Merlin Fic: The Joy Of Joyness, or a study of the effects of enchanted lion milk
Yyyyeah, not at all what I was planning to write. This happened like so:
duct_tape_fairy: I'm booored. Write me an orgy.
luchia13: Gimme pictures of kitties.
duct_tape_fairy: *gives pictures of kitties*
luchia13: *doesn't quite write an orgy. The kitties coulda been cuter*
Anyway, Merlin fic! ONWARDS!
Title: The Joy Of Joyness (or, a study of the effects of enchanted lion milk)
Rating: PG-13!
Pairings: Ahem. MORGANA/GWEN, ARTHUR/MORGANA, ARTHUR/GWEN, ARTHUR/MERLIN, MERLIN/MORGANA, MERLIN/GWEN, and then OT4. YAY.
Warnings: CRACK. I have given this warning before, but this is crackier than all that put together. I am not joking. Also, copious amounts of flowers, snow, and the characters being on ecstasy and therefore OOC.
Summary: A wizard attempts to kill Uther using magical milk. Uther doesn't drink milk. Just about everyone else does, though! \o/
Wordcount: ~4000. *is proud it's short-ish*
The Joy of Joyness
(or, a study of the effects of enchanted lion milk)
“Mooohahahahaaah!” said the wizard that swept into the banquet, bright blue robes swirling around him. He pointed one gnarled old finger at Uther while the guards continued to stare at him, not quite past the random appearance of a man in a pointy hat from mid-air. “Now we shall see how righteous you are! May you pay for your sins, tyrant!”
“Guards,” Uther said, voice irked more than anything else, and the wizard actually managed to look surprised when three men swarmed over him, two grabbing onto his bony arms and a third holding a sword to him.
“Killing me won’t save you!” the wizard crowed. “You’ve already taken care of that yourself, through your own gluttony!”
Uther and the rest of the guests (and quite a few of the servants) looked down at their meal. The king looked back up at the wizard, clearly unimpressed. “I have a taste tester, and he has yet to fall down dead. I’m afraid whatever your plan was, it has failed.”
“It will come upon you suddenly, like a hammer to the head,” the wizard sneered. “The righteous will be rewarded, and your sins will-”
One of the guards had the foresight to knock him unconscious. Arthur made a mental note to find a way to repay the man as they dragged the wizard away, and the banquet continued on.
“What do you make of that?” Morgana asked, frowning at the world in general.
“I have no idea,” Arthur said honestly, and took another sip of the gourmet milk that most of the hall was drinking.
When a thirty-five-foot-long white lion with a fluffy turquoise tail showed up later that night, snow appearing every place it stepped, Arthur was too busy being ridiculously, spectacularly happy to care. Someone came to tell him about it, sure, to tell him about the enormous beast that had made itself comfortable in the courtyard and was slowly turning the rather balmy summer night to mid-winter in a hundred foot radius around it. Someone also came to tell him about some of the seedier members of the court dropping dead in screaming agony, and to tell him that his father was fine and investigating and they thought it had something to do with the milk, but really, he had more pressing concerns. Like Gwen! Kind, patient, helpful Guinevere, who was sitting in a windowsill with Morgana and kissing her with a smile.
“Morgana. Guinevere,” he greeted cheerily, and Gwen twisted away just enough to smile brightly at him, Morgana still pressing cheerful kisses to the corner of her mouth but sending a warm smile at Arthur between them. “I heard there’s a massive lion outside.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Gwen said happily, her hand twining with one of Morgana’s and resting her head on the taller woman’s shoulder. “You look happy, Arthur.”
“I am happy,” he said…well, happily. “It’s a wonderful night. How are you both doing? Hopefully well.”
“We’re marvelous,” Morgana said, and held out her spare hand to him. Arthur was more than happy to take it, pressing a firm, pleasant kiss onto her lips. “I can’t remember the last time I was in this good of a mood, and so many people are so pleasant tonight.”
“Are they?” Arthur asked. “I haven’t seen anyone else. I was…” He paused, realized he had no idea what he’d been doing for nearly forty minutes, and decided it really didn’t matter. It couldn’t have been anything bad if he was in such a good mood now.
“How’s Merlin?” Gwen asked cheerfully.
“Oh, I’m sure he’s doing fine. He might have gone up to see Gaius.” Arthur nodded, giving Gwen a soft kiss on the lips, since it was always wonderful to have her around. She was honest and kind and he was truly happy for everything she gave Morgana, and he was happy that she was happy. “I’m fairly certain he went up to see Gaius. Should I go see if he did?”
“If you’d like to,” Morgana said easily, and kissed him again, longer and still wonderfully pleasant. Life was wonderful in general. “Maybe Gaius knows something about the lion. That’s the sort of thing you kill, isn’t it?”
“I’ve never killed a lion, actually,” Arthur said, and didn’t feel inadequate whatsoever for having never killed one, which was fairly pleasant. “I’ll go see if I need to kill one.”
“I hope we’ll see you later then, Arthur,” Gwen called as he headed for Gaius’ chambers.
He halted mid-step to turn and beam at the girls. “If it would make you happy, I’ll see you later.”
“We’re already happy!” Morgana called.
“Happier, then,” he called back, and started up the stairs.
“-Merlin, what’s gotten into you-”
“-but if I did have a father, you’d undoubtedly be a better one that he would be, and-”
“-I really need to check if everyone’s okay-”
“-and you try so hard to help everyone! You’re amazing, Gaius, and I just want you to know that I love and appreciate everything you do for me, and you’re a wonderful man, and I’m grateful to even know you, let alone-”
Arthur threw open the door, caught sight of his manservant, and his smile broke into a massive grin that had his jaw aching. “Merlin! I found you!”
