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Chapter 18 - Bastian's first day back at training with Bayern Munich. How will everyone react to his two week absence?
Sunday morning came about in a lazy manner, sunlight trickling in through the windows in a slow fashion, clouds blocking it every now and then, not quite reaching the four friends in the living room yet. Unsurprisingly Lukas was the first one to wake, the only one not still lulled to sleep by a hangover. He woke up slowly, the way he always did, his body coming to a bit before his head. He tried to stretch his arm up but it was being held down. Now that he thought about it, there was something pressed up against him too.
Blinking his eyes open he saw Bastian directly in front of him, his right arm being that aforementioned thing draped over him. Lukas smiled at the scene as memories of the previous night came into his mind. Bastian had been really drunk and Lukas had to wonder if he would even remember what he’d done. He himself was kind of leery about how exactly he’d wound up cuddled with Bastian on the floor. The last thing he remembered hearing was Mike professing his desire to punch Rooney in the face, at which point he realized he must have fallen asleep against Bastian. Lukas had developed a bit of a habit of falling asleep first when they had parties, which was odd since he was the only one who never drank. He hoped the others weren’t going to bug him about it too much this time like they usually did. That is if they remembered it.
He glanced at the clock on Philipp’s wall, seeing that it was just a little past nine thirty. Should he be an asshole and wake Bastian up? Or should he just try and fall back to sleep himself? Maybe he’d wait until it was at least ten; he was feeling a little generous this morning. So he turned over onto his left side, his back to Bastian. He left Bastian’s arm over him, not wanting to break that connection. He couldn’t quite explain it, but it just felt comforting to lie like that, with that arm over him.
He closed his eyes again just to relax, thinking back over the past week. A week ago today had been such a low point, he’d been at the height of his guilt and things had just not been going well. But things had definitely taken a change for the better this week and now he was feeling pretty damn good. Of course it always helped to be around friends who made you forget about everything that was going wrong in your life.
He heard footsteps coming up from the hall, wondering who it was. Most likely David. He’d been the least drunk of the guys last night, not wanting to spend five hours on a plane with a hangover. He stopped suddenly before walking into the living room, obviously pausing at the sight of Lukas and Bastian. Lukas could hear him approaching now. He sensed David standing directly over him and with a smile on his face he popped his eyes open and looked up at him, startling him just slightly.
“Good morning.” He laughed a little as David shook the surprise off, before looking down on him with a grin on his face.
“So, you sleep well last night?” It was obvious from the expression on his face that David found the sight of Lukas and Bastian together on the floor quite amusing.
Lukas just grinned back. “I do not know what happen, last thing I remember, is Mike talking of Wayne Rooney, and then, I wake up with Basti on me.” That made David laugh and Lukas turned over onto his other side so he was facing Bastian. Now was definitely the time to wake him up. He looked up at David and winked at him. “Hold on, we will find out what happened.” He started poking Bastian in the chest, grinning when all he got in reply were grumbles and groans. He upped the prodding and started shaking him slightly. He was going to start slapping him next if he didn’t wake up soon.
Finally after another prod Bastian popped one eye open, which looked a little glazed over. He withdrew his arm from its place on top of Lukas and pressed his hands into his face, groaning again. Lukas just kept poking him, telling him to hurry and wake up. A bit more aware of things, Bastian pushed Lukas’ hand away, finally awake but not very happy about it. “What do you want?”
Lukas grinned and slid his arm out across the pillow, bending it at the elbow and resting his head on it. “Do you remember, what you did last night?”
Bastian stared at him with a look of confusion on his face. Obviously the Bavarian was very hung over and his head wasn’t quite so quick this morning. What had he done last night? In regards to what, and whom? All Bastian knew was that he didn’t like the devious look on Lukas’ face. “What are you talking about?”
David had sat down just on the other side of Lukas, watching in amusement. When Bastian didn’t appear to be remembering, David decided to step in. “Here’s a hint, Schweini.” David stuck his tongue out and looked like he was trying to French kiss the air, which made Lukas howl with laughter and left Bastian still confused for a moment.
Then the part of his brain housing his memories apparently opened its doors to the morning and everything came rushing back at him. A look of shock settled on his face for a moment as he looked between David and Lukas, before finally settling on Lukas. “Shit, did I really…” He didn’t finish the question, couldn’t finish the question. It was too weird.
Lukas calmed his laughter a little, focusing on Bastian with a grin on his face. “Yes, you did. And licking, do you remember, the licking?” Bastian nodded and Lukas and David both laughed at him, amused at their friend’s shock over his actions of the previous night.
“It’s okay; we all found it pretty amusing. Although if everyone else had woken up and seen you draped over Lukas, there may have been some comments.” David grinned and winked at Lukas, while Bastian pressed his hands into his face again and groaned. Lukas sat up and finally stretched his arms, linking his hands up over his head and pushing back. This wasn’t the first time he’d fallen asleep on Philipp’s floor and while it wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep in the world, it wasn’t that bad.
He looked down at Bastian and shook his head. Watching his friends recover from hangovers was yet another reason why Lukas had decided to never pick the habit up. It just didn’t seem worth it. He laid a hand on Bastian’s head, rubbing over it. “I get you a glass of water. Then David and I cook breakfast.”
Bastian peeled his hands away from his pounding head and glanced up at Lukas. He smiled slightly. “No eggs.” Lukas laughed and leaned over him, touching his forehead to Bastian’s.
“David will cook the eggs, I promise.” They both laughed and Lukas stood up, walking out to the kitchen with David in tow, who was interested in hearing just what the jab about the eggs had meant. So Lukas told him, explained how the other morning he’d been determined to try and cook but how he’d run into trouble with cracking the eggs, then how he and Bastian had gotten so distracted clowning around that they’d forgotten about the eggs and they’d burned. David kept a grin on his face throughout the story, one that was laced with amusement and disbelief.
Lukas finished filling up a glass of water and brought it over to Bastian, stopping just in front of him and dipping his fingers into the water, then flicking them at Bastian’s face. Bastian grumbled and sat up, taking the offered glass. He drank half of it before lying back down and throwing his arm over his face to block out the sun that was starting to shine in from the opposing window. Lukas went back out to the kitchen with David, rummaging through Philipp’s fridge and cabinets for things to cook up for breakfast.
Not long after they heard more groaning from the living room. It appeared that Gerald had also woken up now, probably nudged awake by the conversation of a few minutes ago. There was a mumbled exchange neither David nor Lukas could make out, and a moment later Bastian yelled for Lukas. Looking at David and rolling his eyes, Lukas left his friend in the kitchen and emerged into the living room.
“What?” He stood over Bastian, who still had an arm over his face.
Bastian stuck up his other arm that was holding the now empty glass, waving it in Lukas’ direction. “More water. Get some for Asa too.”
Lukas huffed, letting Bastian continue to wave his glass around. “I thought you were supposed, to take care of me.”
Since only the top portion of Bastian’s face was covered, Lukas could see the grin that formed on the Bavarian’s lips. “You’re not that useless anymore, so now you can do things for me. Pay back.”
Lukas shook his head and grabbed the glass from Bastian’s hand, slapping that hand down in the process. “Maybe I will dump the water, on you instead. It is more, than you, deserve.” Lukas looked over at the couch where Gerald had slept. He was currently in the process of shifting around to lie in the opposite direction so the sun wouldn’t be in his face. Looking at the other couch and seeing Mike still buried underneath his blanket, Lukas decided that he’d wake the blond up in a moment when he came back out. He went out to the kitchen, waving the glass at David, who grinned when he learned of Lukas’ task. David was currently frying eggs and sausage on the stove. Filling both glasses up with water Lukas returned to the living room, handing them off to his friends before walking over to the other couch. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it away from Mike, who groaned and protested. Lukas shook him and told him to wake up, while Mike turned away from him and buried his head against the back of the couch.
Meanwhile Bastian had crawled over to the couch, leaning up against it, wrapping an arm around Lukas’ legs as he brought his glass up over Mike’s head, pouring a bit of water over him. That did the trick and got Mike a bit more lively. He turned around and nearly hit Bastian’s arm, which he was barely able to pull away in time. Bastian hid himself behind Lukas’ legs as Mike continued to flail his arm out for Bastian. Mike’s wildly swinging hand came entirely too close to Lukas, who pushed it away. He patted Bastian on the head and told him to quit causing trouble.
