RP LOG with nychandcuffs | Word keeping is painful

[lovesguinness]

[Follows THIS]

It seemed Euan was all for keeping his word that week. First the date, and then arranging another lunch with Vee after he pulled out on their drinks arrangement to fuck off to Amsterdam. It might have had something to do with the fact that Vee threatened to pluck out his short and curlies if he didn't make some time for her. He wasn't allowed to move to London and then pretend she didn't exist. So, he told her to come have lunch with him that day after they got back from their spontaneous trip (where they didn't see one human fucking one donkey, which Euan would probably monotonously point out to Gee repeatedly in the weeks to come).

In Britain, you couldn't beat an awesome pub lunch, so they were seated in a quaint little booth of a popular pub just a couple of blocks from the CID. Euan had ordered a steak pie and chips, but after not even getting halfway through it and not touching the pint he had ordered, he was regretting putting anything stodgy in his mouth. He stretched back, reached behind him to hold the back of the chair spine and rubbed his stomach a little with the other hand. "I'm thinking you should still attempt to pluck my short and curlies anyway," he told her with a smirk. "You seemed so keen on it."


Vee arched an eyebrow at him, her empty plate sitting in front of her. She'd opted for steak that was nowhere near the inside of a pie, and had cleaned it up easily. She'd never not known Euan to eat, and she couldn't deny that the sight had her more than a little worried, but she kept her questions about his well-being to herself. For now. She ran her tongue along the inside of her mouth before she smirked back at him. "Found a few grey ones, have you? Need a little cosmetic touch up so the women don't think you're past your prime?"

"Nope. Just miss the sight of you on your knees between my legs," Euan told her, sniggering. He sat forward this time and pushed the plate away so he could rest his elbows on the table. "You can't fucking accuse me of not being sentimental. I'm a real traditionalist, me." He glanced around the bar, and at first it looked like he was blatantly perving on the busty waitress, though he was really just contemplating whether to flag her down or not.

Vee leaned forward to flick the end of his nose gently before she rest her chin on his shoulder and dropped her voice. "Sure you are, baby. I'm sure you'd just love a photo of me on my knees between your legs for old time's sake. A photographic reminder of everything we shared. Alright, I'm done being considerate and respectful of your privacy. I have to ask... what's going on with you?"

"I'm having a sex change," Euan replied smoothly and did end up waving his hand to get the chick's attention. "I'm changing my name to Euina." He drummed the tips of his fingers on the table and then tilted his head questioningly. "You're going to have to elaborate, love, if you want more elaborate answers. Can I have some water, please?" he requested of the waitress when she appeared at his side, leaning over him with her cleavage practically stuffed in his face, but he barely glanced at her with a polite smile to match his polite request.

Vee looked from Euan to the waitress' cleavage and back again. "That, that's what I'm asking about," she said as she pointed at the tit avalanche. She just gave a look to the waitress as if to say, 'you wave them around, they're gonna get talked about'. "Are you feeling alright? You haven't even eaten, and you just seem... subdued. Even if I am wondering just what a shitload of oestrogen would do to you and how Euina would act."

Euan looked at his barely touched lunch with disinterest. "I felt fine until I ate that. Who recommended this place again? I'd have gotten more fucking satisfaction out of eating my own jizz," he said, scrunching his nose up. "And what about her tits? I wasn't even looking until you pointed them out. Fuck. Damned if I do, damned if I don't."

"You recommended it. This was your idea," Vee pointed out. "Hey, I wasn't going to say anything! Well, apart from that. I wasn't damning you, I was just making an observation. You're awfully scratchy, too. Wake up on the wrong side of an orgasm this morning?"

"There was no orgasm this morning and I didn't fucking sleep." Actually, that was a blatant lie. He had actualy slept for twelve hours straight, just woke up feeling like he hadn't slept in a week. There was a half-hearted attempt at a morning fuck, but Euan had gotten cranky and stomped off into the shower saying he wasn't in the mood. It was probably the first time in his life those words came out of his mouth and when he got to work, he actually found himself emailing Gee to apologise for being a fuck in case she started thinking he was pissed off because of their conversation the night before. "So if you had a cute fucking shower fuck before you sent Supercop off to work with his Batman lunch box, I don't want to hear about it."

"Jesus, maybe you really did have a sex change. You're acting like you're on your fucking rag. Maybe you need some chocolate." Vee was teasing, but her gaze was still firmly fixed on his face as she tried to work out what was really going on with him. "Alright, I'll spare you the details. I'll also keep the DVD I burned of our little porno adventure. I'm sure you won't enjoy when you're being such a bitch. Maybe you should go home and rest? You'll have to wait for Gee to help you out with the orgasm. Not my department anymore."

