SOUNDTRACK 022 // WRITTEN
[Something isn't exactly right when a creature made to sing makes a written message, fortunately it's not that there's anything wrong with her voice. She simply finds this easier. The fact that it's done in the middle of the night may serve as an explanation as she doesn't wish to wake anyone up
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His handwriting is shaky and kind of scratchy, done with a hand that can't stop trembling.]
I feel useless here in Luceti, in the more conventional sense of the word. There is so much violence here, and so many things I cannot understand or combat, and so I cannot do anything. But in the manner you describe, I suppose I feel that as well. My vocation is, generally, entirely unhelpful here, and save the reports and thesis I write, there is little that I can do with it. There have even been cases where I knew I could have done something, but the technology to do it here did not exist.
I suppose the only real thing to do is to try to adapt. To make a use for oneself, rather than relying on a standard, set definition of use.
[Not that Robert's any good at that. Especially not now, not with how he's been feeling.]
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Even if the technology of my world existed here, I know there's nothing I can do. I was made just to do one thing, but there's a very small limit as to how much of it I can do here. It's so different from home, sometimes it feels useless to even try.
How do you "adapt"?
[She doubts she can do it but then again she doesn't really understand. She has the meaning, she knows what the word means and all but... She knows that somehow that's not enough. Ever since she arrived to Luceti just knowing things didn't mean she understood them, and it's scary.]
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I am much the same. This place is completely unlike anything I had ever seen in Terra. Even being here five months has not inured me to it. It is so violent here; there are wars, and aggressive people. There are paranormal things, like magic - none of which existed in my multiverse.
There are things I have here that I do not have at home, either.
Like friends.
And, sometimes I wonder if it is worth it, as well.
[He pauses a moment there, after those small, tight letters, and adds questioningly:]
What were you constructed to do, then? Why can you not do it here?
It would be part of adaptation. One shifts to meet the changing expectations and needs of one's surroundings.
It can be exceedingly difficult to do. I would know. [Having to adapt to a violent culture was not easy, and Robert is still struggling with it. He still hasn't entirely gotten to a point where he can accept other people being violent, let alone himself ( ... )
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[Like during a draft or soon after it. But it's all she knows how to do so it's hard to constrain herself, being unable to sing because it could make people hurt or annoyed... It's like she's being unable to breath.]
And there are so many worlds here, my songs probably aren't appreciated by many of them because the music style is too different.
I don't think I can change or shift. Not in a way that doesn't give me more problems, at least... I'm not sure I want to change even.
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[It is certainly new - a non-human sapient, presumably non-organic if using "made", whose purpose was singing and performing. It seems a curious life to Robert in some ways.]
As for changing - I meant it more in the sense of perspective rather than changing yourself. If you changed yourself, you would lose your identity, and your identity is important.
I must confess, I am not the best at this sort of thing. [Far from it, especially when he's so sad and lost and helpless-feeling himself.]
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And if not singing causes you such distress, it would be unethical to prevent it. Considering how harmless singing is, I am certain that nobody will stop you.
[Thoughtfully:] Why can you not learn new songs? Is there a method by which you must learn them?
[Not fulfilling a purpose. Robert understands what it's like to feel unfocused; undriven. He usually makes goals for himself, but...]When one has no extraneous purpose, then perhaps one must find a new purpose, within oneself ( ... )
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There's also the fact that there's so many people from so many worlds and times that for many my music would just be "irritant noise" and nothing that resembles music. On a good day people may be receptive but during certain times it's just not possible to expect that.
I can sing when I'm alone but it's definitively not the same. I was made to sing for others, not for myself. It goes against what I am...
The technology here doesn't match my world's, the devices and programs needed for new songs to be uploaded to my database can't be found here. Even if they could with no one from my world here, no one would be able to know how to use them, not even I know.
[There's a long pause before she answers the rest.]There are people who consider themselves my friends and whom I hold in high value ( ... )
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I suppose that much is true. But concerts and the like - those can certainly be enjoyed by people. I can see how they would be difficult to hold with any regularity in a place like Luceti, though.
["Made to sing for others"... It's almost sweet, but at the same time it makes Robert sad. Clearly this non-organic sapient person was made almost to defer to others, and in a sense it feels like a modern-day form of slavery. He knows that likely isn't the intent, but... it traps this person.]
I have technology from my world that I requested the Malnosso for. Perhaps the Malnosso would fulfill a similar request for you if you asked? Even if not, there may be ways around it. [Malleable ports...] And it may be possible to learn. There are many technologically-adept people here, including my ( ... )
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Luceti forces her to be independent, even with Adell acting as her Master, it's still unlike what she believes things should be. But the changes have been so sudden and she's so stubborn and logical, always placing logic before emotions, refusing to understand them.]I hadn't considered that option. But I don't like the idea of requesting anything from the Malnosso... They tamper with humans a lot and with me it's just even easier for them to mess me up. I don't want to let them access to my programs anymore, requesting something from them means it will pass through their hands first and they can put whatever they want in it without my ( ... )
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Still, if it would help to set you at ease, viral scans and the like could be run.
Or we could attempt to construct the technology ourselves, but that seems highly unlikely. [Robert exhales in a sigh, though it's inaudible.]Yes, I am a Terran - the only Terran here in Luceti ( ... )
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I favor the part of building the technology ourselves, but as you say it's highly unlikely. Not being able to learn new songs puts an edge on me, there's no way around it, but after so long I suppose there's no difference between standing it for as longer as I'm forced to be here.
I don't consider it strange, I find it very interesting, a world free of war and violence. That kind of world would be an utopia for most people. In my own world there aren't many wars but we aren't exeunt of them, neither of violence, though I like to think that it's following the path that would lead to a complete lack of it.
[Though that's mostly Luka just refusing to talk in depth about the problems of her world. Just as she refuses to explain the kind of Masters she has often had, not always as ( ... )
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I truly do think there is some way, considering how many people here are capable of technological manipulation. Mr. Japan, for example, was able to build a television here, using components from various shop paraphernalia. So I do not consider it entirely unfeasible. I would even be willing to see if my nanocomputer might not be able to compensate to an extent.
[It is nice to hear that somebody finds Robert's world a positive one. Some people find it outright disturbing.]
I wish all worlds were free of violence. If nothing else, it seems a state more pleasant for everybody involved. But for whatever reason, it seems that only Terrans have managed to achieve this state.
[And in Robert's case, he is almost unaware of the problems in his world. Some of them go over his head - others masquerade as positive things and he doesn ( ... )
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I wish that too. I know of some worlds were there has been war to reach for peace but I can't help but wonder how long such a peace can be maintained. Humans tend to disagree so easily, what's good for one is bad for the other. Worlds under a tyranny that is fought and defeated to install a democracy may have people who were happier with the previous system and would like to recover it.
It seems that once a fight starts, no matter what, more will follow eventually. It's pretty sad.
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[After a pause, Robert writes, thoughtfully:]
For some reason, Terra has seemed to be able to break the cycle of violence. I cannot claim any reasoning as to why, only that it must have been effective if every other world is violent.
[Quiet, underground violence... fights still happen, but they just have another name.]
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That's unfortunate, if you knew the key that broke the cycle in your world then maybe others could take advantage of it as well and break their own cycles. Though given the amount of worlds here and the number of probabilities there's even a chance that maybe your world never had a cycle of violence to begin with.
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