Mike sat up, pulling the blanket up around his head like a hood, blocking out the sun. Bastian let go of Lukas’ legs and climbed up on the couch next to Mike, lying against the arm with his back to the window. Lukas left them there to once again return to the kitchen, where David had finished cooking a plate’s worth of food, which he pushed at Lukas.
After David ate he cooked some food for the others, who had been joined by Philipp. Timo was currently taking a shower. The six of them were now sitting in the living room, reminiscing about the night before, which mostly consisted of everyone teasing Bastian about his overtly physical interaction with Lukas. He tried to brush it off as simply joking around being brought on by being drunk, until David butted in and said that everyone’s true feelings tend to emerge when under the alcoholic influence. Bastian glared at him while the others laughed, but eventually gave in and leaned against Lukas, proclaiming that maybe his feelings did run a bit deeper. Lukas teased him by saying that perhaps he ought to start locking his bedroom door at night when he sleeps. Bastian looked offended for a moment before he responded that Lukas could do as he pleased. He’s pretty certain he could pick the lock.
Tuesday Morning
Bastian fiddled with the radio while driving down to the Sabener Strasse, feeling just a little nervous. It had been two weeks since he’d been to training, two weeks since he’d seen the majority of his Bayern team mates. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of a reception he would have. He’d completely pushed his obligations and responsibility to the team aside in the past two weeks, focusing all of his attention on Lukas. He knew at least a few of them wouldn’t be pleased with him. He also knew he’d be having a serious chat with Magath and Uli Hoeness and possibly Beckenbauer at some point today and he was looking forward to that the least of all. He wouldn’t be surprised if Magath made him climb his way back into the starting line again, if he made him prove himself all over again. It was what he deserved, really, for shirking his duties.
It wasn’t that he felt bad about helping Lukas, because he didn’t. If it happened again he would do the same thing. He was just feeling very guilty about leaving his team stuck like that. He was an integral, important part of the squad and he’d ignored his responsibilities to them without a second thought. Not exactly how a professional ought to react.
He pulled into the parking lot, shutting off the car and taking a moment to pull himself together before getting out. Whatever ended up happening today, whatever ended up being said, he knew he deserved it. He’d just have to keep his cool and try to make up for being away. He stepped out of the car and started making his way toward the entrance, looking over and seeing some fans assembled there already. They called for him and he waved to them but didn’t go over. His priority right now wasn’t to the fans, but to his team. He walked in through the front doors of the training building, waving to the receptionist and making his way down the hall. Should he go and get changed first, or look for the coach? He decided to head into the locker room, field the comments from his fellow players first. If Magath wanted to find him, he knew where he’d be.
Bastian opened the door and walked into the room, glancing around and holding his breath, waiting for the first comment. Would it be friendly or not? It was Mark with that first comment, a smug grin on his face as he looked at Bastian. “Well, well, look who’s back? Have a nice vacation?”
Bastian stood still for a moment, his eyes on Mark. Was he angry? Pissed off? Was he going to let it go and just allow Bastian to try and make it up for the absence? He couldn’t tell because Mark never gave much honesty away in his facial expressions. Sometimes he could look so serious after a sarcastic comment meant as a joke, or adversely he looked amused after making an honest criticism, but you’d never know it from the look on his face.
Mark wasn’t the only one with a waiting comment, though. “You get bored of playing football with Lukas on the Playstation, so you decide to come back to the real thing?” The look on Pizarro’s face said a bit more. Apparently he wasn’t excited at the two weeks Bastian had taken off.
“I bet that’s all you guys did while you were off, isn’t it?” A comment from Deisler made Bastian’s head turn in his direction. He would have figured out of everyone on the team, he would have understood. But if he went by the friendly smile on Sebastian’s face, maybe he was simply carrying on the joke for the sake of joking around.
Nevertheless, Bastian couldn’t help but feel a little cornered and defensive. He quickly went to his spot, sitting down to take off his shoes. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Sure it wasn’t. It must have been an awful two weeks for you, no training or worrying about matches. You were probably bored, weren’t you?” Pizarro again with the comment, sarcasm heavy on the Peruvian’s voice. Bastian was about to turn around and fire back a response before he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“That’s enough. Everyone finish up and get outside.” Kahn had stepped in, his job as the captain to break up arguments and get the team focused.
“Hey, we’re all just joking around, if he is-” Pizarro didn’t get a chance to finish before the keeper stepped in again.
“I mean it. All of you, no more comments. We’re here to practice, nothing else.” With a final glare sent around the room at any eyes that were looking his way, Kahn patted the young star on the head. He wanted to say more to Bastian, but he wasn’t about to dispute himself in front of everyone. He’d speak to him later and inquire about Lukas then.
For now everyone deemed it wise not to annoy their captain, finishing up and heading out of the room for the training ground outside. There were only a few of them left and Bastian had just finished pulling his shirt on, standing up and turning around to see Sebastian standing behind him. “Hey, I just wanted to say that I didn’t mean any offense before. I was just joking around, you know.” Bastian couldn’t help but notice the look on the other man’s face. He really was sorry. “I know what he’s going through, it’s not easy.”
Bastian nodded, even though he felt like yelling at him. He knew what Lukas was going through? Sebastian had only broken a leg, while Lukas’ entire body had been pretty much inoperable for a while. Sebastian had no idea what Lukas was going through. As soon as the thought occurred, Bastian realized he was overreacting. His nerves and guilt about being away for so long were manifesting in a negative way against his fellow players and he had to keep from doing that. Sebastian was only trying to be supportive and he did know what Lukas was going through. It might not be the same exact thing, but the circumstances were similar. So Bastian smiled and thanked him, telling him not to worry about the joke, he was just a little defensive about the whole thing. Sebastian smiled and squeezed his shoulder before heading out to the grounds.
He was gone and now it was only Bastian and Oliver Kahn left. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be getting a lecture now. He’d appreciated the step-in earlier, but he knew it had only been done because it went along with Kahn’s position as the team captain. Bastian looked at his older team mate a little apprehensively.
Instead of a lecture Kahn walked up beside him and put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him toward the door. “How is Lukas doing?”
Bastian was a little surprised at the question at first, since he’d been expecting the man to chastise him instead for his absence. Of course he’d want to know about Lukas, though. Not only was he concerned for the team as a whole, but the grizzled keeper quite liked Lukas, so it was of no surprise that he’d want to know how he was doing. “He’s doing well.”
“Lukas, unable to play for months, forced to sit at home because he can’t do much, yet he’s doing well? I’m sorry to say I don’t buy that.” Kahn looked down at Bastian with a smile on his face.
Bastian smiled when he looked at him. “Well, compared to this time last week, he’s doing well. Things have been rough, but he’s starting to handle it better.”
“And how are you handling it? Are you alright?”
Bastian was still smiling, the question picking him up slightly. It wasn’t often that the keeper got as concerned as he was now. “Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, he’s doing better, so it’s easier on me.”
“That’s good.” They left the room and Kahn stopped in the hall. “I’m not going to lecture you on anything, Bastian. I know that you know that you should have been back sooner, but the circumstances are difficult for you. I understand that. You’re back now and telling you that what you did was wrong for the team isn’t going to do any good. So as far as I’m concerned, just work hard now and get back on form. That’s all you have to do.” He pulled his arm off of Bastian’s back, but kept one hand on his shoulder. “Besides, Magath wants to talk to you, and that will probably be harsh enough to make up for everyone. So go on to his office, we’ll see you when he’s done with you.” A squeeze to his shoulder and a little wink was all that the older man left him with as he turned and made his way outside, leaving Bastian standing in the middle of the hall. This was the part of the day he was dreading the most.
As much as he didn’t want the talk to take place at all, the sooner he got it over with the better. So he made his way down the hall, nerves and apprehension not settling well together in his stomach. He looked down the hall and saw that the door was open, almost as though it was inviting him in. He stopped for just a moment, out of sight from anyone in the room, taking a moment to focus on getting through the talk in one piece. When Magath was unhappy with something, he didn’t hold back about it. So Bastian stood in front of his door, hand rising to knock. The trainer currently had his back to the door and swiveled around in his chair when he heard the knock. He looked up at Bastian and pointed to one of the chairs in front of his desk. Bastian sat down and watched as the older man picked up his phone, punching in someone’s number. When he said “he’s here, I’ll wait for you” there was no question who the call had been made to.
