(no subject)
29 - The first day
As they ate breakfast together there was no need to ask what the plan was for today; they both knew they’d be spending the day right here with each other, starting that process that might take some time but was very necessary. This new understanding between them required time and patience, there was a definite sense now of not wanting to rush anything. When they finished eating they took up their usual position in the living room, ready for a few rounds on the Playstation, intent on continuing their normal daily routine now that some sort of understanding had been reached.
There was such an ease about them now that made them forget all about the awkwardness of the morning. It wasn’t that they were denying all of the potential problems of this new something between them, but they wanted to take their first day back together, their first day spent really together, as easily as possible. They wanted to do all of those normal things that they had missed over the past few days, all of those things that defined them. One of those things was the merciless teasing they often enjoyed.
Now that Lukas was fully healed he was able to challenge Bastian again at their games. He’d just won two in a row and was starting to gloat. “You know Schweini, you don’t have to go easy on me anymore; I can handle you going all out now.” He grinned as he looked next to him, knowing full well that Bastian hadn’t been going easy on him at all.
Bastian didn’t answer right away. This was the one downside to Lukas being nearly fully recovered. Bastian was a highly competitive person; it didn’t even matter what the competition was, he always wanted to win it. So he’d been taking great joy in continually thrashing Lukas up until now, not even feeling guilty that Lukas was inhibited in his ability. It was still just as amusing to him when he won and Lukas lost. Now that Lukas was starting to win again, Bastian was feeling that competitive streak prodding at him, urging him on.
Lukas watched him, highly amused because he knew that it was killing Bastian to be losing this morning. Bastian hated to lose at anything. Lukas took losses a little better, which was another reason why he loved beating Bastian so much; because he knew his best friend would get more upset and annoyed about it than he would. “Now, now Schweini, it’s just a game, it’s nothing to get upset over.”
Bastian glanced at him with that look on his face, the look he got when he was already annoyed about something, but then he got progressively more annoyed when someone told him not to get annoyed. It just slightly bordered on petulant and childish. “Oh shut up and let’s just play another round so I can kick your ass.”
Lukas laughed. “Yeah right, it’s payback for all of those times that you didn’t take it easy on me over the past month! You aren’t going to win at anything this morning.”
Bastian couldn’t ignore that challenge when it was tossed out so casually. Throwing his controller to the side he slammed into Lukas and pushed him down onto the couch on his stomach; he then sat on his back. “We’ll see about that, Poldi.” He went right for Lukas’ weak spot, tickling him on the sides, alternating between that and pinching him, slapping the back of his head, grabbing his arms and twisting them back until Lukas was begging him to stop. “Oh, you want me to stop, do you?”
Lukas squirmed underneath him, feeling a little annoyed with himself for not having anticipated this. “Yes I do!”
“I don’t think I can do that just yet.” He twisted Lukas’ arms a little more, a grin now back on his face. He leaned down close to Lukas’ head. “You know what you have to do to get me to stop.”
Lukas was still squirming to try and get his arms free. “No way!”
“Oh yes. I’m not letting go until you say it.” Bastian kept a very firm grip on Lukas’ arms, not wanting to let him break away.
“I’m not giving in! And even if I did, it wouldn’t be a real victory for you anyway! You’re cheating.” There was no way he was going to let Bastian win this time. He had to try and find a way to throw him off.
“I am not cheating! Stop talking bullshit and admit your defeat.” Bastian let go of Lukas’ arms and started tickling him again, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of being in control of the struggle. Countless times now he and Lukas had been engaged in these struggles and every single time Lukas always gave in. Today was not going to be any different.
Lukas was about to respond when Bastian started tickling him again. It never failed. Just when he was calming down enough from the laughing to really try and get the upper hand somehow and Bastian had to go and start it all over again. No matter which way he tried to push Bastian to get him off, the Bavarian just had too strong of a grip and wasn’t going anywhere. Finally after another minute of nothing but tickling that left him with tears in his eyes Lukas finally gave in. “Okay fine you win! Now stop it!”
As soon as the words were uttered Bastian stopped the tickling, leaning down closer to Lukas’ head. “Could you repeat that please?”
Lukas hated this. He hated having to give in! Bastian was always so damn smug about it too, which made it worse. But there was no way he wanted that tickling to continue. “You win.”
Bastian sat up a little, giving Lukas room to move now. “That’s better.” Bastian was smug. It didn’t matter to him that Lukas was exceptionally ticklish and that it gave him an unfair advantage. The only thing that mattered was that Lukas had once again given in.
Taking advantage of the room Bastian was giving him now, Lukas turned over on to his back, looking up at his best friend, prepared for another attack if it came. Sometimes Bastian liked to take advantage of his post-struggle calming down period and strike one last time, just for an extra bit of added emphasis on his victory. Lukas wasn’t going to let him have that today. “You know, you can be a real asshole sometimes.”
Bastian grinned at the comment and laughed. He knew it was true, sometimes he did go just a little too far. But he also knew that it didn’t really bother Lukas. Sure, he might complain about it, but Bastian could see those subtle little signs that Lukas gave off that showcased his actual enjoyment of the teasing. He could see it in his eyes, the way they wouldn’t really match the frown on his face. It had always made Bastian enjoy the teasing that much more and today it wasn’t any different.
But now he couldn’t help but think of how this teasing might change over the course of time, whether Lukas would enjoy it even more now with the way things were going. Would he see it for what it truly was- a gesture of complete and total affection? Bastian wouldn’t tease anyone else the way he teased Lukas, after all. Their relationship had always had that little something extra that had allowed him to reach that deeper level of closeness with him. When he thought about it, it really wasn’t all that surprising that he’d fallen in love with him because they’d already been so close before the accident. He supposed it had just been the amount of time they’d spent together and the way they’d been exposed to different aspects of one another’s personalities that had really given them that extra little push.