Merlin released Gaius from a very tight hug to turn said hug onto Arthur, who was more than happy to hug him back. “Arthur! Hello!”
“Hello, Merlin!” Arthur said, and lifted a laughing Merlin off the floor. “Isn’t tonight wonderful? There’s a big lion in the courtyard, too.”
“I’ve never seen a lion!” Merlin enthused, and grabbed Arthur’s hand. “Let’s go see it!”
For once, Merlin had a good plan that sounded good and like an actual plan, even though there wasn’t much to it, and for some reason Arthur was very very proud of Merlin for that. “My god, Merlin! You had a good idea! Maybe you’re not an idiot!”
Merlin gave him a look that was so happy and awed that, had it been physically possible, Arthur would have smiled even harder at him. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he said.
“Maybe I should be nicer to you, then,” Arthur mused, idly swinging their hands as he peeked out the window at the enormous lion lounging in a big pile of snow he could have sworn wasn’t there before the banquet. He turned back to Merlin and tugged him towards the door, practically hopping in anticipation. “Let’s go see the lion!”
“Ah, sire!” Gaius said quickly, sounding almost frantic, and Arthur froze. “Sire, I-”
“Gaius!” Arthur said, and felt immediately horrible…well, kind of. “I’m sorry, I never meant to neglect you! I was just so happy to see Merlin-”
“I’m happy to see you too!” Merlin chirped, and Arthur grinned at him again. “We should hug Gaius.”
“That’s not necessary,” Gaius said quickly.
“That’s two good plans in the same night!” Arthur said happily, and would have hugged Merlin if he wasn’t striding over to Gaius and flinging his arms around the man. “Thank you for everything you do for me, my father, and my kingdom. And Merlin. And Morgana. And Gwen. And-”
“Yes, thank you, that’s very flattering, sire,” Gaius said, looking strangely uncomfortable for some reason.
“Sire,” Merlin echoed, snickering slightly.
Gaius attempted to glare over Arthur’s shoulder. “It’s a sign of respect,” he said, using his take-your-medicine-or-I’ll-be-very-disappointed-in-you voice.
“I respect Arthur!” Merlin defended, and sounded slightly less happy, which was not a good thing at all.
“I know you respect me, you don’t have to call me sire!” Arthur said, almost frantically, and grabbed Merlin’s shoulders to look him in the eye. “Sometimes I’m even grateful that you don’t!”
“Sire, perhaps you should sit down,” Gaius said hesitantly from behind him, but Arthur ignored him in favor of giving Merlin a short kiss and pulling him into another hug.
“I really do respect you,” Merlin muttered into his shoulder.
“Didn’t I just say I know that?” Arthur said, and let go, grabbing Merlin’s hand again. “Now come on. I want to see the big lion.”
“Do you think we’ll have to kill it?” Merlin asked brightly as they headed down the stairs at a pace that was almost close to bouncing, ignoring Gaius’ rather frantic calls to get back here this instant, young men. “I don’t know how you kill a lion, even a little one.”
“I think stabbing it good and hard would work,” Arthur mused. “From what I’ve heard, lions aren’t magical.”
“What about big snow-making lions?” Merlin asked, and grinned. “Hey, Arthur! We could have a snowball fight!” Which made three really really great ideas in one night.
“Let’s go ask Morgana and Gwen if they want to come,” Arthur said, and they bounded off, ignoring Gaius’ boys, get back here right now!
Morgana was leaning against Gwen, who was plaiting flowers into Morgana’s hair, when Arthur and Merlin showed up, still holding hands and grinning.
“Gwen! Morgana! Hello!” Merlin said, and let go of Arthur’s hand to give Gwen, then Morgana, a hug and kiss. “We’re going to go have a snowball fight around the enormous lion in the courtyard! Would you two like to come?”
“Ooooh, that does sound interesting,” Gwen said, and looked down at Morgana, who smiled up at her.
“I’m game if you are,” she said, and after Gwen gave her an enthusiastic kiss and finished up the flowery braid, still holding flowers, they headed out to the courtyard.
There were a couple knights standing guard at the exit, also known as the way to the courtyard, which they wanted to get to, and that was irritating.
“Your highness-” one of the guards said hesitantly, and Arthur’s frown from where he was draped over a still-laughing Merlin’s shoulders quieted him.
“We’re going past now,” Arthur said a bit lazily, considering most of his attention was on the very subtle method of tickling Merlin in front of guards without the guards actually noticing. A part of him was a bit disappointed that they weren’t noticing, though. He’d have to improve their awareness somehow in training.
“Sire, we have orders to not let any of the…affected out of the castle,” the other guard said.
“Oh, this is ridiculous,” Morgana said from where she stood with a beaming Gwen getting a piggy-back from her, skirts still covering as much leg as possible, which, considering their position, was a rather impressive amount. “We’re obviously fine, and we just want to see the lion.”
“And possibly have a snowball fight,” Merlin added, earning nods from the rest of the group.
The guard looked from Merlin to the girls and then back to Arthur, looking a bit desperate. “I’m sorry, sire, but our orders-”
“Usually come from me, don’t they?” Arthur said. “And I could make those rather unpleasant if you don’t let us through. I’m already a bit worried about how perceptive you two are.”
To emphasize his point, he made sure to brush that one bit of skin on Merlin’s side that had his manservant making a noise that was a bit like “sneurf” and was something that really shouldn’t have been as endearing as it was. Considering neither of them still refused to see that he was tickling Merlin, his disappointment increased, which made him almost a bit sad, which wasn’t pleasant in the least.
