still a stranger!

[luckydove]

Still a stranger
he reveals himself to me,
though I look the universe inside him.

craving for darkness to blind me,
not wanting,
to see him inside her
looking at the universe....

Comments

hi

[anonymous]

interesting. I will get a pc to give linewise edit.

[anonymous]

Hi Jam,

Good one again.
Few lines could be better.

Still a stranger
he reveals himself to me,
though I look(ing) (at ) the universe inside him.

craving for darkness to blind(bind or hold would be better ) me,
not wanting,
to see him inside her(,)
( I am still) looking at the( his instead of the ) universe....

How's that. ;)

[luckydove]

well i liked the the hold wrd better :)