(no subject)
It's amazing the power a letter holds. I wanted to write one earlier, I didn't really care to whom it was addressed, just really wanted to write one. I was worried that I wouldn't have much to say, so I just started writing, and ended up with these. Sorry if they're long. You don't really have to read. I've just been thinking a lot lately.
Dear Best Friend-
You're the only person I know willing to laugh at my jokes even when they're not funny. When you're happy, my heart sings, and it breaks for you when it knows that you're hurting. Your happiness is my greatest joy, and selfish desire can only hope that that happiness is due in part to something I have done to make you smile.
Our friendship frightens me sometimes. It used to be that friends so in tune that finishing one another's sentences was something you'd read in a story. To have someone who, for the first time, is on the exact same page as I am is a novel concept, and an eerie one at that.
I'm a possessive person. I can't apologize for that anymore than I already have. I'm jealous by nature and I'm so, so sorry. I know I can't make you many promises, even fewer can I keep, but your happiness, be it with or without me, will always, always be my top priority. Please, remember that when I'm moody or hurt or feeling left out. It passes in time. It always passes.
Dear 'Special Someone'-
Few people in this world, with the exception of the Best Friend and a few others, seem to understand what truly goes on behind these eyes. You're honestly the first person I've met who had the ability to do that without flinching and running away. I have a deep respect for you for that. I like the way that you're always smiling, and I love your sense of humor. You and your friends are inseparable, and I think that's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I can't picture you growing up, getting more mature and letting the world crush that happiness out of you. I honestly never hope it happens. I'd like to spend more time with you, if for no other reason than that you always seem to put me in a good mood. Now all I have to do is tell you, right?
Dear 'Worst Enemy'-
How much does it hurt to know that people don't listen to the things that you say about them? That's always been a curiosity of mine. I've always wondered what it's like to know that you're completely alone once your story of "Wolf! Wolf!" becomes yesterday's news. Yes, the wolf ate the sheep, but tomorrow's another day, honey, and wool is in this season. Too abstract for you? All right, then let me give it to you straight. Yeah, sometimes life bites the big one. Yeah, sometimes people get made fun of. Yeah, sometimes friends or boyfriends or ex-boyfriends do something in their best interest that doesn't always work in yours. You wanna know what you do? You get. The Fuck. Over it. The sun didn't stop rising and setting when Delila betrayed Samson. The world didn't stop spinning when the A-bomb went off, and it didn't stop when the world found out that it had the power to blow itself up eight times over. Now tell me honestly, if you can, what sort of mindset must you be in if you think it's going to stop for you because your boyfriend never really liked you, or because you got teased, or because the wolf ate your sheep? I understand that it hurts and that it's hard to deal with, but that is absolutely no reason to alienate the people who try to help. There's a reason your friends seem to leave you when you pull this crap. Now, you tell me what it is?
Dear Dad-
I don't ask you to understand the way that I see the world. I couldn't ask anybody to do that with very high expectations of success. The two of us are like night and day, and I'm okay with that. I'm not angry with you, as much as I may have said that I was in the past. Words are just words. I'm not angry at you for being happy with your kids and your dogs, with your church and your house. I'm not angry at you for not wanting to step outside of your comfort zone, of your safe little box, and I'm not angry with you for not wanting to leave Juneau.
I want you to know that, no matter how few times I may call, or how short my visits may get, that you're still my hero. Somewhere, buried deep within the lewd humor, loud voice and desire to do something different, there are bits and pieces of a stable, steady man who is perhaps a little afraid of change. Somewhere, there are parts of me that want to be just like you, to marry someone and live in a house with kids and dogs and no worries that anything will ever come along and upset that happy little balance. Someday I'll show it to you. I think you'd be surprised how much your daughter I truly am.
But then, there are a lot of things about me that would surprise you, aren't there. I have seven distinct personalities that aren't my own living in my brain. Did you know that? Did you know that some of my closest friends are two or more timezones away? What about the fact that, when I grow up, I want to be somebody that people talk about. I want to be on daytime television or behind a microphone or signing books in New York City. Did you know that one? My biggest dreams after those are to meet Scott Clifton and Leonardo DiCaprio. I think Vince Vaughn is one of the funniest men alive, and I would kill to meet him as well. Another thing you don't know...it hurt me more than you'll ever be able to imagine when you found out about my struggles last year. If you would have looked closer you would have seen your daughter, lost and alone. There was more to that situation than my grades taking a dip. That much I can promise you.