“You’re making me less happy,” Arthur accused, stunned at the revelation, and the other three gasped, staring at the guards.
“How dare you,” Gwen said, sounding absolutely disgusted with them, while Merlin immediately twisted to change their positions into a genuine hug, glaring at the guards while they watched them, cheek to cheek.
“You are moving this instant, or we’ll get revenge,” Morgana said darkly.
“You really don’t want that,” Merlin added, and he was nice and warm and comfy, holding Arthur protectively and like he was the best thing in the world, which cheered Arthur up immensely.
“Move, or I’ll get my sword,” Arthur added, and that seemed enough to make them jump aside. Merlin made a pleased noise and shifted to just hold Arthur’s hand, which was fine for now, since the steps were a little steep. It let them flank Morgana and the still-glaring Gwen, who shouted, “You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!” back at the guards while Morgana giggled her way down the stairs.
The lion’s rumble rolled through Arthur’s body, and he guessed that was some sort of agreement.
“Wow, he’s really…” Merlin began, and trailed off.
“Enormous,” Arthur said.
“Pure white,” Morgana added.
“Fluffy,” Gwen said, sliding off Morgana to look at the massive creature as it lounged in the snow, head resting on its crossed paws. “Do you think it’ll hurt us if we pet him?”
“Won’t know till we try,” Merlin said, and without even consulting Arthur, headed up into the snow, beaming away at the very, very big lion. “Hello. Would you mind if we pet you?”
Considering the way the lion tilted its head away from Merlin to show a bit more skin for him to scratch at, Arthur guessed that meant no. Gwen bounded into the snow, scratching the lion’s neck, and Arthur could feel its purr down to his bones. He grinned at Morgana, who beamed right back, and they ran into the snow.
“The lion’s a girl,” Merlin said from where he was lounging with his head in Morgana’s lap. Morgana herself was practically being sucked in to all the fluffy fur on the lion’s side as she leaned against it, her fingers tangled with Gwen’s. Gwen herself was patiently putting flowers in Arthur’s hair while it snowed on them. Arthur had the feeling they should have frozen to death by now, but considering it was still at least seventy degrees and he was exceedingly happy, he didn’t worry about it too much. He did wonder where exactly Gwen kept getting her flowers, but her fingers felt glorious in his hair, so he wasn’t going to question that very much right then either.
“Did the lion tell you so?” he asked.
“Yes, actually,” Merlin said, yawned, and fell asleep.
“For god’s sake, find some way to get them away from that blasted lion!” was what Arthur woke up to, and looked up from where he was sprawled on top of Gwen (and Merlin, to a point) to see his father and Gaius and almost all of his knights walking the perimeter of snow, the lion’s eyes watching their every move.
“Father!” Arthur said happily, and stood up with minimal movement on Gwen in the hopes of not waking her up. Merlin’s eyes opened and he looked around the area, but apparently he didn’t find anything worth waking up for since he shut his eyes again. “Father, how are you?”
“Arthur, get away from that lion before he-”
“She!” Arthur corrected.
“-she eats you,” Uther said, sounding very composed and really, it did seem like there was nothing wrong with obeying. Plus, it was his father, and Arthur loved his father no matter how much it seemed like he was the king instead of his parent sometimes, so he happily moved through the snow, beaming at his father.
“Father!” Arthur swept his father into a tight hug. “How are you? I hope you slept well? I just had a wonderful nap with Morgana and Gwen and Merlin, and we had a snowball fight-”
“Yes, I’m very glad you’re happy, Arthur, but we need to get Morgana-”
“- and Merlin and Guinevere-”
“-yes, all three of them away from the lion.”
Arthur laughed. “Why? She’d never hurt us. Gwen even put some flowers in her hair, see?” He pointed to the tangled mess near the lion’s tufted ear, smiling proudly at his father thanks to Gwen’s job well done. “She obviously didn’t have enough to cover the whole head, obviously - the lion’s massive after all - so she gave it a charm instead, and-”
“Gaius?” Uther asked, voice tight as Arthur kept squeezing, beaming up at his dad, and then found himself with something pinching his nose, his mouth opening, and he was swallowing something that tasted really, really bad.
“-and really, Uther, I do love you, but I just disagree with so many of your decisions that-”
“Morgana, we could have this talk better if we were inside,” Uther said calmly. “Bring your friends out of the snow and we can talk.”
Arthur tried to open his eyes, he really really did.
“That’s another thing I’ve always respected about you, Uther. I respect you a lot, actually. You’re a very respectable man, aside from when you aren’t, and-”
“Morgana, I want a hug.” There was a whisper from someone else. “From you and your friends.”
Morgana gave a delighted laugh, and Arthur missed what she said after that since something brushed against his eyelids, tugging them down again, and he fell asleep again, which was nice.
Arthur woke up in his own bed, Merlin sprawled on top of the covers on the other side and Gaius hovering over them, frowning and looking concerned. He groaned, the taste of whatever Gaius had used to knock him out crawling up onto his tastebuds once again.
“Sire?” Gaius asked hesitantly, and Arthur nodded, a hand going to his head. It felt like everything was still strangely hazy, as if everything could be better but wasn’t anymore, and the loss made him almost physically hurt a bit.
“Gaius, I apologize on behalf of myself, Merlin, and everyone else who likely accosted you for hugs and compliments,” Arthur said, tongue feeling thick in his mouth, and he did his best to ignore the relieved sigh from Gaius.
