(no subject)
Im such an unhappy person.
I understand im a fuck up to my family. I dont "deserve" anything they give me. well fuck them. my dad just said "fuck you" to me. The one person who i thought i could love and finally open up to in my fucking household and he rejects me. Who the hell can i love if i cant even love my own family? Apparently my dad has all these connections and who would want me if i get a C, no matter how much they love my dad they cant take me over the As. I DONT CARE. i dont want his help when i make my business. I want his guidance not him to do it. He says i can do so much better and he knows it. To reach for the A and not the B, and if i get the B while trying my hardest, who cares. The fact i didnt get over a 1000 on my SATs means im an idiot. God damn if i got a PENNY for everytime i was lectured that im stupid and im going to amount to nothing id be fucking rich. He thinks i have no idea what real life is like. Okay im sorry i grew up in suburbia and had things given to me, you know what? i go out, i see what goes on, im not naive to the world... god damnit! Why cant they accept me? am i that bad of a person? all i want it love from them. I dont care if they hate me and i dont want me in the house anymore, they shouldnt talk to me then. leave me alone and leave me to myself, not bicker at me and remind me of how i screwed up. im not even 18 yet, what do you want from me? "youre just skating through life" WHAT THE HELL?!! im being young, sorry im not 30, married and living in some fucking mansion working 9-5. fuck that. "ill kick you out and you can live with your friends and see how far that will get you"... okay i will, and ill go full time at some work, get an apartment with people and live.. okay? is that naive that i have friends? that illwork to survive??
Everything is scattered in my head. Ill bullet things out.
- I hate my life
- I want to leave my house
- I feel immature when i cant do anything to express my beliefs
- I get offended when my parents talk shit about my friends when i consider my friends my family because they show more affection and care about me. gee.
- Im completely torn that the one parent figure who i thought i could open up to, who was gunna be there and love me unconditionally, said fuck you.
- Im so unhappy
Im so offended by the way i grew up, and the way i have to deal with everything in this fucking place. I have to show them i care about things. Most importantly.. "their little girl", my sister. Fuck her, i dont give a fuck. Shes my only family that ill have when these assholes die, so its in my best interest to spend time with her. okay? maybe later. Im a horrible person.
I have a headache.
Ill have to rewrite shit when i have a cleared head.