[one-shot] Porcelain Love
Title : Porcelain Love
Author : lovu_lovu_aiba
Beta : falkia *lots choco and please rest more T___T
Pairing : Sakumiya
Genre : AU, romance, a lil bit angst
Rating : R
Summary : "if I couldn’t kill you in one week, I’ll disappear….and I can`t…in the end I can`t do that and I’d rather disappear than see you die…”
AN : my first sakumiya fic XD and took long time for me to finish it >____< written for dear kaeda_chan bcoz I love her so much? XD
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Sho felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it out and saw the one number that he didn’t want to see. Even though he had erased that contact already, he didn’t forget it. How could he forget about it, when he used to call and text the number everyday before? That was his ex’s number. What the hell does that woman want from me again? Sho asked himself. He broke up with her 1 year back already, but sometimes that shameless woman still called him, usually when she was lonely or broken up with her new boyfriend. Not like Sho cared about that, he just felt annoyed. He ignored the call and kept his pace on his way home.
And yet it was vibrating again. He gave up and picked the phone. “Hello Sho!” a female voice greeted him.
“What? I have no time,” Sho answered coldly. He didn’t have any idea why he ever thought he’d loved this woman.
“Don’t be so cold, lets go out and have fun, today is your birthday right?” she asked and, when she didn’t get any response, she continued, “Happy birthday! Let me give you a gift.”
Sho snorted and laughed sarcastically, “I don’t need anything from you.”
“Sure you do,” that woman really insisted, “Like that one night in the bed with me? C`mon Sho…I miss you…and maybe we could get back together again after that…”
“You really disgust me, you hear that?” Sho hung up. He really decided to change his number this time. That woman cheated on him that year ago, Sho caught her sleeping with his co-worker. He hurt a lot at the time, because he loved her for real. Time changed him, though, he only felt disgusted by her now.
Today was his 29th birthday, but Sho didn’t really think it was special or different in any way. Just an ordinary day. He didn’t think of celebrating it, partly because he had no one to accompany him. But, then, he didn’t really care about that either. He was walking slowly back home when he thought of buying a bento in a convenience store. He took a deep breath, bento from a convenience store and my birthday…perfect combination, he thought sarcastically. Maybe it had become a habit for him. To think sarcastically, that is.
He entered the convenience store and walked directly to the bento rack. Straight and direct was the way he did things, never looking around at any other racks if he decided on what he needed. That was another habit of him, or maybe, simply, a loner’s habit? Again, he didn’t really care; he never really cared about other peoples’ perceptions of him. He took several cans of beer from the refrigerator and brought it to the cashier. He had already counted how much he was going to spend for his dinner on the way and didn’t need the cashier calculation, so he handed over the right amount, before the cashier ever had a chance to open his mouth.
He dragged himself back home; he already had a home, not even an apartment anymore. It’s been 2 years since he’d bought the house. 2 years ago- when he still had a dream; he wanted to marry his ex and every time he remembered that hope, he’ll always feel relieved that he found out about her true nature early, not after asking that damn woman to marry him. The house looked empty and cold, he realized it. He entered his dark yard and walked towards the door. Just as he was unlocking the door, he found a box leaned on the threshold. He was doubtful that it had been intended for him, but then he saw a small card resting on it.
“Happy birthday master…”
…was written on the card. Sho took the box along with him and almost immediately upon entering the house he threw himself onto the sofa and opened it. He almost jumped up in fear when he saw the contents. There was a…Sho couldn’t even describe it, it looked like a doll. Sho touched it slowly and feeling the cold and hard surface of the doll. He took it and closely examined the mysterious gift . It was made from porcelain. When he looked closely at the doll’s face, he could see a little mole on it`s chin. He really had no idea where the doll came from and he didn’t know the purpose someone would give it to him for. Besides, he was too tired to contemplate it any longer, so he decided to just move the thinking process for the next day and go to sleep. The food he’d bought before was left untouched on the table, along with the porcelain doll.
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It was Sunday and Sho really wanted to go back to sleep, but his stomach was screaming. He didn’t even eat the dinner that he’d brought. He wondered if it was still okay to eat that konbini`s bento… Well, since he couldn’t cook and was too lazy to go out, he decided he would try. He walked lazily to the living room. It startled him when he couldn’t find the konbini`s bento, and what’s more… the porcelain doll was gone too. He frowned and tried to look for them in the heap on the table, but found nothing.
