Is it fair to give an ultimatum?
Hey guys, haven't posted here in awhile, but I have a problem I feel like only other people who have been in my position can shed some real light on. For starters, here are our stats.
As you can see, we've been long distance going on three years now. Closing the distance and him moving here has always been his idea, and I liked it. I need to stay here and finish school, and so far I haven't found a college near Brooklyn that is going to give me what I need for as cheap as my current school does.
However, he has a pretty established business where he is now, and a lot of clients who depend on him. He can easily build up new clients here when he moves, but I always feel so guilty thinking I am taking him away from all that. He tells me not to worry about it.
The problem, however, is that we are constantly talking about closing the distance without ever putting any real plans into motion. I also feel like he gives me these little nuggets of hope just to tide me over, and then nothing he says comes to fruition. Back in 2012 it was totally understandable and we put everything on hold while his mother was sick (and eventually died) and I didn't pressure him at all during then. The next year after, though, was a lot of the same stuff as before, half-hearted conversation and the "don't worry about it, baby"
I tried to bring it up again today how I was worried about the future and he gave me pretty much the same spiel about how things will work themselves out and I just need to focus on school and my projects.
At this point I feel like I need to give him an ultimatum. I don't want to. What I really want is for us to be happily living together. But I feel like I have to.
I have put my life on hold the past 3 years because he made it seem like he could be moving here any day now. I still live with family and haven't made a move to try getting a job or a car because those are things we were supposedly going to do together, and it's really kind of messing up my progress in life, ya know? I also made plans to move in with a friend back when his mother was sick and told him it was temporary, but he talked me out of it and of course, I spent another year here.
I feel like if it doesn't happen this year I can't keep doing it. I really commend people who have been long distance longer than I have, but with where I am at in my life I really need to start moving forward even if that doesn't include him. I feel terrible just saying that because I love him so much, but he's really giving me no choice.
I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, or what I can possibly do/say when talking to him about this? Is an ultimatum fair at this point?
Thanks for reading :)
As you can see, we've been long distance going on three years now. Closing the distance and him moving here has always been his idea, and I liked it. I need to stay here and finish school, and so far I haven't found a college near Brooklyn that is going to give me what I need for as cheap as my current school does.
However, he has a pretty established business where he is now, and a lot of clients who depend on him. He can easily build up new clients here when he moves, but I always feel so guilty thinking I am taking him away from all that. He tells me not to worry about it.
The problem, however, is that we are constantly talking about closing the distance without ever putting any real plans into motion. I also feel like he gives me these little nuggets of hope just to tide me over, and then nothing he says comes to fruition. Back in 2012 it was totally understandable and we put everything on hold while his mother was sick (and eventually died) and I didn't pressure him at all during then. The next year after, though, was a lot of the same stuff as before, half-hearted conversation and the "don't worry about it, baby"
I tried to bring it up again today how I was worried about the future and he gave me pretty much the same spiel about how things will work themselves out and I just need to focus on school and my projects.
At this point I feel like I need to give him an ultimatum. I don't want to. What I really want is for us to be happily living together. But I feel like I have to.
I have put my life on hold the past 3 years because he made it seem like he could be moving here any day now. I still live with family and haven't made a move to try getting a job or a car because those are things we were supposedly going to do together, and it's really kind of messing up my progress in life, ya know? I also made plans to move in with a friend back when his mother was sick and told him it was temporary, but he talked me out of it and of course, I spent another year here.
I feel like if it doesn't happen this year I can't keep doing it. I really commend people who have been long distance longer than I have, but with where I am at in my life I really need to start moving forward even if that doesn't include him. I feel terrible just saying that because I love him so much, but he's really giving me no choice.
I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, or what I can possibly do/say when talking to him about this? Is an ultimatum fair at this point?
Thanks for reading :)