So now that he was reflecting on all of this, lying there on top of Lukas, propped up on his elbow, he couldn’t help but be reminded of what they were doing, what they were contemplating. Lukas looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, as though asking him what he was thinking. Bastian just smiled and shook his head a little. Another moment passed and he broke the silence. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
Lukas looked at him, clearly perplexed by the comment. “For what?”
“For giving this a chance.” He knew he was risking entering that awkward territory of the morning again but he couldn’t help it at the moment. He was still just feeling relief that Lukas was back and that things were going relatively well. He was relieved that this wasn’t producing any feelings of awkwardness between them.
The comment passed by unacknowledged for a moment before Lukas finally smiled. “That’s all your doing, really. If it hadn’t been for you, then I never would have realized what I was feeling.” It was the truth and he knew it. He never would have realized anything if Bastian hadn’t taken that first step.
Bastian grinned at the comment. “I don’t doubt that. You’re a little slow on the uptake, you know.”
Lukas glared at him. “Shut up.” It was so typical of Bastian to ruin a moment.
“It’s okay though. I still love you, despite you not being the smartest guy around.” Bastian pinched him a little, mostly for emphasis.
Lukas continued with the glare. “Would you stop that? I am not stupid.”
Bastian used his free hand to pat Lukas on the head. “It’s okay dumbo; I love you for who you are. You don’t have to change anything for me.” This was just too much for him to pass up. Besides, he did have to get Lukas back for the bit about the eggs this morning.
Lukas glared even harder at the mention of yet another nickname. “What is it with you and stupid nicknames? I don’t appreciate it.” He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Bastian a look that was half glaring, and half pouting. But to Bastian, it was all adorable.
“How can you not love your nicknames? Think of them as presents from me.” Bastian knew he was pushing him again but he couldn’t help it. “Hey, which one do you prefer, dumbo or chubs? You have to pick one.”
“Neither, I hate both of them!” That wasn’t true. Lukas actually thought the nicknames were cute, really, but he’d be damned if he were ever to admit that to Bastian. “Hey, you know what? I think it’s only fair that I should get to call you something in return.”
Bastian looked down at Lukas, his expressed one of curiosity. What was he planning? “Oh really? And what are you going to be calling me?”
Lukas grinned and looked a little mischievous. “An ambulance.” He moved swiftly and pushed Bastian off of him onto the floor, dropping down from the couch on top of him. They immediately started wrestling around, both of them fighting for the dominance of being on top of the other. Having started there in the first place, Lukas did have the advantage. But like he did in nearly every situation, he eventually started laughing, which distracted him a little. Bastian, who wasn’t averse to using any means necessary to get the upper hand, decided to tickle him again. Lukas immediately rolled off of him, sitting up against the couch and glaring at him. “There you go again! You’re such a cheater.”
Bastian grinned and crawled over to sit next to him. “I was not cheating!” He sat next to Lukas, legs stretched out in front of him. “I just really like to see you smiling, and tickling you makes you smile.” He grinned mischievously at him.
Lukas looked at him and shook his head. “You don’t have to tickle me to make me smile, you know.”
Bastian couldn’t help but feel warmed by the comment, especially because he knew Lukas meant it. He had a way of being so honest with his feelings, something he didn’t even realize, and Bastian was feeling very grateful for it. He slid an arm around Lukas’ shoulders and leaned back against the couch too. “I can’t believe you just said that.” Even though he’d thoroughly enjoyed the comment from Lukas, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t pounce on the opportunity to tease him for making it.
Lukas smiled then and laughed a little, his arm finding its way across Bastian’s back, his fingers settling on his hip. “Well it’s true.” He leaned just slightly toward him, still looking his way.
Bastian smiled back and laughed too. “I know it’s true; I just like teasing you almost as much as I like seeing you smile.”
Lukas’ smile grew just a bit wider at the comment; Bastian’s teasing usually made him smile anyway. His expression grew little more serious after a moment. “Thank you for not being angry at me for leaving you the way I did.” Though they had already addressed that situation this morning, Lukas felt the need to apologize for it one more time. “I was so worried that you might not have understood why I left. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be near you, I just needed some time alone. Well, maybe not completely alone since I was with Tina. I guess, well, I guess maybe I did need to be away from you for a bit. You know what I mean though.” Lukas felt a little flushed after making the comment. He never could manage to be as eloquent as he wanted.
Bastian couldn’t help but laugh. “You really need to stop being so serious. You always end up confusing yourself.” He slid his other arm across Lukas’ front, his fingers lightly treading over the thin fabric of his shirt, slipping across his rib cage. He leaned his head forward, touching Lukas’. “But you’re cute when you get confused. So maybe you should keep trying to be serious. It’s endearing.”
Lukas shot him a look of annoyance. “Shut up.” He wasn’t sure if Bastian was teasing him again, or if he’d really meant the comment.
Bastian laughed and pulled him a little closer. “And it’s cute when you act all offended too.”
Lukas turned his head away and huffed, continuing to act offended. But it didn’t last long as Bastian’s left arm slipped down from around his shoulders to meet with the right and Bastian hugged him tightly. Lukas smiled and leaned back against him. “No matter what happens between us, I promise that I won’t ever leave you like that again.”
Bastian smiled and leaned his head on Lukas’ shoulder, kissing him right by the ear. “I’ll remember that promise.”
Lukas laid his hand over top of Bastian’s arm, his thumb rubbing over the skin. He couldn’t help but feel that little spark of difference right now. For the past month they’d been acting affectionate like this, sitting together and touching, always having that contact. Maybe there hadn’t been as much kissing, but there had still been this contact. Today he could feel that shift, he could feel himself reacting more to it; he could let himself enjoy it more. “And thank you for being so patient, too.”
