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Chapter 2 - Lukas wakes up, and Bastian's fears are realized.
It wasn’t long before the doctor showed up, poking his head into the room and spotting Bastian. “You’re Bastian?” It took him a moment to realize this guy was the doctor and once he did he stood up straight and nodded his head in acknowledgment. The doctor stepped into the room and closed the door. “That’s good. My name is Martin Stahl, I’m Lukas’ doctor. Let’s have a seat, Bastian.” The doctor sat down in one of the chairs, beckoning for Bastian to do the same. He didn’t want to sit, because sitting meant bad news, didn’t it? He sat anyway. “Now we usually don’t disclose information on the patient to anyone except family, but since you are listed in Lukas’ file as his emergency contact, we can fill you in.”
Bastian was stunned. Lukas had listed him as his emergency contact? Why hadn’t Lukas told him? He was flattered, and suddenly very thankful. If Lukas hadn’t listed him, then he wouldn’t be able to get any information until Lukas’ parents had arrived. Had they even been informed? Bastian hadn’t called them. How could he not have called them? How could he have been so selfish, to sit here and wallow in his own worry and not even think about Lukas’ family?
“Don’t worry, his family have been contacted and they’re making their way here now. The nurses had a bit of trouble tracking them down, but we reached them.” It was as though the doctor had read the guilt on Bastian’s face and he flushed a little. The doctor continued on. “Lukas has suffered a severe concussion, Bastian. Do you know much about concussions?” Bastian shook his head, not knowing much at all. “That’s okay; I won’t bore you with the details right now. There are three levels, and unfortunately a severe concussion is exactly how it sounds. It’s the most serious level.” He paused, giving Bastian a moment to let the news sink in. “As I said I won’t bore you with details right now, I’d simply like to discuss his present state with you. He’s only woken up not too long ago and is very confused. For a concussion of this severity, it is completely normal and expected that he will suffer complete memory loss for the first twenty four hours. This is nothing to worry about, as I stated it’s completely normal and expected.”
“But it won’t last, right?” Memory loss. Bastian didn’t like the sound of that, no matter if it lasted five minutes or five days. He wanted Lukas to remember.
“It shouldn’t. He’s young and strong and he should recover completely. Of course we won’t know anything for sure until we perform more scans over the next few days and compare them. We’ll also have to wait and see how quickly he regains his memory. There’s nothing we can do to know how long it will take. I won’t lie; there is a very slim possibility that it could be permanent. It’s not likely, unless there’s more damage then we anticipate. I’ve seen a lot of cases like this Bastian, and they’ve all recovered nicely.” The doctor hadn’t wanted to lie to him, nor did he want to explicitly promise a swift recovery. The truth of the matter was that only time would tell how Lukas’ recovery would go.
“Can I see him?” Bastian couldn’t sit here any longer. He had to see Lukas; he had to know firsthand if this memory loss thing was actually real. Part of him wanted to think that the mere sight of him would jog Lukas’ memory and prove the doctor wrong. As long as he was there with Lukas, his younger friend would be fine. The doctor consented and showed Bastian to Lukas’ room.
His first glimpse of Lukas calmed him a little. He was sitting up, propped against pillows, looking at the window. He could move his neck at least, so there was no neck injury. This was a good sign. He stepped into the room, but stayed near the door. “Lukas?” Bastian called to him, expecting his friend to look at him and smile with recognition. But Lukas didn’t look. His eyes remained gazing out through the window and that unnerved Bastian, completely demolishing the calmness of a moment prior. He walked around to the other side of the bed, standing in Lukas’ line of sight. “Lukas?” Bastian looked at him enquiringly, waiting for him to say something. “Do you know me?”
Lukas looked at him and it nearly made Bastian shiver. There was no recognition in those eyes. He saw Lukas’ lips move, but what came out was not Lukas. It was a soft voice, softer than he ever spoke. Not that Lukas was ever especially loud, but this was mumbled, the way a child might speak in front of a crowd, drowned out by nerves. Bastian moved closer, feeling very uncomfortable.
Lukas spoke again. “W- what-ss name?” It was obvious from the look on his face that Lukas was struggling the make the words clear. He knew he wasn’t speaking properly. He knew he didn’t remember. For a moment they just stared at each other, before Bastian responded.
“Basti. Bastian Schweinsteiger. We play together on the German national football team.” He decided not to mention Bayern Munich. While Lukas remembering anything at all would be welcome, he wasn’t sure he wanted to chance having Lukas’ first memory be a sore one. There was no recognition at the name, not for a few moments at least. But then suddenly Lukas cocked his head just slightly and looked once more at Bastian, as though seeing him anew.
“Schwei-ni?”
It wasn’t very clear either, but Bastian had heard enough sounds to make out the nickname. “Yeah, Schweini. That’s me.” He felt a little relieved that there had been something. Even though Lukas didn’t appear to remember much aside from the nickname, it was still something.
