[Chaptered] The Bet 17/?
Aiba’s POV
Sho was walking out of the café and Jun moved aside to make a way for him. Half of my heart ordered me to run after him, but I knew it wasn’t possible now. Everything had changed and I had decided to be with Jun, it didn’t matter if I loved Sho, everything couldn’t work the way we wanted.
I looked at Jun and he looked back at me, he seemed worried, I tried to smile at him but I knew my smile was looking odd.
“I’ll change out of my uniform,” I said softly and he nodded.
He waited for me at a corner table, I approached him but he wasn’t smiling like he always did. We’d never expected to meet Sho here, and I knew he was feeling really worried about me now. “Let’s go home.”
He nodded and stood up.
We walked back home in silence, he walked just beside me, but I knew his thoughts were wandering around. I took hold of his hand and he looked at me.
“Please don’t worry.” He smiled and nodded while held my hand tightly.
He slowly sighed, “I never expected that today we’d meet him.”
“Neither did I,” I took a deep breath, “after six years.”
He stopped, “I know you still love him…”
“You can stop this useless conversation now,” I said firmly, “It was over six years ago and that’s the fact…”
He moved closer, inch by inch, I closed my eyes tightly and felt his lips on mine. But it lasted only mere seconds, he broke the kiss and touched my wrinkles. I opened my eyes and he looked into them, “I’m sorry…”
“What? No… That’s not--”
“Shhhh…” he stopped me using his index finger. “It’s fine, you know I’ll wait until you can love me… Even if you’ll never love me, I`ll still be here for you…”
I swallowed my words, the fact that I had hurt him again hit me. He was always there for me, but I couldn’t even give him the thing he wanted. He never asked of me to love him, he just waited…that maybe someday I could forget about Sho and move on. He waited for me patiently, to the point where sometimes I couldn’t forgive myself, as I felt like I used him for my own selfish happiness. Because I needed someone to prop me, probably, because I was a weak person.
He pulled me and we started walking again.
Sometimes I felt confused about my own feelings. I was together with Sho only for 2 months, but why couldn’t I forget about him? How many times have I tried to erase him from my heart and always failed? He was still there, dominating all my life even without his presence anywhere near me. I couldn’t erase his expression from when he saw me for the first time after those six years. He didn’t not care, it wasn’t like I had always imagined. I thought that he would be ignoring me but I knew perfectly that he wasn’t.
Thinking about him made my feelings just worse, it was always like that. I couldn’t control my own feelings if it was something related to Sakurai Sho. Memories of us started to spin in my head. His shocked face when he saw me giving a blowjob to a guy in the bathroom, his angry expression when he saved my life, his serious expression when he asked my mom to let me live in his house, his smile when we decided to be together, his tears when he knew I gave his best friend a blowjob, his hoarse voice when he called me when I was leaving him six years ago, did all of them were just an act? Did he really have no feelings for me?.
I stopped in my tracks and made Jun stop as well. “I’m sorry,” I took a deep breath and started to cry. Jun moved closer and pulled me in his embrace. “I’m sorry…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found myself sitting on a bench in the park with him. We just sat there and ate bread in silence. I could clearly tell that my feelings for him hadn’t changed, hadn’t lessened in those 6 years at all.
Maybe I was just too fast to jump on conclusions about his feelings for me? Or maybe that was just wishful thinking again. I tried to calm myself down and open the conversation as I didn’t see any signs that he would start first.
“How have you been?” I asked him, trying to sound casual.
He looked at me with his strong gaze, “Not bad…How about you?”
“Better lately,” I answered him, “I think you wanted to talk with me…”
He looked like deep in thought for a while and then asked me, “Is it really okay?”
“If you are referring to what Jun would probably think about us meeting… Yes…it’s okay.” I answered him. But I knew I won’t be telling Jun that I met Sho again. Not because this meeting had deep meaning for me but I just didn’t want to make Jun feel insecure and worried.
He looked at the ground, “I’m sorry…” he softly said.
“It’s fine.”
He shook his head, “No… I apologize for everything I did to you…”
I almost chocked when I tried to answer. I knew I didn’t feel any anger or hatred for him, and I knew it was time to ask about his feelings for me. But what would I get then? If he’d tell he has no feelings for me it would just hurt me more, if he’d have, then what? I knew perfectly that we couldn’t be together and I knew he already know that as well, “It’s okay, I forgot about that matter a long time ago,” I tried to get my voice under control and then continued, “We aren’t teenagers anymore and a lot of things have happened in these past six years, we’ve grown up. We shouldn’t be stuck in that same place, right?”