“It wasn’t terrible, being complimented and hugged by people that cared for me,” Gaius said dryly. “The event seemed very…revealing, overall.” Arthur twisted to look at him straight-on and do his best to give him the we will never speak of this again look he’d seen his father put on so many times. Considering Gaius’ raised eyebrow, he wasn’t quite sure it had gotten across. “If you haven’t forgotten what happened, I doubt any of the others will have. Not to mention all those unaffected will remember.”
“We were clearly under an enchantment,” Arthur said, probably a bit louder than necessary. “And we weren’t in our right minds.”
Gaius let out a rather insubordinate laugh. “Oh, certainly, sire. I doubt that would take much convincing.”
Arthur nodded, not quite sure where to go from there. “How are Morgana and Gwen?”
“Mortified, but fine,” Gaius said. “Morgana has a bit of a crick in her back thanks to giving her maidservant a piggyback, but other than that, no harm done.”
“And what of the lion?” Arthur asked.
Gaius simply smiled, and stood up. “I trust you to take care of Merlin when he wakes up.”
Arthur very pointedly didn’t stammer at the emphasis on trust, nor blush at the not-very-hidden innuendo in take care of. He simply frowned at Gaius and wondered when the physician had turned into a dirty old man and why he hadn’t noticed until now.
“Gaius, please. Just tell me she isn’t dead,” Arthur said, trying to not sound as concerned as he was. He remembered every moment with the lion, and the thing had seemed nothing but pleasant and happy to have happy people around it, albeit rather annoyed with the less happy people that tried to get close.
Gaius smiled. “The snow lion isn’t dead,” he said, bowed, and left the room.
-
The Great Dragon glared at the interloper’s side of the cave, which was now coated in snow and ice. “This is not how destiny is meant to play out.”
Maybe you need to lighten up and have some fun, the lioness said, swishing her turquoise tail smugly and making sure to think bright and loud about all the happy images she had of Merlin and Arthur together with Morgana and Gwen, thoroughly enjoying the annoyed twitch and glare that came from the dragon.
-
“This was a stupid idea,” Arthur snapped while they walked down the hall. “You’re an idiot. Why the hell did I listen to you about this?”
“Weren’t you going to be nicer to me?”
“That was when I barely knew my own name, let alone yours.”
“Which certainly explains the Merlin!” Merlin said, pitching his voice to mimic a blissful Arthur.
Arthur ignored the bait, choosing to stop and shove the flowers in his stupid manservant’s face. “You’re the one who had the bright idea of giving them these, so you can be the one actually giving them.”
Merlin shrugged and plucked them from Arthur, apparently not bothered in the least, and headed on towards Morgana’s chambers, Arthur dragging behind. He earned a glare with his reluctance, and Merlin grabbed onto his hand, towing him behind him as Arthur kept hissing a litany of curses, insults, and demands for Merlin to let him go.
“Hello,” Merlin said, knocking on Morgana’s door, and Gwen answered with a blush and surprised smile.
“Ah. Hi,” she said.
“We brought you both flowers,” Merlin said, and practically shoved them into a surprised Gwen’s hands while he yanked Arthur through the door. “Both of you flowers. From both of us.”
“That was kind of you,” Morgana said from the table, and Merlin sent her a smile. She hesitated, but smiled back. “Hello, Arthur.”
“Morgana,” he greeted. “Guinevere.”
“Just Gwen works fine, my lord,” Gwen said.
“So does just Arthur,” Merlin said, and avoided being strangled to death only by there being ladies in the room. “After all, I like to think we get along well enough to consider each other friends. Don’t you, Arthur?”
He really, really wanted to hurt Merlin for putting him in this situation, but instead of doing that, he said, “Yes. Yes, we are.” Strangely enough, the smile he got from all three of them made that strange emptiness he’d felt since the sorcery had worn off decrease, filled by something that had him smiling back at them. Gwen was handing Morgana a batch of the flowers, Merlin not-quite-sarcastically tucking one that fell out behind Arthur’s ear, Morgana smiling an honest smile at him. “We get along wonderfully.”
-
“And this…Snow Lioness milk,” Uther said, slow and cautious. “It causes euphoria?”
“Yes, sire,” Gaius said. “As they normally live in extremely remote locations, it was considered a blessing given to those who reached their goal. Snow Lions are, for the most part, kind and protective creatures. It considered them almost as cubs, and protected them accordingly.”
Uther nodded, frowning at the glass in front of him. “And the deaths?”
“The wizard managed to enchant the batch just enough to kill the completely wicked people who drank it,” Gaius said. “So far every recorded death had a known crime to their name, even if they were not convicted.”
Uther nodded. He’d seen the list. It had murderers, thieves, pedophiles, adulterers, and suspected traitors all over it, along with other misdemeanors they’d committed. He picked up the glass, looking at the milk inside and wondering how exactly one went about milking a magical thirty-five-foot-long lion, particularly without its permission. “And do we know how much it takes to cause a reaction?”
“Not yet, but we’re learning as quickly as possible,” Gaius reassured him.
Uther frowned at the substance, and, against his better judgement, took a tiny sip.
Gaius didn’t chastise him, didn’t even glare at him, just let out a put-upon sigh and pulled the cup away from him.
“…oh my,” Uther said, staring at the hand that had been holding a cup the last time he’d looked at it, and became very, very pleasant.