Bastian was feeling so touched at the moment by Lukas’ comments, especially because they were so unexpected. It wasn’t like Lukas to be so forward with his feelings. But they made his heart swell with affection and he couldn’t help but kiss him again, this time on the neck. “Well I don’t really have a choice, you know.” He paused, his arms tightening around Lukas for a moment. “I really want this to work out.”
Lukas turned his head to look at Bastian, a playful smile settling over his lips. “You know, you kiss a lot.” He didn’t mean to purposefully skip over Bastian’s last comment, but he couldn’t help but mention the kissing. Though Bastian had started kissing him more in the past few weeks, it had mostly been during the night before he went to sleep. These kisses were different.
Bastian looked, not quite worried, but a little apprehensive after Lukas made the comment. “It doesn’t bother you, does it? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” He hadn’t even thought about the kisses, really. It was just something he did.
Lukas shook his head and smiled again. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not used to it.” He leaned his head to the side, touching Bastian’s. “So you can keep doing it.”
Bastian smiled finally after the last comment. “That’s good, because I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to cut it out.” As if to prove his comment he kissed him again, on the cheek.
Lukas grinned. It was a good thing that Bastian was willing to be so affectionate because Lukas knew that if he wasn’t, it probably would have taken him longer to be able to come to the conclusion he’d just reached now. He turned a little so he could look right into Bastian’s eyes, wanting him to see how much he meant this. “I think I really want this to work out too. I’m sorry it took me a bit longer to realize that, but I think I just needed a bit of prodding in the right direction this morning. I needed to see what it would be like. I needed to know that it wouldn’t change us that much.”
Those words were some of the sweetest he’d heard in a while. Bastian had been hopeful so far this morning that Lukas was really giving this a thought, that he was really contemplating the possibility of this relationship. But he hadn’t actually confirmed that he was; he’d just been giving subtle hints. This said it all. This confirmed that he was admitting to being in love; that he really wanted to give this a shot. Bastian smiled and moved one of his hands up, laying it on Lukas’ arm. “Do you really?”
Lukas nodded before leaning forward and doing something that he hoped would allay any further uncertainty on Bastian’s part about his sudden decision. He kissed him, pressing his lips lightly to Bastian’s. It wasn’t a long kiss and there wasn’t a touch of aggression or longing about it. It was affection in its simplest form, nothing else behind it.
Bastian was stunned at the suddenness of it. It had its intended outcome, brushing any further questions he might have had away. Lukas really meant it; he really was going to try. Bastian didn’t say anything, at least not with words. Instead he wound his arms back around Lukas and pulled him closer, giving him the exact same kind of kiss back, short and sweet, but very much to the point. They were in love with each other and there was no denying it anymore for either of them. They were going to test this thing out, see if they could make it work for them. Bastian was certain it would.
Lukas leaned against him, his head resting against his shoulder, one arm still behind him and the other now laying half in his lap, half on Bastian’s chest. He was surprised by the kiss. It had been so spur of the moment, so sudden and unexpected especially of him. But it had been the right decision, finally. He felt like he had a lot to make up for, given the way he had so very nearly messed up at the beginning. Though he knew Bastian wouldn’t agree, he wouldn’t want him to feel any sort of need to make up for anything, Lukas was still determined to do just that. He wasn’t sure what exactly he could do, but he felt as though that kiss had been the right first step. He was surprised too at how good it had felt. It wasn’t that it had been exciting or electrifying, nor had he found himself at a loss for breath at any point, but it had felt right. It felt natural, like it was a part of them, maybe something they’d been doing already, only mentally and emotionally instead of physically. But now adding the physical aspect to it just seemed like a natural progression.
When Lukas leaned up against him Bastian immediately shifted just a little to accommodate him, his arms still lying wrapped around Lukas. Now that the moment had passed and he was really able to think about what had just happened he couldn’t help but feel completely floored. That had been a ridiculously huge step for Lukas, one that was extremely important as well. Bastian was smiling now as he thought about it, unable to keep a straight face. He never thought he would have ever felt so giddy after kissing a person, but this time it had been different. He supposed it was the intense worry over such a short period of time; after all only twelve hours ago he’d gone to bed thinking that Lukas hated him, contemplating what life would be like if he were forced to live it without his best friend. But now it was so obviously certain that nothing would ever pull them apart. He was confident in the knowledge that they would be together, in some sense of the word, for the remainder of their lives.
It was an exciting thought, especially right now. He was feeling very grateful that he had the day off, grateful for the opportunity to be able to devote this first day to them. Going to training now would have been torture. But instead he could sit back and enjoy the afternoon, he could spend every second of it with the only person he wanted to be around. He’d be fine to go for training tomorrow; the shock over all of this would be gone by then, leaving behind a calm serenity in its place.
For minutes they sat together, nothing more than silence between them, their game forgotten for the time being. There was nothing to compete about anymore either, they’d both won. Finally Lukas was the one to break the silence. “I guess we should have some lunch, huh? We can sit on the balcony; it looks like it’s nice out today.”
Bastian nodded, feeling a little hungry himself. That was another good thing about this having worked out so well: his appetite was back. Food was important to him and his having consumed next to none of it had probably played a factor in his lack of energy the day before. He was certain at practice tomorrow he’d be doing much better than he had over the past few days. He just hoped the guys wouldn’t ask too many questions about his improved mood.
Lukas pulled himself away from Bastian and stood up. He turned around and extended his hands down to him; they were taken and Lukas pulled him up. Once on his feet Bastian didn’t let go of the hands, instead using them to pull Lukas closer. He slipped his arms around him again, still so happy about that kiss and what it meant that he couldn’t help but keep making this contact. He just hoped it wasn’t going to annoy Lukas.
When Bastian hugged him again Lukas couldn’t help but shake his head. “We already established that I won’t ever leave again, so really, you don’t have to plaster yourself to me at every second.” He was grinning while he spoke. He wasn’t bothered by the touching at all; in fact he rather liked it. It felt nice to know that someone wanted to be close to you so often.
