day 02 - your first love, in great detail
Well....
I was 14 when a boy messaged me on AIM and said he would be attending my highschool I was about to start. He would be a senior and me, a freshman. He was 18 already, having stayed a year behind. We met in person and I INSTANTLY had a huge crush. He had spiked hair, and dressed in combat boots and German soldier styled attire. We started hanging out pretty often, always going to the mall to wander around and talk to people we knew, I guess. He kissed me and I was pretty much sunk from that point on. Little did I know, he had no concern for who he kissed or had sex with.... he already had 19 partners by the time I met him, or so he claimed. Truthfully though, I believe him.. he always had a thing for skanks.
But I was young, 14, with a huge crush, and when the opportunity arose, I lost my v-card to him.
After that, everything went downhill. He started to realize the power he had over me, how vulnerable and naive I was, and he took advantage. We slept together for a while, but he never wanted me to tell ANYONE, not even my best friend. I didn't see problems with that? So we continued, and I guess, so I thought.... I fell in love with him.
He had a few girlfriends during the time we were hooking up. Of course for the week or so we were together, he would claim we were only friends...
By the end of my freshman year, though, he told me he was in love with me too. I was so happy, I figured we would finally be together and it would be great. But apparently, no one could know that we loved eachother, either.
He pretty much stopped talking to me that summer, when his two best friends from childhood came into town. They went to club after club every night and God knows what happened there. I was on the path of moving on, until October, when he did a surprise stop by my house and kissed me.
We started hanging out all of the time again. We were practically dating - I mean, he said he loved me - but he would also do really bizarre things, like update his livejournal saying that I bring him down, and that he made a huge mistake recently, etc. He would also delete me from MySpace if I had a picture up that he didn't like. Sometimes he would put me as his #1, and sometimes he would delete me altogether and put other girls in that spot, even porn stars. And he certainly, would NEVER, EVER put 'In a Relationship,' although I was his girlfriend behind the scenes. It was really fucking with my head. It all started out small, so I took it in stride, brushed it off my shoulders.
Over time, he started to become very verbally abusive. He would tell me I'm beautiful one second, and then call me fat the next. He would compare me to other girls, and then call me crazy if I got upset. He made influenced me do terrible things like steal and lie from, and to, everyone. ALL of my friends started to give up on me because every other day I would call them crying. So, I had only myself to deal with it. It started to eat me alive, but he had me trapped in a vicious cycle at such a young age, I didn't realize how bad it was.
He began college after a year off and then it really started to get bad. If he met a girl there who he found attractive, he would throw me to the side and put all of his efforts on her. He ACTUALLY 'broke up with me' for another girl named Maggie, at one point. I had been introduced to his friend before, and when he was in front of her, his friend talked about me and referred to me as his girlfriend. That really made him angry. He came right home and promptly deleted me.
But of course, she broke his heart and he came right back to me. This happened quite a few times with different girls. Don't ask me why I stayed because I can't give you an answer. I lost my friends and felt no one would ever like me because I was all of the horrible things Kris convinced me I was.
He was over at my house every day regardless, and still called me his 'best friend' or 'girlfriend,' depending if he was with anyone else or not. We did have fun together sometimes, and he taught me a LOTTTTTTTTTTT about music, art, religion, ... lots of things. But the weird part of this was, although he was cultured and intelligent, he was the most fickle person in the world. He couldn't decide if he wanted to be a nazi, gay, white supremest (albeit Hispanic himself), Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, punk, straight edge, pothead, a city person or a mountain person, hunter or animal rights activist. I KID YOU NOT, AND AM NOT EXAGGERATING. The phases he went through lasted about two weeks each, but he recycled them and interchanged them. I couldn't keep up.
We went on a lot of trips. Two to Allgood music festival in West Virginia, one trip to Tampa/Daytona, etc. Somehow, it still seemed the good outweighed the bad... until about 4 years in.
He started to be at my house every day, all day. He would sleep there at night against my parents will. He JUST WOULDN'T, GO, AWAY, unless we got into a fight and he stormed out. I was so sick of him. Along with being rude, he ordered me around - I was always making him food, getting him drinks, etc, the only time he got up was when he went to the bathroom or he wanted me to take pictures of him. Lol, God forbid if I ever took a bad picture, then it was all my fault: "UGH, I LOOK FAT. How do you make YOU look skinny in pictures but you can't do it for me?!"
Our arguments escalated really badly sometimes. I would hit him and he would hit me. One time he actually did pretty good amount of damage to my head by throwing a glass bowl at me, after getting off the phone with his mother. He just looked at me and chucked it. I grabbed my face and when I pulled my hands away, blood spilled all over me, the couch, and the floor.
At one point, I actually found out that he was having emotional affairs over the internet, as well. A girl asked if he was still dating me and his response was, "UGH. Yes. :/" One girl told him she bought new underwear, and he asked for pics - she said I would get upset, but he said i'd never know.
One girl IM'd him when I was sitting there and said, if you are w/maggie, why are you so affectionate with me?
He told me she was nuts and delusional, and actually responded and said 'you took it the wrong way' - but, haha, come to find out, he cheated on me with her for monthssss.
I started to fall in hate with him and he could tell; at night he would whine and say I didn't love him anymore and stuff. I denied it but KNEW in my heart it was true and that I had to get away. I just didn't know how, because I was so alone. Then, God gave me the answer, in a really really hard lesson-learning turn of events.
At 19, I became pregnant, and scheduled to get an abortion. He claimed he would love me no matter what, but it just wasn't true. He didn't go with me to the clinic. And when I came home, from the worst day of my life, he called me a baby killer.
Not just once, 5 times.
It's then that I got the strength through my body to physically throw him out of my house and delete him from my phone, social networking sites, and life.
It's been three years, and we are back on speaking terms. Currently he is 27, homeless, and travels around by stealing and asking his mom for money. All I can say is, thank you God.