Captured Thoughts 1/29/10
Hello again, internet! I'm gonna see if I can do some of these here Captured Thoughts-type blog entries again. Prolly won't be every day for almost a year again, but it's good to keep the momentum going on my renewed blog-type activities.
1) I think it's pretty goddamn funny how much of what I've Known For Sure I've had to leave behind.
2) I find that I'm sort of jealous of the fact that my boyfriend's in an Intro to Creative Writing class. I don't necessarily want to write short stories and such myself, but I do kind of want to read other peoples' stories and do the critiquing thing in a controlled studio-like environment. I also really liked critiquing peoples' paintings back when I was taking those painting classes. Possibly some direction there, in aiding others' creative processes? I dunno, and I'm not going to take a slight inclination as some sort of divine inspiration to act. I'm still gathering information.
3) Most of the best, most satisfying and fulfilling sexual experiences I've had were with myself alone. Of course, the majority of the boring, insipid and utilitarian sex I've had has also been solo. It's a question of sample size, really.
4) This is my place set aside for ugly thoughts and messy thoughts and all the gunk inside my head. I could set up crazy systems of friend locks and filters and such, but I simply don't have the energy for that anymore. Here's all my mental shit, internet! Enjoy.
5) I'm committing all kinds of foodie sins by drinking instant coffee, and yeah, it doesn't at all stand alone as good coffee. I find myself wondering if I shouldn't mix the silly little crystals in a Tupperware with twice the volume of sugar to make it palatable. Still, easy caffeine is easy caffeine and it's not brimming with HFCS and sodium so… *shrug*
6) It's getting harder and harder to keep sorted whose drama is whose. It feels like so many people in my life - disparate people; people who have never met each other and probably never will - are angry or sad or feeling trapped or perhaps newly liberated or going insane or all at the same time. And here I am, for once not even in the eye of the dramastorm, but outside it entirely. Yay January?
7) I'm really a bit too excited that we're buying new towels and linens today. This is what excessive domesticity does to a person - makes her go all swoony over the idea of fresh, new, fluffy cotton towels. And never-slept-on sheets with the lovely store-pressed creases making squares all over.
8) Honestly, after a couple weekends ago I have a new appreciation for cleanliness. Not that said appreciation has led me to do anything as drastic as cleaning and organizing my own bedroom, of course, but enough to make me think very seriously about setting aside a good weekend to do just that. (The clutter! The clutter!)
9) I've been trying this new thing, internet, where I avoid people and things that make me feel like I'm going crazy. As a result, I've sort of cut myself off from all but the most essential and illegal-to-ignore manifestations of bureaucracy. Honestly, I feel about ten times saner. I know I'll return and face the paperwork monster again some time in the future, but I've got to build up my executive function muscles before that happens.
10) Looking back, I'd say my 24th year on earth was pretty damn positive on the balance. After the ecstatic disaster that was my 23rd, year 24 was calm and placid and notable for not ripping me to shreds. I had a pretty serious dip there around November - bodily sickness and a bout of the old depressions - but that cleared nicely after some time with my family. If this past ox-type year was one to rest from the insanity of the one before, this next one - my tiger year - should be one to start moving again. My shattered bones have knit, and now it's time to rebuild my atrophied muscles.
11) … Most likely, after a couple more false starts and similar inspirational metaphors. It doesn't happen at all as quickly as I'd like. I'm trying to be realistic, here.
12) What strangely cold and soggy weather we've been having! I guess it's not that unusual for late January to have a couple grey and drippy days - even in this arid zone - but this seems excessive.
13) Cohabitation report: after a year of living together, we've not yet driven each other completely insane. Much better than any other roommate I've had since moving out of the family homestead. I'd always supposed that trying to combine romance with rooming would exponentially increase the difficulty factor. (And perhaps with some of my other relationships, that would have been true.) However, I find that in this case it's been more of an averaging effect. Like (difficulty of romantic relationship + difficulty of roommate relationship)/2 = difficulty of cohabitation. It's more complicated than that, of course. Probably more of a thermodynamic-looking equation with a bunch of other factors and stuff. But that is really, seriously not my area of expertise.