In only moments the club manager, Uli Hoeness, stepped into the office and closed the door behind him. He took the other chair and Bastian suddenly felt like a kid about to be scolded by his parents for something big. He had to keep reminding himself that he had this coming, he’d reacted improperly and now he had to pay for it. He just wondered how harsh the penalty would be.
As it usually went with these things, Hoeness was there for show mostly, his position as manager requiring his presence. Magath would be doing all the talking. He looked at Bastian, that neutral expression on his face. “We’re very disappointed with your actions lately. There is no excuse for them and I’m not interested in hearing any. Your first priority should be this club. The only thing that will excuse you from your responsibilities here are those you have with the national team. There is no other excuse for missing training and games.” His voice was calm and as controlled as it possibly could be, like he’d been practicing this speech for the past week. His steely eyes were the only part of him giving any indication that he was, in all actuality, quite angry.
“Had I ordered you back to training earlier, you would not have come, would you?” The eyes looking at him narrowed and Bastian knew he had to be honest. He shook his head, indicating that he would not have come back despite an order. Not during that first week, at least. By the time the second week had started he’d told his agent to let the team know that he had made his decision to return in a week's time. He hadn’t really given the club much choice. “No, you would have reacted selfishly. Are you aware of the problems your actions have caused? Not just on the field during games, but for myself as well. The constant questions about why you have been granted the two week leave, because yes, we did decide to state that it was an official leave granted. The last thing this club needs is a headlining story about how one of its young stars has seen fit to decide for himself when he does and does not feel like playing. Needless to say, I have come under fire for allowing you to be away when we need you. I do not appreciate and will not tolerate cleaning up after another’s mess. This will not happen again. Am I understood?”
Bastian nodded, his eyes dropping from Magath to the floor. “You will be at training every day for the remainder of this season; there is no excuse for you to miss any of it. You will give this club one hundred percent of yourself; I will not stand for sub-par performance or lack of concentration. You are a professional, and I expect you to act like one. Is that understood?”
He nodded again, feeling properly cowed by the trainer’s words. But they were deserved, no matter how badly they hurt. He’d always given this club everything of himself until now; he’d devoted his life to this sport and had never made any presumptions about wanting to play elsewhere. Bayern Munich was his home; it was where he wanted to stay. But one moment of not displaying that devotion and he was going to be paying for it for some time. It stung.
“I hope you’ve at least taken the time to rest during those two weeks, because I will be working you hard from this point on. I will not expect anything less of you, you will perform and your performance will be at the highest level I know you able to play at. You’re going to have to prove once again to this whole club why you are here. Why you deserve your place on the starting line again. Slip up, and I won’t hesitate to bench you. But if you perform well, perhaps in time we will put this behind us.” He paused again, and Bastian glanced up at him. The unhappy look on Magath’s face was still there. “Also, you will not be receiving pay for the time you took off, and there will also be a fine levied against you for the two weeks. You can arrange for that to be paid with the financial department, I won’t speak any more of it.”
Bastian nodded, no surprises there. Magath sat back in his chair, his hands folding over his stomach. “You can go now, and I expect you to train hard today.” Bastian got up from the chair and quickly made his way for the door. As soon as he reached it and laid a hand on the doorknob, Magath called to him. “You have always been loyal to this club, Bastian.” The young midfielder looked back at his coach, wondering just what he was going to say as a final parting comment. He also had to wonder if Magath was even going to ask him about Lukas. He didn’t appear too concerned just yet. “That’s particularly why it came as such a blow that you were willing to push your responsibility aside so carelessly. You must get your priorities straight, and the top of your list must be this club. We will not tolerate anything less.” With the final comment Magath waved him away and Bastian couldn’t get out of the office quickly enough.
What a miserable old bastard! It didn’t even matter anymore how much he’d deserved the comments, because they stung so harshly and cut him so deeply. How dare Magath tell him how his life ought to be prioritized! How dare he insinuate that Bastian didn’t put this sport and this club ahead of everything else? The past two weeks had been a fluke in his life-long commitment to the sport, something he hadn’t been able to control at the time. Besides, wasn’t he still thinking about the club anyway, by wanting to help one of its other stars through his injury? It hadn’t been any old normal injury either; it hadn’t been something that anyone could be certain he would return from. Lukas had needed him there to get over that initial slump, to get past the first two weeks. But did Magath care about that? Did he care about how Lukas was doing, even?
Instead of heading out to the field Bastian stepped back into the locker room, trying to calm himself down. He was overreacting again. Magath had been correct in everything he’d said, he’d been justified in saying all of it. In the back of his mind Bastian knew that. It’s just that he was still feeling so guilty for his actions that he didn’t want to own up to them. He didn’t want to acknowledge that he’d acted unprofessionally and that he’d let down his team. Losing Lukas had been bad enough for them, but then he’d made them go two weeks without him too and of course it would be viewed as selfish. It had been selfish, hadn’t it? He didn’t like playing without Lukas, so he’d put it off, instead choosing to stay with him and help him recover. He’d wanted to stay close to his friend. He kept telling himself over and over that he’d deserved everything Magath had said. But it still didn’t make it any easier to accept hearing.
Once he’d finally calmed down enough he left the room and headed for the training ground, hoping that his team mates would let training go by without anymore comments. After his talking-down to, he wasn’t sure if he could handle anything else today without snapping. He stepped outside and took in a breath of the just slightly chilly air, feeling it rush past his teeth and down his throat. Despite everything it did feel good to be back. He walked down to the training ground, watching as everyone was still warming up. He quickly entered the field, joining Andreas and Philipp. They eyed him curiously when he arrived, both of them wanting to ask how things had gone, but neither wanting to be the one to do it. After looking at the both of them he sighed and shook his head. “It was shit, if you want to know. Nothing I didn’t deserve, but it still sucked.”
They both nodded, neither of them saying anything. A moment passed by in silence as they stretched, before Philipp spoke up. “So, are you sure you’ve recovered enough from Saturday night to train again?” He winked at Bastian, who could tell from the look in his friend’s eyes that Philipp obviously hadn’t forgotten his intention of spreading the story.
“That is totally the last thing I need to think about right now, thanks.” Bastian glared at Philipp, who simply grinned in response and looked at Andreas.
“I had a few of the National guys over at my place Saturday night after the game to have some drinks. Schweini here had a bit too much to drink, and Lukas ended up getting the brunt of his drunken actions.”
Andreas grinned, knowing that a good story was about to unfold. “Oh really? Just what did he do?” Philipp explained everything in a hushed voice, not wanting any of their other team mates to overhear. He told him about the face licking and kissing, culminating in David walking in on Bastian snuggled up to Lukas on the floor Sunday morning. Bastian took it all in stride, shaking his head and laughing at Andreas’ amused reaction and subsequent teasing. At least it was making him forget about the conversation he’d just had with the trainer.
Speaking of which Felix Magath had just arrived on the ground, walking over to converse with the other trainers. Bastian watched him as he stood around talking, feeling a tiny sense of dread building in the pit of his stomach again. It was fine right now, warming up with his friends, but he was wary of what would happen when training really got underway. Would everyone else forgive him the way Philipp and Andreas were?
The trainers called everyone over and quickly discussed the plans for the morning, which consisted of some drills before a quick practice game. The drills passed by smoothly, with everyone’s concentration fixed on the work-out. They took a short break before splitting into teams for a practice game and Bastian was pleased that he and Philipp were on the same side. They had a good understanding of each other, which Bastian felt would be important to him today. He was still a little nervous about getting back into training, especially with Magath’s eyes nearly constantly glued to him. It was a bit unnerving.
Usually they joked around a bit during the training games, mocking each other and purposefully shooting balls toward the spectator area where the fans stood. There wouldn’t be any messing around today for Bastian. He didn’t really feel like it anyway, but he also didn’t want to give Magath any reason to be angrier with him. So he tried to focus and concentrate on making his passes clean and proper and quick, and firing any shots that came his way on target.
