when do you know...its time to kill yourself?
"Have You Ever?"
[Chorus]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to?
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you into my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]
-brandin<33
well today i woke up and for some odd reason i had alot on my mind. like high school, its going to be so hard to leave middle school. to think you tried your whole life to fit in and to become good friends with people and finally you do. then you gotta leave it all behind? people think well we will all be at the same high school with eachother so whats the point in crying and getting all upset...well high school is a good time for people to move, and change...you never know? I was crying today b.c i was thinking about the end of the year...when we graduate 8th grade. and how we all got to start over NEW, to loose what you've worked hard to get...=(
the next thing i woke up thinking about was my dream. i had a dream where alot of my friends were in a car accedent. and most of them died, and how i had to sit there and watch the police and ambulence take them away. and how the cops were holding me back and i could not stop crying. how i had to sit there after the emergency vehicles drove off and all i had left to remember everyone was there blood on the road and the peices of broken belongings they had with them...
one of the most important things i woke up thinking about was my mom,
about a year ago she was diagnosed with a verry deadly deises inside her body and she couldent walk or barley move, she had to stay at home all alone durring the day and the only thing that i thought about was in a instant she could be gone, i have no dad, and my grandparents lived in tampa at the time. i could have been left with nothing...anyway my mom got verry sick and i was always doing stuff to my body that wasnt healthy b.c it was the only thing i could turn to, to take everything off my mind. well she recovered and is fully healthy, but recently she has been really weak, sick, and tired...the same things that happend before she got sick last time...and now all i can think about is how i know im going to loose her if she gets sick again.
my dad,
i know i said i dont have a dad...but i really dont if you think about it...he didnt tell me he was getting married again. ever since then my dad never comes to see me, never writes me and never calls me...its hard being an only child with no mom ever around b.c she has got to work and no dad to talk to. Well anyways my dad forgot it was my birthday...=(
and the only thing i want more is my dad...and my mom
people dont see the side of me where im getting sick all the time b.c of the damage i have done to my body.
i have so much on my mind.
most of my friends end up leaving me.
im afraid of having nothing....
im allways getting picked on, being hurt, backstabbed, kicked, or just always being told im not good enough.
and it gets so bad i think of killing myself. people could know me if they tried. im an eaisy friend. and the only thing i need is a supporter.
well the hardest thing for me to deal with is the person i love, im constantly thinking about brandin and im starting to think he is the only thing that makes me happy. when ever i see him he puts a smile on my face. and he makes me feel like im worth being here on this earth. he doesnt see how much i love him. ALOT.
i dont like him s0o much b.c other people like him, i like him b.c he is special hes the *one* and if he will never love me then thats his loose. because no one will ever respect him like i have or will. he calls me when he needs to talk about problems and i do the same b.c he listens to me. ughh idk anymore...he is going out with my BestFriend and i know for a fact that....NVM its just really hard... and with him being the only thing that makes me happy...in a way its like the hes the only thing that hurts me t0o...but when he is the only one that i love you cant think about how he hurts you.
<33
i go to bed crying sometimes b.c i think about my life and how bad everything is right now. i think about how i could be happy but no one wants to help me. i am living the life of a girl who is 14 with nothing at all, no one to talk to, no one to love, no one to be happy with...
all i have to do is wait untill the day when someone will notice to care....
well now that all this is off my mind...i hope people will see what im going through.
i love you<3
leave me some *nice* comments.