Confusion... / Ramblings
Ya know... I just don't know anymore.
Should I take that and experiment with them all over again when its been two yrs that I've been drug-free... and have been able to work out a lot of things...
Or should I take the medication?
She says taht yes, there are a lot of things that oe can do as far as coping stratagies go... But there's only so much that can do.. Things like : being on time, not forgetting appointments, going to school everyday, not forgetting assignments, listening when other people talk (which, i can do only if there is not background loud noises, etc...
But then there are other things that you just can't sdo without these meds..
On the one hand, If I were to truly go with what I believe and read "the book" I owuld be one happy and free person... but on the other hand.. I can't pay attention long enough to stick to it.. And things like not being able to hear what people are saying when there's noise or whatever..
*sighs* And now its also the fact taht .. on a personal level.. How I feel about people, and things and morals and so on.. I can't keep my mind straight on it.. I just keep Losing my grip; Finding my grip; Losing my grip; Finding my grip... and so on..
Some days Yes i'm fully there and with you and attentive.. Other days, I couldn't get on the ball if it were to save my life.. thing is.. this changes from one day, to the next, to the next and so on.
She says there are meds that you can evenually take only when you NEED to concentrate.. and like not take them when you don't... *sighs* I'm so confused!
He said I should take a couple of weeks off of lifting those and see how it goes. He also said that If you eat too much salt ( Like chips and POP CORN it will mak eyou more intolerent to the cold.
He also gave me a small bottle of "Liode" which I think is... Sodium? No.. uhh.. Fuck, I can't remember.
and to come see him on monday... which I will have to pay $70 rather than $35 because I didn't pay this time because i didn't have time..
I've also realized that I cannot keep from slouching for the life of me.. (Also concentration) And its really important that I do that.. Geez, do I need a fucking corset like my aunt had to keep my damn back straight?! Until I can at least like remember to do so myself?
ERF!! I'm SO Frustrated with myself.
Which, even though they were not friendly, they were helpful in keeping me aware -fully aware i might add, of where I stand and stuff.(Don't worry - I do NOT wanna get back with him.. Especially NOT any time soon.)
*Sighs* I can only think of one way to describe how it feels to me living in my head right now and that is: Its like being REALLY drunk, In a loud and crowded club, with loud music and people smoking (lots of "fog")and trying to hear what people are trying to tell you and figure out what's who and where's how and who's huh?
Which also makes me wonder about the meds again and whether I should take them or not.
I'm -So- very lost and confused.
On the other hand co-op was better today, though I obviously did not lift any monitors this time. *yawns and sighs* So after the chiro, I went to Cathy's which Erika was there :p
Cathy says that we've adopted each other because we're always like.. playful and ticklingand using each other as human pillows.. and Today... For the first time... Erika "drumbed" on my breasts before I even did ANYTHING to hers.. Not look, not poke, not grope - not anything.. This was a first :p LoL.. Anyways.. Yeah.
And I think I'm starting a Cold.
Cathy was happy that Erika, Me, Andrea and Brigitte were there today.. She's been stressed out a lot lately and yeah.. anyways.
Whatever, I've made this long and rambly enough.. Doognight.
Should I take that and experiment with them all over again when its been two yrs that I've been drug-free... and have been able to work out a lot of things...
Or should I take the medication?
She says taht yes, there are a lot of things that oe can do as far as coping stratagies go... But there's only so much that can do.. Things like : being on time, not forgetting appointments, going to school everyday, not forgetting assignments, listening when other people talk (which, i can do only if there is not background loud noises, etc...
But then there are other things that you just can't sdo without these meds..
On the one hand, If I were to truly go with what I believe and read "the book" I owuld be one happy and free person... but on the other hand.. I can't pay attention long enough to stick to it.. And things like not being able to hear what people are saying when there's noise or whatever..
*sighs* And now its also the fact taht .. on a personal level.. How I feel about people, and things and morals and so on.. I can't keep my mind straight on it.. I just keep Losing my grip; Finding my grip; Losing my grip; Finding my grip... and so on..
Some days Yes i'm fully there and with you and attentive.. Other days, I couldn't get on the ball if it were to save my life.. thing is.. this changes from one day, to the next, to the next and so on.
She says there are meds that you can evenually take only when you NEED to concentrate.. and like not take them when you don't... *sighs* I'm so confused!
He said I should take a couple of weeks off of lifting those and see how it goes. He also said that If you eat too much salt ( Like chips and POP CORN it will mak eyou more intolerent to the cold.
He also gave me a small bottle of "Liode" which I think is... Sodium? No.. uhh.. Fuck, I can't remember.
and to come see him on monday... which I will have to pay $70 rather than $35 because I didn't pay this time because i didn't have time..
I've also realized that I cannot keep from slouching for the life of me.. (Also concentration) And its really important that I do that.. Geez, do I need a fucking corset like my aunt had to keep my damn back straight?! Until I can at least like remember to do so myself?
ERF!! I'm SO Frustrated with myself.
Which, even though they were not friendly, they were helpful in keeping me aware -fully aware i might add, of where I stand and stuff.(Don't worry - I do NOT wanna get back with him.. Especially NOT any time soon.)
*Sighs* I can only think of one way to describe how it feels to me living in my head right now and that is: Its like being REALLY drunk, In a loud and crowded club, with loud music and people smoking (lots of "fog")and trying to hear what people are trying to tell you and figure out what's who and where's how and who's huh?
Which also makes me wonder about the meds again and whether I should take them or not.
I'm -So- very lost and confused.
On the other hand co-op was better today, though I obviously did not lift any monitors this time. *yawns and sighs* So after the chiro, I went to Cathy's which Erika was there :p
Cathy says that we've adopted each other because we're always like.. playful and ticklingand using each other as human pillows.. and Today... For the first time... Erika "drumbed" on my breasts before I even did ANYTHING to hers.. Not look, not poke, not grope - not anything.. This was a first :p LoL.. Anyways.. Yeah.
And I think I'm starting a Cold.
Cathy was happy that Erika, Me, Andrea and Brigitte were there today.. She's been stressed out a lot lately and yeah.. anyways.
Whatever, I've made this long and rambly enough.. Doognight.