Unfortunately though the ball just didn’t seem intent on doing what he wanted it to today. He did make a few good passes, but the two shots he’d managed to try were both sorely off target. A few times his passes to Makaay up front were a little shaky, but the Dutch striker had been able to make them work regardless. After one such pass Roy jogged back toward him while they were waiting for Kahn to take a goal kick, laying a hand on his shoulder and telling him to loosen up and not let the pressure get to him. Bastian nodded half-heartedly and Roy told him that as long as he kept shooting him passes, he would try his best to make them work. Bastian thanked him for the comments and Roy just smiled and re-took his position.
The remainder of the morning passed by quickly and the longer he played the surer of himself Bastian got. He’d had a bit of a rocky start, but overall he’d pulled himself together toward the end of training and was looking like his old strong self. He was even laughing at a few of the jokes he overheard, feeling like a tiny bit of the iciness he’d felt from some of the guys earlier in the morning had dropped.
They wrapped things up soon and were heading for the building when Bastian noticed Magath staring at him. As Bastian got closer to him Magath motioned for him to come near and immediately Bastian felt a little apprehensive again. This time it was called for. “You were sloppy out there today; you’d better fix that for tomorrow.” It was all he had to say before turning and walking back, leaving Bastian standing still and staring at the trainer’s retreating figure.
“You’re just not getting any breaks lately, are you?” Philipp had suddenly appeared beside him, a look of sympathy on his face. Had he overheard the comment, or was he just guessing about its reasoning?
Bastian shrugged and started to walk back beside his friend. “I brought it on myself, really. I shouldn’t complain.”
“Well, just remember that not everyone thinks you’re a selfish ass for doing it.” Philipp looked at him with a grin. “You had a hard choice to make; it’s tough to choose between two things that are really important to you. But you’re back now and that’s all anyone should care about.”
Bastian looked at Philipp, appreciating the words. Philipp was always pretty blunt and honest in what he said, but never in a hurtful manner. Right now though he was being pretty damn supportive and after the morning he’d just had, Bastian found it quite nice. “Thanks.” He didn’t need to say anything else; they just walked back to the building in silence.
Bastian made quick work of showering and dressing, not looking to spend any more time than necessary there. Luckily for him Kahn was there the whole time, glancing around the room and making it known by expression alone that he wasn’t going to tolerate any commentary. Bastian was thankful for it and left as quickly as possible, saying a few hasty goodbyes to his friends, who seemed to understand his need to get away from the training grounds as soon as possible.
He left the building and made his way to his car, waving to the group of fans who were looking for autographs. He usually always stopped to give them, to say hello and let them take their pictures. He just wasn’t in the mood to do it today though, and guiltily climbed into his car without getting too close to them. He always felt bad about denying a fan an autograph but there were times when you had to forego friendliness for a bit of privacy, and today was one of those days. He left the parking lot, feeling a bit calmer now back in his car and heading home. The day had definitely had its share of ups and downs and it could have been a lot worse. But it had still been pretty bad and he just wanted to forget about it as quickly as possible.
It wasn’t too long before he was pulling into his parking spot, exiting the car and making a dash for the inside of the building, waiting impatiently for the elevator. The moment he stepped into the apartment he felt a little better, a little more relaxed. As usual there came Lukas, leaning against the wall with a look of concern on his face.
“How did it go?” He’d been worried about Bastian starting his training again, wondering what kind of a reaction he would get to being back.
Bastian shrugged, not really wanting to let him know just how badly it had gone. “It was fine. You know how training is; I was a bit off at first when we played, but after a while-”
Lukas cut him off. “I am not talking about the actual training. How was it, being there again? Did anyone give you a hard time?”
He really didn’t want to discuss this with Lukas. Would it make him upset again? Would those feelings of guilt resurface now, just after he’d finally gotten a hold of them? “I told you, it was fine.”
“You do not have to lie to me.” Lukas was right there suddenly, his arms circling around Bastian and holding him. Bastian wasn’t entirely certain if it was simply the cause of the moment or if Lukas’ embrace did feel a bit stronger than it had lately. Whatever the case he hugged Lukas back, closing his eyes and resting his head on Lukas’ shoulder. Okay, so maybe he did want to tell him about his experience just a little. Mostly just to get it out of his system. But he was still worried about upsetting him. He was getting used to having the old Lukas back; he didn’t want to be the cause of making him slip. Lukas pulled back and took his hand, pulling him in to the living room to sit on the couch.
Bastian sat beside him, drawing one leg underneath himself and clasping his hands over his stomach. He looked at Lukas and smiled all of a sudden. When Lukas inquired what the smile was about, Bastian looked at him with that smile firmly planted there on his features. “I just think it’s a little amusing, I guess. Suddenly now you’re the one pulling me in to sit on the couch, practically begging me to tell you about my problems.” He laid one of his hands on Lukas’ leg, his fingers rubbing little circles around the fabric. “You’ve come a long way.”
Lukas had to smile at the comment, not even having realized the reversal in roles himself. But it was true. Countless times in the past two weeks Bastian had been the one to sit him down and demand he spill his feelings, and now they had reversed the roles for once. It was a bittersweet feeling for him. Yes, it was a sign that things were getting better for him- that his mind wasn’t so bogged down with his own problems that he could see Bastian’s and want to hear about them. Getting better also meant the approach of Bastian eventually moving out, which caused a little grief for him. He wasn’t going to focus on that right now, though. He returned Bastian’s smile and placed his hand over his best friend’s. “I have. Most because you helped me.”
Bastian grinned and turned his hand palm up, fingers reaching out to link with Lukas’. “Well that’s good to hear. Makes everything I heard today worthwhile, after all.” He paused before continuing, working up the nerve to bring up the touchy subject. When he felt the light squeeze of Lukas’ fingers against his own he knew he had to tell him everything. It was only fair, after all. He’d made Lukas address things he hadn’t wanted to think about, so now it was his turn. “I guess it’s pretty obvious that I had a chat with Magath and Hoeness this morning. It wasn’t exactly the best of chats I’ve ever had with anyone.”
“What did they say?” Lukas was grateful that Bastian was willing to tell him. He knew his best friend was probably worried about upsetting him, and while he was upset at the knowledge that Bastian’s reaction to his injury was causing him trouble now, he wasn’t going to let it bother him in such a debilitating manner. Especially not when Bastian was so upset about it.
“Oh you know, we’re very disappointed in you, you need to set your priorities straight, give this club all of yourself, the usual crap you’d expect after this.” There was a touch of bitterness in his voice. He was still annoyed that the comments had come across sounding as though this was something he did all the time, as though there hadn’t been a worthy cause for him to momentarily brush aside his professionalism. “You know Magath didn’t even ask about you? Fuck, you’d think he would have.”
Lukas shrugged, not too concerned. “Clinic probably sends updates. Nothing to worry about.”
“They only see you once a week, though! You’d think he’d care a bit more.” Bastian was still stinging about the whole thing. Lukas had a point, of course. But it still didn’t change anything for him.
Lukas couldn’t help but smile at Bastian’s reaction to Magath’s apparent lack of concern. He almost felt like laughing, but he held it in. “Did anyone else say things?”
Bastian, who was currently looking straight ahead now, nodded his head. “Yeah, a few of the guys were a little cold, I guess you could say.” He didn’t really feel the need to go into detail though. “But Deisler told me to tell you that he says hi, that you can always give him a call if you feel like moaning about not being able to play.” He looked at Lukas and grinned. “Oh and Kahn was inquiring about you too. I think he’s a little worried.”
Lukas laughed. “Yeah, he love me. In that father kind of way. Like Micha. Only, not affectionate. Which is good, because, it would be weird.” Bastian joined in the laughter at the comment, feeling better already, despite having the mental image of Oliver Kahn trying to be affectionate the way Michael Ballack was. It was definitely a little strange. Once they stopped laughing Lukas looked at him, serious expression back on his face. “Do you feel better?”
Bastian smiled and nodded his head. “I do, thanks.” He pulled his right hand off of Lukas’ leg, replacing it with his left and slipping his right arm around Lukas’ shoulders. Lukas slid his arm around Bastian too and they leaned against each other, not really needing to say much else at the moment. This was enough.