When he heard a vague voice from his kitchen, Sho stopped his movement immediately. A thief? He cautiously took an umbrella from the living room and skulked slowly to the kitchen. The kitchen door was open, so he took a peek. When he saw a figure in his kitchen, the umbrella slipped from his hands. Whoever it was, he was cooking. He really had no idea who that was, he had never seen the man before, but there definitely was a stranger cooking in his kitchen. Probably upon the sound of the falling umbrella, the guy turned back and looked at Sho.
The stranger smiled brightly. “Good morning, master…” he greeted.
“What? Who the hell are you?” Sho snapped. “What are you doing in my kitchen?”
“Whoa, you will get older soon master, if you go berserk like this, so early morning ” he answered. “My name is Kazunari, master…”
Sho frowned and he noticed the mole on the guy’s chin…a mole that made him remember the porcelain doll that had mysteriously disappeared. Sho shivered…
“What…” he still thought it wasn’t quite polite to ask ‘what are you actually?’ so he changed the question, “Who are you…?”
“I’ve already answered it, my name is Kazunari and you`re my master…”
“I never…I`m not into that stuff you know…” Sho stopped abruptly. “How did you enter my house?” he asked slowly.
“You brought me in tonight…”
At that moment Sho really wanted to run away but his legs wouldn’t listen to him, instead his body kept steady as another question rolled down his lips “You`re…you`re the porcelain doll?” he asked again. Kazunari smiled in response to the question but made no effort to answer.
I didn’t believe in this kind of stuff! Sho was torn. Sure, he didn’t believe but he had no idea how to explain this guy’s existence. Or how did he get into his house, for that matter… his head was a mess; he was confused more than ever before.
“Well…we can talk more later master, but I guess you`re hungry…I made you something…” he said, as he pointed to the table. Sho could smell the delicious soup and the warm toast, feeling his stomach growl again.
The guy laughed when he heard it, “Nothing better than breakfast with a stranger right?” he winked and pointed to the dining table again.
Sho stared at him, sill suspicious, but he walked slowly towards the dining table. He sat down and looked at the stranger who stood not far away from him. He was really beautiful; he looked so skinny and fragile. “You don’t want to eat…?” the guy asked and Sho hastily took the soup. He tasted it, expecting it to be poisoned or something, but nothing happened. It was delicious, so Sho decided it probably wasn’t a bad decision to eat it after all. Sho looked at the man questioningly.
The guy just shook his head; “I don’t eat…”
“You don’t…okay…” he didn’t care to argue with the guy anymore. If he said he was a porcelain doll, so let him be it… “So, where do you live Kazu…?” he asked again.
“Well…you brought me in, so I live here…” he answered. Sho really couldn’t decipher this guy, although he didn’t mind him living at his house.
“You said I`m your master?” Sho asked, and Kazu nodded his head, “How come?”
Kazu shook his head, “I have no idea as well…When someone brings me inside their house, I become their slave…”
Sho frowned, “So you`ll do whatever I want?” he asked again and Kazu nodded his head. “Kazu…you can live here but you must cook for me everyday…” Sho decided to accept the reality. If this guy wanted to do something bad to him, he didn’t really care, he didn’t really have anyone to cry after him, if he was a thief, he could steal all his stuff, that he could care less about. He just thought that his life would become a slightest bit interesting.
“Of course, master!” he chirped happily.
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It wasn’t like what he was expecting. Kazu never did anything that he didn’t ask for. When Sho left for the office, he would stay at home, he didn’t mind Sho locking the door, he said that he didn’t need anything outside the house. He was always there whenever Sho needed him. It really scared Sho, the fact that he actually needed someone now…He never let himself rely upon other people. He used to rely on his ex, and it didn’t bring any good. In fact, when they broke up, a big, empty hole was left on Sho`s heart, a hole that made him a cold human. But now…he relied on Kazu…although he never showed it…
He used to always stay working overtime, because he knew he didn’t have anything to do at home anyway. But now that he knew someone was waiting for him at home, he rejected all over time jobs. He was happy every time Kazu said “Okaeri master…” and all his exhaustion seemed to get erased with the guy’s bright smile. Sho was afraid of how natural it felt, being near Kazu, he never felt awkward, he was afraid of how he missed Kazu when in the office. He was afraid by how he had to resist touching that person.
Like that night, when Sho was spending his time to watch television and Kazu rested his head on his lap. He sat on the floor and leaned his head to Sho`s lap and the latter caressed his hair softly. “Ah…it`s spring already…” Sho murmured randomly when he saw the news about cherry trees already blossoming somewhere.
