My first fanfiction ever :) It's a part of larger text that I might upload.
1.
Ritsuka has been trying lately to figure out what Soubi’s emotions were.For six years they have known each other,Soubi remained perfectly polite and protective,without a smallest hint of sexual desire towards Ristuka.’But he was always a romantic type’,thought Ritsuka,’he would like to be seduced and would never reveal his thoughts out of fear of offending me’.Ritsuka smiled at these thoughts.He felt overflowing,warming,melting affection towards Soubi,delicate sad person who tried so hard for the one he loved.He thought about his perfect fidelity during all these years,a life devoted to a child,like he was a parent to him.What he had been thinking,what he had been wishing,hoping for,after they kicked out Seimei from their lives.They both so hurried to return to normal life after that mayhem.Maybe they were deadly wrong.Ristuka himself didn’t know what to think about Seimei’s existence.He was amazed and strucked by the strange twist of fate -he had a brother who pulled strings of his destiny and was connected to people who pulled strings of Soubi’s destiny.Soubi’s destiny hit him like a rock upon his heavy,bleeding heart.He panicked.Soubi’s 25,his life hasn’t even begun.but he had spent quarter of his lifespan,in best possible case.He felt so hopeless,suddenly upon the verge of abyss,he who thought happy romantic thoughts just now.He always felt like he was the one to put things in motion and to straighten what was wrong.
‘Soubi’,he called out from the room’s sill.He was worried,exhausted and sad and wanted immediate comfort.There he was,Soubi,with curious eyes,coming from balcony.’What’s the matter,Ritsuka’,he asked with his soft,clear voice,’loving voice’,Ristuka called it,that he used it only with him.How he hadn’t more persons to be loving with?Ritsuka wouldn’t be jealous.He knew that their bond was one of the kind.Ritsuka stood in front of him,slightly bent,but as tall as Soubi.He was grown up and Soubi wouldn’t seize him by arms anymore to inquire what was wrong.Soubi’s appearance was now strange to him.There stood a man like Ristuka suddenly realized he was.He made quick comparisons of their two bodies.No difference,he thought.He grasped faint shape o Soubi’s long-fingered hand that he loved so much since he was a kid.He looked deeply into his calm bright eyes and he thought that it was impossible he didn’t think the same.He wanted to shake him out of that lie that seemed perverse to him now.He felt urge to push him to the wall.’Why wouldn’t you take me,then?’,Ritsuka thought seized by some all-reforming passion.
‘We haven’t talked lately’.Ritsuka looked upon on Soubi with sharp eyes,similar to Seimei’s,though they didn’t have deeply rooted malice.
‘Oh we can talk now’,said Soubi quickly,moving off from Ritsuka.
Ritsuka sat on the floor.’Have you been thinking about Seimei,about us?’Soubi was surprised,again.How he could ask that question,knowing their history. ‘I think about that,all the time.About Seimei not so much lately,though’.Soubi sighed.’What does worry you?’ -‘I can’t place Seimei anywhere in my life.I can’t accept him.Can you?’
‘I’ve been loser my whole life,Ritsuka.The only thing I gained is you.And that’s a lot.And I understand that we perceive differently his absence.And it’s definitely harder for you.’
‘I have to place things on their right places.I want to place you.’
‘So do that.’
‘What if I abandoned you?’
‘You’re cruel,Ritsuka.’
‘How could I do that,fool?But still that your eternal fear.’
‘It would break my heart.’
“I give you nothing.I act like a child.You can’t parent anymore a man.But you would.If it were up to you,we could live like this forever.I can see myself and I can see you.And that pisses me off.’
‘Of course I want you if you want me,Ritsuka.You’re a grown up.But I can’t ask anything from you.I want you to take what you want.It’s pretty clear who’s leading in this relationship.I am here to maintain.’
Ritsuka thought bitterly about these words.’I don’t need a mother chicken,Soubi!To maintain.I don’t need you like a shadow in my life.What’s the point of your living if you don’t act?’
‘I thought you would put up with me either way.That you would count me as a family.’
‘But you’re waiting for something,aren’t you?Don’t you want your life finally to start?Don’t you want a girl,or a boy,whatever your preferences are?’
‘Ritsuka,please.Everything is so clear.Just decide.Think about it that you owe me nothing.But I know you wouldn’t do something you don’t feel.’
‘How did you put up with our situation all these years?’
‘I was loved so I didn’t think about sex.Feeling lustful is just bad replacement for feeling loved’,Soubi smiled.
Ritsuka’s heart tightened.’Though I love you,I don’t think I know much about you,or about myself after all this time.’
‘But I think I feel you by my whole heart,Ritsuka’
‘I want to make love to you,someday,not today,but soon’.Soubi let out odd confused sound,like he had choked on the thought.’Fine,Ritsuka.I would like that too.’He landed his palm on Ritsuka’s cheek and pressed warm kiss onto Ritsuka’s parted lips.Ritsuka was amazed by the kiss that released his nervoud constriction.He felt warm rivers heating even fingertips.He felt delightfully flushed.And Soubi,Soubi drew back a bit,his eyes were outworldish and clear,beaming with his unselfish,angelic love.
***
‘How do you feel,Soubi?’
‘Haha,I should ask you that.It was your first time.’
‘I wanted to let you top me.’
‘I didn’t feel like topping you,Ritsuka’,Soubi chuckled,’and I don’t think I would for some time.’
‘What did you feel during sex?’
‘Pain,anticipation,orgasm.’
‘Haha,really?I felt completely nervous.I thought it was goofy to stand upon you with my eared head.And I didn’t want to do something wrong.’
‘You were good,certainly.It was you,that’s just enough.’
‘Did you enjoy?’
‘You saw it yourself.’
‘When did you lose your ears?’
‘It was quite unpleasant.I was fifteen.But I should tell you my whole story,then.’
‘If it doesn’t hurt you too much.’