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Chapter 10 - Lukas' first clinic appointment leaves him feeling a little tired and stressed out, so Bastian runs him a bath.
Wednesday morning was a bit of an earlier rise than the boys had experienced lately, but one more like the timing they'd been used to before the accident. Bastian woke up at seven and took a quick shower before going in to get Lukas up. As usual, Lukas was a very hard person to wake, so Bastian went out to start breakfast, leaving him to try and wake up a little on his own before he went back in to attempt getting him out of bed. Once he had the food started he went back in to the bedroom, where Lukas was still lying where Bastian had left him. He jumped on the bed next to Lukas and started shaking him. "Come on, get up you lazy ass!"
Lukas groaned and rolled away from Bastian, who shook him again. "You don't want to be late for your first clinic visit, so get up. Don't make me throw you out of the bed." Bastian grinned as Lukas mumbled something incoherently into his pillow, which knowing Lukas was probably a plea for Bastian to shut up and let him sleep. "Okay one more chance for you to wake yourself up, or I'm taking matters into my own hands." Bastian leaned over and pinched him on the cheek before getting up and going back out to check on breakfast.
Once he'd finished with the food, Bastian set it out on the counter and once again went into Lukas' room. Luckily for Lukas he was finally up, sitting at the edge of his bed and pulling on his socks. He still looked a little sleep-addled though and was having trouble getting them on. Bastian sat down beside him, smirking at him. "Having trouble?"
Lukas nodded, finally getting them on. He then grabbed his pants and pulled them on next, followed by a t-shirt. Then he looked at Bastian and yawned. "Tired. Just w-want to, sleep." He slumped against Bastian, who laughed at him and pulled him up from the bed, leading him out to the kitchen and sitting him down at the counter.
"Here, eat. It should wake you up. We have to leave in half an hour, so don't take your time." Bastian sat next to him and ate his meal, watching as Lukas began his. He'd started using the specialized cutlery Katya had brought yesterday, and to both of their delight, it was working out quite well. The odd time that uncomfortable feeling would flare up and he'd have to lay them down and massage the palms of his hands, but overall it was working out well for him. Soon they finished eating and got ready to leave, heading out to Bastian's car. The drive there was mostly spent with Bastian teasing Lukas about how long he took to wake up in the mornings. Lukas just smiled at the teasing and leaned his head against the window, telling Bastian to shut up and let him nap before they got there.
Meanwhile in the clinic things were just starting to get underway. The two girls working the reception desk, Heidi and Stacya, were chatting while drinking their coffee. The day wasn't supposed to be terribly busy, which was quite rare, so the girls enjoyed the light days when they had them. They waved to the doctors who walked by, and were soon joined by two of the occupational therapists working in the clinic portion of the hospital, Katya Braun and Michael Schaeffer. Katya leaned over the desk and beckoned the girls closer. "Morning ladies, I just wanted to stop by to give you advance notice, as we're going to have a few famous people in the building this morning."
Heidi leaned a little closer, clearly excited. "Oooh, who is it?"
Katya grinned and paused for a moment. "Are you girls into football?"
They looked at each other before looking back up at Katya and it was Heidi who spoke. "Don't tell me Poldi is coming here for rehab?" It was clear from the look on her face that Heidi, like many young women her age, was quite smitten with the young star.
"Not only is he coming here, but Schweini's bringing him." Heidi bounced excitedly in her chair and Katya knew she'd been correct to warn the girls beforehand. The last thing Lukas needed was squealing fan girls working in the clinic.
"Don't worry Katya; we'll just stick Heidi back there in the corner when they come in so she doesn't embarrass herself." Stacya grinned at her co-worker, who was still too excited to care that Stacya was making fun of her.
"So girls, please be as professional as possible when you see them. No asking for autographs or hugs, Heidi. Just treat them as you would any other clinic patient, okay?" The girls acknowledged the request and Katya thanked them and asked to be paged the moment they arrived as she wanted to speak to them. Then she left with Michael and the girls turned to each other, clearly excited over the prospect of meeting two of their favourite players.
Bastian pulled into the parking lot of the clinic twenty minutes early, finding a parking spot close to the entrance as it didn't appear to be too busy yet. He got out of the car and walked over to help Lukas, taking his hands and pulling him up. He was still looking a little tired but was definitely fully awake by now. Bastian took his arm and they started walking into the clinic. Coming up behind them was a young teenage girl in a wheelchair, being pushed by her older sister. Both of the girls were devoted fans of Bayern Munich and realized who the two men in front of them were right away. But unlike the majority of fans, they understood better how things were going for Lukas and didn't want to disturb them at all. They were just happy to get a glimpse of the pair.
Lukas and Bastian entered the clinic, making their way down the hall to the reception area. This area of the hospital seemed quite nice, a bit more personal and less cold than the main section. There were a few patients waiting to be seen already sitting in the waiting area and the boys walked past them and up to the reception desk. Lukas was feeling a little nervous once more at being out in public, so Bastian did all the talking for him.
"Hi, we're here to see a few people today, Alban Heus, Greg Rothke, Victor Abendroth, and I believe Katya Braun is expecting us too, though there isn't an actual appointment with her." Stacya handled the registration process, not trusting her younger co-worker to get through it without staring too affectionately at the boys. It went smoothly and Stacya made polite conversation with them, even getting a few words out of Lukas. As they were standing there Katya emerged from a different hallway, following along behind a young woman who was pushing herself backwards along the floor on a wheeled stool, directly in front of a little boy with a walker. Katya walked up beside him and leaned over to say something to him. The boy stopped walking and looked up, searching around in front of him until his gaze landed on Lukas and Bastian. Katya said something else to him and he nodded his head, and then resumed his efforts at walking down the hall.
They watched him come closer, unable to help but smile when they could see how excited he appeared. The woman on the stool stopped right in front of Bastian, beckoning the little boy forward with her hands. "Come on, Nicholas! You're doing great!" The boy finally made it to them, stopping right in front of her and pitching himself forward to land in her outstretched arms. "Yay, you made it! That was awesome, buddy." She pulled him up onto her lap and turned around, looking up at the boys. "Hello, we have someone here who is a huge fan and who walked all the way out here by himself just to see you!" She stood up and held onto Nicholas' arms, keeping him balanced as he stood by himself.
Katya appeared beside them, linking one of her arms around Lukas'. "This is Nicholas, guys, one of our new patients. Both Sophie and I work with him. He has cerebral palsy and today is the first time that he's ever walked all by himself." She gave Nicholas a thumbs up, who responded by laughing and smiling. "He's a huge fan of the team, aren't you Nicholas?" He nodded emphatically, still smiling. "I told him this morning that you were coming in and he demanded to come out and see you. So we told him he had to walk by himself if he wanted to get out here and that's just what he did. Isn't that awesome?" Katya looked at Lukas in particular, waiting for his response. She knew that meeting fans in his current state right now was not something he enjoyed, but she hoped that maybe seeing this little guy and how hard he was struggling might make him appreciate the support a bit more.
Lukas hadn't been able to take his eyes off the boy as he'd been coming down the hall. If he had considered his efforts at walking to be rough, this kid was faring a lot worse. Even while standing, his legs couldn't straighten properly, so walking was very hard for him, each step stiff and jerky. He couldn't even stand on his own without a lot of support, yet he was obviously very excited and looked quite happy and didn't appear to be shying away from making eye contact with anyone. He returned Lukas' stare, but after a moment he looked away, appearing suddenly shy in front of his hero. Sophie leaned down and whispered something to him and he shook his head and giggled, pressing against her. She repeated what she said and finally got him to turn around and look at Lukas again.
"Lukas, Nicholas would like to know if he could maybe, possibly," she tickled him a little as she said the words and he laughed, "get a hug? You're his favourite player in the whole world, isn't that right?" Nicholas looked up at him shyly and nodded.
Lukas felt more embarrassed right now than he ever had in his life. Here was this kid, much worse off than he'd ever been, and he had made huge progress by walking on his own for the first time today, only to come out here and meet him. He didn't feel like he deserved this kid's praise much right now, but he looked down at him and couldn't help but smile. He carefully knelt down on the floor and held his hands out to the boy, whose eyes opened wide at the gesture. After a bit of prodding from Sophie, Nicholas reached out and grabbed Lukas' hands, taking a few short steps forward until he was close enough to fall against him, his arms reaching as far around Lukas as they possibly could. Lukas hugged him, hoping that this kid couldn't pick up on his nervousness or self-doubt. But apparently he couldn't because Nicholas looked up at him, smiling shyly, and whispered to him. "Y-you mm-my, he-hero."