“You are going out everyday but you didn’t notice it?” Kazu asked, his tone indicating total disbelief.
Sho chuckled, “I never pay attention to anything when I know what I have to do…”
“Not even cherry blossoms?” Kazu asked as he looked up to Sho. Sho shook his head and laughed when he saw Kazu was left agape because of that.
“You`re no fun…” he commented and went back to resting his head on Sho`s lap again.
Sho laughed, “I know it since forever…” still, it was true, it`s been so long since he last enjoyed the cherry blossoms. He just didn’t want to go there alone …but he had Kazu now…he wasn’t alone… “Ne, Kazu…how about going together to see the cherry blossom this Sunday?” he asked.
Kazu somehow paused for a few minutes, until Sho thought he just rejected him, but then he heard Kazu’s reply “Sure master…” although merely whispered.
“Kazu, what do you think of me…?” he asked suddenly.
Kazu looked up at him again, “Why did you ask me that?”
“Just answer it…” Sho replied.
“I think you`re nice, master…nice enough to let a stranger live in your house…and you treat me well…too well, so well I think I might fall for you…”he answered calmly. Sho moved so fast that Kazu gasped in shock, he clutched Kazu`s hands and smashed their lips together. He didn’t care anymore about who this guy was, he just could no longer hold the urge to make this person his. Kazu parted his lips to let Sho`s tongue explore his mouth. For the first time in his life Sho felt that he did the right thing, everything about him was so messed up, but not this time… He knew it was the right thing to do. His hand was tracing Kazu`s cold chest, and his heart exploded in happiness when he heard Kazu moan softly under his lips. He won`t let this guy disappear from his life…He promised to himself that he would protect him…
When he opened his eyes the darkness greeted him. He couldn’t see anything except Kazu. He didn’t have any idea why they were in that position. Kazu was sitting on his stomach, his hands around Sho`s neck. Sho’s eyes widened…he opened his mouth to call his name but he chocked. Kazu tightened his grip around Sho`s neck and strangled him. Sho tried to free himself, but both his hands and feet were tied. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. Sho gasped, his lungs were already screaming from the desperate need for air. After a few seconds of struggling, Sho started to feel weak, he couldn’t feel his body anymore. He tried to look into Kazu`s eyes but he saw nothing except the will to kill him…Kazu…Sho tried to called him…but everything became dark…
He woke up breathless and in shock. He didn’t understand why…the dream felt so real to him. He could still feel Kazu`s cold fingers on his neck. He looked around but couldn’t see Kazu anywhere in the room. His body was covered with a blanket, probably brought there by Kazu. He tried to control his breath and, covering himself with it, he dragged his feet to the kitchen. He was right…Kazu was there…
He was wandering around the kitchen and Sho realized he was making breakfast. He sighed softly and told himself that it was just a dream. Kazu won’t kill him no matter what. That was just a bad dream… But that nightmare was still imprinted in his head. Kazu turned his head and smiled brightly at him.
“Good morning, master…”
Sho felt a bit embarrassed, wearing nothing except the blanket, even though Kazu had already seen him naked. “You want to eat breakfast?” Kazu asked him again.
“I`ll wear something first…” he mumbled, earning Kazu’s chuckle in response.
He ran back to his room and chose a random t-shirt and short pants, then ran back to the kitchen as fast as he could. Kazu was sitting on the chair, waiting for him. He smiled when Sho entered the kitchen in a hurry and sat in front of him. When he saw the red marks on Kazu`s neck, he blushed, even though he was the one to make them last night.
“Itadakimasu…” Sho said it softly and tried to ignore his feelings regarding the red marks.
“Master…I need to tell you something after breakfast…” said Kazu slowly while Sho was eating his breakfast.
Sho frowned, why did he need permission to ask…?. “Why don’t you ask me now…?”
Kazu smiled, “Later, better…” he answered softly. Sho nodded in agreement. It can’t be anything bad, right? They’ve just spent a night together. Sho believed that it wouldn’t be nothing bad…
He sat and waited until Sho finished his dishes. Sho noticed that Kazu was waiting for him and when he finished his food, he didn’t move from his chair.
“So? What do you want to talk about?” Sho opened the conversation. At that moment he somehow felt that Kazu`s expression was changing…It was a sad…and suffering expression.
“I`m sorry…I lied to you…” he started slowly. Sho didn’t have any idea what he meant…was it the fact that he wasn’t a real porcelain doll? He should know by now that Sho didn’t care about that anymore.
