On Oblivion
Okay, yes, I'm hooked. Started playing a few days ago.
I started up the game with a lovely, happy grin on my face because the opening was so damned pretty. *o* Captain Jean Luke Picard (Uriel Septim, but he's the same voice, so I call him Cappin Picard whenever he spoke to me) stands there and explains the origin of the Amulet of King (which I lovingly ignore) and suddenly BAM. I'm in jail.
WTF? Well, regardless of whether or not I committed some heinous crime, I was prompted to create my character. I wanted to make a female at first, but all the ladies were ass-ugly. I was pretty disappointed. I thought this thing was made by men? Where are the decent-looking females? Needless to say, I rampaged through the male species until I came upon Dark Elf. Hell, why not. I messed with the parameters for a while until I got a long-haired, blonde Dark Elf named...
Dark Link.
Oh so creative is I!
Some jackass across in way (in another cell) started mocking me, sayin' he'd take my woman back home and do her and cackled about it. I wanted to chuck the skull in my cell at him, but Cappin Picard showed up and said that we were TEH DESTINED 2 MEET. BFF'S 4EVR! The guards talked shit at me, but eventually my conveniently-placed underground passage opened up, my shackles were released and Picard and company were off into the bowels of the castle.
"He'll never follow!" they say. "We're almost there, Your Majesty!" they say.
"Aww HELL NAH." says Dark Link, and off I go, beating around rats and goblins until I got a spiffy sword. I catch up with the G Dawgs (also known as the King's Guard, the Blades, but it's headed by a badass African American dude, so they're the G Dawgs. Hell, I'm black too, so the way I figure it, I'm pretty much a shoo-in for the whole thing.) and they're suddenly suprised to see me after I lay waste to some assassins.
Laying waste meaning swinging blindly and squealing. ^_^;
Picard gets his ass beat and dies, but he gave me the Amulet of Kings, so that was kinda cool. I tried to save his ass, but... it got beat too fast for even Dark Link to catch. Sorrow. Baurus, or whatever his name is (I call him BBG/Big Black Guy) walks in and gives me a stern reprimand, since, you know, I let the only king die and he has no heirs and blah blah blah.
BBG: Yo. WTF is up with you lettin' the king die, muthafucka?
Dark Link: Uhh, this assassin guy popped in out of NOWHERE and pwned his ass before I could blink, k.
BBG: Oh. K then. You wanna class?
Dark Link: Ys plz! =D
So I create my own custom class. Nothing's good enough for Dark Link. And I basically picked a random assortment of things, since I'm retarded and I don't know what half of them do. Conjuration, Athletics, Destruction, Light Armor and Mysticism. I haven't used Mysticism at all, but it looked cool on paper. Intelligence and Willpower were my main stats, I had a badass Battlemage picture. After picking out all my stats and skills, it prompts me to name my custom class.
Damnspiffy is the name! Dark Link the Damnspiffy!
I don't think I've been happier. ;_; My little boy's growin' up!
After pickin' all that stuff out, he sends me on my merry way to give the Amulet of Muthafuckin Kings to some guy in a monestary. Of course, if you knew me, and if BBG knew me, he never would have given me this quest. You know, because I get sidetracked like an ADD kid in the Discovery Channel Store. I've found so many sidequests, the main one's pretty much forgotten in the pages of my quest journal.
Many golden moments include:
Paranoia! Tooty Sexton's Day in the Field!
No, Bitch, You Can't Have That Book!
Getcher Own Damn Weed
Ooh, 500 Gold? Sure, Take This Ugly Lamp
Fuck You, Thieves Guild
Bruthas on Da Farm (Muthafuckas)
Corrupt Guard! Dark Link's Quest to Bash Jensine's Face In
...and many more. XD I'll elaborate later. I must go adventurate.
I started up the game with a lovely, happy grin on my face because the opening was so damned pretty. *o* Captain Jean Luke Picard (Uriel Septim, but he's the same voice, so I call him Cappin Picard whenever he spoke to me) stands there and explains the origin of the Amulet of King (which I lovingly ignore) and suddenly BAM. I'm in jail.
WTF? Well, regardless of whether or not I committed some heinous crime, I was prompted to create my character. I wanted to make a female at first, but all the ladies were ass-ugly. I was pretty disappointed. I thought this thing was made by men? Where are the decent-looking females? Needless to say, I rampaged through the male species until I came upon Dark Elf. Hell, why not. I messed with the parameters for a while until I got a long-haired, blonde Dark Elf named...
Dark Link.
Oh so creative is I!
Some jackass across in way (in another cell) started mocking me, sayin' he'd take my woman back home and do her and cackled about it. I wanted to chuck the skull in my cell at him, but Cappin Picard showed up and said that we were TEH DESTINED 2 MEET. BFF'S 4EVR! The guards talked shit at me, but eventually my conveniently-placed underground passage opened up, my shackles were released and Picard and company were off into the bowels of the castle.
"He'll never follow!" they say. "We're almost there, Your Majesty!" they say.
"Aww HELL NAH." says Dark Link, and off I go, beating around rats and goblins until I got a spiffy sword. I catch up with the G Dawgs (also known as the King's Guard, the Blades, but it's headed by a badass African American dude, so they're the G Dawgs. Hell, I'm black too, so the way I figure it, I'm pretty much a shoo-in for the whole thing.) and they're suddenly suprised to see me after I lay waste to some assassins.
Laying waste meaning swinging blindly and squealing. ^_^;
Picard gets his ass beat and dies, but he gave me the Amulet of Kings, so that was kinda cool. I tried to save his ass, but... it got beat too fast for even Dark Link to catch. Sorrow. Baurus, or whatever his name is (I call him BBG/Big Black Guy) walks in and gives me a stern reprimand, since, you know, I let the only king die and he has no heirs and blah blah blah.
BBG: Yo. WTF is up with you lettin' the king die, muthafucka?
Dark Link: Uhh, this assassin guy popped in out of NOWHERE and pwned his ass before I could blink, k.
BBG: Oh. K then. You wanna class?
Dark Link: Ys plz! =D
So I create my own custom class. Nothing's good enough for Dark Link. And I basically picked a random assortment of things, since I'm retarded and I don't know what half of them do. Conjuration, Athletics, Destruction, Light Armor and Mysticism. I haven't used Mysticism at all, but it looked cool on paper. Intelligence and Willpower were my main stats, I had a badass Battlemage picture. After picking out all my stats and skills, it prompts me to name my custom class.
Damnspiffy is the name! Dark Link the Damnspiffy!
I don't think I've been happier. ;_; My little boy's growin' up!
After pickin' all that stuff out, he sends me on my merry way to give the Amulet of Muthafuckin Kings to some guy in a monestary. Of course, if you knew me, and if BBG knew me, he never would have given me this quest. You know, because I get sidetracked like an ADD kid in the Discovery Channel Store. I've found so many sidequests, the main one's pretty much forgotten in the pages of my quest journal.
Many golden moments include:
Paranoia! Tooty Sexton's Day in the Field!
No, Bitch, You Can't Have That Book!
Getcher Own Damn Weed
Ooh, 500 Gold? Sure, Take This Ugly Lamp
Fuck You, Thieves Guild
Bruthas on Da Farm (Muthafuckas)
Corrupt Guard! Dark Link's Quest to Bash Jensine's Face In
...and many more. XD I'll elaborate later. I must go adventurate.