Bastian sat down on the side of his bed, looking at Lukas. He looked so tired, so distressed. Was Lukas scared? Did he know what was happening? What had the doctor told him? How was he dealing with waking up and not remembering anything? “Do you remember anything at all?” Bastian couldn’t stand the silence; it wasn’t comfortable like it used to be. But when Lukas looked up at him he wished he’d kept his mouth shut. Lukas could barely shake his head to indicate no. Bastian nodded, not knowing what else to do. He looked away, unable to meet Lukas’ gaze. He felt like crying, but he couldn’t do that here. Not now. Not right in front of him. Lukas was worried enough without having a stranger crying next to him.
A hand on his arm and his head turned back to look at Lukas, into a face that was still so distraught. Distraught but hopeful. How could he be so selfish? Lukas was the one in bed, unable to remember anything. It was Bastian’s job to help him remember. It was his job to be strong and support him. He took hold of Lukas’ hand, squeezing it lightly and running his thumb over the back. He smiled at Lukas, who seemed to relax a little. Maybe somewhere deep down, Lukas remembered their friendship. Maybe he knew he was safe with Bastian.
He remained sitting there beside Lukas, holding his hand. He didn’t notice when Lukas’ eyes closed, off in his own little world, worrying about his best friend. After fifteen minutes he finally registered that Lukas had fallen asleep. As he looked down at his sleeping form, his earlier fear came rushing back. What if things didn’t change? What if Lukas would always be like this? What if “Schweini” was the only thing he ever remembered? What if he could never speak normally again? What if he never remembered? Could he even walk? All of these questions and there were no answers. Nothing definite. Just a fat lot of nothing. Wait and see. Time will tell.
He wanted to know now. He had to know now. How could he possibly function with all of this hanging around? He slowly removed Lukas’ hand from his grasp, placing it on his chest. He moved from the bed to the chair, sitting and staring at Lukas’ still form. He wasn’t aware of his shaking hands until he looked down at them. That’s when he noticed his bottom lip trembling. Noticing all of these things finally seemed to break him down and he started to cry.
This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. This wasn’t part of the plan; it hadn’t been in the cards. He and Lukas were supposed to play together until they just got too old. They would be fine if they just stuck together, on the pitch and in life. Lukas couldn’t forget. He couldn’t have such a debilitating injury and certainly not so soon. They were still so young, not even in their prime yet. Now this was all at risk. So Bastian continued to cry because he just didn’t want to face reality. Lukas might get better, but he might not. Memory loss for at least twenty four hours. No one would know anything until then. What if it took longer than twenty four hours? Were those twenty four hours all at once, after the injury, or did they only count when Lukas was awake? If he slept a lot that could take up to a week, maybe more! He couldn’t wait that long, he wanted to know now.
He heard a knock at the door and barely had time to wipe his eyes before the door opened and the doctor came in. He closed the door behind him and walked over to where Bastian was sitting. He looked calm. “Did he remember anything?” Bastian was still so upset that he forgot all about “Schweini”, shaking his head to indicate no. The doctor frowned. “Well, like I told you, this is normal for the first twenty four hours. Of course we always hope for better, but it is normal, I promise you that much.” The doctor turned to look at Lukas, which is when Bastian realized that he was wrong.
“Actually, he did remember something, but it’s not much.”
Doctor Stahl turned around and looked expectantly at him. “It’s something. Tell me about it.” Bastian explained that when prompted with his name, Lukas had remembered his preferred nickname for Bastian - Schweini. This made the doctor smile. “That’s wonderful!” From the look Bastian gave him, it was clear he wasn’t as excited as the doctor. “Bastian, I know it doesn’t seem like much, but frankly at this stage, anything he remembers is good news.” The doctor smiled again and headed for the door. He looked back at Bastian, the smile still on his face. “Stay with him. Keep telling him things. You might be surprised at just what jogs his memory.” Bastian nodded. “And Bastian? You must be very important to him, because he couldn’t even remember his own name.”
The doctor left. Bastian stood up and sat on the bed again, a little glimmer of hope springing up suddenly. A part of Lukas did remember. He would stay and he would help that part find its way to the surface.
True to their words, everyone had shown up after the match and it was clearly evident that no one had bothered to do much aside from changing out of their uniforms. The game had ended in a tie, 3-3. It had turned out to be a decent game after all even with the impact of both Bastian and Lukas not playing. The team had come together and fought hard, trying their best for their team mates. Once everyone had arrived Bastian told them all the news, but didn’t delve into detail. It was too painful. David was reduced to tears at the news, his close friendship with Lukas tugging at his emotions. Others, mainly the older ones, like Michael and Torsten, had done their best to remain strong and comfort the others. But even forced into such roles, their own sadness at the news was clearly evident. Lukas was much loved.