Nicholas appeared to have many of the same problems Lukas did, as his speech was very mumbled, even though it was obvious he'd tried to make the words as clear as possible. So Lukas smiled back and squeezed the boy's shoulders, leaning his head forward so he could whisper something back to him, trying his hardest to control his own speech, even though he was nervous. "Well, you're mine." Nicholas threw his arms around him and hugged him again and Lukas didn't feel quite so bad anymore. Maybe Katya had brought this kid out here just as much for him as she had for Nicholas, wanting him to realize that he needed to stop feeling so sorry for himself and really focus on doing everything he could to improve, the way this child was doing.
Sophie appeared behind Nicholas and touched him on the shoulders. "Okay Nicholas, it's time to get back to work. Say goodbye and let's go." He looked up at Lukas and said goodbye and wished him good luck, then turned and greeted Bastian as well before letting Sophie pick him up and take him back to his walker so they could head back down the hall they had come from. Lukas stood up and watched him go, smiling and waving back when Nicholas stopped, turned around and waved to him one last time.
Katya leaned in close to him, laying a hand on his arm and speaking low enough so that no one else overheard her. "I want you to really think about that, Lukas. I wouldn't have brought him out here if I hadn't thought it would benefit you as well." He looked at her and nodded, knowing exactly what her intentions had been. "I'll see you when you're in with Greg, okay? Have a good morning, sweetheart." She squeezed his hand before running off back in the direction she'd come from, waving to Bastian as well. Lukas watched her go, not really paying attention to much else other than what had just occurred until he felt a tugging on his arm.
He looked at Bastian, who was looking at him with a slightly amused expression on his face. "Now that I have your attention, let's go and sit down." He took Lukas' arm and they walked over to the waiting area to take a seat. Lukas was still thinking about Nicholas so he didn't register that the rest of the people there were watching him and Bastian. Bastian noticed them though and smiled to them, happy that Lukas was too distracted to notice. He had watched the interaction between Lukas and Nicholas and was dying to know if it had made some kind of difference to him. Lukas was definitely thinking about it and Bastian hoped the effect would turn out to be more positive than negative. But Lukas did have a bit of a tendency to dwell on the negative, even though he denied it. Bastian had witnessed enough of it over the past few years to be aware.
Finally Alban came out to see them, asking Lukas how he was enjoying being at home. As expected Lukas didn't have a great deal to say out here in front of a bunch of strangers, so his answers were quite short and simple as they walked back to Alban's office. Bastian came with him this time, walking beside Lukas and supporting him. Finally they arrived at his office, where he and Lukas sat down at a table to get to work, while Bastian sat in a chair by the window and read a magazine. The session went quite well and it turned out that Lukas' speech was improving more than he realized. Lukas mentioned though that he was still worried about speaking around other people, or trying to not jumble his words together when he got excited or upset. Alban told him not to worry so much about that, pointing out that even people who had no speech problems often spoke a little incoherently during times of excitement. Lukas was only so aware of it now because he was having trouble nearly all the time, that he was consciously keeping track of all of his mistakes. Alban assured him that it wasn't a cause for concern and that like everything else, these problems would disappear over time as long as he kept working at them. It seemed enough to placate Lukas' worrying for now, and they ended the session.
Alban called Greg Rothke, who they would be seeing next. They waited in Alban's office until Rothke appeared, then set off down the hall with him. The man kept his gaze focused on Lukas as he walked, assessing his movements as they talked about their weekends. Rothke had journeyed to Berlin for the weekend, attending his sister-in-law's wedding. He confided to the boys that he couldn't stand the woman and was willing to bet the marriage wouldn't last a year. They laughed about it and made it to his office, which is where they would be doing most of their work today.
He wanted to work on Lukas' hands for the majority of the session, showing him the proper exercises to do so he could re-kindle the muscle control that was currently lacking. Lukas did the exercises but told Rothke that he was still experiencing that odd feeling in the palm of his hands. He was told that unfortunately that wouldn't go away for a while and it was simply something he would have to deal with while doing the work. Eventually it would disappear, but not without a lot of work first to tone the muscles again.
Lukas didn't seem to take this news very well but tried not to let that show. He focused on the exercises Rothke was doing with him and then on the grip testing they did afterward. They spent a little over half the session working on his hands and once they had finished Rothke told him that they would be heading out of the office to tackle another issue Lukas was certain to enjoy, adding a wink at the end of the comment.
Lukas knew he was talking about stairs. He wasn't looking forward to it at all. The majority of things, though not very enjoyable, he didn't have much of a problem with working on. But he was really anxious about stairs. Probably because they made him feel so ridiculously uncoordinated and he was constantly nerve-wracked, expecting to trip with every step he tried to take. But he had no choice but to work on it and followed the physiotherapist out of the office. Bastian was coming along and Lukas was grateful he was there, unable to help but cling tightly to his arm. He knew Bastian was a little worried about how anxious he got over certain things and he felt horrible for it. Lukas wanted to be able to do better than he was; he wanted to have more confidence in his ability to work through these problems not only for himself, but also because he didn't want to keep disappointing his best friend. Bastian was doing such an amazing job of supporting him and helping him and Lukas wanted to do well so Bastian wouldn't feel like he was wasting his time. Even though he'd already spoken to Daniela about that particular worry and she had assured him that Bastian would never feel that way, he still worried about it. He valued the friendship they had so much that he worried that this ordeal might put a strain on it. He worried that after this was over, things might not be the same.
He wasn't quite sure why he worried so much though, because so far things had only seemed to strengthen their bond instead of chip away at it. He felt closer to Bastian now than he ever had before, he felt like they were starting to reach a new level of understanding with one another. But even though Bastian's actions only pointed at him continuing to stick around and support him, Lukas was still nervous and left feeling guilty.
The reached one of the stairwells at the back of the hall, not often used as the elevators were nearby. Rothke told Lukas to hold on to the railing on the wall and try climbing the stairs on his own while he watched. So Lukas did that. He stood at the bottom, one hand on the rail and his eyes looking down at his feet. He was feeling very nervous about this; he wanted it to go well. But he knew it wouldn’t because the stairs here were a little narrow and he’d had problems with the wider ones at the front of his apartment building. Plus he didn’t have Bastian there beside him, leading him on. He was alone today tackling the obstacle he hated most at the moment.
He raised his right foot, watching it carefully as it came up; trying to force it to raise high enough so he wouldn’t hit the step like it had the last time. But the signals from his brain obviously weren’t making it all the way down his leg because even though he’d raised his foot high enough, when he brought it down he ended up hitting the step with his foot. He gripped the hand rail tightly, trying to hide his frustration. But that only turned out to do him more harm than good, as he got that familiar pain flaring through his left hand. He let go of the rail and leaned against the wall, rubbing the inside of his palm with the thumb of his right hand.
He needed to stay calm and focused. A week ago he would have let himself become overwhelmed by the frustration and would have found it harder to concentrate on getting to what he had to do, but he’d been working on controlling his emotions since then. So he lightly held the railing again, took a deep breath, and tried the step once more. Just get one foot up, that was all he had to do to start. He was thinking too much about needing to do this properly and not thinking enough about actually doing it. Re-focused now, Lukas stopped thinking about it and just started doing it. Every time his foot hit the step instead of rising properly to step on it, he just tried it again. Soon enough he’d climbed up one floor. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t quick, but he’d managed to stay focused and actually do it and that was something.
Rothke quite agree with him. “You have definitely come a very long way, Lukas. A week ago you would have given up before you started, but you took your time, thought about it, and got over the frustration on your own without any help.” Rothke had joined him up one floor. “I hope you realize how important that is, and how much progress it is as well. You’re doing very well; don’t let yourself be fooled by what you can’t do. Stay focused on what you can do and soon enough, you’ll be doing everything again.” Rothke smiled and Lukas knew he was right. He had to stay focused on the positive and try to block out the negative. It was easier said than done, of course, but he’d done it just now and he could certainly try to keep doing it.
They made their way back down to Rothke’s office, Bastian back at Lukas’ side and feeling quite proud of his best friend at the moment. He hadn’t really expected Lukas to be able to overcome his frustration at first, but he’d done it and it had made Bastian very happy. When they got back to the office Katya was there waiting for them. She sat with Lukas and went over a few things with him, also telling him that from now on during his clinic visits, she and Rothke would be working with him together at the same time, as their jobs with him overlapped in some areas.
