all of that will go away when you realize that it wasn't your fault. nothing was your fault, nor could you have changed any outcome by doing something different. things happen. life happens. and it's how we handle it that makes us who we are. find your center, and work from there. all you need now is a little balance in your life, and to know that you'll be okay. no matter what, things will work out, and in the end you'll be fine. once you have that, you'll be able to let people back in again, and not feel so numb. you're always going to miss you mom, and you'll have always have times you'll cry about it. that won't ever change. but you will be able to love life again. i promise. just don't give up.
I'm so glad you've allowed comments on this entry this time! You're right that you have great friends, and I hope to be lucky enough to count myself among them, even tho we're not as close as we used to be. I'm sure the holidays this year will be very difficult for you, perhaps next year's as well, and I'm so sorry that's happened to you. I'm equally sure you truly do feel bipolar. As for all of your questions at the bottom of this entry, all I want to say to you is that it is perfectly all right to feel exactly how you're feeling given everything you've bene through. I bet you want everything to go back to how it was before all this tragedy gripped hold of your life, and I know it's dreadful to know that that can't ever happen while you're stuck here on earth. Well, I hope you know that they're watching over you; that they love you very much, unconditionally; and that whether you can sense it or not, they're always with you, guiding you, helping you. The answers to your troubles will come to you, someday, all you have to do is
( ... )
i know exactly what you mean. Things have been so tuff lately and not just with school. With life as well. I allowed myself to get into this negative mood and i realized that my negativity was only making things worse. So i sat myself down and decided that i need to be more positive about things and not worry about what will happen but instead about how i'm going to get through this. Friends definitely help because then you don't think so much about things. I don't know what is bothering you but i just hope things get better. Hopefully finallys go good. I'm hoping to come visit again too and then we can just party all night long lol.
why cant i just get better? because you dont want yourself to get better. sorry but its as simple as that. believe me, you will recover but you have to have that drive to achieve it. why cant i go through a day w/o crying? read above. why cant i get rid of this feeling...this horrible feeling of guilt, depression and sadness? also read above. why cant i stop lying to everyone that cares? this i dont know, you've never talked to me about it.
it pains me to see you say things like this. i honestly really want you to be happy again, like you were in high school. i dont know what happened to that Meghan. maybe college is just a huge damn thorn in your side, i dont know.
i just wish you would talk to me so i might be able to help. i hate sitting here watching your state of mind melt away. just remember, im always here to talk.
I don't think you really understand what happened to her last summer. She lost her mother, not a goldfish or something. It has only been six months. Would you be able to recover from a loss as great as that in six months? I don't believe anyone could. Meghan definitely wants to feel better. Who would want to be sad all the time? And of course she has no "drive". She has suffered a terrible loss! Sure she has her friends but sometimes even friends can't help heal the hurt. What she needs is time to mourn and time to find herself and find peace. It's go that you're here for her but what she doesn't need to hear is that her feelings are all her fault and that she is the one keeping herself down. Try to find a bit more tenderness and understanding.
I am not angry nor am I ignorant of this situation. You simply stated that she has no drive to make herself feel better and that if only she could pick herself up that she can feel better. It is not that simple for her. I'm saying that it's only been 6 months since she had her loss and the way you wrote your comment above was insensitive to that fact. I am not the only one who feels that way about your comment. You also are not aware of my relationship with her, which has been close for years. I'm sorry she hasn't talked to you much about it. Everything else aside I'm glad you care for her. Just try to imagine what it may be like to be in her situation, though. Perhaps you think that she could just pick up everything and move on and that you KNOW she can do it, but she can't right now. Just think that over. Also, I do know who you are, Eric, and I will not "shut it". If anyone flew off the handle it was you.
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why cant i go through a day w/o crying? read above.
why cant i get rid of this feeling...this horrible feeling of guilt, depression and sadness? also read above.
why cant i stop lying to everyone that cares? this i dont know, you've never talked to me about it.
it pains me to see you say things like this. i honestly really want you to be happy again, like you were in high school. i dont know what happened to that Meghan. maybe college is just a huge damn thorn in your side, i dont know.
i just wish you would talk to me so i might be able to help. i hate sitting here watching your state of mind melt away. just remember, im always here to talk.
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(The comment has been removed)
You also are not aware of my relationship with her, which has been close for years. I'm sorry she hasn't talked to you much about it. Everything else aside I'm glad you care for her. Just try to imagine what it may be like to be in her situation, though. Perhaps you think that she could just pick up everything and move on and that you KNOW she can do it, but she can't right now. Just think that over.
Also, I do know who you are, Eric, and I will not "shut it". If anyone flew off the handle it was you.
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Every part of you.
Even the broken ones.
:)
I wouldn't change a fucking thing.
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