Sunday morning came about in a lazy manner, sunlight trickling in through the windows in a slow fashion, clouds blocking it every now and then, not quite reaching the four friends in the living room yet. Unsurprisingly Lukas was the first one to wake, the only one not still lulled to sleep by a hangover. He woke up slowly, the way he always did, his body coming to a bit before his head. He tried to stretch his arm up but it was being held down. Now that he thought about it, there was something pressed up against him too.
Blinking his eyes open he saw Bastian directly in front of him, his right arm being that aforementioned thing draped over him. Lukas smiled at the scene as memories of the previous night came into his mind. Bastian had been really drunk and Lukas had to wonder if he would even remember what he’d done. He himself was kind of leery about how exactly he’d wound up cuddled with Bastian on the floor. The last thing he remembered hearing was Mike professing his desire to punch Rooney in the face, at which point he realized he must have fallen asleep against Bastian. Lukas had developed a bit of a habit of falling asleep first when they had parties, which was odd since he was the only one who never drank. He hoped the others weren’t going to bug him about it too much this time like they usually did. That is if they remembered it.
He glanced at the clock on Philipp’s wall, seeing that it was just a little past nine thirty. Should he be an asshole and wake Bastian up? Or should he just try and fall back to sleep himself? Maybe he’d wait until it was at least ten; he was feeling a little generous this morning. So he turned over onto his left side, his back to Bastian. He left Bastian’s arm over him, not wanting to break that connection. He couldn’t quite explain it, but it just felt comforting to lie like that, with that arm over him.
He closed his eyes again just to relax, thinking back over the past week. A week ago today had been such a low point, he’d been at the height of his guilt and things had just not been going well. But things had definitely taken a change for the better this week and now he was feeling pretty damn good. Of course it always helped to be around friends who made you forget about everything that was going wrong in your life.
He heard footsteps coming up from the hall, wondering who it was. Most likely David. He’d been the least drunk of the guys last night, not wanting to spend five hours on a plane with a hangover. He stopped suddenly before walking into the living room, obviously pausing at the sight of Lukas and Bastian. Lukas could hear him approaching now. He sensed David standing directly over him and with a smile on his face he popped his eyes open and looked up at him, startling him just slightly.
“Good morning.” He laughed a little as David shook the surprise off, before looking down on him with a grin on his face.
“So, you sleep well last night?” It was obvious from the expression on his face that David found the sight of Lukas and Bastian together on the floor quite amusing.
Lukas just grinned back. “I do not know what happen, last thing I remember, is Mike talking of Wayne Rooney, and then, I wake up with Basti on me.” That made David laugh and Lukas turned over onto his other side so he was facing Bastian. Now was definitely the time to wake him up. He looked up at David and winked at him. “Hold on, we will find out what happened.” He started poking Bastian in the chest, grinning when all he got in reply were grumbles and groans. He upped the prodding and started shaking him slightly. He was going to start slapping him next if he didn’t wake up soon.
Finally after another prod Bastian popped one eye open, which looked a little glazed over. He withdrew his arm from its place on top of Lukas and pressed his hands into his face, groaning again. Lukas just kept poking him, telling him to hurry and wake up. A bit more aware of things, Bastian pushed Lukas’ hand away, finally awake but not very happy about it. “What do you want?”
Lukas grinned and slid his arm out across the pillow, bending it at the elbow and resting his head on it. “Do you remember, what you did last night?”
Bastian stared at him with a look of confusion on his face. Obviously the Bavarian was very hung over and his head wasn’t quite so quick this morning. What had he done last night? In regards to what, and whom? All Bastian knew was that he didn’t like the devious look on Lukas’ face. “What are you talking about?”
David had sat down just on the other side of Lukas, watching in amusement. When Bastian didn’t appear to be remembering, David decided to step in. “Here’s a hint, Schweini.” David stuck his tongue out and looked like he was trying to French kiss the air, which made Lukas howl with laughter and left Bastian still confused for a moment.
Then the part of his brain housing his memories apparently opened its doors to the morning and everything came rushing back at him. A look of shock settled on his face for a moment as he looked between David and Lukas, before finally settling on Lukas. “Shit, did I really…” He didn’t finish the question, couldn’t finish the question. It was too weird.
Lukas calmed his laughter a little, focusing on Bastian with a grin on his face. “Yes, you did. And licking, do you remember, the licking?” Bastian nodded and Lukas and David both laughed at him, amused at their friend’s shock over his actions of the previous night.
“It’s okay; we all found it pretty amusing. Although if everyone else had woken up and seen you draped over Lukas, there may have been some comments.” David grinned and winked at Lukas, while Bastian pressed his hands into his face again and groaned. Lukas sat up and finally stretched his arms, linking his hands up over his head and pushing back. This wasn’t the first time he’d fallen asleep on Philipp’s floor and while it wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep in the world, it wasn’t that bad.
He looked down at Bastian and shook his head. Watching his friends recover from hangovers was yet another reason why Lukas had decided to never pick the habit up. It just didn’t seem worth it. He laid a hand on Bastian’s head, rubbing over it. “I get you a glass of water. Then David and I cook breakfast.”
Bastian peeled his hands away from his pounding head and glanced up at Lukas. He smiled slightly. “No eggs.” Lukas laughed and leaned over him, touching his forehead to Bastian’s.
“David will cook the eggs, I promise.” They both laughed and Lukas stood up, walking out to the kitchen with David in tow, who was interested in hearing just what the jab about the eggs had meant. So Lukas told him, explained how the other morning he’d been determined to try and cook but how he’d run into trouble with cracking the eggs, then how he and Bastian had gotten so distracted clowning around that they’d forgotten about the eggs and they’d burned. David kept a grin on his face throughout the story, one that was laced with amusement and disbelief.
Lukas finished filling up a glass of water and brought it over to Bastian, stopping just in front of him and dipping his fingers into the water, then flicking them at Bastian’s face. Bastian grumbled and sat up, taking the offered glass. He drank half of it before lying back down and throwing his arm over his face to block out the sun that was starting to shine in from the opposing window. Lukas went back out to the kitchen with David, rummaging through Philipp’s fridge and cabinets for things to cook up for breakfast.
Not long after they heard more groaning from the living room. It appeared that Gerald had also woken up now, probably nudged awake by the conversation of a few minutes ago. There was a mumbled exchange neither David nor Lukas could make out, and a moment later Bastian yelled for Lukas. Looking at David and rolling his eyes, Lukas left his friend in the kitchen and emerged into the living room.
“What?” He stood over Bastian, who still had an arm over his face.
Bastian stuck up his other arm that was holding the now empty glass, waving it in Lukas’ direction. “More water. Get some for Asa too.”
Lukas huffed, letting Bastian continue to wave his glass around. “I thought you were supposed, to take care of me.”
Since only the top portion of Bastian’s face was covered, Lukas could see the grin that formed on the Bavarian’s lips. “You’re not that useless anymore, so now you can do things for me. Pay back.”
Lukas shook his head and grabbed the glass from Bastian’s hand, slapping that hand down in the process. “Maybe I will dump the water, on you instead. It is more, than you, deserve.” Lukas looked over at the couch where Gerald had slept. He was currently in the process of shifting around to lie in the opposite direction so the sun wouldn’t be in his face. Looking at the other couch and seeing Mike still buried underneath his blanket, Lukas decided that he’d wake the blond up in a moment when he came back out. He went out to the kitchen, waving the glass at David, who grinned when he learned of Lukas’ task. David was currently frying eggs and sausage on the stove. Filling both glasses up with water Lukas returned to the living room, handing them off to his friends before walking over to the other couch. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it away from Mike, who groaned and protested. Lukas shook him and told him to wake up, while Mike turned away from him and buried his head against the back of the couch.
Meanwhile Bastian had crawled over to the couch, leaning up against it, wrapping an arm around Lukas’ legs as he brought his glass up over Mike’s head, pouring a bit of water over him. That did the trick and got Mike a bit more lively. He turned around and nearly hit Bastian’s arm, which he was barely able to pull away in time. Bastian hid himself behind Lukas’ legs as Mike continued to flail his arm out for Bastian. Mike’s wildly swinging hand came entirely too close to Lukas, who pushed it away. He patted Bastian on the head and told him to quit causing trouble.
