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[lovemedeath]

no one reads this, and they shouldn't most likely. it's become an obsessive documentation of my addiction to stephen. but here we go again.

Stephen Rowland-I fucking deleted that original message. Way to go, OKStupid. I said your sex addiction wouldn't bother me, and it does. I said I was a capable drinker, and every time I verbally or physically

Comments

[heart_handmade]

I can't help but write a reply to all of this. Recently I feel I've become overly concerned and maybe tonight, though calling twice, leaving a voicemail and texting you, I feel I can do more. Possibly find a car, drive the numerous hours to your home and pick you up piece by piece. I don't know, but I want to be there for you even when you want to be alone. Maybe that's love talking but I can't help my nature to care and want to hold you, want to assist you, want to be what you need

[lovemedeath]

You are the only constant in my life and I suppose I don't express my love for you enough anymore. You had me selfishly smiling at the thought you driving all the way here to put me back together again. And now my heart aches at the impossibility of that...bi-polar. ha ha. I didn't post the message I had sent to him, which this was a reply to. I went to see a psychiatrist on thursday and the man was completely unqualified to deal with my kind of craziness(he asked me what "mania" was in a condescending way and as I listed off the particular ways it's affected me, he stopped me on "reckless behavior" and asked, "what, like driving fast?" and I said, "no, like sleeping with strangers every night and engaging in abusive, overly intense relationships."), he prescribed me only lithium and lamictal despite how many times I mentioned the anxiety and inability to concentrate and the insomnia...nothing for any of those. Janice Bunch was the psychiatrist stephen had here in bowling green, she too was a complete idiot. I feel angry reading it as