the contrary, I'm non-physical, more calculated and psychological, philosophical. We've gone through it before, we're one person just split into two...traits distributed, but the same character remains.
When I was with him, he knew exactly what to say, exactly how to make me feel at ease...and I was speechless. And that was just fine. It was perfect.
Now the little girl understands...Enjoy the Silence.
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For a final little addendum to this entry...I have at least 4 different mixes of this song. I have too much free time on my hands, methinks.