Mike sat up, pulling the blanket up around his head like a hood, blocking out the sun. Bastian let go of Lukas’ legs and climbed up on the couch next to Mike, lying against the arm with his back to the window. Lukas left them there to once again return to the kitchen, where David had finished cooking a plate’s worth of food, which he pushed at Lukas.
After David ate he cooked some food for the others, who had been joined by Philipp. Timo was currently taking a shower. The six of them were now sitting in the living room, reminiscing about the night before, which mostly consisted of everyone teasing Bastian about his overtly physical interaction with Lukas. He tried to brush it off as simply joking around being brought on by being drunk, until David butted in and said that everyone’s true feelings tend to emerge when under the alcoholic influence. Bastian glared at him while the others laughed, but eventually gave in and leaned against Lukas, proclaiming that maybe his feelings did run a bit deeper. Lukas teased him by saying that perhaps he ought to start locking his bedroom door at night when he sleeps. Bastian looked offended for a moment before he responded that Lukas could do as he pleased. He’s pretty certain he could pick the lock.
Tuesday Morning
Bastian fiddled with the radio while driving down to the Sabener Strasse, feeling just a little nervous. It had been two weeks since he’d been to training, two weeks since he’d seen the majority of his Bayern team mates. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of a reception he would have. He’d completely pushed his obligations and responsibility to the team aside in the past two weeks, focusing all of his attention on Lukas. He knew at least a few of them wouldn’t be pleased with him. He also knew he’d be having a serious chat with Magath and Uli Hoeness and possibly Beckenbauer at some point today and he was looking forward to that the least of all. He wouldn’t be surprised if Magath made him climb his way back into the starting line again, if he made him prove himself all over again. It was what he deserved, really, for shirking his duties.
It wasn’t that he felt bad about helping Lukas, because he didn’t. If it happened again he would do the same thing. He was just feeling very guilty about leaving his team stuck like that. He was an integral, important part of the squad and he’d ignored his responsibilities to them without a second thought. Not exactly how a professional ought to react.
He pulled into the parking lot, shutting off the car and taking a moment to pull himself together before getting out. Whatever ended up happening today, whatever ended up being said, he knew he deserved it. He’d just have to keep his cool and try to make up for being away. He stepped out of the car and started making his way toward the entrance, looking over and seeing some fans assembled there already. They called for him and he waved to them but didn’t go over. His priority right now wasn’t to the fans, but to his team. He walked in through the front doors of the training building, waving to the receptionist and making his way down the hall. Should he go and get changed first, or look for the coach? He decided to head into the locker room, field the comments from his fellow players first. If Magath wanted to find him, he knew where he’d be.
Bastian opened the door and walked into the room, glancing around and holding his breath, waiting for the first comment. Would it be friendly or not? It was Mark with that first comment, a smug grin on his face as he looked at Bastian. “Well, well, look who’s back? Have a nice vacation?”
Bastian stood still for a moment, his eyes on Mark. Was he angry? Pissed off? Was he going to let it go and just allow Bastian to try and make it up for the absence? He couldn’t tell because Mark never gave much honesty away in his facial expressions. Sometimes he could look so serious after a sarcastic comment meant as a joke, or adversely he looked amused after making an honest criticism, but you’d never know it from the look on his face.
Mark wasn’t the only one with a waiting comment, though. “You get bored of playing football with Lukas on the Playstation, so you decide to come back to the real thing?” The look on Pizarro’s face said a bit more. Apparently he wasn’t excited at the two weeks Bastian had taken off.
“I bet that’s all you guys did while you were off, isn’t it?” A comment from Deisler made Bastian’s head turn in his direction. He would have figured out of everyone on the team, he would have understood. But if he went by the friendly smile on Sebastian’s face, maybe he was simply carrying on the joke for the sake of joking around.
Nevertheless, Bastian couldn’t help but feel a little cornered and defensive. He quickly went to his spot, sitting down to take off his shoes. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Sure it wasn’t. It must have been an awful two weeks for you, no training or worrying about matches. You were probably bored, weren’t you?” Pizarro again with the comment, sarcasm heavy on the Peruvian’s voice. Bastian was about to turn around and fire back a response before he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“That’s enough. Everyone finish up and get outside.” Kahn had stepped in, his job as the captain to break up arguments and get the team focused.
“Hey, we’re all just joking around, if he is-” Pizarro didn’t get a chance to finish before the keeper stepped in again.
“I mean it. All of you, no more comments. We’re here to practice, nothing else.” With a final glare sent around the room at any eyes that were looking his way, Kahn patted the young star on the head. He wanted to say more to Bastian, but he wasn’t about to dispute himself in front of everyone. He’d speak to him later and inquire about Lukas then.
For now everyone deemed it wise not to annoy their captain, finishing up and heading out of the room for the training ground outside. There were only a few of them left and Bastian had just finished pulling his shirt on, standing up and turning around to see Sebastian standing behind him. “Hey, I just wanted to say that I didn’t mean any offense before. I was just joking around, you know.” Bastian couldn’t help but notice the look on the other man’s face. He really was sorry. “I know what he’s going through, it’s not easy.”
Bastian nodded, even though he felt like yelling at him. He knew what Lukas was going through? Sebastian had only broken a leg, while Lukas’ entire body had been pretty much inoperable for a while. Sebastian had no idea what Lukas was going through. As soon as the thought occurred, Bastian realized he was overreacting. His nerves and guilt about being away for so long were manifesting in a negative way against his fellow players and he had to keep from doing that. Sebastian was only trying to be supportive and he did know what Lukas was going through. It might not be the same exact thing, but the circumstances were similar. So Bastian smiled and thanked him, telling him not to worry about the joke, he was just a little defensive about the whole thing. Sebastian smiled and squeezed his shoulder before heading out to the grounds.
He was gone and now it was only Bastian and Oliver Kahn left. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be getting a lecture now. He’d appreciated the step-in earlier, but he knew it had only been done because it went along with Kahn’s position as the team captain. Bastian looked at his older team mate a little apprehensively.
Instead of a lecture Kahn walked up beside him and put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him toward the door. “How is Lukas doing?”
Bastian was a little surprised at the question at first, since he’d been expecting the man to chastise him instead for his absence. Of course he’d want to know about Lukas, though. Not only was he concerned for the team as a whole, but the grizzled keeper quite liked Lukas, so it was of no surprise that he’d want to know how he was doing. “He’s doing well.”
“Lukas, unable to play for months, forced to sit at home because he can’t do much, yet he’s doing well? I’m sorry to say I don’t buy that.” Kahn looked down at Bastian with a smile on his face.
Bastian smiled when he looked at him. “Well, compared to this time last week, he’s doing well. Things have been rough, but he’s starting to handle it better.”
“And how are you handling it? Are you alright?”
Bastian was still smiling, the question picking him up slightly. It wasn’t often that the keeper got as concerned as he was now. “Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, he’s doing better, so it’s easier on me.”
“That’s good.” They left the room and Kahn stopped in the hall. “I’m not going to lecture you on anything, Bastian. I know that you know that you should have been back sooner, but the circumstances are difficult for you. I understand that. You’re back now and telling you that what you did was wrong for the team isn’t going to do any good. So as far as I’m concerned, just work hard now and get back on form. That’s all you have to do.” He pulled his arm off of Bastian’s back, but kept one hand on his shoulder. “Besides, Magath wants to talk to you, and that will probably be harsh enough to make up for everyone. So go on to his office, we’ll see you when he’s done with you.” A squeeze to his shoulder and a little wink was all that the older man left him with as he turned and made his way outside, leaving Bastian standing in the middle of the hall. This was the part of the day he was dreading the most.
As much as he didn’t want the talk to take place at all, the sooner he got it over with the better. So he made his way down the hall, nerves and apprehension not settling well together in his stomach. He looked down the hall and saw that the door was open, almost as though it was inviting him in. He stopped for just a moment, out of sight from anyone in the room, taking a moment to focus on getting through the talk in one piece. When Magath was unhappy with something, he didn’t hold back about it. So Bastian stood in front of his door, hand rising to knock. The trainer currently had his back to the door and swiveled around in his chair when he heard the knock. He looked up at Bastian and pointed to one of the chairs in front of his desk. Bastian sat down and watched as the older man picked up his phone, punching in someone’s number. When he said “he’s here, I’ll wait for you” there was no question who the call had been made to.