Lukas’ parents arrived a few hours later, and it was then that the doctor had come in then to explain in greater detail about Lukas’ condition. He explained that he and his colleagues had come to the conclusion after speaking to the medical staff from the game that the first hit Lukas had suffered had only been what was referred to as a minor concussion. Though he had appeared, to Bastian’s worry-fraught mind, to have had lost consciousness that first time, he hadn’t. He’d simply been in too much pain to want to bother with speaking, and had kept his eyes closed because that was just a reaction people tended to have when they got hit. It was common among young people to experience a secondary concussion within minutes of a first if it went unnoticed, the doctor went on to explain. One hard, jarring hit, whether to the head or simply the body, would have enough impact to jar the brain enough to experience a second, more serious concussion. This is what had happened. Had Lukas been taken off the field after the first hit, he may have had a few lingering effects and a nasty headache, but he would have been fine. But the second hit causing the second concussion had turned it into a much more serious situation.
The doctor lingered to answer questions, while Bastian settled into the chair the furthest away from everyone. In the small room, small for such a large group, it wasn’t very far. Michael sought Bastian out, sitting down next to him. He was worried about him. “How was he?” He faced Bastian completely, getting a good look at him. Puffy eyes and a red face, Bastian had obviously not been coping too well.
He shrugged his shoulders, hoping he could manage to speak without breaking down again. “It’s not Lukas in that room. There’s nothing of him right now.” Michael would understand what he meant. Michael always managed to understand.
“Did he remember anything?” Bastian told him about the nickname and Michael smiled. “That’s good. That’s a start.” After everyone’s quest for knowledge had been abated, they broke into shifts, keeping Bastian company. Lukas’ parents had been in to see their son, and would soon be leaving to find a hotel to stay at for the remainder of Lukas’ hospital stay. Bastian wanted to spend the night here with Lukas, not wanting to leave him alone.
Miroslav took the first shift, his quiet strength calming Bastian. They spoke at length about the injury and all the possible outcomes. Miroslav didn’t butter things up, he knew the possibility existed that Lukas might have problems. Surprisingly Bastian felt much better after speaking at length about all the possible bad things that could happen to Lukas. Perhaps vocalizing his fears was what he’d really needed to do. He couldn’t keep it all to himself.
When Philipp showed up an hour later, Bastian was feeling better about the whole thing. He asked Philipp about the game, feeling like he needed a bit of a distraction. Philipp told him everything, how it had been Bernd Schneider to score the equalizer, and then Michael who scored the third. Halfway through Philipp’s visit, the door to the waiting room opened and they were surprised to see none other than Thierry Henry and Gael Givet enter the room. It was a nice surprise, though. The Frenchmen expressed their sympathy at the accident, also the concern of the entire squad. When he heard that the whole French team had wanted to pay them a visit at the hospital, Bastian felt his eyes tear up again. Regardless of country, everyone loved Lukas. But the French had decided it would be better to send representatives, and Henry and Givet had volunteered immediately.
Bastian let Philipp explain everything, a process that proved to be a little complicated as neither of the pairs spoke each other’s languages, and both the pairs spoke simple English, struggling to find the words to properly explain some things. But the overall impression was made, and the visitors understood the severity. They left soon after, once more expressing their sympathy and concerns and hope for good news. Not long after their departure Michael showed up, and he wasn’t alone.
Bastian had been standing at the window, looking outside. He felt a pair of arms encircle him and he pulled them tightly around him. Daniela. “Michael showed up a little while ago and told me everything. I brought you some clothes.” She held up a bag in front of him, which he gratefully took. He placed it on the window ledge and turned around, properly embracing her. He didn’t say anything; just hugging her was enough comfort at the moment.
He said goodbye to Philipp and Michael walked the other youngster to his car, giving the couple some time alone. Bastian had Daniela lock the door so he could change, not wanting to bother going to the bathroom. Daniela teased him that the security team was probably taping his undressing and the video would appear on YouTube the following day. It made Bastian laugh a little. Once in fresh clothes he felt better - she had even brought him his favourite white sweater. She must have spent a few good minutes searching for it, since he knew it had been buried underneath the pile of laundry he’d done the previous night that he’d been too lazy to fold and put away.
He put the bag on a chair and pulled Daniela into his arms again, his head resting on her shoulder. “He’s gone, Dani. The doctor thinks he’ll come back, but I’m so scared that he won’t.” She didn’t say anything, but led him over to the couch, pulling him down and into her arms. She kissed the top of his head and her hand rubbed his back. She wasn’t going to say anything just yet; this was his time to speak.
“I hate seeing him like this, it’s so frightening. He looks at me, but he doesn’t have a clue who I am. All he remembers is a stupid nickname. All I am to him is a name, nothing else. It’s supposedly normal for the first day, but what if it lasts longer? What if he doesn’t come back? And even if he does what if he can’t play anymore? I don’t even know if he can walk and I haven’t asked because I’m too scared. How am I supposed to play without him?” The question hung in the air and there was no answer anyone could give him. Lukas simply had to get better.
It was over half an hour before Michael came back. He had stopped to talk to the nurses about Lukas and they had told him about the French players showing up. Michael had smiled at the news, knowing that he would have to express his gratitude for the support. Finally he came back in to see Bastian and Daniela sitting together. Bastian had been crying again, but that was a good thing this time. “Why don’t the two of you go grab some food? Don’t argue, Basti, you haven’t eaten since the match and I caught Daniela as she was about to prepare dinner. I’ll be here if anything happens.”