Bastian saw the grin and knew that Lukas was teasing him. He smiled, letting him tease. “Well, it’s just that I’ve been waiting for days to plaster myself to you like this, so you’re just going to have to let me get it out of my system.” Bastian let him go finally, but kept an arm around his shoulders as they walked out to the kitchen.
Lukas just smiled. “Don’t get it out of your system.” He knew it was potentially dangerous to admit how much he enjoyed the attention, certain that Bastian would one day find some way to use it against him. It probably wouldn’t be anytime soon, but eventually, once Bastian settled more into the reality that they were giving this a shot, Lukas was certain he’d find a way to use it against him. That was just the way Bastian was, always taking note of any sort of weakness and storing it away for future use.
Bastian beamed at the comment, secure in the knowledge that it wasn’t going to annoy Lukas at all. In the kitchen they made themselves simple sandwiches, neither of them feeling like actually taking the time to cook anything. They sat side by side on the balcony in the warm afternoon air, eating and talking, just enjoying the day and each other’s company.
Lukas told Bastian about the conversation he’d had with Tina, about how he’d finally realized that he had to come back to talk to him again before he could really decide on anything. Then he mentioned what it had been like coming back last night. “You never picked up when I called, so I was certain you weren’t here. Then when I went down to your room and you weren’t in there, I was worried that you were angry with me. I thought you’d changed your mind. I probably spent an hour just worrying about it.”
“Really?” Bastian was a little surprised to hear it, but pleased.
“Yeah. If things didn’t work out between us, I wanted it to be due to the both of us deciding that; not because I was a thoughtless jerk who left you.” They’d finished eating by now and were just sitting, content for now to talk a bit more about the past few days.
“I’d never change my mind that quickly, you know that.” Bastian couldn’t help but smile at the thought. They’d both drawn some pretty stupid conclusions about what the other was thinking; both of them disregarding what the past few years of close friendship should have reminded them of.
“I know that, but at the time I was scared of things changing. I was worried that things were going to happen too quickly. A lot has changed recently; I wasn’t ready for anything else at the time.” Lukas sipped from his glass of water, his eyes looking out over the city.
“Are you really okay with this?” Bastian couldn’t help but ask. He’d been certain a little earlier, but Lukas was right. A lot had changed for him recently. Bastian didn’t want this to put any added stress on him.
Lukas looked at him and grinned. “Are you just trying to get me to kiss you again?” They both laughed and Bastian said that he wasn’t and that he just didn’t want to rush anything. Lukas looked back out over the city. “I’m really okay with this. Being close to you has helped me a lot so far anyway, so it only makes sense that the closer I get the better off I’ll be, right?”
Bastian nodded. “I like that logic.” They stayed outside for a bit longer before finally going back in, deciding to spend the remainder of the day watching movies. They sat on the couch, each at one end of it, stretching their legs out to conveniently kick each other.
Even after everything they’d said to each other, that desire to tease and bug one another was still running strong. That was something that made Lukas feel more comfortable about it all. If things between him and Bastian had changed in a more drastic manner, he wouldn’t have felt so ready for this. But things between them were still exactly the same, the only difference being the heightened instances of physical affection. He could handle that little change, in fact he enjoyed it. It felt comforting to have someone there, someone so in tune with you who knew exactly how best to interact with you at any given point in time, someone who wasn’t afraid to show you how much they cared about you. He needed someone like that.
Bastian was like that. He was more open with his feelings; not in an overly emotional way, but you could look at him and tell what he was feeling. Lukas wasn’t sure if he was that easy to read, but he hoped Bastian could read him that well. He hoped that he knew how much he meant to him, how much he cared about him. And he was still thinking about the roles they would both play in this relationship. What would his be? What would he give Bastian back for everything he’d received so far? He still wasn’t sure, but he hoped he could figure it out soon.
They took a break a few hours later to make something for dinner, baking some fish and potatoes. They sat at the counter to eat, discussing the movies they’d watched, laughing again at the stupid scenes from the comedy. It was starting to get dark out now as it was closing in on the evening hours and once they finished eating they returned to the living room couch. Instead of sitting at opposite ends again though, this time they sat closer together.
While waiting for the movie to start Bastian looked next to him at Lukas, grinning and slipping an arm around him. “You know, today has made the past few days all worthwhile. It’s been a good day.”
Lukas looked at him with raised eyebrows, wondering what, if anything, had sparked the comment. “Well I’m glad to know you feel that way. I’ve been kind of bored, myself.” He could have responded with something a bit more serious, but he just couldn’t help but joke around and tease Bastian for the comment.
The teasing had been expected on Bastian’s part and he pinched Lukas for it. “I know you don’t really mean that. Would it kill you to be a little more verbally affectionate?” They were both teasing each other now.
“Excuse me? I seem to remember someone mocking me for being verbally affectionate earlier today, thank you.” Lukas pinched Bastian back.
Bastian mustered the best look of surprise to his face that he was capable of. “You’re not insinuating that it was me, are you? I would never do that to my chubs.” Bastian grinned after using the nickname, expecting a strong reaction from Lukas.
Lukas didn’t disappoint him. He slapped Bastian’s arm before speaking. “Would you stop with the stupid nickname already?”
Bastian could tell by the expression on Lukas’ face that he didn’t find it anywhere near as annoying as he said he did. The grin on his face widened at the realization and he grabbed Lukas’ arms and pushed him back onto the cushions until he was lying over top of him. “You like it, don’t you? You like my stupid nicknames?”
Lukas struggled against him, trying to look annoyed. “No I don’t! They’re stupid.”
“You do too! Don’t lie, Poldi! I know when you’re lying, you’re a horrible liar. You like the nicknames. Admit it.” Bastian remained on top of him, his legs on the couch behind Lukas’, but his arms still pressing into the couch on either side of him.
“I’m not lying, I think they’re stupid!”