The last appointment of the day was to see Victor Abendroth, Lukas’ assigned psychologist. Bastian was not invited along for this appointment, however, as Victor wished to speak to Lukas on his own. But Bastian was instead invited along to Katya’s office, as she wanted to speak to him while Lukas would be alone with his psychologist. Once settled in her office they chatted for a while about Lukas and how he was faring. After discussing him for a while, Katya asked Bastian how he was doing, wanting to know how he was coping being Lukas’ caretaker.
Bastian had only ever discussed his concerns with Daniela and while it had been a little liberating to get them off his chest, discussing them with one of Lukas’ therapists was even better. So he described to her how different this Lukas was from the person he’d spent the past few years with, how at times the changes didn’t bother him at all given the situation, but there were times when Bastian just felt frustrated. Not nearly enough to even contemplate lessening his role in Lukas’ recovery, but enough to make him worry about his best friend and how his recovery was going and whether he would ever be able to be the old Lukas again.
Katya explained to him that as he was living with Lukas now and looking after him, he was entitled to visits of his own if he needed to speak with anyone about how to better help Lukas, how to help him stay focused on his tasks and not become distracted with worrying about things. Or if he even simply needed someone to vent his frustrations out to, it was available to him and they would book him in quickly. Bastian did express an interest in learning how to help Lukas more and Katya said she would look into setting up an appointment for him herself. They spoke for nearly the duration of Lukas’ appointment and by the end of the talk, Bastian felt refreshed about the whole thing and quite happy she’d set aside some time to speak to him.
Lukas, however, was having a bit of a rough time with his psychology session. It had started out a bit more clinically, with Victor assessing his mental state with some tests. He was pleased to tell Lukas that there didn’t appear to be any problems in regards to his mental levels, his only problem at the moment being his issues with staying focused, although he was showing some progress there. After the testing was through Victor asked Lukas how he was coping with everything, switching his focus from Lukas’ intellectual quotient to his emotional. It was during this part of the session that Lukas found himself slipping.
He told Victor about his concerns, discussing everything from his feelings of self-doubt and insecurity to his frustrations at still being stuck at this level of functionality, and he also brought up his worries in relation to Bastian. Though Lukas was pretty straight forward with his friend about the majority of things he was feeling, there was something he was keeping from him and that was the fact that Lukas was having trouble sleeping. He could fall asleep perfectly well, especially if he was settled somewhere comfortably with Bastian, but he would usually find himself awake within an hour or two and his mind would be swimming with worries. He was usually awake a few hours a night, anxiety and nerves pummeling his insides. He usually only fell asleep again because he tired himself out mentally. He was worried about this trend though and brought it up with Victor.
The psychologist wrote down notes as Lukas spoke, never showing any emotion on his face other than interest in what Lukas had to say. When he brought up the sleeping problems, Victor sat back in his chair, laid his pencil down, and looked at Lukas. He told him that while he could prescribe him some medication, be it sleeping aids or anti anxiety pills, he would prefer waiting it out at least another week. Lukas still hadn’t been home for too long and Victor wanted him to try and become used to being there once again. Lukas needed to settle into a routine with everything he had to do, and until he could accomplish that, Victor didn’t want to chance giving him too quick of a fix with medication. He told Lukas to give himself another week and if things hadn’t improved, then they would look at prescribing him something. He did tell Lukas to try and keep track of how often he was finding himself feeling nervous and anxious, how badly it impacted him, and what exactly triggered the feelings. He said it would be helpful in determining what would be best to prescribe him if it came down to that.
The session was over and Victor helped Lukas back out to the reception area, where Bastian was waiting for him. Lukas thanked him for everything they’d talked about, then he and Bastian left.
Bastian wondered what they had spoken about. Lukas seemed a little more withdrawn and quiet and Bastian knew he must have told the psychologist how he was feeling about everything. He was probably still stuck on those emotions at the moment. Bastian didn’t bother asking him how it went, wanting to give Lukas a bit of time to decide on his own whether he was going to try and put the appointment behind him and focus on the rest of his day, or if he was going to need some distraction. They listened to the radio on the way home, the music filling the silence. If Lukas still wasn’t talking by the time they got back then Bastian was going to intervene. Truthfully though he knew he had to stop jumping in and doing everything for Lukas. He needed to start learning how to overcome his emotions and move past them on his own without Bastian’s constant help, the way he’d done when they’d been working with Rothke. But Bastian wasn’t going to let him suffer for long before stepping in.
They arrived at the building and made their way up to the apartment, still in silence. Once inside Lukas surprised Bastian by sinking down to the floor, sitting and taking his shoes off himself. Bastian wasn’t sure whether he ought to be happy about this or worried. He discarded his own shoes and stood there for a moment, looking down at Lukas. Even with his shoes off Lukas remained on the floor, his arms crossed over his drawn up knees.
Bastian lowered himself in front of Lukas, wishing he could read the other’s mind. “Lukas? Are you okay?”
Lukas nodded, but didn’t look at Bastian. Why was he even nodding? He wasn’t okay. He had too many conflicting emotions running around inside his head now and try as he could, he just wasn’t able to sort them out and choose one over another. He wanted to be happy about the progress he’d made, but then he kept thinking about the progress he wasn’t making, and then that made him think about how some kid who didn’t let any of that stand in his way practically worshiped the ground he walked on, how this kid braved walking on his own for the first time in his life and he couldn’t even manage to walk up the god damn stairs without getting frustrated.
Bastian could see the conflict visible on Lukas’ face and he didn’t like it. He stood up and grabbed Lukas’ hands, pulling him up off the floor. Lukas rose without argument and went willingly into Bastian’s arms and felt even more frustrated. How was he ever going to get better if he kept giving in to the pull of these negative emotions? He kept trying to fight them but they just kept returning. Of course it didn’t help that he was really tired, so tired that he just felt like curling up in bed and sleeping for the rest of the day.
Bastian couldn’t take it anymore and he pulled Lukas along to the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling him down beside him. Aside from the warring emotions he could also see how tired Lukas looked, which was starting to worry him as well. Was it normal for him to want to take so many naps? It was something he had meant to ask Katya, but he’d forgotten. Maybe he’d call her and ask her later.
Aside from everything else he was feeling Lukas was feeling guilty about keeping quiet about his sleeping problem with Bastian. He hadn’t wanted to worry him about it but after disclosing it to Victor he couldn’t help but feel like he’d been wrong to keep it from Bastian. So he’d tell him now. “Basti? Have to, to tell y-you some thing.”
Bastian looked at Lukas, concern and curiosity clearly visible. “What is it?”
Lukas looked at him and frowned. “Not be upset, please. Sh-should have told, y-you sooner.”
“Told me what?” Bastian was a little concerned now. What had Lukas kept from him?
He wasn’t quite sure why he felt so guilty about keeping the information from Bastian, but he was and he had to get it off his chest. “Not sleeping m-much. Fall sleep easy, but, all w-ways, w-wake up a f-few hours, w-worry lots of every thing.”
Bastian just stared at him for a moment, contemplating the news. It certainly explained Lukas’ lack of energy at times. He was upset that Lukas hadn’t told him because he wanted to know everything the other was feeling. Could he have done anything to help, though? That didn’t matter, because if Lukas wasn’t sleeping well, Bastian didn’t want to be sleeping well either. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Lukas looked away and frowned. “Not want to, w-wor-ry y-you.” He knew Bastian would hate that answer and he couldn’t really blame him. “Sorry.”
Bastian put an arm around Lukas’ shoulders, hugging him tightly to his chest. “I wish you’d told me. Did you tell your psychologist about it?” Lukas nodded and Bastian at least felt good about that. “Lukas, I don’t know. You need to tell me everything, okay? Even if you don’t want to worry me, I’d rather you told me. I worry about you anyway; if you tell me about your problems then at least I can try and help you with them.”
Lukas pressed himself against Bastian, leaning his head on the other’s chest. He hated this feeling, that he’d let Bastian down and disappointed him. It was one of the worst feelings he’d ever experienced. Bastian was helping him so much, and he couldn’t even be honest with him about everything.