Bastian knew there was no point in arguing because Michael was always right. He followed Daniela to the cafeteria even though he wasn’t really hungry. She would worry about him if he didn’t eat, and between her and Michael, it was just easier to give in. So he picked at the chicken and listened to Daniela talk about her day. She had been supposed to have had the day off to come and see the game, but two of the girls she worked with called off sick and she’d had the misfortune of answering her telephone. But he was happy she hadn’t been there to see it happen.
Bastian ate enough to satisfy her and they returned to the waiting room. Michael was reading a magazine and looked up when they came in. “Nothing to report yet. Did you eat?”
Bastian nodded, and Michael looked to Daniela for confirmation. Bastian shook his head at their display. The couple took to the couch again, and this time Bastian held Daniela. The past few hours had been a veritable roller coaster ride of emotions and he was currently experiencing an ascent. He just hoped the next decline wasn’t too sharp.
The door opened. “Is there a Schweini in the room?” One of the nurses had poked her head in, looking at Bastian. “He’s asking for you, but don’t expect much. He still doesn’t remember anything, but you must have made an impression on him earlier.” She smiled brightly at him before heading back out to the hall. Bastian stood up, looking hopefully at Michael and Daniela.
“Do you want to come in with me, either of you?” He looked between them, knowing that they both cared about Lukas. Though he was Bastian’s friend, he and Daniela got on wonderfully and they could now spend time together without Bastian and it wasn’t uncomfortable. He knew Michael was aching to see Lukas, and didn’t want to begrudge him a visit.
They both declined. “No, he asked for you, Basti. We’ll see him later.” Daniela pushed him to the door, joking that she wanted a chance to flirt with Michael anyway. He grinned and left the room, glad that Daniela had turned out the way she had. She was so strong right now, and he appreciated her all the more for it.
He walked into Lukas’ room, quickly striding to the bed and resuming his spot. He looked down at Lukas and wondered how his visit with his parents had gone. Should he ask about it? One look at Lukas though, and he didn't need to ask.
“Mm-my parents,” Bastian had to struggle to make out what he was saying, a little disheartened that Lukas’ speech hadn’t improved any. He always seemed to be struggling to form words, and sometimes they didn't even sound right. “They, cry.” It was obvious from the look on his face that this had distressed him greatly. Bastian remembered back to his first visit at Lukas’ bedside, how he had barely staved off tears. Maybe that was why Lukas had asked for him this time.
“Of course they cried, Poldi. They’re your parents.” He reached out and grasped Lukas’ hand again, more disheartened when Lukas didn’t return the squeeze. He had to stop hoping for so much.
Lukas gazed up at him, confused. “Poldi?” Bastian understood the question, knowing that Lukas was probably too tired to struggle with elaborating. “That’s your nickname. I’m Schweini and you’re Poldi.” Lukas smiled at the answer and Bastian wanted to know what he was thinking. But he wasn’t about to make Lukas talk more than he had to. Talking was his job now. “So, I’m supposed to help you remember things by telling you a bunch of things about yourself, I guess.”
Lukas shook his head and wet his lips to speak again. “T-tell mm-me, you.” Bastian wasn’t sure if he’d heard correctly. “You want me to tell you about myself?” Lukas nodded. He’d probably heard enough about himself from his parents, now that Bastian thought about it. “Er, okay. I play midfield on the football team, and I live with my girlfriend, Daniela. You and she are good friends, she’s here but she said she’d see you later.” When the words came out, he suddenly hoped Lukas wouldn’t take offense to Daniela staying out of the room, which he realized might happen. But he didn’t appear bothered by it. “I like to tease you a lot about this song, I don’t know if I should tell you about it though. You’d probably be pissed at me if your first real memory was about it.” He grinned at Lukas, who broke into a smile.
“Tell, Schwein-ni.”
So Bastian told him. He didn’t tell him any of the lyrics right away, he just explained the premise. Lukas seemed amused, which made Bastian happy. Even if he didn’t remember it, as long as it made him smile now that was good enough for Bastian. Lukas asked him to sing it, and Bastian shook his head. “It’s funny, I used to sing it all the time to annoy you, but now I can’t.” His joyful moment had been dampened. It didn’t feel right to sing that song unless he was singing it to annoy Lukas.
But Lukas wasn’t having any of that. “G-gol-di, Pol-di.” The words shook Bastian to the core. Of all the things to invoke a memory, that song had done the trick. He smiled brighter than he’d done yet.
“Hallelujah. You can’t forget that part.” So he sang the song, or at least as much of it as he could. Lukas was grinning when he stopped.
“Bad.” He was smiling, and Bastian laughed. It was beautiful. He almost forgot for a moment that Lukas couldn’t remember much, because he’d remembered enough right now. Things would come back eventually. Maybe not as quickly as Bastian wanted them to, but he was more confident that they would come back. They had to come back. He wouldn’t leave Lukas behind, he’d keep trying. As long as Lukas would listen, Bastian would tell him another story.
