New Girl is a Lunatic
I was searching for a new community to join and I found Love My Crimson so here I am. Been on LJ for a few months now, I'm mostly on here to express my feelings, my thoughts and everything. I'm prone to venting and ranting too so I'm sorry in advance for anything that might sound like I'm just a whiny kid.
Time started: 17h38
Name: Mary
Age: 18
Location: Canada, Quebec
Birthdate: June 25, 1991
MSN: Madness.Vipera@hotmail.com
AIM: ///
YAHOO: ///
Email: Madness.Vipera@hotmail.com
How long have you been cutting? Six years now
And do you actually want to stop? Not really
Why/Why not? Because I don't think hurting yourself is bad
Do you cut line's or words? Both, but mostly lines
Have you ever taken a pic. of it? Yes, a lot of times
Do you have any rituals? Kind of, but they aren't really important
What do you like best about cutting? The scars
Are you ashamed to be a cutter? Yes, but just because it hurts the others. If it wasn't for others, I wouldn't be ashamed.
What do you use to cut? Currently the blade from a pencil sharpener, but I use everything I find
Are you happy with what you use to cut? Yes, because it doesn't draw a lot of blood but it's painful and leaves scars
Have you been diagnosed with anything? Asperger Syndrome, depression, severe panic disorder, anorexia
By whom? Psychologist, doctor and psychiatrist
Do you self diagnose? No
What would you say you had if you had to diagnose yourself? A freaking twisted mind?
Are you on medication? Yes
What kind/s? I'm on Citalopram.
Do you self medicate? Does that count if I take Naproxen when I think I need them?
Do you purposely take more/less? Which? No, I'm scared of medication, they make me nervous so I always take only the regular dose and I'm really careful with them
Ever been in psych hospital? No, it takes a freaking lot to be sent inpatient here.
What for/how long? I got to stay for a night in a psych ward because I went to the hospital by myself, showed them a bloody arm and told the nurse that if they sent me back home, I would kill myself.
Have you tried to commit suicide? Yes, 4 times since I'm 13.
Do you still have those thoughts? Yes, sometimes.
Have you ever needed stitches? No, I never cut deep, I don't really want blood, I want scars...
Are you afraid that one time you might slice too deep? Yes.
Has anyone ever stopped being your friend because they found out about your cutting? Yes
What happened with that? A few of my friends when I was at school were afraid and later I was called emo and people though I was a faker.
What is your worst experience relating to cutting? My mom's locking me in the bathroom because she found out about my cuts. She told me she wouldn't let me out until I showed her my arms. I don't even remember what happened, but I know I was crying a lot and stayed there for a while.
What has been your best experience with cutting? Cutting perfectly the chinese kanji for "madness" on my left hand
Would you ever do sadomasochistic stuff, like getting your partner to cut you and vice versa? I already had, I'm a sadomasochist.
Do you fantasise about hurting others in anyway? Yes
If yes, How? Since a dream I had when I was a child, I always wanted to bite the nape of the neck of someone 'till I rip off a bit.
And would you like to really do it in real life? If it wasn't a crime to attack someone like that, probably.
(Do you think you would?) If I decide that I'm fed up with everything and want to spend the rest of my life in a psych ward, yes. But it depends of who I'm supposed to attack. I wouldn't do it to my family.
What about killing someone? Seems like something fun.
Do you dream of that? Yes, a lot.
Could you do it? Not in real life, no.
Tell us something we don't know about yourself. I'm an artist from a half-Irish family, my younger brother is a carbon copy of me (less the self-harm) and I'm an animal lover (currently have four cats, two dogs, six birds, a gerbil and a fish). I wish I was a boy too.
Time finished: 17h58
Date: May 2, 2010
A picture of me
Time started: 17h38
Name: Mary
Age: 18
Location: Canada, Quebec
Birthdate: June 25, 1991
MSN: Madness.Vipera@hotmail.com
AIM: ///
YAHOO: ///
Email: Madness.Vipera@hotmail.com
How long have you been cutting? Six years now
And do you actually want to stop? Not really
Why/Why not? Because I don't think hurting yourself is bad
Do you cut line's or words? Both, but mostly lines
Have you ever taken a pic. of it? Yes, a lot of times
Do you have any rituals? Kind of, but they aren't really important
What do you like best about cutting? The scars
Are you ashamed to be a cutter? Yes, but just because it hurts the others. If it wasn't for others, I wouldn't be ashamed.
What do you use to cut? Currently the blade from a pencil sharpener, but I use everything I find
Are you happy with what you use to cut? Yes, because it doesn't draw a lot of blood but it's painful and leaves scars
Have you been diagnosed with anything? Asperger Syndrome, depression, severe panic disorder, anorexia
By whom? Psychologist, doctor and psychiatrist
Do you self diagnose? No
What would you say you had if you had to diagnose yourself? A freaking twisted mind?
Are you on medication? Yes
What kind/s? I'm on Citalopram.
Do you self medicate? Does that count if I take Naproxen when I think I need them?
Do you purposely take more/less? Which? No, I'm scared of medication, they make me nervous so I always take only the regular dose and I'm really careful with them
Ever been in psych hospital? No, it takes a freaking lot to be sent inpatient here.
What for/how long? I got to stay for a night in a psych ward because I went to the hospital by myself, showed them a bloody arm and told the nurse that if they sent me back home, I would kill myself.
Have you tried to commit suicide? Yes, 4 times since I'm 13.
Do you still have those thoughts? Yes, sometimes.
Have you ever needed stitches? No, I never cut deep, I don't really want blood, I want scars...
Are you afraid that one time you might slice too deep? Yes.
Has anyone ever stopped being your friend because they found out about your cutting? Yes
What happened with that? A few of my friends when I was at school were afraid and later I was called emo and people though I was a faker.
What is your worst experience relating to cutting? My mom's locking me in the bathroom because she found out about my cuts. She told me she wouldn't let me out until I showed her my arms. I don't even remember what happened, but I know I was crying a lot and stayed there for a while.
What has been your best experience with cutting? Cutting perfectly the chinese kanji for "madness" on my left hand
Would you ever do sadomasochistic stuff, like getting your partner to cut you and vice versa? I already had, I'm a sadomasochist.
Do you fantasise about hurting others in anyway? Yes
If yes, How? Since a dream I had when I was a child, I always wanted to bite the nape of the neck of someone 'till I rip off a bit.
And would you like to really do it in real life? If it wasn't a crime to attack someone like that, probably.
(Do you think you would?) If I decide that I'm fed up with everything and want to spend the rest of my life in a psych ward, yes. But it depends of who I'm supposed to attack. I wouldn't do it to my family.
What about killing someone? Seems like something fun.
Do you dream of that? Yes, a lot.
Could you do it? Not in real life, no.
Tell us something we don't know about yourself. I'm an artist from a half-Irish family, my younger brother is a carbon copy of me (less the self-harm) and I'm an animal lover (currently have four cats, two dogs, six birds, a gerbil and a fish). I wish I was a boy too.
Time finished: 17h58
Date: May 2, 2010
A picture of me