“I didn’t ask if you thought they were stupid, though. I asked if you like them. And you do. I can tell just by looking at you, you give yourself away so easily. You love it when I call you chubs, admit it.” Bastian was grinning devilishly now as he watched Lukas trying to keep up with the annoyed façade.
“No I don’t, now get off of me.” He turned his head, not wanting to look at Bastian. He didn’t trust himself not to laugh, which would only give his real feelings away even more obviously.
Bastian remained on top of him, but shifted slightly so he wasn’t pressing down on him so much. He leaned on one arm behind Lukas, the other draped over his best friend’s chest. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. It’s more fun if you keep pretending that it annoys you.” He leaned his head down, kissing Lukas along his jaw bone. He had a feeling that this relationship was definitely going to be an entertaining one.
Lukas shook his head and didn’t respond, but he did shift just a little to accommodate Bastian, moving just a bit to give him more room. One of his hands rested on Bastian’s arm, very gently rubbing over it. He felt Bastian settle behind him, lying snugly in between his body and the back of the couch. It felt nice to lie so close, to feel that body pressed against him. It was calming and soothing and he smiled as he felt Bastian’s arm pull him just a bit closer now that he’d settled back. The smile widened when he felt lips pressed to his neck. It felt like a little piece of his life that had been missing thus far was settling into place, the closer he and Bastian were getting. It was unfortunate he’d been missing having a connection like this for so long, but if he’d had someone in his life prior to all of this, he knew this never would have been possible. In some ways that would have made things easier, but as he was lying here now he was happy that things had worked out this way instead. He was certain that there was no way anyone else in the world could possibly know him as well as Bastian did, after all. He wanted to be with someone who really knew him, someone who understood how he worked and who knew how to react to everything he did. Bastian was all of that, so he was willing to take the chance.
Bastian was quite comfortable settled behind Lukas. He was surprised that Lukas was so comfortable with the closeness though, not having expected him to be so quickly adaptive to this kind of affection. It was a different kind of closeness that they had now, as opposed to what they’d had before. It was something that Lukas wasn’t used to having. But he seemed pretty okay with it all so far, so Bastian was intent on keeping it up. He was still a little worried about pushing things too quickly though. He wanted things to work, but he was going to have to let Lukas dictate the pace. For now he was content to just lie here with him while they watched a movie.
They watched one more after that one before it became late enough for them to head off to sleep. Bastian did have morning practice the following day after all, it wouldn’t do to stay up late. Lukas went to his bathroom to brush his teeth, while Bastian followed suit. While the day had gone off excellently after their talk this morning, Bastian was finding himself a little unhappy at the prospect of it ending like this. If the decision were up to him, he’d join Lukas in his bed. He wasn’t ready to give up the closeness yet. He knew he shouldn’t be hoping for that much just yet, they’d only figured things out this morning after all. But after being so close to Lukas all day, the prospect of sleeping alone was not one he was looking forward to. He couldn’t let it bother him that much though since he needed to sleep tonight. But he was still a little sad about it.
He finished getting ready, slipping into a pair of pyjama pants, which were the only thing he wore to bed, then went off down the hall to Lukas’ room. He kept telling himself not to expect an invitation to sleep in Lukas’ bed, because he didn’t want to be too disappointed if he didn’t get one. But he still couldn’t help but feel as though that was the only way he’d be able to really rest well tonight. He was at least going to get another kiss, that much he was willing to push for. He’d leave the rest up to Lukas. “I came to say goodnight.” He stopped inside the door, leaning up against the wall. Lukas was standing by his bed, setting his alarm clock.
Lukas looked up at him, a little smile on his face. “Is that all you came for?”
Bastian smiled too, and pushed himself away from the wall. “Well, I did come for something else too.” He walked up to Lukas, who hadn’t moved from his spot by the bed, but who was clearly expecting what Bastian was looking for. Lukas still had his jeans on but he’d taken his shirt off and the belt he was wearing was undone. Bastian stopped in front of him, close enough to slide his arms around Lukas’ back, pulling him closer. Lukas moved willingly as Bastian drew him in, slipping his own arms around his back and completing the embrace. There was a momentary pause as they both just stared at each other for a brief second, before Bastian broke it by closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to Lukas’. The kiss was soft like the one they’d shared earlier, but definitely longer this time. Bastian’s fingers were lightly tracing over the skin of Lukas’ lower back, while Lukas’ hands lay flat against Bastian’s.
Seconds later they parted, and Lukas lowered his head a little, his lips very nearly brushing the skin of Bastian’s shoulder. “Are you staying?” It was a question, not a request. He hoped the answer would be yes, but in much the same way that Bastian didn’t want to push things, Lukas wasn’t sure if he should.
“Do you want me to?” Bastian had felt nothing but relief at the question. He wanted to stay, but only if Lukas asked him to. This was close enough to a request for him.
“Yes.” Lukas looked at him again, pleased with himself that he’d asked. It wasn’t the prospect of sleeping in the same bed with Bastian that had him nervous, but it was the act of asking for it, of taking the next little step to figuring out where they stood in every aspect of the relationship. Lukas didn’t feel as though he’d sleep soundly either if he was alone, not after today.
Bastian smiled when he answered, his hands finally laying flat against Lukas’ back, gripping him ever so slightly. “Then I’ll stay. I didn’t want to push you into it; I was hoping you’d ask.”
Lukas smiled too. “If you want something, push for it. If you don’t, then we wouldn’t be standing here right now, would we?” He slid his hands up Bastian’s back to his shoulders, fingers ghosting over the skin there softly as they traveled down the arms. He leaned forward to kiss him again, their lips meeting for the fourth time today.