In only moments the club manager, Uli Hoeness, stepped into the office and closed the door behind him. He took the other chair and Bastian suddenly felt like a kid about to be scolded by his parents for something big. He had to keep reminding himself that he had this coming, he’d reacted improperly and now he had to pay for it. He just wondered how harsh the penalty would be.
As it usually went with these things, Hoeness was there for show mostly, his position as manager requiring his presence. Magath would be doing all the talking. He looked at Bastian, that neutral expression on his face. “We’re very disappointed with your actions lately. There is no excuse for them and I’m not interested in hearing any. Your first priority should be this club. The only thing that will excuse you from your responsibilities here are those you have with the national team. There is no other excuse for missing training and games.” His voice was calm and as controlled as it possibly could be, like he’d been practicing this speech for the past week. His steely eyes were the only part of him giving any indication that he was, in all actuality, quite angry.
“Had I ordered you back to training earlier, you would not have come, would you?” The eyes looking at him narrowed and Bastian knew he had to be honest. He shook his head, indicating that he would not have come back despite an order. Not during that first week, at least. By the time the second week had started he’d told his agent to let the team know that he had made his decision to return in a week's time. He hadn’t really given the club much choice. “No, you would have reacted selfishly. Are you aware of the problems your actions have caused? Not just on the field during games, but for myself as well. The constant questions about why you have been granted the two week leave, because yes, we did decide to state that it was an official leave granted. The last thing this club needs is a headlining story about how one of its young stars has seen fit to decide for himself when he does and does not feel like playing. Needless to say, I have come under fire for allowing you to be away when we need you. I do not appreciate and will not tolerate cleaning up after another’s mess. This will not happen again. Am I understood?”
Bastian nodded, his eyes dropping from Magath to the floor. “You will be at training every day for the remainder of this season; there is no excuse for you to miss any of it. You will give this club one hundred percent of yourself; I will not stand for sub-par performance or lack of concentration. You are a professional, and I expect you to act like one. Is that understood?”
He nodded again, feeling properly cowed by the trainer’s words. But they were deserved, no matter how badly they hurt. He’d always given this club everything of himself until now; he’d devoted his life to this sport and had never made any presumptions about wanting to play elsewhere. Bayern Munich was his home; it was where he wanted to stay. But one moment of not displaying that devotion and he was going to be paying for it for some time. It stung.
“I hope you’ve at least taken the time to rest during those two weeks, because I will be working you hard from this point on. I will not expect anything less of you, you will perform and your performance will be at the highest level I know you able to play at. You’re going to have to prove once again to this whole club why you are here. Why you deserve your place on the starting line again. Slip up, and I won’t hesitate to bench you. But if you perform well, perhaps in time we will put this behind us.” He paused again, and Bastian glanced up at him. The unhappy look on Magath’s face was still there. “Also, you will not be receiving pay for the time you took off, and there will also be a fine levied against you for the two weeks. You can arrange for that to be paid with the financial department, I won’t speak any more of it.”
Bastian nodded, no surprises there. Magath sat back in his chair, his hands folding over his stomach. “You can go now, and I expect you to train hard today.” Bastian got up from the chair and quickly made his way for the door. As soon as he reached it and laid a hand on the doorknob, Magath called to him. “You have always been loyal to this club, Bastian.” The young midfielder looked back at his coach, wondering just what he was going to say as a final parting comment. He also had to wonder if Magath was even going to ask him about Lukas. He didn’t appear too concerned just yet. “That’s particularly why it came as such a blow that you were willing to push your responsibility aside so carelessly. You must get your priorities straight, and the top of your list must be this club. We will not tolerate anything less.” With the final comment Magath waved him away and Bastian couldn’t get out of the office quickly enough.
What a miserable old bastard! It didn’t even matter anymore how much he’d deserved the comments, because they stung so harshly and cut him so deeply. How dare Magath tell him how his life ought to be prioritized! How dare he insinuate that Bastian didn’t put this sport and this club ahead of everything else? The past two weeks had been a fluke in his life-long commitment to the sport, something he hadn’t been able to control at the time. Besides, wasn’t he still thinking about the club anyway, by wanting to help one of its other stars through his injury? It hadn’t been any old normal injury either; it hadn’t been something that anyone could be certain he would return from. Lukas had needed him there to get over that initial slump, to get past the first two weeks. But did Magath care about that? Did he care about how Lukas was doing, even?
Instead of heading out to the field Bastian stepped back into the locker room, trying to calm himself down. He was overreacting again. Magath had been correct in everything he’d said, he’d been justified in saying all of it. In the back of his mind Bastian knew that. It’s just that he was still feeling so guilty for his actions that he didn’t want to own up to them. He didn’t want to acknowledge that he’d acted unprofessionally and that he’d let down his team. Losing Lukas had been bad enough for them, but then he’d made them go two weeks without him too and of course it would be viewed as selfish. It had been selfish, hadn’t it? He didn’t like playing without Lukas, so he’d put it off, instead choosing to stay with him and help him recover. He’d wanted to stay close to his friend. He kept telling himself over and over that he’d deserved everything Magath had said. But it still didn’t make it any easier to accept hearing.
Once he’d finally calmed down enough he left the room and headed for the training ground, hoping that his team mates would let training go by without anymore comments. After his talking-down to, he wasn’t sure if he could handle anything else today without snapping. He stepped outside and took in a breath of the just slightly chilly air, feeling it rush past his teeth and down his throat. Despite everything it did feel good to be back. He walked down to the training ground, watching as everyone was still warming up. He quickly entered the field, joining Andreas and Philipp. They eyed him curiously when he arrived, both of them wanting to ask how things had gone, but neither wanting to be the one to do it. After looking at the both of them he sighed and shook his head. “It was shit, if you want to know. Nothing I didn’t deserve, but it still sucked.”
They both nodded, neither of them saying anything. A moment passed by in silence as they stretched, before Philipp spoke up. “So, are you sure you’ve recovered enough from Saturday night to train again?” He winked at Bastian, who could tell from the look in his friend’s eyes that Philipp obviously hadn’t forgotten his intention of spreading the story.
“That is totally the last thing I need to think about right now, thanks.” Bastian glared at Philipp, who simply grinned in response and looked at Andreas.
“I had a few of the National guys over at my place Saturday night after the game to have some drinks. Schweini here had a bit too much to drink, and Lukas ended up getting the brunt of his drunken actions.”
Andreas grinned, knowing that a good story was about to unfold. “Oh really? Just what did he do?” Philipp explained everything in a hushed voice, not wanting any of their other team mates to overhear. He told him about the face licking and kissing, culminating in David walking in on Bastian snuggled up to Lukas on the floor Sunday morning. Bastian took it all in stride, shaking his head and laughing at Andreas’ amused reaction and subsequent teasing. At least it was making him forget about the conversation he’d just had with the trainer.
Speaking of which Felix Magath had just arrived on the ground, walking over to converse with the other trainers. Bastian watched him as he stood around talking, feeling a tiny sense of dread building in the pit of his stomach again. It was fine right now, warming up with his friends, but he was wary of what would happen when training really got underway. Would everyone else forgive him the way Philipp and Andreas were?
The trainers called everyone over and quickly discussed the plans for the morning, which consisted of some drills before a quick practice game. The drills passed by smoothly, with everyone’s concentration fixed on the work-out. They took a short break before splitting into teams for a practice game and Bastian was pleased that he and Philipp were on the same side. They had a good understanding of each other, which Bastian felt would be important to him today. He was still a little nervous about getting back into training, especially with Magath’s eyes nearly constantly glued to him. It was a bit unnerving.
Usually they joked around a bit during the training games, mocking each other and purposefully shooting balls toward the spectator area where the fans stood. There wouldn’t be any messing around today for Bastian. He didn’t really feel like it anyway, but he also didn’t want to give Magath any reason to be angrier with him. So he tried to focus and concentrate on making his passes clean and proper and quick, and firing any shots that came his way on target.
