Only around halfway through (the dwarven chick has just stripped the warrior and take his armor), but I am certainly liking it so far! I hope I have time to finish off the other half of this installment soon. I will certainly comment when I do.
The only critique I can offer is to check comma usage. You've got a lot of compound sentences that can get unwieldy quite quickly if the commas aren't in the right place, as well as speech where commas might help keep the flow going.
ex. “I knew I should have been watching her.” She scolded herself.
vs.
“I knew I should have been watching her,” she scolded herself.
Yeah, commas are a frequent problem for me. In compound sentences, however, i don't think there's anything I can do about it because when i try and proofread, i don't see my own mistakes. I can keep an eye out for the dialogue ones though! Thanks! Hope you like the other stuff as much.
also, I need to think of a story title.
Also, I finished the book. Can has mini-farm nao pleez?
I could go at it with a red pen, should you want to provide me with a printed copy when you come up.
re: mini-farm--
Tell me about it! I'd love nothing more than to have a plot of land, a small cabin, and a herd of teeny ruminants. Really, land isn't all that expensive, and having seen what the school here has done with limited land and a flock of Murinos, I don't think it would be all that hard to have a self-sustaining dairy or meat herd on 40 acres or less.
Plus, I have been taking an interest in a sheep breed called the California Varigated Mutant, which has been bred specifically to live on poor forage and deal with California's climate. Together with the Santa Cruz, they're some of the few sheep that are really intended to live here, and do so without too much difficulty. Sadly, both are considered a deeply endangered breed; sheep farming is low priority in CA as it is, and those shepherds who do choose to live here have turned to higher-yeild breeds like the Murino or one of the various blackfaced breeds.
I will do that for red penning, but I have no idea if I'll be able to get the next two chapters I'm working on done by then. Will try though.
See, you get all specific with your animals. I just want some saanen and boer crossbreeds. I'll make 'em myself if I have to. I will also perfect it so I get extra milk and extra meat.
I may keep a pygmy around just because it's cute as hell.
Comments 4
The only critique I can offer is to check comma usage. You've got a lot of compound sentences that can get unwieldy quite quickly if the commas aren't in the right place, as well as speech where commas might help keep the flow going.
ex. “I knew I should have been watching her.” She scolded herself.
vs.
“I knew I should have been watching her,” she scolded herself.
Reply
Yeah, commas are a frequent problem for me. In compound sentences, however, i don't think there's anything I can do about it because when i try and proofread, i don't see my own mistakes. I can keep an eye out for the dialogue ones though! Thanks! Hope you like the other stuff as much.
also, I need to think of a story title.
Also, I finished the book. Can has mini-farm nao pleez?
Reply
re: mini-farm--
Tell me about it! I'd love nothing more than to have a plot of land, a small cabin, and a herd of teeny ruminants. Really, land isn't all that expensive, and having seen what the school here has done with limited land and a flock of Murinos, I don't think it would be all that hard to have a self-sustaining dairy or meat herd on 40 acres or less.
Plus, I have been taking an interest in a sheep breed called the California Varigated Mutant, which has been bred specifically to live on poor forage and deal with California's climate. Together with the Santa Cruz, they're some of the few sheep that are really intended to live here, and do so without too much difficulty. Sadly, both are considered a deeply endangered breed; sheep farming is low priority in CA as it is, and those shepherds who do choose to live here have turned to higher-yeild breeds like the Murino or one of the various blackfaced breeds.
Reply
I will do that for red penning, but I have no idea if I'll be able to get the next two chapters I'm working on done by then. Will try though.
See, you get all specific with your animals. I just want some saanen and boer crossbreeds. I'll make 'em myself if I have to. I will also perfect it so I get extra milk and extra meat.
I may keep a pygmy around just because it's cute as hell.
Reply
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