Chapter Seven: When the world comes crumbling down (I've got you to piece it back together again)
Merlin rose to the thin rays of sunlight heating his eyelids. He pulled himself from the dream he was having about rebinding his history text book and rolled himself over until the tip of his nose nicked against Gawain’s pillow.
Merlin stretched once and gave a jaw-popping yawn. He waited until the sun reached his toes to push himself up from the floor and fold together the blankets he'd slept on top of the night before. Everything from the day earlier was a blur. He vaguely remembered falling asleep crying and trying to collect his car and-- oh shit!
Merlin raced down to the apartment only to find Will making waffles. "Did anyone call my mobile?"
Will jumped so high that he nearly dropped the spatula he was unsuccessfully using to prod at the still runny waffle mix. "You almost fucking gave me a heart attack."
"Did anyone call me?" Merlin asked more emphatically.
"Your mobile vibrated at seven this morning. Why anyone in their right mind would call someone who owns a pub at seven I just don't know," Will mumbled, turning back to the batter.
Stumbling for his footing Merlin raced to where he'd last seen his mobile. The red light was blinking, indicating that he had a voicemail. Desperately he picked it up and clicked to voicemail.
There was a single crackle and then Arthur said clear as day, "I dropped off the car this morning in the car park. The old man nearly had my throat when he found out it was me who called the cops last night about the break in. Anyway, call me if you need anything."
Merlin clicked it off and felt his shoulders sag. He'd been certain that Arthur would have forgotten.
"Who was it anyway? And the waffles are ready," Will said from around the corner.
"No one. Just had my car brought back," Merlin said. "Are they burnt?"
"Just a little... actually, a lot, but they'll taste okay, I’ve scraped off most of the crappy bits," Will said. Merlin went into the kitchen and sat down in front of a pile of slightly-charred waffles.
"I've always wondered how you were able to graduate culinary school," Merlin said, pushing the plate towards Will when he gave him a raise of his eyebrows.
"I can cook a bad arse omelet," Will responded coldly, "but since someone here is allergic to eggs and pretty much every ingredient I would put into it I can't do that now can I?"
Merlin smiled sheepishly, "It's not my fault. I was born this way."
"- I’m on the right track baby I was born this way heeeey!" Will responded in an out-of-tune sing-song voice.
Merlin rolled his eyes, "I'm going to confiscate your radio one of these days."
"I'll just live in someone’s car then," Will said, shoving his mouth full of waffle and sputtering. "Oh god, these are terrible."
"Let's eat out," Merlin said. "How about Jester?"
Will gave him a skeptical look, "you sure you can handle that?"
"Why is everyone so concerned that I'll break down?" Merlin said suddenly, his voice pitching higher than normal. "I'm not a piece of glass. I can eat at Gawain’s favourite café and not burst into tears."
"No, but you did just lose someone you love. Trust me, I know what it feels like," Will said, tossing the waffles into the trash. “All it takes is the smallest of reminders.”
"Thanks, but I can handle it, especially if there is a stack of Rosa’s blueberry pancakes there for me." Merlin pushed himself violently from the chair and ambled his way into his bedroom to change into some decent clothes. His pants sagged a little when he buttoned them, but one of Gawain's belts worked well enough to hold them up.
When Merlin went back into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, Will was sitting patiently on the kitchen counter.
"You know, it's okay to admit that you're not alright," Will said. He hopped off the counter and went over to block the doorway. "In fact, I think it's healthier if you talk about it instead of acting as though nothing has happened."
Merlin's mouth went dry. He had to swallow a few gulps of water before he could look at Will again. "I've already been crying over it enough. Please stop forcing this on me, Will."
"But you're hiding it," Will crossed his arms, "and we all know it because we feel the pain too and we turn to each other for help."
Merlin sat down heavily on the chair. "I... there's just so much to do. And yesterday, with the car..." Merlin’s voice trailed off into silence. Will nodded encouragingly when Merlin gave him a hesitant look.
Merlin ran his fingers through his hair. "I thought I felt something coming off of it."
"Heat?" Will asked, although the question sounded dumb.
"No. I thought I felt-- I think I might be imagining it-- I thought I felt magic," Merlin said, glancing at Will to see if he was looking at Merlin like he was crazy.
"You think someone did something to the car?" Will asked. He walked over and sat across from Merlin.
"I don't know. But last night there was someone in there on her mobile phone talking about destroying it and that there needed to be no proof," Merlin said, heart aching at the sudden realization that Gawain's death might not have been an accident after all.
"Is the car here?" Will asked softly.
"Car park, under the black tarp," Merlin said. They both stood up and left the flat together, Will’s arm on Merlin’s shoulder the whole time. Merlin led the way and when they made it to the car park he walked over and removed the tarp, revealing the mangled car.
"God," Will groaned, "it's ruined."
"Yeah," Merlin slowly went up to it and stretched out his hand until his fingers brushed the metal. A flare of something that was neither warm nor cold pushed through his body. He pulled away, letting out a tiny gasp, closed his eyes, and then laid his hand flat against the metal.