“About what?” he asked. “If this is about the fact that you`re not a porcelain doll, I`m okay with that…”
“It`s not about that…I`m a real porcelain doll…” he answered and Sho didn’t want to argue about it. He could be porcelain doll, straw doll, or whatever he wanted as long as he was there…
“Okay…is that the thing that you want to talk to me about…?” he asked again.
Kazu shook his head, “No…” he answered. “Do you know about voodoo dolls?” he asked out of blue.
“Voodoo doll?” he repeated and Kazu nodded his head, “A doll that is created to kill someone…?”he couldn’t quite believe his ears. Porcelain doll and now…voodoo doll?.
“Exactly…” Kazu answered. Sho blinked his eyes twice, didn’t understand what he should do…or say…
Kazu smiled, “I`m a voodoo doll, sent here to kill you…”
Sho shivered, “What?”
“You heard me…I was sent here to kill you…” Sho thought so hard, maybe he should run or do whatever it takes to shoo this guy out of his house, but he felt blank, he was there…He felt so stupid. He really only wanted to ask Kazu to stop all that nonsense.
“Stop this--”
“I`m not lying…” he was cut off, “I’m serious…and I'm not crazy…”
As Sho didn’t give any sign that would indicate that he was going to answer, Kazu took a deep breath and continued, “I’ve been sent here by your ex-girlfriend…I didn’t know the details because I was still a porcelain doll at the time, but…I know my real master…and my master is your ex-girlfriend…She wanted to kill you…and she used me…”
“I`m not into this supernatural stuff, you know, so stop now!” he felt the anger taking control of his voice.
“Please listen to me…” Kazu begged him, and he always won over Sho. Sho`s eyes narrowed, if this is his way to run away from me, I won`t let him!.
“I`m a voodoo doll…I`m serious…”
Sho snorted, “Then? Do you want to kill me now?” he asked.
“I never wanted to kill you but I have to kill you…” he answered.
“Then do it already…I`m here…that’s your job right?” he asked again.
“I tried…” he confessed and moved his gaze from Sho’s face to the floor “Last night…I tried to kill you…”
Sho was shivering again, maybe it was true? Maybe it wasn’t a dream…?
“But I couldn’t…” he whispered. “I couldn’t kill you…”
“Why…?” Sho asked him again.
Kazu looked up into his eyes, “Because I love you…” he answered. “I failed to kill you because I love you…”
Sho felt his heart beating faster…He loves me!! He screamed in his head. He didn’t care anymore about all those lies…
“I love you, but please don’t love me…” Sho heard, the sounds soft.
Sho opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out, just another whisper, “Why…?”
“Because I am not supposed to be loved, I’m just a porcelain doll, remember? I`m here to kill you…” he answered. “I have a time limit…if I couldn’t kill you in one week, I’ll disappear….and I can`t…in the end I can`t do that and I’d rather disappear than see you die…”
“I just want you to know…the truth…before I disappear…” he said it even more softly “Master - oh no…Sho…please live happily…I really want to see you happy, see everyone around you, you`re not alone…” he smiled.
“My time is coming…” he said and Sho was petrified to see Kazu started to fade away.
“Kazu…?”
“I love you, Sho…” those were the last words from him, and he disappeared, left Sho alone, torn inside, trying to understand what just happened, to categorize it somehow, to divide it between imagination and reality… He believed Kazu…but it was too late…he didn’t even say that he loved Kazu as well… Kazu left him already…
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It has been 1 month since Kazu disappeared in front of him. Sho started psychological therapy. But no one believed him about Kazu existence, sometime he questioned that existence himself, maybe he was crazy. But he believed that Kazu was real, although he never tried to ask to his ex-girlfriend. Shockingly enough, he felt grateful to his girlfriend. Because of her, he was able to meet Kazu at all.
That night he came to the konbini again to buy bento. His life was back to normal, Kazu was no longer anything except a memory. It was like he had never existed in Sho`s life… Sho took a box of bento and a can of cola and walked slowly to the cashier. But he didn’t just give the cashier the prepared sum like usual.