Euan flipped her off over the table and tried not to wince at the thought of an orgasm. His gut felt like it had a tight band around it, and he had tolerated the crap feeling until he ate. Now he was tempted to down his pint in one go in hopes it would drown the burning feeling, but even that had him wary. "Your porn with him would be so boring," he snorted, shaking his head. "I bet he was just gagging to see you in your chook outfit again. Feathers are so hot."

Vee flipped him off in turn before blowing him a kiss. "Ooh yeah, baby. Feathers get us both fucking hot. You have no idea just how wild he gets when I'm in that outfit." She started to laugh before shaking her head. "Actually we both took pleasure in burning that thing. He's a lot less vanilla than you think, U. He is Irish, after all."

"He has a rep for having a stick up his arse," Euan revealed to her and slumped down in his chair, stretching his legs out under the table so his knees were almost on either side of hers. The waitress came back with his water and he was already swallowing down a large mouthful of it before she was even sauntering away from their table again. "A very, very large stick. His partner is pretty cool, though. I wanna be like him when I grow up and get a combover."

"Not in the bedroom," Vee said as she pointed at him. "And not as much as you might think. He can be a right cheeky fucker when he wants to be. I have no idea where that reputation came from other than he's definitely all business when it comes to the victims and catching the culprits. His partner really is something else. Gave me the partner threat about hurting Matt when we first started up. Now I'm still wondering if he thinks I'll end up hurting him. I can see you becoming Ronnie, which is quite scary."

Euan gave a small shrug and nodded. "He does, you Yank Broad," he added with a smirk and then puffed his cheeks out and rubbed his stomach again. "They better not have fucking poisoned me. Why do you have to keep defending Supercop about his bedroom skills when they're so awesome?"

Vee let out a soft sigh as she felt her shoulders slump. "Well, guess I'll just have to keep proving him otherwise. Maybe sooner, or later, I'll get the partner stamp of approval." Vee frowned as she watched Euan again. "Was it definitely after you tried to eat that started to feel off? I don't know, I just like talking about them? Him? It leads to thinking about him in the bedroom, and it gives me a happy."

"I dunno, but I feel really dodgy." Euan stayed in the position he was sitting and had another drink of water. "He doesn't hate you, you know. He's just wary. Get the feeling that Supercop hardly ever dates, so you gotta admit it's a shock to the system for him to suddenly hook up and play house with a chick who chucks in her job to move over to be with him. It's not your everyday shit, is it? And careful there. You have a happy, you get a sex rash and you'll wet their seats. Don't think they'll be impressed."

Vee bit the tip of her finger as she narrowed her eyes a little. "Dodgy enough to go to the doctor? Because if it's a serious dodgy then I don't think you should be hesitating. Especially not after getting that bad flu the last time. It's not a relapse, is it? Yeah, I get that. I really do. I'd be wary too if some chick had gone and up stakes for you in New York, or whatever. I'm not going to hurt him, though. Maybe what I did was weird, but it's worked for us. Maybe I'll just come sit on your lap for the happy?"

Euan held his hand up and looked at her warily, as if she was really contemplating coming anywhere near that general area of his torso. Right now, even his belt felt like it was a vice around his waist. "No!" he said, a little louder than he intended. "You sit on my lap and I'll hurl all over you. Do I look half dead, aye? I know you're blonde, but a lung and a gut are two completely different body parts. I didn't get pnuemonia from eating a dodgy pie." He was back on the water, his Guinness completely untouched. "Ronnie thinks of Matt like a son. It's got nothing to do with even getting the partner stamp of approval. Most partners wouldn't give a toss who their offsider was bonking."

Vee's eyebrows shot up before she took her hand from her mouth and leaned across the table as she pushed her hair back. "What aren't you telling me? It's more than feeling fucking dodgy, isn't it? Fuck the blonde shit, but alright, fair point. Gut and lungs are different... still, I don't know. There's just... I have a bad feeling about this. You're not going to explode or anything, are you? No part of you is ticking, is it?" Vee's gaze flicked to the Guinness as her lips pressed together. Further proof Euan wasn't feeling well. He'd have never taken water of his precious brew for anything. "So it's getting the father figure's approval?"

Euan raised an eyebrow at her and snorted. "Relax. What the hell fucking part of me is going to explode? You have a paranoia complex," he said with a hint of accusation in his tone and a point for emphasis. "Aye, something like that. The way I hear it, they're the MIU's dream team. Both top notch detectives. Ronnie might look like an innocent grandpa, but you can bet your fucking happy pants there that if you hurt Supercop, he'll not only drive you out of London, but out of the country."