“I’m sorry…” he said again while averting his gaze to look at the ground again.
“I said it’s okay, Sho-ch--”
“Because I’m still stuck in that same place…” he cut my words.
Please not now… Not after six years… Not now that I have Jun beside me… It would just hurt both of us and other people around us…
“We can’t be together now. Everything has changed, our situations, our feelings for each other…”
He looked into my eyes again, making me feel all the butterflies-in-stomach stuff again, “My feelings for you never changed…” he said it clearly, word by word.
What feelings? Did you even have any for me And I knew I couldn’t stop my mouth from spilling it anymore, “I never knew what your feelings for me were… You never let me know…” my sight was getting blurry because of the tears.
“Masaki, I--”
“But it’s too late now. I can’t…we can’t…” I shook my head “I think it’s gotten late already… I’m afraid Jun will start to worry soon …” I wanted to slap myself because I had brought up this conversation. Remember, Masaki, you were done with him, you had Jun now…
I quickly stood up. “It’s nice to meet you again…” I smiled at him and walked away. I could feel a tear rolling down my cheek.
I felt him gripping my wrist and he pulled me in his embrace. I could hear soft sobbing sounds leaving his lips, he whispered directly in my ear, “I love you…I love you, Masaki…” I could feel another tear on my cheek. Stop it… I couldn’t bear the same pain anymore… I can’t love you anymore…
“Six years ago, now, and in the future…” he stopped for a moment and then continued, “I love you and only you...”
I closed my eyes tightly and bit my lips. I felt like someone has thrown me in the time six years ago, when everything was perfect as long as he was with me. Before everything became complicated. I wanted to hug him back and tell that I still loved him, for the past six years, now and in the future…but everything had changed now…
I had already chosen my path, I had chosen to be with Jun. I removed his arms from my body and faced him, “I’m sorry…” I softly said, “I’m sorry, Sho-chan…”
He shook his head, “Please… Masaki…”
I closed my eyes and shook my head, “I’m sorry. We can’t be together anymore… I’m sorry…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN : I posted it earlier.,yay!! I planned to post it on saturday but one day earlier wont kill anyone right?XD
so that is.,sho confessed, at least...after 8 years he loves Masaki >.< *such a coward guy~~*
I know you want to kill me but please let me finish the story XD then I`ll let you to do anything to me.,LOL
Sho was walking out of the café and Jun moved aside to make a way for him. Half of my heart ordered me to run after him, but I knew it wasn’t possible now. Everything had changed and I had decided to be with Jun, it didn’t matter if I loved Sho, everything couldn’t work the way we wanted.
I looked at Jun and he looked back at me, he seemed worried, I tried to smile at him but I knew my smile was looking odd.
“I’ll change out of my uniform,” I said softly and he nodded.
He waited for me at a corner table, I approached him but he wasn’t smiling like he always did. We’d never expected to meet Sho here, and I knew he was feeling really worried about me now. “Let’s go home.”
He nodded and stood up.
We walked back home in silence, he walked just beside me, but I knew his thoughts were wandering around. I took hold of his hand and he looked at me.
“Please don’t worry.” He smiled and nodded while held my hand tightly.
He slowly sighed, “I never expected that today we’d meet him.”
“Neither did I,” I took a deep breath, “after six years.”
He stopped, “I know you still love him…”
“You can stop this useless conversation now,” I said firmly, “It was over six years ago and that’s the fact…”
He moved closer, inch by inch, I closed my eyes tightly and felt his lips on mine. But it lasted only mere seconds, he broke the kiss and touched my wrinkles. I opened my eyes and he looked into them, “I’m sorry…”
“What? No… That’s not--”
“Shhhh…” he stopped me using his index finger. “It’s fine, you know I’ll wait until you can love me… Even if you’ll never love me, I`ll still be here for you…”
I swallowed my words, the fact that I had hurt him again hit me. He was always there for me, but I couldn’t even give him the thing he wanted. He never asked of me to love him, he just waited…that maybe someday I could forget about Sho and move on. He waited for me patiently, to the point where sometimes I couldn’t forgive myself, as I felt like I used him for my own selfish happiness. Because I needed someone to prop me, probably, because I was a weak person.
He pulled me and we started walking again.
Sometimes I felt confused about my own feelings. I was together with Sho only for 2 months, but why couldn’t I forget about him? How many times have I tried to erase him from my heart and always failed? He was still there, dominating all my life even without his presence anywhere near me. I couldn’t erase his expression from when he saw me for the first time after those six years. He didn’t not care, it wasn’t like I had always imagined. I thought that he would be ignoring me but I knew perfectly that he wasn’t.