“Irrasshaimase…” the cashier greeted him. He smiled to him… His eyes widened in shock when he saw a mole on the cashier`s chin, he felt flustered as he saw the name tag on the right side of his chest…
-Ninomiya Kazunari-
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AN : I moved out from my safety zone when I write this...sakumiya and supernatural aren`t my stuff XD But I enjoyed write it~~ I feel honored someone asked me to write XD hontou ureshii desu ^^
so I hope you enjoyed read it as well ^.^
Author : lovu_lovu_aiba
Beta : falkia *lots choco and please rest more T___T
Pairing : Sakumiya
Genre : AU, romance, a lil bit angst
Rating : R
Summary : "if I couldn’t kill you in one week, I’ll disappear….and I can`t…in the end I can`t do that and I’d rather disappear than see you die…”
AN : my first sakumiya fic XD and took long time for me to finish it >____< written for dear kaeda_chan bcoz I love her so much? XD
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Sho felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it out and saw the one number that he didn’t want to see. Even though he had erased that contact already, he didn’t forget it. How could he forget about it, when he used to call and text the number everyday before? That was his ex’s number. What the hell does that woman want from me again? Sho asked himself. He broke up with her 1 year back already, but sometimes that shameless woman still called him, usually when she was lonely or broken up with her new boyfriend. Not like Sho cared about that, he just felt annoyed. He ignored the call and kept his pace on his way home.
And yet it was vibrating again. He gave up and picked the phone. “Hello Sho!” a female voice greeted him.
“What? I have no time,” Sho answered coldly. He didn’t have any idea why he ever thought he’d loved this woman.
“Don’t be so cold, lets go out and have fun, today is your birthday right?” she asked and, when she didn’t get any response, she continued, “Happy birthday! Let me give you a gift.”
Sho snorted and laughed sarcastically, “I don’t need anything from you.”
“Sure you do,” that woman really insisted, “Like that one night in the bed with me? C`mon Sho…I miss you…and maybe we could get back together again after that…”
“You really disgust me, you hear that?” Sho hung up. He really decided to change his number this time. That woman cheated on him that year ago, Sho caught her sleeping with his co-worker. He hurt a lot at the time, because he loved her for real. Time changed him, though, he only felt disgusted by her now.
Today was his 29th birthday, but Sho didn’t really think it was special or different in any way. Just an ordinary day. He didn’t think of celebrating it, partly because he had no one to accompany him. But, then, he didn’t really care about that either. He was walking slowly back home when he thought of buying a bento in a convenience store. He took a deep breath, bento from a convenience store and my birthday…perfect combination, he thought sarcastically. Maybe it had become a habit for him. To think sarcastically, that is.
He entered the convenience store and walked directly to the bento rack. Straight and direct was the way he did things, never looking around at any other racks if he decided on what he needed. That was another habit of him, or maybe, simply, a loner’s habit? Again, he didn’t really care; he never really cared about other peoples’ perceptions of him. He took several cans of beer from the refrigerator and brought it to the cashier. He had already counted how much he was going to spend for his dinner on the way and didn’t need the cashier calculation, so he handed over the right amount, before the cashier ever had a chance to open his mouth.
He dragged himself back home; he already had a home, not even an apartment anymore. It’s been 2 years since he’d bought the house. 2 years ago- when he still had a dream; he wanted to marry his ex and every time he remembered that hope, he’ll always feel relieved that he found out about her true nature early, not after asking that damn woman to marry him. The house looked empty and cold, he realized it. He entered his dark yard and walked towards the door. Just as he was unlocking the door, he found a box leaned on the threshold. He was doubtful that it had been intended for him, but then he saw a small card resting on it.
“Happy birthday master…”
…was written on the card. Sho took the box along with him and almost immediately upon entering the house he threw himself onto the sofa and opened it. He almost jumped up in fear when he saw the contents. There was a…Sho couldn’t even describe it, it looked like a doll. Sho touched it slowly and feeling the cold and hard surface of the doll. He took it and closely examined the mysterious gift . It was made from porcelain. When he looked closely at the doll’s face, he could see a little mole on it`s chin. He really had no idea where the doll came from and he didn’t know the purpose someone would give it to him for. Besides, he was too tired to contemplate it any longer, so he decided to just move the thinking process for the next day and go to sleep. The food he’d bought before was left untouched on the table, along with the porcelain doll.
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It was Sunday and Sho really wanted to go back to sleep, but his stomach was screaming. He didn’t even eat the dinner that he’d brought. He wondered if it was still okay to eat that konbini`s bento… Well, since he couldn’t cook and was too lazy to go out, he decided he would try. He walked lazily to the living room. It startled him when he couldn’t find the konbini`s bento, and what’s more… the porcelain doll was gone too. He frowned and tried to look for them in the heap on the table, but found nothing.