-----------------------------------------------------------
As I forgot to mention (THANK YOU duct_tape_fairy!), Snow Lion(ess) is a genuine myth, although it's from the Himalayas. They're on the Tibet flag, believe it or not. Wikipedia entry on Snow Lions and their magical milk!
duct_tape_fairy: I'm booored. Write me an orgy.
luchia13: Gimme pictures of kitties.
duct_tape_fairy: *gives pictures of kitties*
luchia13: *doesn't quite write an orgy. The kitties coulda been cuter*
Anyway, Merlin fic! ONWARDS!
Title: The Joy Of Joyness (or, a study of the effects of enchanted lion milk)
Rating: PG-13!
Pairings: Ahem. MORGANA/GWEN, ARTHUR/MORGANA, ARTHUR/GWEN, ARTHUR/MERLIN, MERLIN/MORGANA, MERLIN/GWEN, and then OT4. YAY.
Warnings: CRACK. I have given this warning before, but this is crackier than all that put together. I am not joking. Also, copious amounts of flowers, snow, and the characters being on ecstasy and therefore OOC.
Summary: A wizard attempts to kill Uther using magical milk. Uther doesn't drink milk. Just about everyone else does, though! \o/
Wordcount: ~4000. *is proud it's short-ish*
The Joy of Joyness
(or, a study of the effects of enchanted lion milk)
“Mooohahahahaaah!” said the wizard that swept into the banquet, bright blue robes swirling around him. He pointed one gnarled old finger at Uther while the guards continued to stare at him, not quite past the random appearance of a man in a pointy hat from mid-air. “Now we shall see how righteous you are! May you pay for your sins, tyrant!”
“Guards,” Uther said, voice irked more than anything else, and the wizard actually managed to look surprised when three men swarmed over him, two grabbing onto his bony arms and a third holding a sword to him.
“Killing me won’t save you!” the wizard crowed. “You’ve already taken care of that yourself, through your own gluttony!”
Uther and the rest of the guests (and quite a few of the servants) looked down at their meal. The king looked back up at the wizard, clearly unimpressed. “I have a taste tester, and he has yet to fall down dead. I’m afraid whatever your plan was, it has failed.”
“It will come upon you suddenly, like a hammer to the head,” the wizard sneered. “The righteous will be rewarded, and your sins will-”
One of the guards had the foresight to knock him unconscious. Arthur made a mental note to find a way to repay the man as they dragged the wizard away, and the banquet continued on.
“What do you make of that?” Morgana asked, frowning at the world in general.
“I have no idea,” Arthur said honestly, and took another sip of the gourmet milk that most of the hall was drinking.
When a thirty-five-foot-long white lion with a fluffy turquoise tail showed up later that night, snow appearing every place it stepped, Arthur was too busy being ridiculously, spectacularly happy to care. Someone came to tell him about it, sure, to tell him about the enormous beast that had made itself comfortable in the courtyard and was slowly turning the rather balmy summer night to mid-winter in a hundred foot radius around it. Someone also came to tell him about some of the seedier members of the court dropping dead in screaming agony, and to tell him that his father was fine and investigating and they thought it had something to do with the milk, but really, he had more pressing concerns. Like Gwen! Kind, patient, helpful Guinevere, who was sitting in a windowsill with Morgana and kissing her with a smile.
“Morgana. Guinevere,” he greeted cheerily, and Gwen twisted away just enough to smile brightly at him, Morgana still pressing cheerful kisses to the corner of her mouth but sending a warm smile at Arthur between them. “I heard there’s a massive lion outside.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Gwen said happily, her hand twining with one of Morgana’s and resting her head on the taller woman’s shoulder. “You look happy, Arthur.”
“I am happy,” he said…well, happily. “It’s a wonderful night. How are you both doing? Hopefully well.”
“We’re marvelous,” Morgana said, and held out her spare hand to him. Arthur was more than happy to take it, pressing a firm, pleasant kiss onto her lips. “I can’t remember the last time I was in this good of a mood, and so many people are so pleasant tonight.”
“Are they?” Arthur asked. “I haven’t seen anyone else. I was…” He paused, realized he had no idea what he’d been doing for nearly forty minutes, and decided it really didn’t matter. It couldn’t have been anything bad if he was in such a good mood now.
“How’s Merlin?” Gwen asked cheerfully.
“Oh, I’m sure he’s doing fine. He might have gone up to see Gaius.” Arthur nodded, giving Gwen a soft kiss on the lips, since it was always wonderful to have her around. She was honest and kind and he was truly happy for everything she gave Morgana, and he was happy that she was happy. “I’m fairly certain he went up to see Gaius. Should I go see if he did?”
“If you’d like to,” Morgana said easily, and kissed him again, longer and still wonderfully pleasant. Life was wonderful in general. “Maybe Gaius knows something about the lion. That’s the sort of thing you kill, isn’t it?”
“I’ve never killed a lion, actually,” Arthur said, and didn’t feel inadequate whatsoever for having never killed one, which was fairly pleasant. “I’ll go see if I need to kill one.”
“I hope we’ll see you later then, Arthur,” Gwen called as he headed for Gaius’ chambers.
He halted mid-step to turn and beam at the girls. “If it would make you happy, I’ll see you later.”
“We’re already happy!” Morgana called.
“Happier, then,” he called back, and started up the stairs.
“-Merlin, what’s gotten into you-”
“-but if I did have a father, you’d undoubtedly be a better one that he would be, and-”
“-I really need to check if everyone’s okay-”
“-and you try so hard to help everyone! You’re amazing, Gaius, and I just want you to know that I love and appreciate everything you do for me, and you’re a wonderful man, and I’m grateful to even know you, let alone-”
Arthur threw open the door, caught sight of his manservant, and his smile broke into a massive grin that had his jaw aching. “Merlin! I found you!”