Bastian knew Lukas was probably being really hard on himself at the moment and he didn’t want that. So now was the time for him to intervene again. “Hey, Lukas it’s okay. You told me now and that’s all that matters. We can’t have you sitting around moping about it for the rest of the day, though. So why don’t I go and run you a bath and you can relax in there for a while, then go for a nap after? If you’re that tired, it’s probably not helping you much up here.” Bastian tapped a finger against Lukas’ head, a little smile on his face. Lukas looked a little embarrassed but nodded his head, knowing that Bastian wouldn’t let him argue. Then again a part of him felt very happy that Bastian was willing to do so much to help him. It was a nice feeling, having someone there willing to go out of their way to make you feel better.
Bastian helped him up from the couch and walked with him into his room, leaving Lukas to get undressed while he went into the bathroom and turned on the water, filling the tub up. Once it had finished he walked back into the bedroom, finding Lukas sitting on the bed, stripped down to his underwear. Bastian sat down beside him and slipped his arm around him. “Relax, Lukas. Just stop dwelling on everything and relax, okay?”
Lukas laid his head on Bastian’s shoulder and slid his arm around his friend. “I try.” He hugged him, wanting that contact between them that always seemed to comfort him. “I not deserve y-you, Schweini.”
Bastian smiled and hugged him back. “Well you’re awfully lucky that I like you so much, then.” He sat up and patted Lukas on the cheek before standing up and telling him to go and relax for a while and that if he needed anything, just to call and he’d come. Lukas nodded and Bastian left, heading down to the guest bedroom. He lied down on the bed and shut his eyes. He wasn’t tired, but he just wanted to lay back and think about things for a while.
Unfortunately he didn't get much of a chance. His phone rang and he pulled it out, staring at it and cringing. It was Robert. Though he didn't want to answer it, he did. “Hey, Rob.”
“How's my favourite client?”
“That depends, why are you calling me?” He couldn't help but grin. If there was a huge problem, Robert would more than likely be explaining it already.
“Just checking in, that's all. I remember you said today was clinic day, how did it go?” Bastian explained the whole thing to Robert, outlining the progress Lukas had made. His agent expressed his happiness that Lukas was improving. When Bastian finally asked if there was anything new to report in terms of Bayern, Robert said no.
“Honestly, I'm really only calling to check in on things. I know I hassle you about your career, but that's my job. I do actually care about your life, though. I want to make sure everything's alright.”
Bastian laughed. “You just want to make sure you still get paid at the end of the day, that's all.” Robert protested and they continued baiting each other for a few minutes until Robert said he had other work to do. Bastian thanked him for calling, and Robert wished him luck with Lukas. Bastian felt a little better after the conversation, relieved that his club wasn't choosing to act aggressively and demand he come back to work. He could relax for a while, it seemed.
Meanwhile Lukas sat on the bed until Bastian had gone, just thinking. He really believed what he’d said a moment ago, about not deserving Bastian. He wasn’t doing enough to deserve that kind of support right now, but he was determined to work hard enough to change that. But for now he knew he had to take Bastian’s advice and try to clear his mind and relax.
He stood up and stripped completely, walking into his bathroom and testing the water in the tub with his hand. It was the perfect temperature. He put one leg in the tub, and then the other, standing there for a moment and letting his body adjust to the heat. He lowered himself into the water, very carefully sitting. He then laid back in the Jacuzzi, the jets pushing water out at his tired body. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, feeling extremely relaxed. He was so tired and the warm water was lulling him to sleep. He knew he couldn’t fall asleep in the tub though, so he opened his eyes again and tried to stay awake. He wouldn’t stay in the water for too long, just long enough to lull him into a half asleep state, then he’d get out and climb into bed and sleep for a while.
A little while later Bastian walked into the bedroom and seeing that Lukas wasn’t in bed, he made his way to the bathroom. He peered in and saw Lukas still in the tub. He pushed open the door and stood there. “Hey, I’m making lunch, are you hungry?” When he didn’t get a response he stepped fully into the room, realizing that Lukas must have actually fallen asleep. He smirked and made his way over to the tub. “Lukas?”
There was no answer; Lukas didn’t even flinch as Bastian called his name. So he sat on the edge of the tub and prodded Lukas’ shoulder. “Hey, wake up. Lukas, wake up.” Lukas shifted a little at the touch and muttered something incomprehensible. Bastian grinned and shook him again. This time he got more of a response as Lukas turned away from him and mumbled again. Bastian was half tempted to leave him lying there, but the caring part of him overruled the joker part and he wanted to get Lukas out of the tub and into his bed where he could rest better. So Bastian shut off the Jacuzzi and started draining the water as he shook Lukas again.
Lukas was waking up, albeit slowly. He pushed Bastian’s hand away, which made Bastian laugh. He started lightly slapping Lukas’ face, not enough to fully wake him, just enough to bring him to that state of half-consciousness so Bastian could help him more easily into bed. Otherwise he’d have to pick up and carry an unconscious Lukas, and that prospect was not a good one for him.
Eventually Lukas had woken enough to be aware of his surroundings, though he wasn’t entirely aware of the situation. Bastian held a large white towel in his hands and draped it across Lukas’ shoulders before pulling him up into a standing position. Lukas protested, but only feebly. He stopped altogether when Bastian started drying him off with the towel, drying his arms and back and chest. He had Lukas sit on the edge of the tub so he could dry off his feet and legs. Bastian wondered how Lukas would respond to this scenario were he to wake up fully while Bastian was in the middle of drying him off. It would certainly prove to be entertaining and knowing Lukas, he’d probably be just a little embarrassed.
If it weren’t for the fact that Bastian had seen Lukas naked quite often in the locker room, he’d probably have been a little embarrassed as well. But he was coping quite well with the situation, more focused on getting Lukas in to his bed for a nap than anything else. Once he’d finished drying him off he took Lukas’ hands and pulled him up and Lukas slumped against him almost immediately. Bastian grinned and half walked, half dragged a completely naked Lukas out to his bed. He sat him down at the edge and left him there while he went to Lukas’ dresser and got him a pair of underwear. By the time he’d turned back though Lukas had lain back on the bed, curling onto his side. Bastian grinned and walked over to him, grabbing his arms and pulling him up. “Not yet, Lukas. Just give me a minute and then you can sleep.”
“Yes y-yet.” Lukas clearly did not want to be moved, but he didn’t really have a choice. Bastian pulled him up and he sat there, a yawn escaping from his lips. “Sleep, Schwei-ni.”
Bastian smiled and held his arms. “In a minute, I have to get you somewhat dressed. If you wake up later after your nap completely naked and having no recollection of how you got into bed, it might worry you a little. So this is for your own good.”
Lukas smiled and looked at Bastian through barely open eyes. “So thought f-full.”
Bastian grinned and leaned down and lifted Lukas’ feet, slipping his underwear on. He pulled them up to his thighs, then stood up and pulled Lukas up so he could pull them up the rest of the way. “Alright, now you can go to sleep.” He walked a very unsteady and sleepy Lukas up to the top of the bed, who had both arms around Bastian for support. He carefully let Lukas sink down to the bed, pulling back the sheet and blanket and lifting Lukas’ legs into the bed and under the covers. He sat down on the bed next to him.
“Mm Schwei-ni, m-make lunch.” Lukas had curled onto his right side, facing Bastian. His eyes were closed but he was smiling, very close to sinking off to sleep. “I w-want, eggs.”
Bastian grinned. Lukas had no idea what he was saying at the moment, but he decided to play along anyway and see what Lukas would say. “I’ll make you lunch after your nap.”
“Scram-bled.” Lukas rolled over onto his stomach, his face half hidden in the pillow. “W-with, jam…”
Bastian could barely hold back the laugh. “You want scrambled eggs, with jam?”
“Mm, blue berry…” Lukas was still smiling and Bastian smiled too. He laid his hand on Lukas’ head, rubbing his thumb over it. “Alright, eggs and blueberry jam it is. Just sleep right now.” He leaned down and kissed the side of Lukas’ head, right beside his eyebrow. The smile on Lukas’ face remained there even as he dropped off into sleep and Bastian couldn’t help but stay and watch him for a little while. He really hoped the nap would do him good and he was tempted to stay for the duration of it, feeling as though maybe if he did, it would keep Lukas from waking up.
So he decided to at least stay for a little longer. He lay down next to Lukas on the bed, his hand remaining where it was, and he watched him. He watched the rise and fall of Lukas’ body with every breath he took; glancing down every now and then to ensure that smile was still there on his face. He lost track of time and wasn’t sure how long he’d been lying there, but as he watched Lukas sleep peacefully he knew it was worth it. Lukas would never be able to relax and keep working hard if he wasn’t sleeping properly, and Bastian wanted to do everything he could to help him get that much needed rest. Even if it meant staying there with him while he slept, he’d do it.
