uma was my first goddess. but really, i doubt anyone could ever beat angelina: her & i have come a long way.
if ifeoma could really move here (like she's actually planning), i'd have everything i've ever wanted in the same city for the first time. but fuck it, helsinki is intolerable. yt, most of all, is intolerable. i hate these l o v e / h a t e -relationships that tear me apart. those people are simply too snobbish, hardened, arrogant, moody, colder than cold, fucking sickening. their energy kills me. when they are not, i am. when they are, i am not.
"stay in your own energy, know who you are, don't try to please anyone, don't pay too much attention to anyone but yourself, believe in yourself, never ever stop smiling, adjust yourself without losing yourself."
it's a fucking struggle.
--- i wonder just where you are right now.
(i used to take such pride in not knowing for 20 years what the concept 'loneliness' means.)
funny, a while ago i was writing all these lists in my head that were about in which ways uma beats angelina. (i still think she does, ohhh giggle.)
tyt is not intolerable. sure, it is not perfect, but the cast really tries to work as an ensemble, to carry each other and not as everyone trying to leave the others in their shadow. at times, it works perfectly.
i am in a weird place, mentally. but content. (this language doesn't obey me, as if i was drunk. phhfft)
kaikki on niin ennalta-arvattavaa ja ilmeisen väistämätöntä: totaalinen haltioitumiseni ja seitsemännessä taidetaivaassa liihoitteluni ensimmäisen vuoden ajan. toisen vuoden kaiken kyseenalaistaminen, taidemaailmasta ja koko itseilmaisusta luopumisen harkitseminen, lopulta oman, muiden työskentelystä ja ilmaisusta riippumattoman oman tieni löytäminen.
Comments 15
if ifeoma could really move here (like she's actually planning), i'd have everything i've ever wanted in the same city for the first time. but fuck it, helsinki is intolerable. yt, most of all, is intolerable. i hate these l o v e / h a t e -relationships that tear me apart. those people are simply too snobbish, hardened, arrogant, moody, colder than cold, fucking sickening. their energy kills me. when they are not, i am. when they are, i am not.
"stay in your own energy, know who you are, don't try to please anyone, don't pay too much attention to anyone but yourself, believe in yourself, never ever stop smiling, adjust yourself without losing yourself."
it's a fucking struggle.
---
i wonder just where you are right now.
(i used to take such pride in not knowing for 20 years what the concept 'loneliness' means.)
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tyt is not intolerable. sure, it is not perfect, but the cast really tries to work as an ensemble, to carry each other and not as everyone trying to leave the others in their shadow. at times, it works perfectly.
i am in a weird place, mentally. but content.
(this language doesn't obey me, as if i was drunk. phhfft)
i miss you.
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tämä muuten vaihtoi itsensä kivempaan käyttäjätunnukseen ja näin ollen sen muorinkukan voisi surutta poistaa. ^__^
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kaikki on niin ennalta-arvattavaa ja ilmeisen väistämätöntä: totaalinen haltioitumiseni ja seitsemännessä taidetaivaassa liihoitteluni ensimmäisen vuoden ajan. toisen vuoden kaiken kyseenalaistaminen, taidemaailmasta ja koko itseilmaisusta luopumisen harkitseminen, lopulta oman, muiden työskentelystä ja ilmaisusta riippumattoman oman tieni löytäminen.
teesi, antiteesi, synteesi. voi vittu.
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