When he heard a vague voice from his kitchen, Sho stopped his movement immediately. A thief? He cautiously took an umbrella from the living room and skulked slowly to the kitchen. The kitchen door was open, so he took a peek. When he saw a figure in his kitchen, the umbrella slipped from his hands. Whoever it was, he was cooking. He really had no idea who that was, he had never seen the man before, but there definitely was a stranger cooking in his kitchen. Probably upon the sound of the falling umbrella, the guy turned back and looked at Sho.
The stranger smiled brightly. “Good morning, master…” he greeted.
“What? Who the hell are you?” Sho snapped. “What are you doing in my kitchen?”
“Whoa, you will get older soon master, if you go berserk like this, so early morning ” he answered. “My name is Kazunari, master…”
Sho frowned and he noticed the mole on the guy’s chin…a mole that made him remember the porcelain doll that had mysteriously disappeared. Sho shivered…
“What…” he still thought it wasn’t quite polite to ask ‘what are you actually?’ so he changed the question, “Who are you…?”
“I’ve already answered it, my name is Kazunari and you`re my master…”
“I never…I`m not into that stuff you know…” Sho stopped abruptly. “How did you enter my house?” he asked slowly.
“You brought me in tonight…”
At that moment Sho really wanted to run away but his legs wouldn’t listen to him, instead his body kept steady as another question rolled down his lips “You`re…you`re the porcelain doll?” he asked again. Kazunari smiled in response to the question but made no effort to answer.
I didn’t believe in this kind of stuff! Sho was torn. Sure, he didn’t believe but he had no idea how to explain this guy’s existence. Or how did he get into his house, for that matter… his head was a mess; he was confused more than ever before.
“Well…we can talk more later master, but I guess you`re hungry…I made you something…” he said, as he pointed to the table. Sho could smell the delicious soup and the warm toast, feeling his stomach growl again.
The guy laughed when he heard it, “Nothing better than breakfast with a stranger right?” he winked and pointed to the dining table again.
Sho stared at him, sill suspicious, but he walked slowly towards the dining table. He sat down and looked at the stranger who stood not far away from him. He was really beautiful; he looked so skinny and fragile. “You don’t want to eat…?” the guy asked and Sho hastily took the soup. He tasted it, expecting it to be poisoned or something, but nothing happened. It was delicious, so Sho decided it probably wasn’t a bad decision to eat it after all. Sho looked at the man questioningly.
The guy just shook his head; “I don’t eat…”
“You don’t…okay…” he didn’t care to argue with the guy anymore. If he said he was a porcelain doll, so let him be it… “So, where do you live Kazu…?” he asked again.
“Well…you brought me in, so I live here…” he answered. Sho really couldn’t decipher this guy, although he didn’t mind him living at his house.
“You said I`m your master?” Sho asked, and Kazu nodded his head, “How come?”
Kazu shook his head, “I have no idea as well…When someone brings me inside their house, I become their slave…”
Sho frowned, “So you`ll do whatever I want?” he asked again and Kazu nodded his head. “Kazu…you can live here but you must cook for me everyday…” Sho decided to accept the reality. If this guy wanted to do something bad to him, he didn’t really care, he didn’t really have anyone to cry after him, if he was a thief, he could steal all his stuff, that he could care less about. He just thought that his life would become a slightest bit interesting.
“Of course, master!” he chirped happily.
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It wasn’t like what he was expecting. Kazu never did anything that he didn’t ask for. When Sho left for the office, he would stay at home, he didn’t mind Sho locking the door, he said that he didn’t need anything outside the house. He was always there whenever Sho needed him. It really scared Sho, the fact that he actually needed someone now…He never let himself rely upon other people. He used to rely on his ex, and it didn’t bring any good. In fact, when they broke up, a big, empty hole was left on Sho`s heart, a hole that made him a cold human. But now…he relied on Kazu…although he never showed it…
He used to always stay working overtime, because he knew he didn’t have anything to do at home anyway. But now that he knew someone was waiting for him at home, he rejected all over time jobs. He was happy every time Kazu said “Okaeri master…” and all his exhaustion seemed to get erased with the guy’s bright smile. Sho was afraid of how natural it felt, being near Kazu, he never felt awkward, he was afraid of how he missed Kazu when in the office. He was afraid by how he had to resist touching that person.
Like that night, when Sho was spending his time to watch television and Kazu rested his head on his lap. He sat on the floor and leaned his head to Sho`s lap and the latter caressed his hair softly. “Ah…it`s spring already…” Sho murmured randomly when he saw the news about cherry trees already blossoming somewhere.