Merlin released Gaius from a very tight hug to turn said hug onto Arthur, who was more than happy to hug him back. “Arthur! Hello!”
“Hello, Merlin!” Arthur said, and lifted a laughing Merlin off the floor. “Isn’t tonight wonderful? There’s a big lion in the courtyard, too.”
“I’ve never seen a lion!” Merlin enthused, and grabbed Arthur’s hand. “Let’s go see it!”
For once, Merlin had a good plan that sounded good and like an actual plan, even though there wasn’t much to it, and for some reason Arthur was very very proud of Merlin for that. “My god, Merlin! You had a good idea! Maybe you’re not an idiot!”
Merlin gave him a look that was so happy and awed that, had it been physically possible, Arthur would have smiled even harder at him. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he said.
“Maybe I should be nicer to you, then,” Arthur mused, idly swinging their hands as he peeked out the window at the enormous lion lounging in a big pile of snow he could have sworn wasn’t there before the banquet. He turned back to Merlin and tugged him towards the door, practically hopping in anticipation. “Let’s go see the lion!”
“Ah, sire!” Gaius said quickly, sounding almost frantic, and Arthur froze. “Sire, I-”
“Gaius!” Arthur said, and felt immediately horrible…well, kind of. “I’m sorry, I never meant to neglect you! I was just so happy to see Merlin-”
“I’m happy to see you too!” Merlin chirped, and Arthur grinned at him again. “We should hug Gaius.”
“That’s not necessary,” Gaius said quickly.
“That’s two good plans in the same night!” Arthur said happily, and would have hugged Merlin if he wasn’t striding over to Gaius and flinging his arms around the man. “Thank you for everything you do for me, my father, and my kingdom. And Merlin. And Morgana. And Gwen. And-”
“Yes, thank you, that’s very flattering, sire,” Gaius said, looking strangely uncomfortable for some reason.
“Sire,” Merlin echoed, snickering slightly.
Gaius attempted to glare over Arthur’s shoulder. “It’s a sign of respect,” he said, using his take-your-medicine-or-I’ll-be-very-disappointed-in-you voice.
“I respect Arthur!” Merlin defended, and sounded slightly less happy, which was not a good thing at all.
“I know you respect me, you don’t have to call me sire!” Arthur said, almost frantically, and grabbed Merlin’s shoulders to look him in the eye. “Sometimes I’m even grateful that you don’t!”
“Sire, perhaps you should sit down,” Gaius said hesitantly from behind him, but Arthur ignored him in favor of giving Merlin a short kiss and pulling him into another hug.
“I really do respect you,” Merlin muttered into his shoulder.
“Didn’t I just say I know that?” Arthur said, and let go, grabbing Merlin’s hand again. “Now come on. I want to see the big lion.”
“Do you think we’ll have to kill it?” Merlin asked brightly as they headed down the stairs at a pace that was almost close to bouncing, ignoring Gaius’ rather frantic calls to get back here this instant, young men. “I don’t know how you kill a lion, even a little one.”
“I think stabbing it good and hard would work,” Arthur mused. “From what I’ve heard, lions aren’t magical.”
“What about big snow-making lions?” Merlin asked, and grinned. “Hey, Arthur! We could have a snowball fight!” Which made three really really great ideas in one night.
“Let’s go ask Morgana and Gwen if they want to come,” Arthur said, and they bounded off, ignoring Gaius’ boys, get back here right now!
Morgana was leaning against Gwen, who was plaiting flowers into Morgana’s hair, when Arthur and Merlin showed up, still holding hands and grinning.
“Gwen! Morgana! Hello!” Merlin said, and let go of Arthur’s hand to give Gwen, then Morgana, a hug and kiss. “We’re going to go have a snowball fight around the enormous lion in the courtyard! Would you two like to come?”
“Ooooh, that does sound interesting,” Gwen said, and looked down at Morgana, who smiled up at her.
“I’m game if you are,” she said, and after Gwen gave her an enthusiastic kiss and finished up the flowery braid, still holding flowers, they headed out to the courtyard.
There were a couple knights standing guard at the exit, also known as the way to the courtyard, which they wanted to get to, and that was irritating.
“Your highness-” one of the guards said hesitantly, and Arthur’s frown from where he was draped over a still-laughing Merlin’s shoulders quieted him.
“We’re going past now,” Arthur said a bit lazily, considering most of his attention was on the very subtle method of tickling Merlin in front of guards without the guards actually noticing. A part of him was a bit disappointed that they weren’t noticing, though. He’d have to improve their awareness somehow in training.
“Sire, we have orders to not let any of the…affected out of the castle,” the other guard said.
“Oh, this is ridiculous,” Morgana said from where she stood with a beaming Gwen getting a piggy-back from her, skirts still covering as much leg as possible, which, considering their position, was a rather impressive amount. “We’re obviously fine, and we just want to see the lion.”
“And possibly have a snowball fight,” Merlin added, earning nods from the rest of the group.
The guard looked from Merlin to the girls and then back to Arthur, looking a bit desperate. “I’m sorry, sire, but our orders-”
“Usually come from me, don’t they?” Arthur said. “And I could make those rather unpleasant if you don’t let us through. I’m already a bit worried about how perceptive you two are.”
To emphasize his point, he made sure to brush that one bit of skin on Merlin’s side that had his manservant making a noise that was a bit like “sneurf” and was something that really shouldn’t have been as endearing as it was. Considering neither of them still refused to see that he was tickling Merlin, his disappointment increased, which made him almost a bit sad, which wasn’t pleasant in the least.
