[Fanfiction] One Man's Treasure

[chibi_ai]

Title: “One Man’s Treasure”
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Rating: Right now it’s a T… but I have a funny feeling that eventually it will be a M… we’ll see.
Summary: *Modern AU*The Corona police department contracts Flynn Rider as a consultant on a cold case as requested by the mayor. It will lead him on an adventure through the mob’s den, the world of

Comments

[earcmacfithil]

That's a truly creative re-telling of the tale. It looks like you took the Rapunzel character a step further and made her a bit more insecure than Gothel makes her feel at the beginning of the movie. Max is a large dog...and very large dogs are often teasingly called horses anyway. That was an interesting device having the First Lady (I'm not sure off the top of my head what the title for a Mayor's wife actually is.) enlist Rider's help...you did touch on what I feel to be one of the unanswered questions from the movie, namely how the Royals know their daughter's still alive.
I find your storytelling very good and it was a fun read. I enjoyed the conversion between the original and modern contexts (I read another in which Rapunzel was a college student and Eugene was a TA and that was cute, too.). I do, however, recommend a grammar pass. I noticed that you go back and forth between active and passive voice and I spotted a couple of pronoun misuses. Otherwise, keep going.

[chibi_ai]

Thank you SO much for taking the time to write that. I actually just finished re-reading this chapter and saw some glaring typos and punctuation issues which will be corrected over the course of today. Thank you for bringing that to my attention

[earcmacfithil]

The blind faith thing seems to be a recurring theme in storytelling. I suppose it's also something that happens a lot in real life, too. There's probably some high-level psychology involved in it