Wednesday morning was a bit of an earlier rise than the boys had experienced lately, but one more like the timing they'd been used to before the accident. Bastian woke up at seven and took a quick shower before going in to get Lukas up. As usual, Lukas was a very hard person to wake, so Bastian went out to start breakfast, leaving him to try and wake up a little on his own before he went back in to attempt getting him out of bed. Once he had the food started he went back in to the bedroom, where Lukas was still lying where Bastian had left him. He jumped on the bed next to Lukas and started shaking him. "Come on, get up you lazy ass!"
Lukas groaned and rolled away from Bastian, who shook him again. "You don't want to be late for your first clinic visit, so get up. Don't make me throw you out of the bed." Bastian grinned as Lukas mumbled something incoherently into his pillow, which knowing Lukas was probably a plea for Bastian to shut up and let him sleep. "Okay one more chance for you to wake yourself up, or I'm taking matters into my own hands." Bastian leaned over and pinched him on the cheek before getting up and going back out to check on breakfast.
Once he'd finished with the food, Bastian set it out on the counter and once again went into Lukas' room. Luckily for Lukas he was finally up, sitting at the edge of his bed and pulling on his socks. He still looked a little sleep-addled though and was having trouble getting them on. Bastian sat down beside him, smirking at him. "Having trouble?"
Lukas nodded, finally getting them on. He then grabbed his pants and pulled them on next, followed by a t-shirt. Then he looked at Bastian and yawned. "Tired. Just w-want to, sleep." He slumped against Bastian, who laughed at him and pulled him up from the bed, leading him out to the kitchen and sitting him down at the counter.
"Here, eat. It should wake you up. We have to leave in half an hour, so don't take your time." Bastian sat next to him and ate his meal, watching as Lukas began his. He'd started using the specialized cutlery Katya had brought yesterday, and to both of their delight, it was working out quite well. The odd time that uncomfortable feeling would flare up and he'd have to lay them down and massage the palms of his hands, but overall it was working out well for him. Soon they finished eating and got ready to leave, heading out to Bastian's car. The drive there was mostly spent with Bastian teasing Lukas about how long he took to wake up in the mornings. Lukas just smiled at the teasing and leaned his head against the window, telling Bastian to shut up and let him nap before they got there.
Meanwhile in the clinic things were just starting to get underway. The two girls working the reception desk, Heidi and Stacya, were chatting while drinking their coffee. The day wasn't supposed to be terribly busy, which was quite rare, so the girls enjoyed the light days when they had them. They waved to the doctors who walked by, and were soon joined by two of the occupational therapists working in the clinic portion of the hospital, Katya Braun and Michael Schaeffer. Katya leaned over the desk and beckoned the girls closer. "Morning ladies, I just wanted to stop by to give you advance notice, as we're going to have a few famous people in the building this morning."
Heidi leaned a little closer, clearly excited. "Oooh, who is it?"
Katya grinned and paused for a moment. "Are you girls into football?"
They looked at each other before looking back up at Katya and it was Heidi who spoke. "Don't tell me Poldi is coming here for rehab?" It was clear from the look on her face that Heidi, like many young women her age, was quite smitten with the young star.
"Not only is he coming here, but Schweini's bringing him." Heidi bounced excitedly in her chair and Katya knew she'd been correct to warn the girls beforehand. The last thing Lukas needed was squealing fan girls working in the clinic.
"Don't worry Katya; we'll just stick Heidi back there in the corner when they come in so she doesn't embarrass herself." Stacya grinned at her co-worker, who was still too excited to care that Stacya was making fun of her.
"So girls, please be as professional as possible when you see them. No asking for autographs or hugs, Heidi. Just treat them as you would any other clinic patient, okay?" The girls acknowledged the request and Katya thanked them and asked to be paged the moment they arrived as she wanted to speak to them. Then she left with Michael and the girls turned to each other, clearly excited over the prospect of meeting two of their favourite players.
Bastian pulled into the parking lot of the clinic twenty minutes early, finding a parking spot close to the entrance as it didn't appear to be too busy yet. He got out of the car and walked over to help Lukas, taking his hands and pulling him up. He was still looking a little tired but was definitely fully awake by now. Bastian took his arm and they started walking into the clinic. Coming up behind them was a young teenage girl in a wheelchair, being pushed by her older sister. Both of the girls were devoted fans of Bayern Munich and realized who the two men in front of them were right away. But unlike the majority of fans, they understood better how things were going for Lukas and didn't want to disturb them at all. They were just happy to get a glimpse of the pair.
Lukas and Bastian entered the clinic, making their way down the hall to the reception area. This area of the hospital seemed quite nice, a bit more personal and less cold than the main section. There were a few patients waiting to be seen already sitting in the waiting area and the boys walked past them and up to the reception desk. Lukas was feeling a little nervous once more at being out in public, so Bastian did all the talking for him.
"Hi, we're here to see a few people today, Alban Heus, Greg Rothke, Victor Abendroth, and I believe Katya Braun is expecting us too, though there isn't an actual appointment with her." Stacya handled the registration process, not trusting her younger co-worker to get through it without staring too affectionately at the boys. It went smoothly and Stacya made polite conversation with them, even getting a few words out of Lukas. As they were standing there Katya emerged from a different hallway, following along behind a young woman who was pushing herself backwards along the floor on a wheeled stool, directly in front of a little boy with a walker. Katya walked up beside him and leaned over to say something to him. The boy stopped walking and looked up, searching around in front of him until his gaze landed on Lukas and Bastian. Katya said something else to him and he nodded his head, and then resumed his efforts at walking down the hall.
They watched him come closer, unable to help but smile when they could see how excited he appeared. The woman on the stool stopped right in front of Bastian, beckoning the little boy forward with her hands. "Come on, Nicholas! You're doing great!" The boy finally made it to them, stopping right in front of her and pitching himself forward to land in her outstretched arms. "Yay, you made it! That was awesome, buddy." She pulled him up onto her lap and turned around, looking up at the boys. "Hello, we have someone here who is a huge fan and who walked all the way out here by himself just to see you!" She stood up and held onto Nicholas' arms, keeping him balanced as he stood by himself.
Katya appeared beside them, linking one of her arms around Lukas'. "This is Nicholas, guys, one of our new patients. Both Sophie and I work with him. He has cerebral palsy and today is the first time that he's ever walked all by himself." She gave Nicholas a thumbs up, who responded by laughing and smiling. "He's a huge fan of the team, aren't you Nicholas?" He nodded emphatically, still smiling. "I told him this morning that you were coming in and he demanded to come out and see you. So we told him he had to walk by himself if he wanted to get out here and that's just what he did. Isn't that awesome?" Katya looked at Lukas in particular, waiting for his response. She knew that meeting fans in his current state right now was not something he enjoyed, but she hoped that maybe seeing this little guy and how hard he was struggling might make him appreciate the support a bit more.
Lukas hadn't been able to take his eyes off the boy as he'd been coming down the hall. If he had considered his efforts at walking to be rough, this kid was faring a lot worse. Even while standing, his legs couldn't straighten properly, so walking was very hard for him, each step stiff and jerky. He couldn't even stand on his own without a lot of support, yet he was obviously very excited and looked quite happy and didn't appear to be shying away from making eye contact with anyone. He returned Lukas' stare, but after a moment he looked away, appearing suddenly shy in front of his hero. Sophie leaned down and whispered something to him and he shook his head and giggled, pressing against her. She repeated what she said and finally got him to turn around and look at Lukas again.
"Lukas, Nicholas would like to know if he could maybe, possibly," she tickled him a little as she said the words and he laughed, "get a hug? You're his favourite player in the whole world, isn't that right?" Nicholas looked up at him shyly and nodded.
Lukas felt more embarrassed right now than he ever had in his life. Here was this kid, much worse off than he'd ever been, and he had made huge progress by walking on his own for the first time today, only to come out here and meet him. He didn't feel like he deserved this kid's praise much right now, but he looked down at him and couldn't help but smile. He carefully knelt down on the floor and held his hands out to the boy, whose eyes opened wide at the gesture. After a bit of prodding from Sophie, Nicholas reached out and grabbed Lukas' hands, taking a few short steps forward until he was close enough to fall against him, his arms reaching as far around Lukas as they possibly could. Lukas hugged him, hoping that this kid couldn't pick up on his nervousness or self-doubt. But apparently he couldn't because Nicholas looked up at him, smiling shyly, and whispered to him. "Y-you mm-my, he-hero."
