So I came home to my fathers house from staying the weekend at my mothers. On a red piece of paper with large black font was printed: CONDEMNED

This was taped to my bedroom door.

My dad thinks he is so funny.

I need sex. Right now...

Now.

...now?

Mom: By guys I'm leaving
Me: Happy Mothers Day! Love you!
Dad: Happy Birthday/Mothers Day and Petunia's!
Me:...Petunia's?
Dad: I'm serious, it's Petunia Day!
Me:.... OK Dad.

Um, okay so... I wanted to appologize for my largely stupid previous post. I didn't mean ALL of you. Briana obviously not you because you are a goddess, and a handful of other people because I know you try. I'm not easy to get ahold of ( Read more... )

Fuck off all of you.

You don't give a shit and you never did.

Just fuck off.

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1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of first pet / Street you live on ( Read more... )

So there

So I got an electric toothbrush, which is charmingly efficient. You push a button, it brushes your teeth for exactly two minutes and beeps at intervals that indicate when it's time to change sectors. My teeth are shiny and new--they do the little lens flare thing when I smile. The only problem is, my new toothbrush sounds very much like a vibrator ( Read more... )