“You’re making me less happy,” Arthur accused, stunned at the revelation, and the other three gasped, staring at the guards.
“How dare you,” Gwen said, sounding absolutely disgusted with them, while Merlin immediately twisted to change their positions into a genuine hug, glaring at the guards while they watched them, cheek to cheek.
“You are moving this instant, or we’ll get revenge,” Morgana said darkly.
“You really don’t want that,” Merlin added, and he was nice and warm and comfy, holding Arthur protectively and like he was the best thing in the world, which cheered Arthur up immensely.
“Move, or I’ll get my sword,” Arthur added, and that seemed enough to make them jump aside. Merlin made a pleased noise and shifted to just hold Arthur’s hand, which was fine for now, since the steps were a little steep. It let them flank Morgana and the still-glaring Gwen, who shouted, “You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!” back at the guards while Morgana giggled her way down the stairs.
The lion’s rumble rolled through Arthur’s body, and he guessed that was some sort of agreement.
“Wow, he’s really…” Merlin began, and trailed off.
“Enormous,” Arthur said.
“Pure white,” Morgana added.
“Fluffy,” Gwen said, sliding off Morgana to look at the massive creature as it lounged in the snow, head resting on its crossed paws. “Do you think it’ll hurt us if we pet him?”
“Won’t know till we try,” Merlin said, and without even consulting Arthur, headed up into the snow, beaming away at the very, very big lion. “Hello. Would you mind if we pet you?”
Considering the way the lion tilted its head away from Merlin to show a bit more skin for him to scratch at, Arthur guessed that meant no. Gwen bounded into the snow, scratching the lion’s neck, and Arthur could feel its purr down to his bones. He grinned at Morgana, who beamed right back, and they ran into the snow.
“The lion’s a girl,” Merlin said from where he was lounging with his head in Morgana’s lap. Morgana herself was practically being sucked in to all the fluffy fur on the lion’s side as she leaned against it, her fingers tangled with Gwen’s. Gwen herself was patiently putting flowers in Arthur’s hair while it snowed on them. Arthur had the feeling they should have frozen to death by now, but considering it was still at least seventy degrees and he was exceedingly happy, he didn’t worry about it too much. He did wonder where exactly Gwen kept getting her flowers, but her fingers felt glorious in his hair, so he wasn’t going to question that very much right then either.
“Did the lion tell you so?” he asked.
“Yes, actually,” Merlin said, yawned, and fell asleep.
“For god’s sake, find some way to get them away from that blasted lion!” was what Arthur woke up to, and looked up from where he was sprawled on top of Gwen (and Merlin, to a point) to see his father and Gaius and almost all of his knights walking the perimeter of snow, the lion’s eyes watching their every move.
“Father!” Arthur said happily, and stood up with minimal movement on Gwen in the hopes of not waking her up. Merlin’s eyes opened and he looked around the area, but apparently he didn’t find anything worth waking up for since he shut his eyes again. “Father, how are you?”
“Arthur, get away from that lion before he-”
“She!” Arthur corrected.
“-she eats you,” Uther said, sounding very composed and really, it did seem like there was nothing wrong with obeying. Plus, it was his father, and Arthur loved his father no matter how much it seemed like he was the king instead of his parent sometimes, so he happily moved through the snow, beaming at his father.
“Father!” Arthur swept his father into a tight hug. “How are you? I hope you slept well? I just had a wonderful nap with Morgana and Gwen and Merlin, and we had a snowball fight-”
“Yes, I’m very glad you’re happy, Arthur, but we need to get Morgana-”
“- and Merlin and Guinevere-”
“-yes, all three of them away from the lion.”
Arthur laughed. “Why? She’d never hurt us. Gwen even put some flowers in her hair, see?” He pointed to the tangled mess near the lion’s tufted ear, smiling proudly at his father thanks to Gwen’s job well done. “She obviously didn’t have enough to cover the whole head, obviously - the lion’s massive after all - so she gave it a charm instead, and-”
“Gaius?” Uther asked, voice tight as Arthur kept squeezing, beaming up at his dad, and then found himself with something pinching his nose, his mouth opening, and he was swallowing something that tasted really, really bad.
“-and really, Uther, I do love you, but I just disagree with so many of your decisions that-”
“Morgana, we could have this talk better if we were inside,” Uther said calmly. “Bring your friends out of the snow and we can talk.”
Arthur tried to open his eyes, he really really did.
“That’s another thing I’ve always respected about you, Uther. I respect you a lot, actually. You’re a very respectable man, aside from when you aren’t, and-”
“Morgana, I want a hug.” There was a whisper from someone else. “From you and your friends.”
Morgana gave a delighted laugh, and Arthur missed what she said after that since something brushed against his eyelids, tugging them down again, and he fell asleep again, which was nice.
Arthur woke up in his own bed, Merlin sprawled on top of the covers on the other side and Gaius hovering over them, frowning and looking concerned. He groaned, the taste of whatever Gaius had used to knock him out crawling up onto his tastebuds once again.
“Sire?” Gaius asked hesitantly, and Arthur nodded, a hand going to his head. It felt like everything was still strangely hazy, as if everything could be better but wasn’t anymore, and the loss made him almost physically hurt a bit.
“Gaius, I apologize on behalf of myself, Merlin, and everyone else who likely accosted you for hugs and compliments,” Arthur said, tongue feeling thick in his mouth, and he did his best to ignore the relieved sigh from Gaius.