Nicholas appeared to have many of the same problems Lukas did, as his speech was very mumbled, even though it was obvious he'd tried to make the words as clear as possible. So Lukas smiled back and squeezed the boy's shoulders, leaning his head forward so he could whisper something back to him, trying his hardest to control his own speech, even though he was nervous. "Well, you're mine." Nicholas threw his arms around him and hugged him again and Lukas didn't feel quite so bad anymore. Maybe Katya had brought this kid out here just as much for him as she had for Nicholas, wanting him to realize that he needed to stop feeling so sorry for himself and really focus on doing everything he could to improve, the way this child was doing.
Sophie appeared behind Nicholas and touched him on the shoulders. "Okay Nicholas, it's time to get back to work. Say goodbye and let's go." He looked up at Lukas and said goodbye and wished him good luck, then turned and greeted Bastian as well before letting Sophie pick him up and take him back to his walker so they could head back down the hall they had come from. Lukas stood up and watched him go, smiling and waving back when Nicholas stopped, turned around and waved to him one last time.
Katya leaned in close to him, laying a hand on his arm and speaking low enough so that no one else overheard her. "I want you to really think about that, Lukas. I wouldn't have brought him out here if I hadn't thought it would benefit you as well." He looked at her and nodded, knowing exactly what her intentions had been. "I'll see you when you're in with Greg, okay? Have a good morning, sweetheart." She squeezed his hand before running off back in the direction she'd come from, waving to Bastian as well. Lukas watched her go, not really paying attention to much else other than what had just occurred until he felt a tugging on his arm.
He looked at Bastian, who was looking at him with a slightly amused expression on his face. "Now that I have your attention, let's go and sit down." He took Lukas' arm and they walked over to the waiting area to take a seat. Lukas was still thinking about Nicholas so he didn't register that the rest of the people there were watching him and Bastian. Bastian noticed them though and smiled to them, happy that Lukas was too distracted to notice. He had watched the interaction between Lukas and Nicholas and was dying to know if it had made some kind of difference to him. Lukas was definitely thinking about it and Bastian hoped the effect would turn out to be more positive than negative. But Lukas did have a bit of a tendency to dwell on the negative, even though he denied it. Bastian had witnessed enough of it over the past few years to be aware.
Finally Alban came out to see them, asking Lukas how he was enjoying being at home. As expected Lukas didn't have a great deal to say out here in front of a bunch of strangers, so his answers were quite short and simple as they walked back to Alban's office. Bastian came with him this time, walking beside Lukas and supporting him. Finally they arrived at his office, where he and Lukas sat down at a table to get to work, while Bastian sat in a chair by the window and read a magazine. The session went quite well and it turned out that Lukas' speech was improving more than he realized. Lukas mentioned though that he was still worried about speaking around other people, or trying to not jumble his words together when he got excited or upset. Alban told him not to worry so much about that, pointing out that even people who had no speech problems often spoke a little incoherently during times of excitement. Lukas was only so aware of it now because he was having trouble nearly all the time, that he was consciously keeping track of all of his mistakes. Alban assured him that it wasn't a cause for concern and that like everything else, these problems would disappear over time as long as he kept working at them. It seemed enough to placate Lukas' worrying for now, and they ended the session.
Alban called Greg Rothke, who they would be seeing next. They waited in Alban's office until Rothke appeared, then set off down the hall with him. The man kept his gaze focused on Lukas as he walked, assessing his movements as they talked about their weekends. Rothke had journeyed to Berlin for the weekend, attending his sister-in-law's wedding. He confided to the boys that he couldn't stand the woman and was willing to bet the marriage wouldn't last a year. They laughed about it and made it to his office, which is where they would be doing most of their work today.
He wanted to work on Lukas' hands for the majority of the session, showing him the proper exercises to do so he could re-kindle the muscle control that was currently lacking. Lukas did the exercises but told Rothke that he was still experiencing that odd feeling in the palm of his hands. He was told that unfortunately that wouldn't go away for a while and it was simply something he would have to deal with while doing the work. Eventually it would disappear, but not without a lot of work first to tone the muscles again.
Lukas didn't seem to take this news very well but tried not to let that show. He focused on the exercises Rothke was doing with him and then on the grip testing they did afterward. They spent a little over half the session working on his hands and once they had finished Rothke told him that they would be heading out of the office to tackle another issue Lukas was certain to enjoy, adding a wink at the end of the comment.
Lukas knew he was talking about stairs. He wasn't looking forward to it at all. The majority of things, though not very enjoyable, he didn't have much of a problem with working on. But he was really anxious about stairs. Probably because they made him feel so ridiculously uncoordinated and he was constantly nerve-wracked, expecting to trip with every step he tried to take. But he had no choice but to work on it and followed the physiotherapist out of the office. Bastian was coming along and Lukas was grateful he was there, unable to help but cling tightly to his arm. He knew Bastian was a little worried about how anxious he got over certain things and he felt horrible for it. Lukas wanted to be able to do better than he was; he wanted to have more confidence in his ability to work through these problems not only for himself, but also because he didn't want to keep disappointing his best friend. Bastian was doing such an amazing job of supporting him and helping him and Lukas wanted to do well so Bastian wouldn't feel like he was wasting his time. Even though he'd already spoken to Daniela about that particular worry and she had assured him that Bastian would never feel that way, he still worried about it. He valued the friendship they had so much that he worried that this ordeal might put a strain on it. He worried that after this was over, things might not be the same.
He wasn't quite sure why he worried so much though, because so far things had only seemed to strengthen their bond instead of chip away at it. He felt closer to Bastian now than he ever had before, he felt like they were starting to reach a new level of understanding with one another. But even though Bastian's actions only pointed at him continuing to stick around and support him, Lukas was still nervous and left feeling guilty.
The reached one of the stairwells at the back of the hall, not often used as the elevators were nearby. Rothke told Lukas to hold on to the railing on the wall and try climbing the stairs on his own while he watched. So Lukas did that. He stood at the bottom, one hand on the rail and his eyes looking down at his feet. He was feeling very nervous about this; he wanted it to go well. But he knew it wouldn’t because the stairs here were a little narrow and he’d had problems with the wider ones at the front of his apartment building. Plus he didn’t have Bastian there beside him, leading him on. He was alone today tackling the obstacle he hated most at the moment.
He raised his right foot, watching it carefully as it came up; trying to force it to raise high enough so he wouldn’t hit the step like it had the last time. But the signals from his brain obviously weren’t making it all the way down his leg because even though he’d raised his foot high enough, when he brought it down he ended up hitting the step with his foot. He gripped the hand rail tightly, trying to hide his frustration. But that only turned out to do him more harm than good, as he got that familiar pain flaring through his left hand. He let go of the rail and leaned against the wall, rubbing the inside of his palm with the thumb of his right hand.
He needed to stay calm and focused. A week ago he would have let himself become overwhelmed by the frustration and would have found it harder to concentrate on getting to what he had to do, but he’d been working on controlling his emotions since then. So he lightly held the railing again, took a deep breath, and tried the step once more. Just get one foot up, that was all he had to do to start. He was thinking too much about needing to do this properly and not thinking enough about actually doing it. Re-focused now, Lukas stopped thinking about it and just started doing it. Every time his foot hit the step instead of rising properly to step on it, he just tried it again. Soon enough he’d climbed up one floor. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t quick, but he’d managed to stay focused and actually do it and that was something.
Rothke quite agree with him. “You have definitely come a very long way, Lukas. A week ago you would have given up before you started, but you took your time, thought about it, and got over the frustration on your own without any help.” Rothke had joined him up one floor. “I hope you realize how important that is, and how much progress it is as well. You’re doing very well; don’t let yourself be fooled by what you can’t do. Stay focused on what you can do and soon enough, you’ll be doing everything again.” Rothke smiled and Lukas knew he was right. He had to stay focused on the positive and try to block out the negative. It was easier said than done, of course, but he’d done it just now and he could certainly try to keep doing it.
They made their way back down to Rothke’s office, Bastian back at Lukas’ side and feeling quite proud of his best friend at the moment. He hadn’t really expected Lukas to be able to overcome his frustration at first, but he’d done it and it had made Bastian very happy. When they got back to the office Katya was there waiting for them. She sat with Lukas and went over a few things with him, also telling him that from now on during his clinic visits, she and Rothke would be working with him together at the same time, as their jobs with him overlapped in some areas.