Bastian grinned after the kiss and brought his arms back around to the front, allowing Lukas’ hands to continue their travel down toward his own. When they reached their destination Bastian interlaced his fingers with Lukas’, looking down at their hands and smiling. He squeezed Lukas’ hands gently before pulling away and moving to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers and sliding underneath the blankets. After getting rid of his jeans Lukas did the same, sliding into his bed and closing the newly created gap between him and Bastian. They looked at each other for a moment and broke into smiles at the same time, both sharing in a brief moment of disbelief that they were actually doing this.
Bastian broke the silence. “Turn around.” He hadn’t meant to make the request in such a commanding way and was about to add in a ‘please’, but Lukas hadn’t appeared to mind. He was laying on his other side now as requested, back to Bastian, waiting. Bastian didn’t waste any time, he slid his left arm underneath Lukas’, leaving it lying snugly across his chest, as though he were intending to hold him throughout the night. The rest of his body pressed against him too, their legs brushing each other, his chest pressed firmly to Lukas’ back. Their heads were on the same pillow now and Bastian leaned his slightly forward, kissing the back of Lukas’ neck.
Lukas hadn’t minded at all when Bastian had made the request, his question about how they were going to sleep together being answered. He’d been wondering if they’d be close like this or if they’d spend the night here together, but with space between them. He wasn’t used to sleeping with another person, but it was an awfully relaxing position right now. The kisses to his neck that Bastian was currently in the middle of issuing made him smile.
After a few more instances of pressing his lips to Lukas’ skin Bastian finally stopped, his arm tightening just a little around Lukas. He had a feeling that he’d be sleeping very soundly tonight. “Goodnight chubs.” He couldn’t help but bring up the nickname again. He needed something a bit more personal to call Lukas after all; he wanted something that no one else would use. He knew Lukas would never let anyone else use the nickname.
Lukas couldn’t help but smile at the comment, not even bothering to pretend to act upset about it right now. It was having its desired effect. He leaned his head down to kiss Bastian’s hand, as it was resting on the sheets not far from his mouth. Once he settled his head back onto the pillow he spoke. “I love you.”
Bastian had smiled when Lukas didn’t say anything about the nickname, grinning when he felt the kiss pressed to the back of his hand. And when Lukas spoke he grinned even wider. “And you love your nickname too, don’t you?”
Not in the mood to pretend tonight, Lukas knew he was finally busted. “Fine, yes. I love you and your stupid little nicknames, too.” He laid his hand on Bastian’s arm, thumb tracing patterns into the skin, while his other hand he laid over top of Bastian’s.
Bastian smiled when he finally got Lukas to admit it. He kissed his neck again and pushed his hand back into Lukas’, feeling a calm sense of serenity settle over them as their fingers brushed together. “I love you too.” That was the end of their conversation for the night, at least of a verbal sense. But their bodies were constantly speaking through the night while they slept, constantly shifting slightly, pressing together and molding into one another. They both slept soundly.
As they ate breakfast together there was no need to ask what the plan was for today; they both knew they’d be spending the day right here with each other, starting that process that might take some time but was very necessary. This new understanding between them required time and patience, there was a definite sense now of not wanting to rush anything. When they finished eating they took up their usual position in the living room, ready for a few rounds on the Playstation, intent on continuing their normal daily routine now that some sort of understanding had been reached.
There was such an ease about them now that made them forget all about the awkwardness of the morning. It wasn’t that they were denying all of the potential problems of this new something between them, but they wanted to take their first day back together, their first day spent really together, as easily as possible. They wanted to do all of those normal things that they had missed over the past few days, all of those things that defined them. One of those things was the merciless teasing they often enjoyed.
Now that Lukas was fully healed he was able to challenge Bastian again at their games. He’d just won two in a row and was starting to gloat. “You know Schweini, you don’t have to go easy on me anymore; I can handle you going all out now.” He grinned as he looked next to him, knowing full well that Bastian hadn’t been going easy on him at all.
Bastian didn’t answer right away. This was the one downside to Lukas being nearly fully recovered. Bastian was a highly competitive person; it didn’t even matter what the competition was, he always wanted to win it. So he’d been taking great joy in continually thrashing Lukas up until now, not even feeling guilty that Lukas was inhibited in his ability. It was still just as amusing to him when he won and Lukas lost. Now that Lukas was starting to win again, Bastian was feeling that competitive streak prodding at him, urging him on.
Lukas watched him, highly amused because he knew that it was killing Bastian to be losing this morning. Bastian hated to lose at anything. Lukas took losses a little better, which was another reason why he loved beating Bastian so much; because he knew his best friend would get more upset and annoyed about it than he would. “Now, now Schweini, it’s just a game, it’s nothing to get upset over.”
Bastian glanced at him with that look on his face, the look he got when he was already annoyed about something, but then he got progressively more annoyed when someone told him not to get annoyed. It just slightly bordered on petulant and childish. “Oh shut up and let’s just play another round so I can kick your ass.”
Lukas laughed. “Yeah right, it’s payback for all of those times that you didn’t take it easy on me over the past month! You aren’t going to win at anything this morning.”
Bastian couldn’t ignore that challenge when it was tossed out so casually. Throwing his controller to the side he slammed into Lukas and pushed him down onto the couch on his stomach; he then sat on his back. “We’ll see about that, Poldi.” He went right for Lukas’ weak spot, tickling him on the sides, alternating between that and pinching him, slapping the back of his head, grabbing his arms and twisting them back until Lukas was begging him to stop. “Oh, you want me to stop, do you?”
Lukas squirmed underneath him, feeling a little annoyed with himself for not having anticipated this. “Yes I do!”
“I don’t think I can do that just yet.” He twisted Lukas’ arms a little more, a grin now back on his face. He leaned down close to Lukas’ head. “You know what you have to do to get me to stop.”
Lukas was still squirming to try and get his arms free. “No way!”
“Oh yes. I’m not letting go until you say it.” Bastian kept a very firm grip on Lukas’ arms, not wanting to let him break away.
