Appropriation
MASSIVE FOIP here, for the mindset and overview of opinion in more than one system actually.
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I do not like what this world has become.
I can still see smiles and moments of happiness, but they must be snatched and are not freely given, nor enough to lift the oppressive desolation I can feel. I can see people's emotions flare and grate against each other and it makes my skin itch and crawl and I wish I were not here. I wish I could say something, to explain, to calm... no, it would only make them angrier, it would sound like an excuse rather than an explanation and so I remain silent, my mouth clamped on words I desperately need to say.
Instead they fester in my stomach as I remind myself that the people in charge are the people in charge and you do not argue, even IF you are right and they are being idiots. I have to remind myself repeatedly that I am not important, just a jumped up girl with an overestimation of her importance who should shut up and sit down quietly in a corner while the adults talk.
I hate it. I can feel everything twisting and going wrong, leaving only the feeling of wanting to throw up in my stomach. That's why even though I hate it so very much that I MUST remain here, I MUST stay here so that I can do something, anything, to make things better for people.
Fuck this. My eyes burn, my mouth remains closed, my curses silent.
Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.
++++
I do not like what this world has become.
I can still see smiles and moments of happiness, but they must be snatched and are not freely given, nor enough to lift the oppressive desolation I can feel. I can see people's emotions flare and grate against each other and it makes my skin itch and crawl and I wish I were not here. I wish I could say something, to explain, to calm... no, it would only make them angrier, it would sound like an excuse rather than an explanation and so I remain silent, my mouth clamped on words I desperately need to say.
Instead they fester in my stomach as I remind myself that the people in charge are the people in charge and you do not argue, even IF you are right and they are being idiots. I have to remind myself repeatedly that I am not important, just a jumped up girl with an overestimation of her importance who should shut up and sit down quietly in a corner while the adults talk.
I hate it. I can feel everything twisting and going wrong, leaving only the feeling of wanting to throw up in my stomach. That's why even though I hate it so very much that I MUST remain here, I MUST stay here so that I can do something, anything, to make things better for people.
Fuck this. My eyes burn, my mouth remains closed, my curses silent.
Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.