14) I wonder what it's like to live in a place that doesn’t have an air force base and a rail yard nearby. Quieter, I'd warrant.
15) Seriously, world, this Axis II Cluster B business has got to go.
16) My poofy coat is not quite as hideous as I remembered it. It does do a strange thing where it sort of straightens out my curves. The poofiness compresses around my hips and boobs but poofs about my waist and gives me a decidedly cylindrical appearance. I suppose that means that the coat is not really cut for my figure, but since I only wear it when I'm going to be too ridiculously cold to care what I look like, it's hardly a tragedy.
17) It occurs to me that I've not eaten anything yet today. Time for a cereal bar before I pass out.
18) This situation with the fishmen and the tentacle dudes is not cute. We're too scattered. I don't feel like the teamwork is really there. But then again all of us were a little loopy and out of it, so maybe this week will see an improvement? I hope so.
19) Meanwhile the situation with the lizard/insect things is, so far, pretty rewarding.
20) Lord, I'm all jittery. Is it possible I had too much caffeine today? Insanity!
21) Yay new towels! And new toilet seat. And new bath mat. And new sheets.
22) "Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger" via the Onion. Loves.
23) Whoa. Not feeling so good all of a sudden. Bleh.
24) How come zip-up shirts always do that weird puckering thing at the chest so it looks like my boobs come to a single raised point like the prow of a ship? There's a fair amount of slack in the fabric, so why won't the zipper lie down? It's kind of similar to the way the flies of jeans fold up to look like a tiny boner.
25) I've had Flogging Molly's "Tobacco Island" stuck in my head for like two days now. Not for any good reason like that I identify with the lyrics or something - just because I really like a particular musical phrase in the chorus.
26) Shit. I keep forgetting to write Jen back. I will endeavor to do that tomorrow.
27) How come my mom always manages to call me when I'm at Target? I don't really go to Target that often, but she always calls to chat when I'm there.
28) Okay. Posting now. Then sleep. I shall sleep the sleep of one with new sheets.
1) I think it's pretty goddamn funny how much of what I've Known For Sure I've had to leave behind.
2) I find that I'm sort of jealous of the fact that my boyfriend's in an Intro to Creative Writing class. I don't necessarily want to write short stories and such myself, but I do kind of want to read other peoples' stories and do the critiquing thing in a controlled studio-like environment. I also really liked critiquing peoples' paintings back when I was taking those painting classes. Possibly some direction there, in aiding others' creative processes? I dunno, and I'm not going to take a slight inclination as some sort of divine inspiration to act. I'm still gathering information.
3) Most of the best, most satisfying and fulfilling sexual experiences I've had were with myself alone. Of course, the majority of the boring, insipid and utilitarian sex I've had has also been solo. It's a question of sample size, really.
4) This is my place set aside for ugly thoughts and messy thoughts and all the gunk inside my head. I could set up crazy systems of friend locks and filters and such, but I simply don't have the energy for that anymore. Here's all my mental shit, internet! Enjoy.
5) I'm committing all kinds of foodie sins by drinking instant coffee, and yeah, it doesn't at all stand alone as good coffee. I find myself wondering if I shouldn't mix the silly little crystals in a Tupperware with twice the volume of sugar to make it palatable. Still, easy caffeine is easy caffeine and it's not brimming with HFCS and sodium so… *shrug*
6) It's getting harder and harder to keep sorted whose drama is whose. It feels like so many people in my life - disparate people; people who have never met each other and probably never will - are angry or sad or feeling trapped or perhaps newly liberated or going insane or all at the same time. And here I am, for once not even in the eye of the dramastorm, but outside it entirely. Yay January?
7) I'm really a bit too excited that we're buying new towels and linens today. This is what excessive domesticity does to a person - makes her go all swoony over the idea of fresh, new, fluffy cotton towels. And never-slept-on sheets with the lovely store-pressed creases making squares all over.