Thinking about him made my feelings just worse, it was always like that. I couldn’t control my own feelings if it was something related to Sakurai Sho. Memories of us started to spin in my head. His shocked face when he saw me giving a blowjob to a guy in the bathroom, his angry expression when he saved my life, his serious expression when he asked my mom to let me live in his house, his smile when we decided to be together, his tears when he knew I gave his best friend a blowjob, his hoarse voice when he called me when I was leaving him six years ago, did all of them were just an act? Did he really have no feelings for me?.
I stopped in my tracks and made Jun stop as well. “I’m sorry,” I took a deep breath and started to cry. Jun moved closer and pulled me in his embrace. “I’m sorry…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found myself sitting on a bench in the park with him. We just sat there and ate bread in silence. I could clearly tell that my feelings for him hadn’t changed, hadn’t lessened in those 6 years at all.
Maybe I was just too fast to jump on conclusions about his feelings for me? Or maybe that was just wishful thinking again. I tried to calm myself down and open the conversation as I didn’t see any signs that he would start first.
“How have you been?” I asked him, trying to sound casual.
He looked at me with his strong gaze, “Not bad…How about you?”
“Better lately,” I answered him, “I think you wanted to talk with me…”
He looked like deep in thought for a while and then asked me, “Is it really okay?”
“If you are referring to what Jun would probably think about us meeting… Yes…it’s okay.” I answered him. But I knew I won’t be telling Jun that I met Sho again. Not because this meeting had deep meaning for me but I just didn’t want to make Jun feel insecure and worried.
He looked at the ground, “I’m sorry…” he softly said.
“It’s fine.”
He shook his head, “No… I apologize for everything I did to you…”
I almost chocked when I tried to answer. I knew I didn’t feel any anger or hatred for him, and I knew it was time to ask about his feelings for me. But what would I get then? If he’d tell he has no feelings for me it would just hurt me more, if he’d have, then what? I knew perfectly that we couldn’t be together and I knew he already know that as well, “It’s okay, I forgot about that matter a long time ago,” I tried to get my voice under control and then continued, “We aren’t teenagers anymore and a lot of things have happened in these past six years, we’ve grown up. We shouldn’t be stuck in that same place, right?”
“I’m sorry…” he said again while averting his gaze to look at the ground again.
“I said it’s okay, Sho-ch--”
“Because I’m still stuck in that same place…” he cut my words.
Please not now… Not after six years… Not now that I have Jun beside me… It would just hurt both of us and other people around us…
“We can’t be together now. Everything has changed, our situations, our feelings for each other…”
He looked into my eyes again, making me feel all the butterflies-in-stomach stuff again, “My feelings for you never changed…” he said it clearly, word by word.
What feelings? Did you even have any for me And I knew I couldn’t stop my mouth from spilling it anymore, “I never knew what your feelings for me were… You never let me know…” my sight was getting blurry because of the tears.
“Masaki, I--”
“But it’s too late now. I can’t…we can’t…” I shook my head “I think it’s gotten late already… I’m afraid Jun will start to worry soon …” I wanted to slap myself because I had brought up this conversation. Remember, Masaki, you were done with him, you had Jun now…
I quickly stood up. “It’s nice to meet you again…” I smiled at him and walked away. I could feel a tear rolling down my cheek.
I felt him gripping my wrist and he pulled me in his embrace. I could hear soft sobbing sounds leaving his lips, he whispered directly in my ear, “I love you…I love you, Masaki…” I could feel another tear on my cheek. Stop it… I couldn’t bear the same pain anymore… I can’t love you anymore…
“Six years ago, now, and in the future…” he stopped for a moment and then continued, “I love you and only you...”
I closed my eyes tightly and bit my lips. I felt like someone has thrown me in the time six years ago, when everything was perfect as long as he was with me. Before everything became complicated. I wanted to hug him back and tell that I still loved him, for the past six years, now and in the future…but everything had changed now…
I had already chosen my path, I had chosen to be with Jun. I removed his arms from my body and faced him, “I’m sorry…” I softly said, “I’m sorry, Sho-chan…”
He shook his head, “Please… Masaki…”
I closed my eyes and shook my head, “I’m sorry. We can’t be together anymore… I’m sorry…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN : I posted it earlier.,yay!! I planned to post it on saturday but one day earlier wont kill anyone right?XD
so that is.,sho confessed, at least...after 8 years he loves Masaki >.< *such a coward guy~~*
I know you want to kill me but please let me finish the story XD then I`ll let you to do anything to me.,LOL