Before i start, I would like to clarify that I don't have any kids so I can't have that bias. In my opinion, I don't think you should marry him. Definitely before the baby comes.
In my eyes, he's too immature. He won't leave a part time job to take care of you both. A part time won't support you and definitely won't support a baby. Playing video games all night instead of taking to you shows how he is not ready to make sure you're emotionally supported even if he can't support you financially. When people get married, they typically are in the stage where it's like "oh my god. This is the perfect person. This will last forever". And with divorce being over 60%, and you already questioning if it would work, I wouldn't even risk going through a messy divorce months/years down the road.
I am not saying that you don't love him or shouldn't try to see if it work. By all means, maybe it will work out. I just personally wouldn't make life changing choices like moving or getting married, without him bothering to step up to the plate for you.
I agree. It seems like he is making very little effort. maybe he's scared of commitment or of being responsible for a child, but he won't even take a few minutes to talk to you. i don't have kids either, but i am getting married in a few months, and i wouldn't be doing it if i wasn't totally sure. getting married or staying together "for the kids" rarely works out well, from what i've seen.
Yeah.. I definitely want to feel like he's the one before making that commitment. And it's hard to be feel that way when I'm already questioning everything. I just want to do what's best for our baby.
I love everything you said! Thank you. You've basically just reinforced everything I was thinking and put it into better words lol. It seems when I try to explain to him how I'm feeling about it all, it must just come out like waaa waaa waaa. And in reply, he tells me I'm just being negative. Or he just stays quiet. It's very difficult to have a conversation with him... nothing ever gets resolved. And it literally feels like I'm just talking to myself sometimes cos he usually just sits there in silence. I literally feel like I'm telling off a naughty child or something
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This sounds like you two need to discuss that part of things. Also money needs to be figured out as well. Babies are cheap, and if he is not making as much as he says he is, then that is a defining factor there. Though the question here is where would he be moving to? and where does he want you to move to? Once the baby is born you said you want to be able to take care of you and the kid then the question is how are you going to do that? Im not being mean, Im just asking whats your plan with that
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No, makes total sense that you're asking that. I'm from another country.. I met this guy, and became pregnant like 3 months in :/ I've been waiting for my green card to be able to work/get healthcare in the united states. I've been told I have to wait a few more years... because of the backlog and such... lots of immigrants applying for the same thing.. blah blah. And I'm no longer in a position to wait a few years. My mum was originally supporting me financially, but she's very ill with cancer now and can't even afford the treatment for herself (she lost her job just as she was about to get treatment using her work insurance... funny that, huh?) so I've been relying heavily on him to support me and this baby. So far, we've been staying with his parents and they buy all the food and such. I've been turned away from every free clinic in the state and even in the state next to it, and I can't afford private healthcare. I went to E.R at 12 weeks to get checked out, and had to lie and say I was having pains,just to make sure everything
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Well I'm gonna be more realistic than nice but: don't freaking marry this guy. Getting married "for the baby" is, frankly, garbage. Your child will grow up seeing the way you interface with your boyfriend and use it as a model for his/her life. The childishness he exhibits included. It seems like you're signing yourself up to be a "single" mother of two. He can't keep a job, he can't get a full-time-job, he can't give you emotional support, he can't even talk to you for more than 5 minutes a night?
I would not only not marry him, I'd search for a different fish in the wide open sea.
No, I want your honest opinion. I don't want people walking on eggshells around me, afraid to tell me how it is. Cos if I am at fault and can't see it, I want to know and I want to put it right. I mean.. I'm sure my nagging gets really old... but I feel like if I don't then nothing will change. But then nothing is changing anyway! And I am the queen of nagging. Seriously, I feel like we're an old married couple already and I'm 23 and he's 25
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"Sometimes I think maybe we should just for the baby alone."
My parents did this for a long time. They stayed married for me. Results: I figured out that their marriage was a sham. (Kids are NOT stupid.) I despised them for be such liers. I despised myself for being the reason they were so miserable.
When I was 9 in an out burst I told them that I knew. They were horrified. Mom my insisted on a divorce. Dad was happy to agree. They divorced. AND LIFE HAS BEEN GREAT SINCE THEN.
That's just my story. And my opinion is don't just marry for your child. Children are not stupid and will figure out you are lieing.
I know. I wanted to bring a child up in a world surrounded by love. I mean, me and my boyfriend/fiance do love each other.. but I don't think we are right for each other. In time, if we stayed together.. we could face things and that could be a very damaging environment for the child. It's just.. so many people around me have insisted that we get married cos I'm pregnant. It just doesn't seem right to me. I want to marry him so I can spend my life with him... but not if it's destined to end in divorce from the start.
You have a right to question any relationship which isn't making you happy. You also have a responsibility to do so, because you're not just making a decision for you - you're making a decision for a baby
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Comments 13
In my opinion, I don't think you should marry him. Definitely before the baby comes.
In my eyes, he's too immature. He won't leave a part time job to take care of you both. A part time won't support you and definitely won't support a baby. Playing video games all night instead of taking to you shows how he is not ready to make sure you're emotionally supported even if he can't support you financially.
When people get married, they typically are in the stage where it's like "oh my god. This is the perfect person. This will last forever". And with divorce being over 60%, and you already questioning if it would work, I wouldn't even risk going through a messy divorce months/years down the road.
I am not saying that you don't love him or shouldn't try to see if it work. By all means, maybe it will work out. I just personally wouldn't make life changing choices like moving or getting married, without him bothering to step up to the plate for you.
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I would not only not marry him, I'd search for a different fish in the wide open sea.
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My parents did this for a long time. They stayed married for me. Results:
I figured out that their marriage was a sham. (Kids are NOT stupid.)
I despised them for be such liers.
I despised myself for being the reason they were so miserable.
When I was 9 in an out burst I told them that I knew. They were horrified. Mom my insisted on a divorce. Dad was happy to agree.
They divorced. AND LIFE HAS BEEN GREAT SINCE THEN.
That's just my story. And my opinion is don't just marry for your child. Children are not stupid and will figure out you are lieing.
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