“I’m not giving in! And even if I did, it wouldn’t be a real victory for you anyway! You’re cheating.” There was no way he was going to let Bastian win this time. He had to try and find a way to throw him off.
“I am not cheating! Stop talking bullshit and admit your defeat.” Bastian let go of Lukas’ arms and started tickling him again, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of being in control of the struggle. Countless times now he and Lukas had been engaged in these struggles and every single time Lukas always gave in. Today was not going to be any different.
Lukas was about to respond when Bastian started tickling him again. It never failed. Just when he was calming down enough from the laughing to really try and get the upper hand somehow and Bastian had to go and start it all over again. No matter which way he tried to push Bastian to get him off, the Bavarian just had too strong of a grip and wasn’t going anywhere. Finally after another minute of nothing but tickling that left him with tears in his eyes Lukas finally gave in. “Okay fine you win! Now stop it!”
As soon as the words were uttered Bastian stopped the tickling, leaning down closer to Lukas’ head. “Could you repeat that please?”
Lukas hated this. He hated having to give in! Bastian was always so damn smug about it too, which made it worse. But there was no way he wanted that tickling to continue. “You win.”
Bastian sat up a little, giving Lukas room to move now. “That’s better.” Bastian was smug. It didn’t matter to him that Lukas was exceptionally ticklish and that it gave him an unfair advantage. The only thing that mattered was that Lukas had once again given in.
Taking advantage of the room Bastian was giving him now, Lukas turned over on to his back, looking up at his best friend, prepared for another attack if it came. Sometimes Bastian liked to take advantage of his post-struggle calming down period and strike one last time, just for an extra bit of added emphasis on his victory. Lukas wasn’t going to let him have that today. “You know, you can be a real asshole sometimes.”
Bastian grinned at the comment and laughed. He knew it was true, sometimes he did go just a little too far. But he also knew that it didn’t really bother Lukas. Sure, he might complain about it, but Bastian could see those subtle little signs that Lukas gave off that showcased his actual enjoyment of the teasing. He could see it in his eyes, the way they wouldn’t really match the frown on his face. It had always made Bastian enjoy the teasing that much more and today it wasn’t any different.
But now he couldn’t help but think of how this teasing might change over the course of time, whether Lukas would enjoy it even more now with the way things were going. Would he see it for what it truly was- a gesture of complete and total affection? Bastian wouldn’t tease anyone else the way he teased Lukas, after all. Their relationship had always had that little something extra that had allowed him to reach that deeper level of closeness with him. When he thought about it, it really wasn’t all that surprising that he’d fallen in love with him because they’d already been so close before the accident. He supposed it had just been the amount of time they’d spent together and the way they’d been exposed to different aspects of one another’s personalities that had really given them that extra little push.
So now that he was reflecting on all of this, lying there on top of Lukas, propped up on his elbow, he couldn’t help but be reminded of what they were doing, what they were contemplating. Lukas looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, as though asking him what he was thinking. Bastian just smiled and shook his head a little. Another moment passed and he broke the silence. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
Lukas looked at him, clearly perplexed by the comment. “For what?”
“For giving this a chance.” He knew he was risking entering that awkward territory of the morning again but he couldn’t help it at the moment. He was still just feeling relief that Lukas was back and that things were going relatively well. He was relieved that this wasn’t producing any feelings of awkwardness between them.
The comment passed by unacknowledged for a moment before Lukas finally smiled. “That’s all your doing, really. If it hadn’t been for you, then I never would have realized what I was feeling.” It was the truth and he knew it. He never would have realized anything if Bastian hadn’t taken that first step.
Bastian grinned at the comment. “I don’t doubt that. You’re a little slow on the uptake, you know.”
Lukas glared at him. “Shut up.” It was so typical of Bastian to ruin a moment.
“It’s okay though. I still love you, despite you not being the smartest guy around.” Bastian pinched him a little, mostly for emphasis.
Lukas continued with the glare. “Would you stop that? I am not stupid.”
Bastian used his free hand to pat Lukas on the head. “It’s okay dumbo; I love you for who you are. You don’t have to change anything for me.” This was just too much for him to pass up. Besides, he did have to get Lukas back for the bit about the eggs this morning.
Lukas glared even harder at the mention of yet another nickname. “What is it with you and stupid nicknames? I don’t appreciate it.” He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Bastian a look that was half glaring, and half pouting. But to Bastian, it was all adorable.
“How can you not love your nicknames? Think of them as presents from me.” Bastian knew he was pushing him again but he couldn’t help it. “Hey, which one do you prefer, dumbo or chubs? You have to pick one.”
“Neither, I hate both of them!” That wasn’t true. Lukas actually thought the nicknames were cute, really, but he’d be damned if he were ever to admit that to Bastian. “Hey, you know what? I think it’s only fair that I should get to call you something in return.”
Bastian looked down at Lukas, his expressed one of curiosity. What was he planning? “Oh really? And what are you going to be calling me?”
Lukas grinned and looked a little mischievous. “An ambulance.” He moved swiftly and pushed Bastian off of him onto the floor, dropping down from the couch on top of him. They immediately started wrestling around, both of them fighting for the dominance of being on top of the other. Having started there in the first place, Lukas did have the advantage. But like he did in nearly every situation, he eventually started laughing, which distracted him a little. Bastian, who wasn’t averse to using any means necessary to get the upper hand, decided to tickle him again. Lukas immediately rolled off of him, sitting up against the couch and glaring at him. “There you go again! You’re such a cheater.”
Bastian grinned and crawled over to sit next to him. “I was not cheating!” He sat next to Lukas, legs stretched out in front of him. “I just really like to see you smiling, and tickling you makes you smile.” He grinned mischievously at him.
Lukas looked at him and shook his head. “You don’t have to tickle me to make me smile, you know.”