The last appointment of the day was to see Victor Abendroth, Lukas’ assigned psychologist. Bastian was not invited along for this appointment, however, as Victor wished to speak to Lukas on his own. But Bastian was instead invited along to Katya’s office, as she wanted to speak to him while Lukas would be alone with his psychologist. Once settled in her office they chatted for a while about Lukas and how he was faring. After discussing him for a while, Katya asked Bastian how he was doing, wanting to know how he was coping being Lukas’ caretaker.
Bastian had only ever discussed his concerns with Daniela and while it had been a little liberating to get them off his chest, discussing them with one of Lukas’ therapists was even better. So he described to her how different this Lukas was from the person he’d spent the past few years with, how at times the changes didn’t bother him at all given the situation, but there were times when Bastian just felt frustrated. Not nearly enough to even contemplate lessening his role in Lukas’ recovery, but enough to make him worry about his best friend and how his recovery was going and whether he would ever be able to be the old Lukas again.
Katya explained to him that as he was living with Lukas now and looking after him, he was entitled to visits of his own if he needed to speak with anyone about how to better help Lukas, how to help him stay focused on his tasks and not become distracted with worrying about things. Or if he even simply needed someone to vent his frustrations out to, it was available to him and they would book him in quickly. Bastian did express an interest in learning how to help Lukas more and Katya said she would look into setting up an appointment for him herself. They spoke for nearly the duration of Lukas’ appointment and by the end of the talk, Bastian felt refreshed about the whole thing and quite happy she’d set aside some time to speak to him.
Lukas, however, was having a bit of a rough time with his psychology session. It had started out a bit more clinically, with Victor assessing his mental state with some tests. He was pleased to tell Lukas that there didn’t appear to be any problems in regards to his mental levels, his only problem at the moment being his issues with staying focused, although he was showing some progress there. After the testing was through Victor asked Lukas how he was coping with everything, switching his focus from Lukas’ intellectual quotient to his emotional. It was during this part of the session that Lukas found himself slipping.
He told Victor about his concerns, discussing everything from his feelings of self-doubt and insecurity to his frustrations at still being stuck at this level of functionality, and he also brought up his worries in relation to Bastian. Though Lukas was pretty straight forward with his friend about the majority of things he was feeling, there was something he was keeping from him and that was the fact that Lukas was having trouble sleeping. He could fall asleep perfectly well, especially if he was settled somewhere comfortably with Bastian, but he would usually find himself awake within an hour or two and his mind would be swimming with worries. He was usually awake a few hours a night, anxiety and nerves pummeling his insides. He usually only fell asleep again because he tired himself out mentally. He was worried about this trend though and brought it up with Victor.
The psychologist wrote down notes as Lukas spoke, never showing any emotion on his face other than interest in what Lukas had to say. When he brought up the sleeping problems, Victor sat back in his chair, laid his pencil down, and looked at Lukas. He told him that while he could prescribe him some medication, be it sleeping aids or anti anxiety pills, he would prefer waiting it out at least another week. Lukas still hadn’t been home for too long and Victor wanted him to try and become used to being there once again. Lukas needed to settle into a routine with everything he had to do, and until he could accomplish that, Victor didn’t want to chance giving him too quick of a fix with medication. He told Lukas to give himself another week and if things hadn’t improved, then they would look at prescribing him something. He did tell Lukas to try and keep track of how often he was finding himself feeling nervous and anxious, how badly it impacted him, and what exactly triggered the feelings. He said it would be helpful in determining what would be best to prescribe him if it came down to that.
The session was over and Victor helped Lukas back out to the reception area, where Bastian was waiting for him. Lukas thanked him for everything they’d talked about, then he and Bastian left.
Bastian wondered what they had spoken about. Lukas seemed a little more withdrawn and quiet and Bastian knew he must have told the psychologist how he was feeling about everything. He was probably still stuck on those emotions at the moment. Bastian didn’t bother asking him how it went, wanting to give Lukas a bit of time to decide on his own whether he was going to try and put the appointment behind him and focus on the rest of his day, or if he was going to need some distraction. They listened to the radio on the way home, the music filling the silence. If Lukas still wasn’t talking by the time they got back then Bastian was going to intervene. Truthfully though he knew he had to stop jumping in and doing everything for Lukas. He needed to start learning how to overcome his emotions and move past them on his own without Bastian’s constant help, the way he’d done when they’d been working with Rothke. But Bastian wasn’t going to let him suffer for long before stepping in.
They arrived at the building and made their way up to the apartment, still in silence. Once inside Lukas surprised Bastian by sinking down to the floor, sitting and taking his shoes off himself. Bastian wasn’t sure whether he ought to be happy about this or worried. He discarded his own shoes and stood there for a moment, looking down at Lukas. Even with his shoes off Lukas remained on the floor, his arms crossed over his drawn up knees.
Bastian lowered himself in front of Lukas, wishing he could read the other’s mind. “Lukas? Are you okay?”
Lukas nodded, but didn’t look at Bastian. Why was he even nodding? He wasn’t okay. He had too many conflicting emotions running around inside his head now and try as he could, he just wasn’t able to sort them out and choose one over another. He wanted to be happy about the progress he’d made, but then he kept thinking about the progress he wasn’t making, and then that made him think about how some kid who didn’t let any of that stand in his way practically worshiped the ground he walked on, how this kid braved walking on his own for the first time in his life and he couldn’t even manage to walk up the god damn stairs without getting frustrated.
Bastian could see the conflict visible on Lukas’ face and he didn’t like it. He stood up and grabbed Lukas’ hands, pulling him up off the floor. Lukas rose without argument and went willingly into Bastian’s arms and felt even more frustrated. How was he ever going to get better if he kept giving in to the pull of these negative emotions? He kept trying to fight them but they just kept returning. Of course it didn’t help that he was really tired, so tired that he just felt like curling up in bed and sleeping for the rest of the day.
Bastian couldn’t take it anymore and he pulled Lukas along to the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling him down beside him. Aside from the warring emotions he could also see how tired Lukas looked, which was starting to worry him as well. Was it normal for him to want to take so many naps? It was something he had meant to ask Katya, but he’d forgotten. Maybe he’d call her and ask her later.
Aside from everything else he was feeling Lukas was feeling guilty about keeping quiet about his sleeping problem with Bastian. He hadn’t wanted to worry him about it but after disclosing it to Victor he couldn’t help but feel like he’d been wrong to keep it from Bastian. So he’d tell him now. “Basti? Have to, to tell y-you some thing.”
Bastian looked at Lukas, concern and curiosity clearly visible. “What is it?”
Lukas looked at him and frowned. “Not be upset, please. Sh-should have told, y-you sooner.”
“Told me what?” Bastian was a little concerned now. What had Lukas kept from him?
He wasn’t quite sure why he felt so guilty about keeping the information from Bastian, but he was and he had to get it off his chest. “Not sleeping m-much. Fall sleep easy, but, all w-ways, w-wake up a f-few hours, w-worry lots of every thing.”
Bastian just stared at him for a moment, contemplating the news. It certainly explained Lukas’ lack of energy at times. He was upset that Lukas hadn’t told him because he wanted to know everything the other was feeling. Could he have done anything to help, though? That didn’t matter, because if Lukas wasn’t sleeping well, Bastian didn’t want to be sleeping well either. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Lukas looked away and frowned. “Not want to, w-wor-ry y-you.” He knew Bastian would hate that answer and he couldn’t really blame him. “Sorry.”
Bastian put an arm around Lukas’ shoulders, hugging him tightly to his chest. “I wish you’d told me. Did you tell your psychologist about it?” Lukas nodded and Bastian at least felt good about that. “Lukas, I don’t know. You need to tell me everything, okay? Even if you don’t want to worry me, I’d rather you told me. I worry about you anyway; if you tell me about your problems then at least I can try and help you with them.”
Lukas pressed himself against Bastian, leaning his head on the other’s chest. He hated this feeling, that he’d let Bastian down and disappointed him. It was one of the worst feelings he’d ever experienced. Bastian was helping him so much, and he couldn’t even be honest with him about everything.
Bastian knew Lukas was probably being really hard on himself at the moment and he didn’t want that. So now was the time for him to intervene again. “Hey, Lukas it’s okay. You told me now and that’s all that matters. We can’t have you sitting around moping about it for the rest of the day, though. So why don’t I go and run you a bath and you can relax in there for a while, then go for a nap after? If you’re that tired, it’s probably not helping you much up here.” Bastian tapped a finger against Lukas’ head, a little smile on his face. Lukas looked a little embarrassed but nodded his head, knowing that Bastian wouldn’t let him argue. Then again a part of him felt very happy that Bastian was willing to do so much to help him. It was a nice feeling, having someone there willing to go out of their way to make you feel better.