It wasn’t long before the doctor showed up, poking his head into the room and spotting Bastian. “You’re Bastian?” It took him a moment to realize this guy was the doctor and once he did he stood up straight and nodded his head in acknowledgment. The doctor stepped into the room and closed the door. “That’s good. My name is Martin Stahl, I’m Lukas’ doctor. Let’s have a seat, Bastian.” The doctor sat down in one of the chairs, beckoning for Bastian to do the same. He didn’t want to sit, because sitting meant bad news, didn’t it? He sat anyway. “Now we usually don’t disclose information on the patient to anyone except family, but since you are listed in Lukas’ file as his emergency contact, we can fill you in.”
Bastian was stunned. Lukas had listed him as his emergency contact? Why hadn’t Lukas told him? He was flattered, and suddenly very thankful. If Lukas hadn’t listed him, then he wouldn’t be able to get any information until Lukas’ parents had arrived. Had they even been informed? Bastian hadn’t called them. How could he not have called them? How could he have been so selfish, to sit here and wallow in his own worry and not even think about Lukas’ family?
“Don’t worry, his family have been contacted and they’re making their way here now. The nurses had a bit of trouble tracking them down, but we reached them.” It was as though the doctor had read the guilt on Bastian’s face and he flushed a little. The doctor continued on. “Lukas has suffered a severe concussion, Bastian. Do you know much about concussions?” Bastian shook his head, not knowing much at all. “That’s okay; I won’t bore you with the details right now. There are three levels, and unfortunately a severe concussion is exactly how it sounds. It’s the most serious level.” He paused, giving Bastian a moment to let the news sink in. “As I said I won’t bore you with details right now, I’d simply like to discuss his present state with you. He’s only woken up not too long ago and is very confused. For a concussion of this severity, it is completely normal and expected that he will suffer complete memory loss for the first twenty four hours. This is nothing to worry about, as I stated it’s completely normal and expected.”
“But it won’t last, right?” Memory loss. Bastian didn’t like the sound of that, no matter if it lasted five minutes or five days. He wanted Lukas to remember.
“It shouldn’t. He’s young and strong and he should recover completely. Of course we won’t know anything for sure until we perform more scans over the next few days and compare them. We’ll also have to wait and see how quickly he regains his memory. There’s nothing we can do to know how long it will take. I won’t lie; there is a very slim possibility that it could be permanent. It’s not likely, unless there’s more damage then we anticipate. I’ve seen a lot of cases like this Bastian, and they’ve all recovered nicely.” The doctor hadn’t wanted to lie to him, nor did he want to explicitly promise a swift recovery. The truth of the matter was that only time would tell how Lukas’ recovery would go.
“Can I see him?” Bastian couldn’t sit here any longer. He had to see Lukas; he had to know firsthand if this memory loss thing was actually real. Part of him wanted to think that the mere sight of him would jog Lukas’ memory and prove the doctor wrong. As long as he was there with Lukas, his younger friend would be fine. The doctor consented and showed Bastian to Lukas’ room.
His first glimpse of Lukas calmed him a little. He was sitting up, propped against pillows, looking at the window. He could move his neck at least, so there was no neck injury. This was a good sign. He stepped into the room, but stayed near the door. “Lukas?” Bastian called to him, expecting his friend to look at him and smile with recognition. But Lukas didn’t look. His eyes remained gazing out through the window and that unnerved Bastian, completely demolishing the calmness of a moment prior. He walked around to the other side of the bed, standing in Lukas’ line of sight. “Lukas?” Bastian looked at him enquiringly, waiting for him to say something. “Do you know me?”
Lukas looked at him and it nearly made Bastian shiver. There was no recognition in those eyes. He saw Lukas’ lips move, but what came out was not Lukas. It was a soft voice, softer than he ever spoke. Not that Lukas was ever especially loud, but this was mumbled, the way a child might speak in front of a crowd, drowned out by nerves. Bastian moved closer, feeling very uncomfortable.
Lukas spoke again. “W- what-ss name?” It was obvious from the look on his face that Lukas was struggling the make the words clear. He knew he wasn’t speaking properly. He knew he didn’t remember. For a moment they just stared at each other, before Bastian responded.
“Basti. Bastian Schweinsteiger. We play together on the German national football team.” He decided not to mention Bayern Munich. While Lukas remembering anything at all would be welcome, he wasn’t sure he wanted to chance having Lukas’ first memory be a sore one. There was no recognition at the name, not for a few moments at least. But then suddenly Lukas cocked his head just slightly and looked once more at Bastian, as though seeing him anew.
“Schwei-ni?”
It wasn’t very clear either, but Bastian had heard enough sounds to make out the nickname. “Yeah, Schweini. That’s me.” He felt a little relieved that there had been something. Even though Lukas didn’t appear to remember much aside from the nickname, it was still something.