8) Honestly, after a couple weekends ago I have a new appreciation for cleanliness. Not that said appreciation has led me to do anything as drastic as cleaning and organizing my own bedroom, of course, but enough to make me think very seriously about setting aside a good weekend to do just that. (The clutter! The clutter!)
9) I've been trying this new thing, internet, where I avoid people and things that make me feel like I'm going crazy. As a result, I've sort of cut myself off from all but the most essential and illegal-to-ignore manifestations of bureaucracy. Honestly, I feel about ten times saner. I know I'll return and face the paperwork monster again some time in the future, but I've got to build up my executive function muscles before that happens.
10) Looking back, I'd say my 24th year on earth was pretty damn positive on the balance. After the ecstatic disaster that was my 23rd, year 24 was calm and placid and notable for not ripping me to shreds. I had a pretty serious dip there around November - bodily sickness and a bout of the old depressions - but that cleared nicely after some time with my family. If this past ox-type year was one to rest from the insanity of the one before, this next one - my tiger year - should be one to start moving again. My shattered bones have knit, and now it's time to rebuild my atrophied muscles.
11) … Most likely, after a couple more false starts and similar inspirational metaphors. It doesn't happen at all as quickly as I'd like. I'm trying to be realistic, here.
12) What strangely cold and soggy weather we've been having! I guess it's not that unusual for late January to have a couple grey and drippy days - even in this arid zone - but this seems excessive.
13) Cohabitation report: after a year of living together, we've not yet driven each other completely insane. Much better than any other roommate I've had since moving out of the family homestead. I'd always supposed that trying to combine romance with rooming would exponentially increase the difficulty factor. (And perhaps with some of my other relationships, that would have been true.) However, I find that in this case it's been more of an averaging effect. Like (difficulty of romantic relationship + difficulty of roommate relationship)/2 = difficulty of cohabitation. It's more complicated than that, of course. Probably more of a thermodynamic-looking equation with a bunch of other factors and stuff. But that is really, seriously not my area of expertise.
14) I wonder what it's like to live in a place that doesn’t have an air force base and a rail yard nearby. Quieter, I'd warrant.
15) Seriously, world, this Axis II Cluster B business has got to go.
16) My poofy coat is not quite as hideous as I remembered it. It does do a strange thing where it sort of straightens out my curves. The poofiness compresses around my hips and boobs but poofs about my waist and gives me a decidedly cylindrical appearance. I suppose that means that the coat is not really cut for my figure, but since I only wear it when I'm going to be too ridiculously cold to care what I look like, it's hardly a tragedy.
17) It occurs to me that I've not eaten anything yet today. Time for a cereal bar before I pass out.
18) This situation with the fishmen and the tentacle dudes is not cute. We're too scattered. I don't feel like the teamwork is really there. But then again all of us were a little loopy and out of it, so maybe this week will see an improvement? I hope so.
19) Meanwhile the situation with the lizard/insect things is, so far, pretty rewarding.
20) Lord, I'm all jittery. Is it possible I had too much caffeine today? Insanity!
21) Yay new towels! And new toilet seat. And new bath mat. And new sheets.
22) "Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger" via the Onion. Loves.
23) Whoa. Not feeling so good all of a sudden. Bleh.
24) How come zip-up shirts always do that weird puckering thing at the chest so it looks like my boobs come to a single raised point like the prow of a ship? There's a fair amount of slack in the fabric, so why won't the zipper lie down? It's kind of similar to the way the flies of jeans fold up to look like a tiny boner.
25) I've had Flogging Molly's "Tobacco Island" stuck in my head for like two days now. Not for any good reason like that I identify with the lyrics or something - just because I really like a particular musical phrase in the chorus.
26) Shit. I keep forgetting to write Jen back. I will endeavor to do that tomorrow.
27) How come my mom always manages to call me when I'm at Target? I don't really go to Target that often, but she always calls to chat when I'm there.
28) Okay. Posting now. Then sleep. I shall sleep the sleep of one with new sheets.