You don't understand. How hard I'm trying, to make myself work. To decrease the anger, saddness, jealousy. Soul eating-rotting diseases of the mind. I'm trying to prove my love.  I continue to fail absolutely miserably ( Read more... )

I chose the name for this journal based on something that I felt to be true inside myself.  Now I don't know. It was based on the concept that I love nearly everyone that crosses my path, I look for the best in people, I try to give something of myself to them.

I don't know if I do that anymore. I'm so angry recently. I don't want to be, but I just ( Read more... )

Some things are so distinctly unreal. When you listen to a conversation that you know you can't understand. The kind of conversation that makes me look down inside myself and mock what I am.  The kind that says "Do you hear this, you have no experiences, no learning, no wisdom, turn around... go back, you're out of your mind."

I want so much to ( Read more... )

I chipped my tooth.  Ouch. It's fucked up. xoxox.

Un.risen.  That just about sums it up. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense, the more it makes sense, the crazier I feel.  That's the beauty of it, in a morbid- ghoulish manner ( Read more... )

What do you think you know?

Tell me,

What does it really mean to you,

This name, this face, this figure?

This broken heart written on the docks,

Between now and forever?

And why… can you tell me why?

Tell me,

What do you see,

When you look in my eyes.

Sometimes I almost think,

It might be surprise.

But why… would you wonder?

Why ( Read more... )

Push Them Away

I’ll be just fine,

I’m keeping my eyes,

On the stars and the moon-

At the bottom of a bottle.

I don’t know what it is,

So bitter-sweet…

Is it blood, or something-

That burns even hotter?

And when the knife cuts through,

It somehow makes me laugh.

To think that I could do something,

Like that.

I haven’t gotten so far ( Read more... )

Unrisen

I’ve elevated the anticipation,

Filling a void of need-

With all the pain in the world.

It’s a crossroads of sorts,

Where you realize that you’re not fallen,

But that you never rose at all.

That the odds were against you,
And you fought through the blood-

The anguish, and the pain…

Until breathing became harder-

Than living ever ( Read more... )

You know, maybe it's because I'm tired. Maybe it's something in the ( Read more... )

I'm sad.  I'm not sure what kind of sad it is.  It's not quite depressed sad...but it's definatly the "alone in the dark, letting the blood run" sort of sad.  As it is, I haven't gotten to that point yet. I've gotten to the chocolate-covered-cherries and a bottle and the morose poetry level.  Yes, the Jack-Daniel's level.  Sleep will be soon ( Read more... )