“You are going out everyday but you didn’t notice it?” Kazu asked, his tone indicating total disbelief.
Sho chuckled, “I never pay attention to anything when I know what I have to do…”
“Not even cherry blossoms?” Kazu asked as he looked up to Sho. Sho shook his head and laughed when he saw Kazu was left agape because of that.
“You`re no fun…” he commented and went back to resting his head on Sho`s lap again.
Sho laughed, “I know it since forever…” still, it was true, it`s been so long since he last enjoyed the cherry blossoms. He just didn’t want to go there alone …but he had Kazu now…he wasn’t alone… “Ne, Kazu…how about going together to see the cherry blossom this Sunday?” he asked.
Kazu somehow paused for a few minutes, until Sho thought he just rejected him, but then he heard Kazu’s reply “Sure master…” although merely whispered.
“Kazu, what do you think of me…?” he asked suddenly.
Kazu looked up at him again, “Why did you ask me that?”
“Just answer it…” Sho replied.
“I think you`re nice, master…nice enough to let a stranger live in your house…and you treat me well…too well, so well I think I might fall for you…”he answered calmly. Sho moved so fast that Kazu gasped in shock, he clutched Kazu`s hands and smashed their lips together. He didn’t care anymore about who this guy was, he just could no longer hold the urge to make this person his. Kazu parted his lips to let Sho`s tongue explore his mouth. For the first time in his life Sho felt that he did the right thing, everything about him was so messed up, but not this time… He knew it was the right thing to do. His hand was tracing Kazu`s cold chest, and his heart exploded in happiness when he heard Kazu moan softly under his lips. He won`t let this guy disappear from his life…He promised to himself that he would protect him…
When he opened his eyes the darkness greeted him. He couldn’t see anything except Kazu. He didn’t have any idea why they were in that position. Kazu was sitting on his stomach, his hands around Sho`s neck. Sho’s eyes widened…he opened his mouth to call his name but he chocked. Kazu tightened his grip around Sho`s neck and strangled him. Sho tried to free himself, but both his hands and feet were tied. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. Sho gasped, his lungs were already screaming from the desperate need for air. After a few seconds of struggling, Sho started to feel weak, he couldn’t feel his body anymore. He tried to look into Kazu`s eyes but he saw nothing except the will to kill him…Kazu…Sho tried to called him…but everything became dark…
He woke up breathless and in shock. He didn’t understand why…the dream felt so real to him. He could still feel Kazu`s cold fingers on his neck. He looked around but couldn’t see Kazu anywhere in the room. His body was covered with a blanket, probably brought there by Kazu. He tried to control his breath and, covering himself with it, he dragged his feet to the kitchen. He was right…Kazu was there…
He was wandering around the kitchen and Sho realized he was making breakfast. He sighed softly and told himself that it was just a dream. Kazu won’t kill him no matter what. That was just a bad dream… But that nightmare was still imprinted in his head. Kazu turned his head and smiled brightly at him.
“Good morning, master…”
Sho felt a bit embarrassed, wearing nothing except the blanket, even though Kazu had already seen him naked. “You want to eat breakfast?” Kazu asked him again.
“I`ll wear something first…” he mumbled, earning Kazu’s chuckle in response.
He ran back to his room and chose a random t-shirt and short pants, then ran back to the kitchen as fast as he could. Kazu was sitting on the chair, waiting for him. He smiled when Sho entered the kitchen in a hurry and sat in front of him. When he saw the red marks on Kazu`s neck, he blushed, even though he was the one to make them last night.
“Itadakimasu…” Sho said it softly and tried to ignore his feelings regarding the red marks.
“Master…I need to tell you something after breakfast…” said Kazu slowly while Sho was eating his breakfast.
Sho frowned, why did he need permission to ask…?. “Why don’t you ask me now…?”
Kazu smiled, “Later, better…” he answered softly. Sho nodded in agreement. It can’t be anything bad, right? They’ve just spent a night together. Sho believed that it wouldn’t be nothing bad…
He sat and waited until Sho finished his dishes. Sho noticed that Kazu was waiting for him and when he finished his food, he didn’t move from his chair.
“So? What do you want to talk about?” Sho opened the conversation. At that moment he somehow felt that Kazu`s expression was changing…It was a sad…and suffering expression.
“I`m sorry…I lied to you…” he started slowly. Sho didn’t have any idea what he meant…was it the fact that he wasn’t a real porcelain doll? He should know by now that Sho didn’t care about that anymore.