Vee eyed him a bit longer before she relaxed back into her seat and crossed her legs under the table. "Yeah, alright. I'm relaxing. And it's not paranoia if you really are going to explode on me. I realise I used to be loved getting covered in your spunk, but little mushy pieces of you is different and a lot less of a turn on." She gave a nod. "They are, and I really am not going to do anything to hurt Matt if I can help it. I'll protect him with my life."

"I'll aim it at the tittie waitress if I do, just to make you feel better," Euan said with a smirk. He pulled his neatly pressed business shirt out of his pants to try and get a little more freedom around his middle. It was odd, but there was a tiny part of him wanting to actually call Gee and tell her he didn't feel good, and he had no fucking idea where that urge came from. "How's it all going with him anyway? Last I saw, he was in a broody huff because you were sticking your nose into Gee's affairs again."

Vee held her hand up with her palm facing Euan. "I stopped all that, so he's breathing easy now. Although we did have a small discussion about the date. He just wants to make sure Gee won't get hurt. I guess she's like a sister, or something. Just a friend. He's been busy with work, but you know what it's like for a cop. I think we're... happy. And you aiming it at the waitress would just make my week, not my day."

Euan stretched back, resting his hands behind his head. He looked casually over at the waitress and then back at Vee. "What has she ever done to you? Are you discriminating against body shape, detective? Or PI, or whatever the hell you are this week? You know, for Gee to get hurt, it would depend on her definition of it, not his. Something he might see as screwed might actually be something Gee is up for. He's the one with the stick up his arse."

Vee shook her head. "Me? Never! I don't discriminate against body types. I just know she's someone that needs to keep her breasts inside her top, and out of my drinks. And face. I'm... a PI. I think. I've started work for Hunt's law firm. I feel more like a student again though while I get used to a new place, and new people. I don't even get a partner. It's all on me. I'm not sure if I actually like the idea of that, or not," she admitted with a small laugh. "So have you discovered her definition of it? Knowing your luck she's probably just as kinky as you, if not more so. She's just waiting to find out if she's comfortable or not in letting you know about it. Why are you always going on about the stick up his ass?"

Euan sniggered, shaking his head. "You discriminate against body types all the fucking time! If someone isn't a B cup, you start pointing the finger that they have fake tits whether they do or not. How would you feel if someone started accusing you have of having arse implants?" He shrugged, watching her closely over the table. "You wanted this. You chucked in an awesome career for this. Getting cold feet? And I go on about it because he's boring and I like to entertain myself when I'm fucking bored."

"That's because most of the people who aren't B cups these days have had implants! The true, real bigger breasted women have the curves to go with it, and don't just look like fucking top-heavy lollipops with an IQ to match. Are you trying to say my ass is big?" Vee tutted at him as she gave him an amused look. "Nice avoidance of the question, Detective Sergeant. No, of course not. My feet are genuinely quite toasty, just now I have a job to make me feel more settled. Before I just kept feeling like I was on an extended holiday. You need to get pissed with him if you think he's boring. He's really not. I think you've just caught him when he's trying to be diplomatic."

"You are so fucking shallow it's not even fucking funny anymore. The only A and B cups left in fucking society are annorexic and body obsessed. Real women have something to talk about. I have no friggen clue why you're so obsessed with other chicks' fake tits, but you need to take a pill for it, or something," Euan griped, scrunching his nose up with a shake of his head. "Your arse is big. I know how much you've been hooking into the fish and chips since you got here. Feel more settled, but you don't know if you like it? Oh-kay. I was wondering when you were going to want me to start buddying up with him," he added with a smirk.

Vee just waved her hand dismissively. "Everyone has something, okay? I promise to be less shallow, but I am a female New Yorker. It's like breathing for us. Hey, it's not that big! I have actually kept up with all my fitness crap. I've jogged around Matt's neighbourhood God knows how many times. And I do like it! I never said I didn't. I just said I feel more settled now, and that's a good thing. Toasty feet means liking it." Vee smirked back at him before she winked. "Wouldn't want to disappoint you."

"You're in London now, start thinking like a Londoner." Euan sat forward, leaning an arm on the table so he could brace his stomach with the other hand. "I seriously feel dodgy. Remind me never to eat here again. It's a friggen shit hole. Why the hell would you want to jog around the streets of London? It's been pishing down for the last three days. Join a trendy gym. All the fucking cool kids are doing it, you'll fit right in if you start eating tofu and cous cous. I have nothing poignant to say to him."