All My Love-
Your Best Friend, An Admirer of Your Spirit, The Eternal Nag, Your Little Girl...
Jacque
"Because I've been thinkin' a lot lately..."
Dear Best Friend-
You're the only person I know willing to laugh at my jokes even when they're not funny. When you're happy, my heart sings, and it breaks for you when it knows that you're hurting. Your happiness is my greatest joy, and selfish desire can only hope that that happiness is due in part to something I have done to make you smile.
Our friendship frightens me sometimes. It used to be that friends so in tune that finishing one another's sentences was something you'd read in a story. To have someone who, for the first time, is on the exact same page as I am is a novel concept, and an eerie one at that.
I'm a possessive person. I can't apologize for that anymore than I already have. I'm jealous by nature and I'm so, so sorry. I know I can't make you many promises, even fewer can I keep, but your happiness, be it with or without me, will always, always be my top priority. Please, remember that when I'm moody or hurt or feeling left out. It passes in time. It always passes.
Dear 'Special Someone'-
Few people in this world, with the exception of the Best Friend and a few others, seem to understand what truly goes on behind these eyes. You're honestly the first person I've met who had the ability to do that without flinching and running away. I have a deep respect for you for that. I like the way that you're always smiling, and I love your sense of humor. You and your friends are inseparable, and I think that's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I can't picture you growing up, getting more mature and letting the world crush that happiness out of you. I honestly never hope it happens. I'd like to spend more time with you, if for no other reason than that you always seem to put me in a good mood. Now all I have to do is tell you, right?
Dear 'Worst Enemy'-
How much does it hurt to know that people don't listen to the things that you say about them? That's always been a curiosity of mine. I've always wondered what it's like to know that you're completely alone once your story of "Wolf! Wolf!" becomes yesterday's news. Yes, the wolf ate the sheep, but tomorrow's another day, honey, and wool is in this season. Too abstract for you? All right, then let me give it to you straight. Yeah, sometimes life bites the big one. Yeah, sometimes people get made fun of. Yeah, sometimes friends or boyfriends or ex-boyfriends do something in their best interest that doesn't always work in yours. You wanna know what you do? You get. The Fuck. Over it. The sun didn't stop rising and setting when Delila betrayed Samson. The world didn't stop spinning when the A-bomb went off, and it didn't stop when the world found out that it had the power to blow itself up eight times over. Now tell me honestly, if you can, what sort of mindset must you be in if you think it's going to stop for you because your boyfriend never really liked you, or because you got teased, or because the wolf ate your sheep? I understand that it hurts and that it's hard to deal with, but that is absolutely no reason to alienate the people who try to help. There's a reason your friends seem to leave you when you pull this crap. Now, you tell me what it is?
Dear Dad-
I don't ask you to understand the way that I see the world. I couldn't ask anybody to do that with very high expectations of success. The two of us are like night and day, and I'm okay with that. I'm not angry with you, as much as I may have said that I was in the past. Words are just words. I'm not angry at you for being happy with your kids and your dogs, with your church and your house. I'm not angry at you for not wanting to step outside of your comfort zone, of your safe little box, and I'm not angry with you for not wanting to leave Juneau.
I want you to know that, no matter how few times I may call, or how short my visits may get, that you're still my hero. Somewhere, buried deep within the lewd humor, loud voice and desire to do something different, there are bits and pieces of a stable, steady man who is perhaps a little afraid of change. Somewhere, there are parts of me that want to be just like you, to marry someone and live in a house with kids and dogs and no worries that anything will ever come along and upset that happy little balance. Someday I'll show it to you. I think you'd be surprised how much your daughter I truly am.
But then, there are a lot of things about me that would surprise you, aren't there. I have seven distinct personalities that aren't my own living in my brain. Did you know that? Did you know that some of my closest friends are two or more timezones away? What about the fact that, when I grow up, I want to be somebody that people talk about. I want to be on daytime television or behind a microphone or signing books in New York City. Did you know that one? My biggest dreams after those are to meet Scott Clifton and Leonardo DiCaprio. I think Vince Vaughn is one of the funniest men alive, and I would kill to meet him as well. Another thing you don't know...it hurt me more than you'll ever be able to imagine when you found out about my struggles last year. If you would have looked closer you would have seen your daughter, lost and alone. There was more to that situation than my grades taking a dip. That much I can promise you.
All My Love-
Your Best Friend, An Admirer of Your Spirit, The Eternal Nag, Your Little Girl...
Jacque
"Because I've been thinkin' a lot lately..."