“About what?” he asked. “If this is about the fact that you`re not a porcelain doll, I`m okay with that…”
“It`s not about that…I`m a real porcelain doll…” he answered and Sho didn’t want to argue about it. He could be porcelain doll, straw doll, or whatever he wanted as long as he was there…
“Okay…is that the thing that you want to talk to me about…?” he asked again.
Kazu shook his head, “No…” he answered. “Do you know about voodoo dolls?” he asked out of blue.
“Voodoo doll?” he repeated and Kazu nodded his head, “A doll that is created to kill someone…?”he couldn’t quite believe his ears. Porcelain doll and now…voodoo doll?.
“Exactly…” Kazu answered. Sho blinked his eyes twice, didn’t understand what he should do…or say…
Kazu smiled, “I`m a voodoo doll, sent here to kill you…”
Sho shivered, “What?”
“You heard me…I was sent here to kill you…” Sho thought so hard, maybe he should run or do whatever it takes to shoo this guy out of his house, but he felt blank, he was there…He felt so stupid. He really only wanted to ask Kazu to stop all that nonsense.
“Stop this--”
“I`m not lying…” he was cut off, “I’m serious…and I'm not crazy…”
As Sho didn’t give any sign that would indicate that he was going to answer, Kazu took a deep breath and continued, “I’ve been sent here by your ex-girlfriend…I didn’t know the details because I was still a porcelain doll at the time, but…I know my real master…and my master is your ex-girlfriend…She wanted to kill you…and she used me…”
“I`m not into this supernatural stuff, you know, so stop now!” he felt the anger taking control of his voice.
“Please listen to me…” Kazu begged him, and he always won over Sho. Sho`s eyes narrowed, if this is his way to run away from me, I won`t let him!.
“I`m a voodoo doll…I`m serious…”
Sho snorted, “Then? Do you want to kill me now?” he asked.
“I never wanted to kill you but I have to kill you…” he answered.
“Then do it already…I`m here…that’s your job right?” he asked again.
“I tried…” he confessed and moved his gaze from Sho’s face to the floor “Last night…I tried to kill you…”
Sho was shivering again, maybe it was true? Maybe it wasn’t a dream…?
“But I couldn’t…” he whispered. “I couldn’t kill you…”
“Why…?” Sho asked him again.
Kazu looked up into his eyes, “Because I love you…” he answered. “I failed to kill you because I love you…”
Sho felt his heart beating faster…He loves me!! He screamed in his head. He didn’t care anymore about all those lies…
“I love you, but please don’t love me…” Sho heard, the sounds soft.
Sho opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out, just another whisper, “Why…?”
“Because I am not supposed to be loved, I’m just a porcelain doll, remember? I`m here to kill you…” he answered. “I have a time limit…if I couldn’t kill you in one week, I’ll disappear….and I can`t…in the end I can`t do that and I’d rather disappear than see you die…”
“I just want you to know…the truth…before I disappear…” he said it even more softly “Master - oh no…Sho…please live happily…I really want to see you happy, see everyone around you, you`re not alone…” he smiled.
“My time is coming…” he said and Sho was petrified to see Kazu started to fade away.
“Kazu…?”
“I love you, Sho…” those were the last words from him, and he disappeared, left Sho alone, torn inside, trying to understand what just happened, to categorize it somehow, to divide it between imagination and reality… He believed Kazu…but it was too late…he didn’t even say that he loved Kazu as well… Kazu left him already…
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It has been 1 month since Kazu disappeared in front of him. Sho started psychological therapy. But no one believed him about Kazu existence, sometime he questioned that existence himself, maybe he was crazy. But he believed that Kazu was real, although he never tried to ask to his ex-girlfriend. Shockingly enough, he felt grateful to his girlfriend. Because of her, he was able to meet Kazu at all.
That night he came to the konbini again to buy bento. His life was back to normal, Kazu was no longer anything except a memory. It was like he had never existed in Sho`s life… Sho took a box of bento and a can of cola and walked slowly to the cashier. But he didn’t just give the cashier the prepared sum like usual.
“Irrasshaimase…” the cashier greeted him. He smiled to him… His eyes widened in shock when he saw a mole on the cashier`s chin, he felt flustered as he saw the name tag on the right side of his chest…
-Ninomiya Kazunari-
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AN : I moved out from my safety zone when I write this...sakumiya and supernatural aren`t my stuff XD But I enjoyed write it~~ I feel honored someone asked me to write XD hontou ureshii desu ^^
so I hope you enjoyed read it as well ^.^