Bastian sat down on the side of his bed, looking at Lukas. He looked so tired, so distressed. Was Lukas scared? Did he know what was happening? What had the doctor told him? How was he dealing with waking up and not remembering anything? “Do you remember anything at all?” Bastian couldn’t stand the silence; it wasn’t comfortable like it used to be. But when Lukas looked up at him he wished he’d kept his mouth shut. Lukas could barely shake his head to indicate no. Bastian nodded, not knowing what else to do. He looked away, unable to meet Lukas’ gaze. He felt like crying, but he couldn’t do that here. Not now. Not right in front of him. Lukas was worried enough without having a stranger crying next to him.
A hand on his arm and his head turned back to look at Lukas, into a face that was still so distraught. Distraught but hopeful. How could he be so selfish? Lukas was the one in bed, unable to remember anything. It was Bastian’s job to help him remember. It was his job to be strong and support him. He took hold of Lukas’ hand, squeezing it lightly and running his thumb over the back. He smiled at Lukas, who seemed to relax a little. Maybe somewhere deep down, Lukas remembered their friendship. Maybe he knew he was safe with Bastian.
He remained sitting there beside Lukas, holding his hand. He didn’t notice when Lukas’ eyes closed, off in his own little world, worrying about his best friend. After fifteen minutes he finally registered that Lukas had fallen asleep. As he looked down at his sleeping form, his earlier fear came rushing back. What if things didn’t change? What if Lukas would always be like this? What if “Schweini” was the only thing he ever remembered? What if he could never speak normally again? What if he never remembered? Could he even walk? All of these questions and there were no answers. Nothing definite. Just a fat lot of nothing. Wait and see. Time will tell.
He wanted to know now. He had to know now. How could he possibly function with all of this hanging around? He slowly removed Lukas’ hand from his grasp, placing it on his chest. He moved from the bed to the chair, sitting and staring at Lukas’ still form. He wasn’t aware of his shaking hands until he looked down at them. That’s when he noticed his bottom lip trembling. Noticing all of these things finally seemed to break him down and he started to cry.
This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. This wasn’t part of the plan; it hadn’t been in the cards. He and Lukas were supposed to play together until they just got too old. They would be fine if they just stuck together, on the pitch and in life. Lukas couldn’t forget. He couldn’t have such a debilitating injury and certainly not so soon. They were still so young, not even in their prime yet. Now this was all at risk. So Bastian continued to cry because he just didn’t want to face reality. Lukas might get better, but he might not. Memory loss for at least twenty four hours. No one would know anything until then. What if it took longer than twenty four hours? Were those twenty four hours all at once, after the injury, or did they only count when Lukas was awake? If he slept a lot that could take up to a week, maybe more! He couldn’t wait that long, he wanted to know now.
He heard a knock at the door and barely had time to wipe his eyes before the door opened and the doctor came in. He closed the door behind him and walked over to where Bastian was sitting. He looked calm. “Did he remember anything?” Bastian was still so upset that he forgot all about “Schweini”, shaking his head to indicate no. The doctor frowned. “Well, like I told you, this is normal for the first twenty four hours. Of course we always hope for better, but it is normal, I promise you that much.” The doctor turned to look at Lukas, which is when Bastian realized that he was wrong.
“Actually, he did remember something, but it’s not much.”
Doctor Stahl turned around and looked expectantly at him. “It’s something. Tell me about it.” Bastian explained that when prompted with his name, Lukas had remembered his preferred nickname for Bastian - Schweini. This made the doctor smile. “That’s wonderful!” From the look Bastian gave him, it was clear he wasn’t as excited as the doctor. “Bastian, I know it doesn’t seem like much, but frankly at this stage, anything he remembers is good news.” The doctor smiled again and headed for the door. He looked back at Bastian, the smile still on his face. “Stay with him. Keep telling him things. You might be surprised at just what jogs his memory.” Bastian nodded. “And Bastian? You must be very important to him, because he couldn’t even remember his own name.”
The doctor left. Bastian stood up and sat on the bed again, a little glimmer of hope springing up suddenly. A part of Lukas did remember. He would stay and he would help that part find its way to the surface.
True to their words, everyone had shown up after the match and it was clearly evident that no one had bothered to do much aside from changing out of their uniforms. The game had ended in a tie, 3-3. It had turned out to be a decent game after all even with the impact of both Bastian and Lukas not playing. The team had come together and fought hard, trying their best for their team mates. Once everyone had arrived Bastian told them all the news, but didn’t delve into detail. It was too painful. David was reduced to tears at the news, his close friendship with Lukas tugging at his emotions. Others, mainly the older ones, like Michael and Torsten, had done their best to remain strong and comfort the others. But even forced into such roles, their own sadness at the news was clearly evident. Lukas was much loved.