The next thing Merlin saw was the sky and Will’s concerned face.
“Merlin? Finally,” Will breathed out. He reached out one hand to grab Merlin’s upper arm and another to slide behind his shoulder and help him sit upright. “You’ve been out for a few minutes. I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance.”
Merlin shook his head to clear it and then stared at the car, mind reeling.
“Will, it has traces of magic. Powerful. Destructive.” Merlin curled his legs up to his chest. “Gawain’s dead because of magic!”
Will rested his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “It’s not your magic that killed him.”
A weight pushed down on his shoulders until he nodded and then Will was suddenly pulling him into a tight embrace. “We’ll get through this.”
Merlin ambled his way into the the pub. Will patted him one last time on the shoulder and then left to start organizing the bar area for the night.
Merlin went, half unfocused, to the stairway and unconsciously made his way down to the magic room. The secret entrance creaked as he opened it, musty dust flew forcefully up his nostrils until he had to sneeze at the itch.
The books sat idly, unused, waiting for him to crack them open and start studying again. Merlin resisted the sudden urge to knock them all to the floor when a bubbling anger rose up his chest and tightened his throat.
Magic, magic did this and Merlin was helpless against it. His own magic useless in the face of danger and unhelpful in saving his cousin's life.
The anger slowly sank into resignation. Dust swirled up around him as he thought up spell after spell to form it into the shape of Gawain's face. He reached his fingers out to touch the Gawain's shoulder. They went straight through the tiny granules and Merlin let the figure collapse back into nothing.
Hours later found Merlin behind the bar for the first time since his cousin’s death. He’d dealt with a lot of regulars, all of them offering their condolences and their help in any way they could. While it was a little overwhelming, Merlin found it soothing that Gawain had been so well liked and that as long as the pub was open, there would be happy memories around every corner, in every conversation, in every pint.
He shuffled through the paperwork in his hand, checking that all the figures were right so that it could be sent to the accountant for filing. He felt a familiar uneasy heat course through his body. He glanced around the bar, slightly panicked.
“It’s not going to be easy, is it?” a strong female voice said from behind him, “taking on this place by yourself.” Merlin looked and was greeted with the sight of Morgana, her well-manicured fingers folded around a tall glass in front of her. Not a hair was out of place. She looked as though she’d just come from the office.
“I really have nothing to say to you, Miss. Not today,” he said, clenching his teeth together. His ears were burning and he could feel magic in the bar, but couldn’t pin point where it was coming from. He placed the papers out of sight and started rearranging the bottles and glasses on the bar.
“Don’t be like that Merlin,” Morgana replied and placed a hand over his wrist. “I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s not easy losing someone you love.” Merlin watched her carefully and noticed a far-away look in her eyes, not unlike someone who had indeed lost someone close to them.
“Thank you.”
“My mother died when I was five years old, I can’t even really remember anything about her,” she said, releasing Merlin’s hand and taking a sip of her drink. “I know I’m lucky to have Arthur and Uther in my life, but sometimes I really wonder if it’s the same as having someone around that’s your flesh and blood. I guess I’ll never know.”
“I think,” Merlin said, rolling a glass between his hands, “that family is what you make of the people around you. I don’t think you have to be biologically related to truly love someone unconditionally. I’m not sure what I’d do without my friends.”
“You make a very honest and valid point. Now, have you decided what to do about your studies and the pub? It’s going to be very hard to balance both I would imagine. Will you be hiring extra help? Can you afford it?” Morgana asked, changing the subject quickly. Merlin narrowed his eyes.
“I’m just trying to get through the next few days. Why are you so interested anyway? Gawain told you this place wasn’t for sale.” Merlin could feel himself getting worked up and was itching to get away from Morgana, his breathing quickening in frustration.
“Things have changed since then, Merlin. Your cousin isn’t here anymore. I’m just trying to make you understand that there are options. You don’t have to do this alone and you don’t have to dig yourself into a financial hole that you’ll never get out of.” Morgana stood up and pushed her empty glass towards him. “Think about it. You know you don’t have a chance at keeping this place and I’m giving you an out. No one would think less of you for letting go.”
“I’m not selling. It’s not what my uncle would have wanted,” Merlin said, his voice starting to shake.
“Your uncle had no idea what he was doing when he started this place, and look where you are now. You’re in a massive pile of debt and it’s only getting bigger as each day passes. He was as bad a businessman as he was an incompetent doctor,” snapped Morgana, and Merlin swore he saw a flash of something in her eyes. It unsettled him and he wanted her gone.
“You need to tell me what the hell you are playing at, or you need to leave,” Merlin said, his voice low and shaking with anger. Morgana didn’t argue; she stood up and started walking towards the door, turning back to Merlin only once to impart a message.
“You’re so blind to all this.”
Merlin slumped down against the bar and let out a shaky breath. There was something about Morgana. He wasn’t stupid, he could feel the magic around her, in her, and it made him nervous. He knew if he could feel her magic, she could feel his. He was waiting for the pin to drop. He felt, in his heart, it wouldn’t be pretty.
