LETITBE,YOUWILLSEE...
I really really don't think I've ever been more humiliated in my life. I mean... wtf. like 1/2 the fucking school. Come on now. Why does this kindof shit happen to ME?!?! like never before or I've never realized it. It's too horrible for words. Well enough of my bitching.
Weed makes my demons come out. But seriously no matter how hard I try it's never good enough, for anyone. I have so many people telling me I should get independent studies, like they just can't wait for me to leave. But I seriously don't know if I can finish this bullshit this year... but I most likely will just to prove people wrong and say IN YO FACE. I really would like to see what happens senior year when people are alone and come to other people just because they're there. Like me.
I like knowing how people think of me but doesn't make any difference to how I am because if they don't like it then they would really do something about it. But they don't. Yet they don't think anything wrong with SERIOUSLY talking shit right in front of my face and think I don't notice. I think I should be more upset at people then myself, I swear I'm too fucking nice. More people need to say what they want to instead of thinking it will hurt my feelings, cause there aint shit I can do about it. I also love how when I talk to people about dumb shit, they know exactly what I'm talking about. It's so sad.
Mostly just the people that I so called "chill" with, not the people that know what I'm talking about and talk shit. Maybe they are so called "fake" friends but if they had a problem and don't say it to my face then I don't give a fuck. I think I just need a boyfriend. I doubt that will happen... either its people that I don't want or I'm too embaressed to even show my face. Others... I'll like them but it's so awkward... cause of certain things. I'm just retarded.
I really don't know what could help me. No one can. I seriously don't trust anyone. Nothing offensive...
maybe just my love Chelsea... but thats it. Maybe just cause I'm insecure but I really don't need anyone to make me feel better. They'll only make me feel worse through their pitty.
Anyways, I'd like to go back to normal now. No joke, I've seriously have had enough laughs to make me want to move farfarfar away. But then things would just be even worse.
Oh and to the people that pretend to talk to me, fuck off. Your nothing but another aquaintence. Just like you wanted. Say what you want, it doesn't make a real difference. Even my teacher said I'm depressed. That's sad. I want my yearbook from last year, hopefully something good from last year will reach my eyes so I could pretend to go back and not deal with peoples fake "friendly" lies.
I told you don't bother, cause no one wants to hear other peoples problems, cause they already have their own. So if you are reading this, go ahead and say "God it's so annoying when blahblah posts her bullshit, it's so stupid". I didn't ask you to. This is just reference for later so I can go back and read of how shit really didn't matter but I got upset over, cause enough is enough. So say what you want, and stop being fake to my face. I don't give a fuck if you can beat my ass. Go ahead. Does htat make you a better person than me? Alright then.
What I would do for a new friend, who doesn't know anyone I know, doesn't have any classes with me and just wants to hang out with me because they like me, not because they feel bad for me. I would marry that person even if it was a girl. I also hate how music runs everyone's life. But at the same time I love it, it's so much easier. It's funny watching people listen to music thinking they know everything, maybe I'm just crazy but I trust myself, so whatevs. THat's only some people. But I love artists, especially ones I can just listen to in a total relax mode, local ones. Have a goodnight.