Lukas’ parents arrived a few hours later, and it was then that the doctor had come in then to explain in greater detail about Lukas’ condition. He explained that he and his colleagues had come to the conclusion after speaking to the medical staff from the game that the first hit Lukas had suffered had only been what was referred to as a minor concussion. Though he had appeared, to Bastian’s worry-fraught mind, to have had lost consciousness that first time, he hadn’t. He’d simply been in too much pain to want to bother with speaking, and had kept his eyes closed because that was just a reaction people tended to have when they got hit. It was common among young people to experience a secondary concussion within minutes of a first if it went unnoticed, the doctor went on to explain. One hard, jarring hit, whether to the head or simply the body, would have enough impact to jar the brain enough to experience a second, more serious concussion. This is what had happened. Had Lukas been taken off the field after the first hit, he may have had a few lingering effects and a nasty headache, but he would have been fine. But the second hit causing the second concussion had turned it into a much more serious situation.
The doctor lingered to answer questions, while Bastian settled into the chair the furthest away from everyone. In the small room, small for such a large group, it wasn’t very far. Michael sought Bastian out, sitting down next to him. He was worried about him. “How was he?” He faced Bastian completely, getting a good look at him. Puffy eyes and a red face, Bastian had obviously not been coping too well.
He shrugged his shoulders, hoping he could manage to speak without breaking down again. “It’s not Lukas in that room. There’s nothing of him right now.” Michael would understand what he meant. Michael always managed to understand.
“Did he remember anything?” Bastian told him about the nickname and Michael smiled. “That’s good. That’s a start.” After everyone’s quest for knowledge had been abated, they broke into shifts, keeping Bastian company. Lukas’ parents had been in to see their son, and would soon be leaving to find a hotel to stay at for the remainder of Lukas’ hospital stay. Bastian wanted to spend the night here with Lukas, not wanting to leave him alone.
Miroslav took the first shift, his quiet strength calming Bastian. They spoke at length about the injury and all the possible outcomes. Miroslav didn’t butter things up, he knew the possibility existed that Lukas might have problems. Surprisingly Bastian felt much better after speaking at length about all the possible bad things that could happen to Lukas. Perhaps vocalizing his fears was what he’d really needed to do. He couldn’t keep it all to himself.
When Philipp showed up an hour later, Bastian was feeling better about the whole thing. He asked Philipp about the game, feeling like he needed a bit of a distraction. Philipp told him everything, how it had been Bernd Schneider to score the equalizer, and then Michael who scored the third. Halfway through Philipp’s visit, the door to the waiting room opened and they were surprised to see none other than Thierry Henry and Gael Givet enter the room. It was a nice surprise, though. The Frenchmen expressed their sympathy at the accident, also the concern of the entire squad. When he heard that the whole French team had wanted to pay them a visit at the hospital, Bastian felt his eyes tear up again. Regardless of country, everyone loved Lukas. But the French had decided it would be better to send representatives, and Henry and Givet had volunteered immediately.
Bastian let Philipp explain everything, a process that proved to be a little complicated as neither of the pairs spoke each other’s languages, and both the pairs spoke simple English, struggling to find the words to properly explain some things. But the overall impression was made, and the visitors understood the severity. They left soon after, once more expressing their sympathy and concerns and hope for good news. Not long after their departure Michael showed up, and he wasn’t alone.
Bastian had been standing at the window, looking outside. He felt a pair of arms encircle him and he pulled them tightly around him. Daniela. “Michael showed up a little while ago and told me everything. I brought you some clothes.” She held up a bag in front of him, which he gratefully took. He placed it on the window ledge and turned around, properly embracing her. He didn’t say anything; just hugging her was enough comfort at the moment.
He said goodbye to Philipp and Michael walked the other youngster to his car, giving the couple some time alone. Bastian had Daniela lock the door so he could change, not wanting to bother going to the bathroom. Daniela teased him that the security team was probably taping his undressing and the video would appear on YouTube the following day. It made Bastian laugh a little. Once in fresh clothes he felt better - she had even brought him his favourite white sweater. She must have spent a few good minutes searching for it, since he knew it had been buried underneath the pile of laundry he’d done the previous night that he’d been too lazy to fold and put away.
He put the bag on a chair and pulled Daniela into his arms again, his head resting on her shoulder. “He’s gone, Dani. The doctor thinks he’ll come back, but I’m so scared that he won’t.” She didn’t say anything, but led him over to the couch, pulling him down and into her arms. She kissed the top of his head and her hand rubbed his back. She wasn’t going to say anything just yet; this was his time to speak.
“I hate seeing him like this, it’s so frightening. He looks at me, but he doesn’t have a clue who I am. All he remembers is a stupid nickname. All I am to him is a name, nothing else. It’s supposedly normal for the first day, but what if it lasts longer? What if he doesn’t come back? And even if he does what if he can’t play anymore? I don’t even know if he can walk and I haven’t asked because I’m too scared. How am I supposed to play without him?” The question hung in the air and there was no answer anyone could give him. Lukas simply had to get better.
It was over half an hour before Michael came back. He had stopped to talk to the nurses about Lukas and they had told him about the French players showing up. Michael had smiled at the news, knowing that he would have to express his gratitude for the support. Finally he came back in to see Bastian and Daniela sitting together. Bastian had been crying again, but that was a good thing this time. “Why don’t the two of you go grab some food? Don’t argue, Basti, you haven’t eaten since the match and I caught Daniela as she was about to prepare dinner. I’ll be here if anything happens.”