Vee scrunched her nose up. "Just the mention of tofu and cous cous makes me feel dodgy. I'd rather brave the rain. Alright, so I haven't been running the streets, and just trying to keep up with the Wii Fit. And then maybe just wind up watching TV. Are you sure you don't need a doctor, or something? Food poisoning really shouldn't come on this quick unless they've doused it in something really funky. Who needs poignant? You're guys, not fucking lovers."

Euan groaned, rolling his eyes slightly. "As if me fucking moving here wasn't enough for you, now you want me to be his BFF? What if I just happen to hate him?" He started pulling off his jacket when he felt hot and shrugged. "I don't need to see a doctor. A doctor can kiss my arse. I need to get back to work soon, anyway. We've got this nutjob to interrogate. He was sending his ex these weird fucking love notes and then, of course, she shows up as a floater in the Thames. I hate fucking floaters. Always makes the job harder."

"Alright, alright. Don't be his BFF! You're my BFF anyway. I just want you two to be... friendly to each other. You don't need to braid each other's hair and discuss bras and tampons. If you hate him, then I won't bring it up again." She stood up out of her seat and reached across the table to place the backs of her fingers against his forehead. "I won't say I told you so, but just try and take it a little easy, okay? You're starting to get me worried. Try not to look at the floater otherwise you might really lose your dodgy lunch. Floaters are just disgusting."

Euan wet his lips and looked up at her with a small frown. "Can you walk back to the CID with me?" he asked hesitantly. It was out of character for him, but he wasn't sure he even had the energy to make it back to work and if Vee was there, it would give him something to distract himself with. "Please?"

Vee gave a nod. Of course she would, especially considering how much the request was ringing warning bells in her mind. She reached behind her to grab her jacket and pulled it on before she came around the table and offered him her hand. "We'll go as slow as you need. Although there's a granny over there we could rumble for her walking frame."

Euan stood up, but half way there he stopped abruptly, grabbing the edge of the table with a small hiss. "I think I just overdid it at the gym this morning," he decided and then glanced over to eye the granny with mock analysis. "Hmm, pass. I want lightening bolts on mine and chrome wheels. Maybe one of those wee orange flags."

Vee's hand went to his back as she rubbed it gently. "Hey, hey... don't rush yourself. Jesus, U. I don't like this at all. I think I'm going to get you to a doctor and you'll just have to kiss my ass. I'll pay."

Euan shook his head and reached for his coat, draping it over his arm. "I'm fine. I don't need a bloody doctor, there's nothing wrong with me but a crap lunch. Maybe thinking about your sex life gave me indigestion," he joked as his pager buzzed on his belt. He unclipped it and rolled his eyes, holding it up for Vee to see. It was a page from Matt asking Euan to bring Vee back to the station if he could. "And when I do, you can tell him to fuck off and stop using my pager. I so should cuff you and drag you in."

"Just try it, Fitzpatrick," Vee challenged as she arched an eyebrow at him. "Pretty sure I can outrun you right now. He knows my cell number. He could have sent me a message. Well, I'll stop talking about my sex life if you stop calling my boyfriend boring. Deal?"

Euan gave his pager a small shake. "Consider this metaphorical piss. He's marking his territory. Either that, or your cell phone is dead. Either way, makes me wanna puke," he added, and right then, really didn't feel so far off that notion. He wanted to crawl back into bed and ignore everyone because he really was starting to fear he might throw up. His stomach was churning and painful, even if he wasn't letting it on to Vee. He figured if he just got through the interrogation, he could tell his boss he was poorly and knock off early.

Vee hooked her arm through Euan's, and started to laugh. "Makes me want to fuck him senseless. Okay, that was the last comment about my sex life. Just he's so hot when he's being all possessive. I don't think he's ever going to have to worry about you, or any other guy. I'm hardly going to stray."

"Aye, because we're all just still drooling over you. We can't live without you," Euan snorted in amusement. "No man can pass an eye over you without nearly castrating himself from an instant boner."

Vee leaned over to kiss his cheek as she gave her own snort of amusement. "Just like every lady creams her panties as soon as they see you. And no lady will ever be able to live with herself if you ever go off the market."

"Stop stealing my saracasm," Euan said, giving her a nudge as he fought the urge to stop at a nearby table and lean on it for a few moments. "According to you, I'm too much of a slut to ever be off the market, so what's your point?"

Vee pointed at him. "That miracles can happen, and sluts can find true love? And that my ass is not too fat, and still fabulous."

Euan shrugged. "When you get a perfect view of your own arse, then we'll talk."

Word Count | 4,090