Without My Sun
Jake and Bella fan fiction .. my anti-drug
Title: Without My Sun
Rating: G
Pairing: Jacob Black and Bella Swan
Word Count: 453
Summary: Speaks for itself
Without My Sun
Jessica K. Shannon
She stares at herself in the mirror.
“Why?” she mouthes back to the glass.
Questioningly, she studies herself for a long while, surveying her features, intent on her eyes. Empty. Fearful. Ashamed.
“You’re a liar,” she whispers, eyes still locked on her face.
She then looks down at her hands, the hands that were just warm inside the strong, manly hands of another. There she felt safe, at peace, happy. She missed those hands when they were apart. She missed every piece of him when he wasn’t near. She began to break apart at the seems when he left, the seems his smile had sewn up.
She couldn’t bear to lose him; but she didn’t deserve for him to stay.
Something wet hits her pinky finger, and she realizes she is crying. When she looks back up at her misty lashes, a new resolve breaks the frown on her face.
She wouldn’t see him anymore. She’d forbid herself from acknowledging his warmth, his light... She pauses at the thought.
Impossible.
His warmth surrounded her whole being. Even when they were away from each other she felt the heat. His light radiated through her; each beam like a sun ray straight to the heart. It brightened. It lifted. It enveloped her in the joy she so desperately depended on.
No, saying goodbye to Jake was out of the question. She needed his smile, his hands, him--more than she needed air. She wouldn’t lose him too! She was already broken; this goodbye would offer no repair man to put her back together.
Love like that hardly came around once. She had been given a double dose of selfless love, and losing both wasn’t even a thought to be entertained.
Her thoughts still far away, she feels her mouth move, asking herself yet another unanswerable question aloud.
“So, what are you going to do?” she breathes.
When she can’t search her brain for any shred of an answer, anger wells up, an anger that shakes her from the inside.
She screams, “What are you going to do?!!” “Figure it out, Bella.” “You can’t hurt him”; “I won’t hurt him!”
She sobs as she screams, clutching the mirror and shaking it relentlessly. Rolls of tears spill over her cheeks, each one that falls feeling like a weight that’s been lifted.
Exhausted, she collapses to the floor, small sighs escaping her lips. She wouldn’t let him feel this way. She wouldn’t put her best friend through the same destructive ache that haunted her each second.
“Love him or leave him, Bella,” she cries.
She wraps her arms tightly around her waist. How dark the days ahead would be without her sun.