Bastian knew there was no point in arguing because Michael was always right. He followed Daniela to the cafeteria even though he wasn’t really hungry. She would worry about him if he didn’t eat, and between her and Michael, it was just easier to give in. So he picked at the chicken and listened to Daniela talk about her day. She had been supposed to have had the day off to come and see the game, but two of the girls she worked with called off sick and she’d had the misfortune of answering her telephone. But he was happy she hadn’t been there to see it happen.
Bastian ate enough to satisfy her and they returned to the waiting room. Michael was reading a magazine and looked up when they came in. “Nothing to report yet. Did you eat?”
Bastian nodded, and Michael looked to Daniela for confirmation. Bastian shook his head at their display. The couple took to the couch again, and this time Bastian held Daniela. The past few hours had been a veritable roller coaster ride of emotions and he was currently experiencing an ascent. He just hoped the next decline wasn’t too sharp.
The door opened. “Is there a Schweini in the room?” One of the nurses had poked her head in, looking at Bastian. “He’s asking for you, but don’t expect much. He still doesn’t remember anything, but you must have made an impression on him earlier.” She smiled brightly at him before heading back out to the hall. Bastian stood up, looking hopefully at Michael and Daniela.
“Do you want to come in with me, either of you?” He looked between them, knowing that they both cared about Lukas. Though he was Bastian’s friend, he and Daniela got on wonderfully and they could now spend time together without Bastian and it wasn’t uncomfortable. He knew Michael was aching to see Lukas, and didn’t want to begrudge him a visit.
They both declined. “No, he asked for you, Basti. We’ll see him later.” Daniela pushed him to the door, joking that she wanted a chance to flirt with Michael anyway. He grinned and left the room, glad that Daniela had turned out the way she had. She was so strong right now, and he appreciated her all the more for it.
He walked into Lukas’ room, quickly striding to the bed and resuming his spot. He looked down at Lukas and wondered how his visit with his parents had gone. Should he ask about it? One look at Lukas though, and he didn't need to ask.
“Mm-my parents,” Bastian had to struggle to make out what he was saying, a little disheartened that Lukas’ speech hadn’t improved any. He always seemed to be struggling to form words, and sometimes they didn't even sound right. “They, cry.” It was obvious from the look on his face that this had distressed him greatly. Bastian remembered back to his first visit at Lukas’ bedside, how he had barely staved off tears. Maybe that was why Lukas had asked for him this time.
“Of course they cried, Poldi. They’re your parents.” He reached out and grasped Lukas’ hand again, more disheartened when Lukas didn’t return the squeeze. He had to stop hoping for so much.
Lukas gazed up at him, confused. “Poldi?” Bastian understood the question, knowing that Lukas was probably too tired to struggle with elaborating. “That’s your nickname. I’m Schweini and you’re Poldi.” Lukas smiled at the answer and Bastian wanted to know what he was thinking. But he wasn’t about to make Lukas talk more than he had to. Talking was his job now. “So, I’m supposed to help you remember things by telling you a bunch of things about yourself, I guess.”
Lukas shook his head and wet his lips to speak again. “T-tell mm-me, you.” Bastian wasn’t sure if he’d heard correctly. “You want me to tell you about myself?” Lukas nodded. He’d probably heard enough about himself from his parents, now that Bastian thought about it. “Er, okay. I play midfield on the football team, and I live with my girlfriend, Daniela. You and she are good friends, she’s here but she said she’d see you later.” When the words came out, he suddenly hoped Lukas wouldn’t take offense to Daniela staying out of the room, which he realized might happen. But he didn’t appear bothered by it. “I like to tease you a lot about this song, I don’t know if I should tell you about it though. You’d probably be pissed at me if your first real memory was about it.” He grinned at Lukas, who broke into a smile.
“Tell, Schwein-ni.”
So Bastian told him. He didn’t tell him any of the lyrics right away, he just explained the premise. Lukas seemed amused, which made Bastian happy. Even if he didn’t remember it, as long as it made him smile now that was good enough for Bastian. Lukas asked him to sing it, and Bastian shook his head. “It’s funny, I used to sing it all the time to annoy you, but now I can’t.” His joyful moment had been dampened. It didn’t feel right to sing that song unless he was singing it to annoy Lukas.
But Lukas wasn’t having any of that. “G-gol-di, Pol-di.” The words shook Bastian to the core. Of all the things to invoke a memory, that song had done the trick. He smiled brighter than he’d done yet.
“Hallelujah. You can’t forget that part.” So he sang the song, or at least as much of it as he could. Lukas was grinning when he stopped.
“Bad.” He was smiling, and Bastian laughed. It was beautiful. He almost forgot for a moment that Lukas couldn’t remember much, because he’d remembered enough right now. Things would come back eventually. Maybe not as quickly as Bastian wanted them to, but he was more confident that they would come back. They had to come back. He wouldn’t leave Lukas behind, he’d keep trying. As long as Lukas would listen, Bastian would tell him another story.