Bastian helped him up from the couch and walked with him into his room, leaving Lukas to get undressed while he went into the bathroom and turned on the water, filling the tub up. Once it had finished he walked back into the bedroom, finding Lukas sitting on the bed, stripped down to his underwear. Bastian sat down beside him and slipped his arm around him. “Relax, Lukas. Just stop dwelling on everything and relax, okay?”
Lukas laid his head on Bastian’s shoulder and slid his arm around his friend. “I try.” He hugged him, wanting that contact between them that always seemed to comfort him. “I not deserve y-you, Schweini.”
Bastian smiled and hugged him back. “Well you’re awfully lucky that I like you so much, then.” He sat up and patted Lukas on the cheek before standing up and telling him to go and relax for a while and that if he needed anything, just to call and he’d come. Lukas nodded and Bastian left, heading down to the guest bedroom. He lied down on the bed and shut his eyes. He wasn’t tired, but he just wanted to lay back and think about things for a while.
Unfortunately he didn't get much of a chance. His phone rang and he pulled it out, staring at it and cringing. It was Robert. Though he didn't want to answer it, he did. “Hey, Rob.”
“How's my favourite client?”
“That depends, why are you calling me?” He couldn't help but grin. If there was a huge problem, Robert would more than likely be explaining it already.
“Just checking in, that's all. I remember you said today was clinic day, how did it go?” Bastian explained the whole thing to Robert, outlining the progress Lukas had made. His agent expressed his happiness that Lukas was improving. When Bastian finally asked if there was anything new to report in terms of Bayern, Robert said no.
“Honestly, I'm really only calling to check in on things. I know I hassle you about your career, but that's my job. I do actually care about your life, though. I want to make sure everything's alright.”
Bastian laughed. “You just want to make sure you still get paid at the end of the day, that's all.” Robert protested and they continued baiting each other for a few minutes until Robert said he had other work to do. Bastian thanked him for calling, and Robert wished him luck with Lukas. Bastian felt a little better after the conversation, relieved that his club wasn't choosing to act aggressively and demand he come back to work. He could relax for a while, it seemed.
Meanwhile Lukas sat on the bed until Bastian had gone, just thinking. He really believed what he’d said a moment ago, about not deserving Bastian. He wasn’t doing enough to deserve that kind of support right now, but he was determined to work hard enough to change that. But for now he knew he had to take Bastian’s advice and try to clear his mind and relax.
He stood up and stripped completely, walking into his bathroom and testing the water in the tub with his hand. It was the perfect temperature. He put one leg in the tub, and then the other, standing there for a moment and letting his body adjust to the heat. He lowered himself into the water, very carefully sitting. He then laid back in the Jacuzzi, the jets pushing water out at his tired body. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, feeling extremely relaxed. He was so tired and the warm water was lulling him to sleep. He knew he couldn’t fall asleep in the tub though, so he opened his eyes again and tried to stay awake. He wouldn’t stay in the water for too long, just long enough to lull him into a half asleep state, then he’d get out and climb into bed and sleep for a while.
A little while later Bastian walked into the bedroom and seeing that Lukas wasn’t in bed, he made his way to the bathroom. He peered in and saw Lukas still in the tub. He pushed open the door and stood there. “Hey, I’m making lunch, are you hungry?” When he didn’t get a response he stepped fully into the room, realizing that Lukas must have actually fallen asleep. He smirked and made his way over to the tub. “Lukas?”
There was no answer; Lukas didn’t even flinch as Bastian called his name. So he sat on the edge of the tub and prodded Lukas’ shoulder. “Hey, wake up. Lukas, wake up.” Lukas shifted a little at the touch and muttered something incomprehensible. Bastian grinned and shook him again. This time he got more of a response as Lukas turned away from him and mumbled again. Bastian was half tempted to leave him lying there, but the caring part of him overruled the joker part and he wanted to get Lukas out of the tub and into his bed where he could rest better. So Bastian shut off the Jacuzzi and started draining the water as he shook Lukas again.
Lukas was waking up, albeit slowly. He pushed Bastian’s hand away, which made Bastian laugh. He started lightly slapping Lukas’ face, not enough to fully wake him, just enough to bring him to that state of half-consciousness so Bastian could help him more easily into bed. Otherwise he’d have to pick up and carry an unconscious Lukas, and that prospect was not a good one for him.
Eventually Lukas had woken enough to be aware of his surroundings, though he wasn’t entirely aware of the situation. Bastian held a large white towel in his hands and draped it across Lukas’ shoulders before pulling him up into a standing position. Lukas protested, but only feebly. He stopped altogether when Bastian started drying him off with the towel, drying his arms and back and chest. He had Lukas sit on the edge of the tub so he could dry off his feet and legs. Bastian wondered how Lukas would respond to this scenario were he to wake up fully while Bastian was in the middle of drying him off. It would certainly prove to be entertaining and knowing Lukas, he’d probably be just a little embarrassed.
If it weren’t for the fact that Bastian had seen Lukas naked quite often in the locker room, he’d probably have been a little embarrassed as well. But he was coping quite well with the situation, more focused on getting Lukas in to his bed for a nap than anything else. Once he’d finished drying him off he took Lukas’ hands and pulled him up and Lukas slumped against him almost immediately. Bastian grinned and half walked, half dragged a completely naked Lukas out to his bed. He sat him down at the edge and left him there while he went to Lukas’ dresser and got him a pair of underwear. By the time he’d turned back though Lukas had lain back on the bed, curling onto his side. Bastian grinned and walked over to him, grabbing his arms and pulling him up. “Not yet, Lukas. Just give me a minute and then you can sleep.”
“Yes y-yet.” Lukas clearly did not want to be moved, but he didn’t really have a choice. Bastian pulled him up and he sat there, a yawn escaping from his lips. “Sleep, Schwei-ni.”
Bastian smiled and held his arms. “In a minute, I have to get you somewhat dressed. If you wake up later after your nap completely naked and having no recollection of how you got into bed, it might worry you a little. So this is for your own good.”
Lukas smiled and looked at Bastian through barely open eyes. “So thought f-full.”
Bastian grinned and leaned down and lifted Lukas’ feet, slipping his underwear on. He pulled them up to his thighs, then stood up and pulled Lukas up so he could pull them up the rest of the way. “Alright, now you can go to sleep.” He walked a very unsteady and sleepy Lukas up to the top of the bed, who had both arms around Bastian for support. He carefully let Lukas sink down to the bed, pulling back the sheet and blanket and lifting Lukas’ legs into the bed and under the covers. He sat down on the bed next to him.
“Mm Schwei-ni, m-make lunch.” Lukas had curled onto his right side, facing Bastian. His eyes were closed but he was smiling, very close to sinking off to sleep. “I w-want, eggs.”
Bastian grinned. Lukas had no idea what he was saying at the moment, but he decided to play along anyway and see what Lukas would say. “I’ll make you lunch after your nap.”
“Scram-bled.” Lukas rolled over onto his stomach, his face half hidden in the pillow. “W-with, jam…”
Bastian could barely hold back the laugh. “You want scrambled eggs, with jam?”
“Mm, blue berry…” Lukas was still smiling and Bastian smiled too. He laid his hand on Lukas’ head, rubbing his thumb over it. “Alright, eggs and blueberry jam it is. Just sleep right now.” He leaned down and kissed the side of Lukas’ head, right beside his eyebrow. The smile on Lukas’ face remained there even as he dropped off into sleep and Bastian couldn’t help but stay and watch him for a little while. He really hoped the nap would do him good and he was tempted to stay for the duration of it, feeling as though maybe if he did, it would keep Lukas from waking up.
So he decided to at least stay for a little longer. He lay down next to Lukas on the bed, his hand remaining where it was, and he watched him. He watched the rise and fall of Lukas’ body with every breath he took; glancing down every now and then to ensure that smile was still there on his face. He lost track of time and wasn’t sure how long he’d been lying there, but as he watched Lukas sleep peacefully he knew it was worth it. Lukas would never be able to relax and keep working hard if he wasn’t sleeping properly, and Bastian wanted to do everything he could to help him get that much needed rest. Even if it meant staying there with him while he slept, he’d do it.