“It wasn’t terrible, being complimented and hugged by people that cared for me,” Gaius said dryly. “The event seemed very…revealing, overall.” Arthur twisted to look at him straight-on and do his best to give him the we will never speak of this again look he’d seen his father put on so many times. Considering Gaius’ raised eyebrow, he wasn’t quite sure it had gotten across. “If you haven’t forgotten what happened, I doubt any of the others will have. Not to mention all those unaffected will remember.”
“We were clearly under an enchantment,” Arthur said, probably a bit louder than necessary. “And we weren’t in our right minds.”
Gaius let out a rather insubordinate laugh. “Oh, certainly, sire. I doubt that would take much convincing.”
Arthur nodded, not quite sure where to go from there. “How are Morgana and Gwen?”
“Mortified, but fine,” Gaius said. “Morgana has a bit of a crick in her back thanks to giving her maidservant a piggyback, but other than that, no harm done.”
“And what of the lion?” Arthur asked.
Gaius simply smiled, and stood up. “I trust you to take care of Merlin when he wakes up.”
Arthur very pointedly didn’t stammer at the emphasis on trust, nor blush at the not-very-hidden innuendo in take care of. He simply frowned at Gaius and wondered when the physician had turned into a dirty old man and why he hadn’t noticed until now.
“Gaius, please. Just tell me she isn’t dead,” Arthur said, trying to not sound as concerned as he was. He remembered every moment with the lion, and the thing had seemed nothing but pleasant and happy to have happy people around it, albeit rather annoyed with the less happy people that tried to get close.
Gaius smiled. “The snow lion isn’t dead,” he said, bowed, and left the room.
-
The Great Dragon glared at the interloper’s side of the cave, which was now coated in snow and ice. “This is not how destiny is meant to play out.”
Maybe you need to lighten up and have some fun, the lioness said, swishing her turquoise tail smugly and making sure to think bright and loud about all the happy images she had of Merlin and Arthur together with Morgana and Gwen, thoroughly enjoying the annoyed twitch and glare that came from the dragon.
-
“This was a stupid idea,” Arthur snapped while they walked down the hall. “You’re an idiot. Why the hell did I listen to you about this?”
“Weren’t you going to be nicer to me?”
“That was when I barely knew my own name, let alone yours.”
“Which certainly explains the Merlin!” Merlin said, pitching his voice to mimic a blissful Arthur.
Arthur ignored the bait, choosing to stop and shove the flowers in his stupid manservant’s face. “You’re the one who had the bright idea of giving them these, so you can be the one actually giving them.”
Merlin shrugged and plucked them from Arthur, apparently not bothered in the least, and headed on towards Morgana’s chambers, Arthur dragging behind. He earned a glare with his reluctance, and Merlin grabbed onto his hand, towing him behind him as Arthur kept hissing a litany of curses, insults, and demands for Merlin to let him go.
“Hello,” Merlin said, knocking on Morgana’s door, and Gwen answered with a blush and surprised smile.
“Ah. Hi,” she said.
“We brought you both flowers,” Merlin said, and practically shoved them into a surprised Gwen’s hands while he yanked Arthur through the door. “Both of you flowers. From both of us.”
“That was kind of you,” Morgana said from the table, and Merlin sent her a smile. She hesitated, but smiled back. “Hello, Arthur.”
“Morgana,” he greeted. “Guinevere.”
“Just Gwen works fine, my lord,” Gwen said.
“So does just Arthur,” Merlin said, and avoided being strangled to death only by there being ladies in the room. “After all, I like to think we get along well enough to consider each other friends. Don’t you, Arthur?”
He really, really wanted to hurt Merlin for putting him in this situation, but instead of doing that, he said, “Yes. Yes, we are.” Strangely enough, the smile he got from all three of them made that strange emptiness he’d felt since the sorcery had worn off decrease, filled by something that had him smiling back at them. Gwen was handing Morgana a batch of the flowers, Merlin not-quite-sarcastically tucking one that fell out behind Arthur’s ear, Morgana smiling an honest smile at him. “We get along wonderfully.”
-
“And this…Snow Lioness milk,” Uther said, slow and cautious. “It causes euphoria?”
“Yes, sire,” Gaius said. “As they normally live in extremely remote locations, it was considered a blessing given to those who reached their goal. Snow Lions are, for the most part, kind and protective creatures. It considered them almost as cubs, and protected them accordingly.”
Uther nodded, frowning at the glass in front of him. “And the deaths?”
“The wizard managed to enchant the batch just enough to kill the completely wicked people who drank it,” Gaius said. “So far every recorded death had a known crime to their name, even if they were not convicted.”
Uther nodded. He’d seen the list. It had murderers, thieves, pedophiles, adulterers, and suspected traitors all over it, along with other misdemeanors they’d committed. He picked up the glass, looking at the milk inside and wondering how exactly one went about milking a magical thirty-five-foot-long lion, particularly without its permission. “And do we know how much it takes to cause a reaction?”
“Not yet, but we’re learning as quickly as possible,” Gaius reassured him.
Uther frowned at the substance, and, against his better judgement, took a tiny sip.
Gaius didn’t chastise him, didn’t even glare at him, just let out a put-upon sigh and pulled the cup away from him.
“…oh my,” Uther said, staring at the hand that had been holding a cup the last time he’d looked at it, and became very, very pleasant.
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As I forgot to mention (THANK YOU duct_tape_fairy!), Snow Lion(ess) is a genuine myth, although it's from the Himalayas. They're on the Tibet flag, believe it or not. Wikipedia entry on Snow Lions and their magical milk!