Unfortunately though the ball just didn’t seem intent on doing what he wanted it to today. He did make a few good passes, but the two shots he’d managed to try were both sorely off target. A few times his passes to Makaay up front were a little shaky, but the Dutch striker had been able to make them work regardless. After one such pass Roy jogged back toward him while they were waiting for Kahn to take a goal kick, laying a hand on his shoulder and telling him to loosen up and not let the pressure get to him. Bastian nodded half-heartedly and Roy told him that as long as he kept shooting him passes, he would try his best to make them work. Bastian thanked him for the comments and Roy just smiled and re-took his position.
The remainder of the morning passed by quickly and the longer he played the surer of himself Bastian got. He’d had a bit of a rocky start, but overall he’d pulled himself together toward the end of training and was looking like his old strong self. He was even laughing at a few of the jokes he overheard, feeling like a tiny bit of the iciness he’d felt from some of the guys earlier in the morning had dropped.
They wrapped things up soon and were heading for the building when Bastian noticed Magath staring at him. As Bastian got closer to him Magath motioned for him to come near and immediately Bastian felt a little apprehensive again. This time it was called for. “You were sloppy out there today; you’d better fix that for tomorrow.” It was all he had to say before turning and walking back, leaving Bastian standing still and staring at the trainer’s retreating figure.
“You’re just not getting any breaks lately, are you?” Philipp had suddenly appeared beside him, a look of sympathy on his face. Had he overheard the comment, or was he just guessing about its reasoning?
Bastian shrugged and started to walk back beside his friend. “I brought it on myself, really. I shouldn’t complain.”
“Well, just remember that not everyone thinks you’re a selfish ass for doing it.” Philipp looked at him with a grin. “You had a hard choice to make; it’s tough to choose between two things that are really important to you. But you’re back now and that’s all anyone should care about.”
Bastian looked at Philipp, appreciating the words. Philipp was always pretty blunt and honest in what he said, but never in a hurtful manner. Right now though he was being pretty damn supportive and after the morning he’d just had, Bastian found it quite nice. “Thanks.” He didn’t need to say anything else; they just walked back to the building in silence.
Bastian made quick work of showering and dressing, not looking to spend any more time than necessary there. Luckily for him Kahn was there the whole time, glancing around the room and making it known by expression alone that he wasn’t going to tolerate any commentary. Bastian was thankful for it and left as quickly as possible, saying a few hasty goodbyes to his friends, who seemed to understand his need to get away from the training grounds as soon as possible.
He left the building and made his way to his car, waving to the group of fans who were looking for autographs. He usually always stopped to give them, to say hello and let them take their pictures. He just wasn’t in the mood to do it today though, and guiltily climbed into his car without getting too close to them. He always felt bad about denying a fan an autograph but there were times when you had to forego friendliness for a bit of privacy, and today was one of those days. He left the parking lot, feeling a bit calmer now back in his car and heading home. The day had definitely had its share of ups and downs and it could have been a lot worse. But it had still been pretty bad and he just wanted to forget about it as quickly as possible.
It wasn’t too long before he was pulling into his parking spot, exiting the car and making a dash for the inside of the building, waiting impatiently for the elevator. The moment he stepped into the apartment he felt a little better, a little more relaxed. As usual there came Lukas, leaning against the wall with a look of concern on his face.
“How did it go?” He’d been worried about Bastian starting his training again, wondering what kind of a reaction he would get to being back.
Bastian shrugged, not really wanting to let him know just how badly it had gone. “It was fine. You know how training is; I was a bit off at first when we played, but after a while-”
Lukas cut him off. “I am not talking about the actual training. How was it, being there again? Did anyone give you a hard time?”
He really didn’t want to discuss this with Lukas. Would it make him upset again? Would those feelings of guilt resurface now, just after he’d finally gotten a hold of them? “I told you, it was fine.”
“You do not have to lie to me.” Lukas was right there suddenly, his arms circling around Bastian and holding him. Bastian wasn’t entirely certain if it was simply the cause of the moment or if Lukas’ embrace did feel a bit stronger than it had lately. Whatever the case he hugged Lukas back, closing his eyes and resting his head on Lukas’ shoulder. Okay, so maybe he did want to tell him about his experience just a little. Mostly just to get it out of his system. But he was still worried about upsetting him. He was getting used to having the old Lukas back; he didn’t want to be the cause of making him slip. Lukas pulled back and took his hand, pulling him in to the living room to sit on the couch.
Bastian sat beside him, drawing one leg underneath himself and clasping his hands over his stomach. He looked at Lukas and smiled all of a sudden. When Lukas inquired what the smile was about, Bastian looked at him with that smile firmly planted there on his features. “I just think it’s a little amusing, I guess. Suddenly now you’re the one pulling me in to sit on the couch, practically begging me to tell you about my problems.” He laid one of his hands on Lukas’ leg, his fingers rubbing little circles around the fabric. “You’ve come a long way.”
Lukas had to smile at the comment, not even having realized the reversal in roles himself. But it was true. Countless times in the past two weeks Bastian had been the one to sit him down and demand he spill his feelings, and now they had reversed the roles for once. It was a bittersweet feeling for him. Yes, it was a sign that things were getting better for him- that his mind wasn’t so bogged down with his own problems that he could see Bastian’s and want to hear about them. Getting better also meant the approach of Bastian eventually moving out, which caused a little grief for him. He wasn’t going to focus on that right now, though. He returned Bastian’s smile and placed his hand over his best friend’s. “I have. Most because you helped me.”
Bastian grinned and turned his hand palm up, fingers reaching out to link with Lukas’. “Well that’s good to hear. Makes everything I heard today worthwhile, after all.” He paused before continuing, working up the nerve to bring up the touchy subject. When he felt the light squeeze of Lukas’ fingers against his own he knew he had to tell him everything. It was only fair, after all. He’d made Lukas address things he hadn’t wanted to think about, so now it was his turn. “I guess it’s pretty obvious that I had a chat with Magath and Hoeness this morning. It wasn’t exactly the best of chats I’ve ever had with anyone.”
“What did they say?” Lukas was grateful that Bastian was willing to tell him. He knew his best friend was probably worried about upsetting him, and while he was upset at the knowledge that Bastian’s reaction to his injury was causing him trouble now, he wasn’t going to let it bother him in such a debilitating manner. Especially not when Bastian was so upset about it.
“Oh you know, we’re very disappointed in you, you need to set your priorities straight, give this club all of yourself, the usual crap you’d expect after this.” There was a touch of bitterness in his voice. He was still annoyed that the comments had come across sounding as though this was something he did all the time, as though there hadn’t been a worthy cause for him to momentarily brush aside his professionalism. “You know Magath didn’t even ask about you? Fuck, you’d think he would have.”
Lukas shrugged, not too concerned. “Clinic probably sends updates. Nothing to worry about.”
“They only see you once a week, though! You’d think he’d care a bit more.” Bastian was still stinging about the whole thing. Lukas had a point, of course. But it still didn’t change anything for him.
Lukas couldn’t help but smile at Bastian’s reaction to Magath’s apparent lack of concern. He almost felt like laughing, but he held it in. “Did anyone else say things?”
Bastian, who was currently looking straight ahead now, nodded his head. “Yeah, a few of the guys were a little cold, I guess you could say.” He didn’t really feel the need to go into detail though. “But Deisler told me to tell you that he says hi, that you can always give him a call if you feel like moaning about not being able to play.” He looked at Lukas and grinned. “Oh and Kahn was inquiring about you too. I think he’s a little worried.”
Lukas laughed. “Yeah, he love me. In that father kind of way. Like Micha. Only, not affectionate. Which is good, because, it would be weird.” Bastian joined in the laughter at the comment, feeling better already, despite having the mental image of Oliver Kahn trying to be affectionate the way Michael Ballack was. It was definitely a little strange. Once they stopped laughing Lukas looked at him, serious expression back on his face. “Do you feel better?”
Bastian smiled and nodded his head. “I do, thanks.” He pulled his right hand off of Lukas’ leg, replacing it with his left and slipping his right arm around Lukas’ shoulders. Lukas slid his arm around Bastian too and they leaned against each other, not really needing to say much else at the moment. This was enough.