Bastian couldn’t help but feel warmed by the comment, especially because he knew Lukas meant it. He had a way of being so honest with his feelings, something he didn’t even realize, and Bastian was feeling very grateful for it. He slid an arm around Lukas’ shoulders and leaned back against the couch too. “I can’t believe you just said that.” Even though he’d thoroughly enjoyed the comment from Lukas, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t pounce on the opportunity to tease him for making it.
Lukas smiled then and laughed a little, his arm finding its way across Bastian’s back, his fingers settling on his hip. “Well it’s true.” He leaned just slightly toward him, still looking his way.
Bastian smiled back and laughed too. “I know it’s true; I just like teasing you almost as much as I like seeing you smile.”
Lukas’ smile grew just a bit wider at the comment; Bastian’s teasing usually made him smile anyway. His expression grew little more serious after a moment. “Thank you for not being angry at me for leaving you the way I did.” Though they had already addressed that situation this morning, Lukas felt the need to apologize for it one more time. “I was so worried that you might not have understood why I left. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be near you, I just needed some time alone. Well, maybe not completely alone since I was with Tina. I guess, well, I guess maybe I did need to be away from you for a bit. You know what I mean though.” Lukas felt a little flushed after making the comment. He never could manage to be as eloquent as he wanted.
Bastian couldn’t help but laugh. “You really need to stop being so serious. You always end up confusing yourself.” He slid his other arm across Lukas’ front, his fingers lightly treading over the thin fabric of his shirt, slipping across his rib cage. He leaned his head forward, touching Lukas’. “But you’re cute when you get confused. So maybe you should keep trying to be serious. It’s endearing.”
Lukas shot him a look of annoyance. “Shut up.” He wasn’t sure if Bastian was teasing him again, or if he’d really meant the comment.
Bastian laughed and pulled him a little closer. “And it’s cute when you act all offended too.”
Lukas turned his head away and huffed, continuing to act offended. But it didn’t last long as Bastian’s left arm slipped down from around his shoulders to meet with the right and Bastian hugged him tightly. Lukas smiled and leaned back against him. “No matter what happens between us, I promise that I won’t ever leave you like that again.”
Bastian smiled and leaned his head on Lukas’ shoulder, kissing him right by the ear. “I’ll remember that promise.”
Lukas laid his hand over top of Bastian’s arm, his thumb rubbing over the skin. He couldn’t help but feel that little spark of difference right now. For the past month they’d been acting affectionate like this, sitting together and touching, always having that contact. Maybe there hadn’t been as much kissing, but there had still been this contact. Today he could feel that shift, he could feel himself reacting more to it; he could let himself enjoy it more. “And thank you for being so patient, too.”
Bastian was feeling so touched at the moment by Lukas’ comments, especially because they were so unexpected. It wasn’t like Lukas to be so forward with his feelings. But they made his heart swell with affection and he couldn’t help but kiss him again, this time on the neck. “Well I don’t really have a choice, you know.” He paused, his arms tightening around Lukas for a moment. “I really want this to work out.”
Lukas turned his head to look at Bastian, a playful smile settling over his lips. “You know, you kiss a lot.” He didn’t mean to purposefully skip over Bastian’s last comment, but he couldn’t help but mention the kissing. Though Bastian had started kissing him more in the past few weeks, it had mostly been during the night before he went to sleep. These kisses were different.
Bastian looked, not quite worried, but a little apprehensive after Lukas made the comment. “It doesn’t bother you, does it? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” He hadn’t even thought about the kisses, really. It was just something he did.
Lukas shook his head and smiled again. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not used to it.” He leaned his head to the side, touching Bastian’s. “So you can keep doing it.”
Bastian smiled finally after the last comment. “That’s good, because I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to cut it out.” As if to prove his comment he kissed him again, on the cheek.
Lukas grinned. It was a good thing that Bastian was willing to be so affectionate because Lukas knew that if he wasn’t, it probably would have taken him longer to be able to come to the conclusion he’d just reached now. He turned a little so he could look right into Bastian’s eyes, wanting him to see how much he meant this. “I think I really want this to work out too. I’m sorry it took me a bit longer to realize that, but I think I just needed a bit of prodding in the right direction this morning. I needed to see what it would be like. I needed to know that it wouldn’t change us that much.”
Those words were some of the sweetest he’d heard in a while. Bastian had been hopeful so far this morning that Lukas was really giving this a thought, that he was really contemplating the possibility of this relationship. But he hadn’t actually confirmed that he was; he’d just been giving subtle hints. This said it all. This confirmed that he was admitting to being in love; that he really wanted to give this a shot. Bastian smiled and moved one of his hands up, laying it on Lukas’ arm. “Do you really?”
Lukas nodded before leaning forward and doing something that he hoped would allay any further uncertainty on Bastian’s part about his sudden decision. He kissed him, pressing his lips lightly to Bastian’s. It wasn’t a long kiss and there wasn’t a touch of aggression or longing about it. It was affection in its simplest form, nothing else behind it.
Bastian was stunned at the suddenness of it. It had its intended outcome, brushing any further questions he might have had away. Lukas really meant it; he really was going to try. Bastian didn’t say anything, at least not with words. Instead he wound his arms back around Lukas and pulled him closer, giving him the exact same kind of kiss back, short and sweet, but very much to the point. They were in love with each other and there was no denying it anymore for either of them. They were going to test this thing out, see if they could make it work for them. Bastian was certain it would.
Lukas leaned against him, his head resting against his shoulder, one arm still behind him and the other now laying half in his lap, half on Bastian’s chest. He was surprised by the kiss. It had been so spur of the moment, so sudden and unexpected especially of him. But it had been the right decision, finally. He felt like he had a lot to make up for, given the way he had so very nearly messed up at the beginning. Though he knew Bastian wouldn’t agree, he wouldn’t want him to feel any sort of need to make up for anything, Lukas was still determined to do just that. He wasn’t sure what exactly he could do, but he felt as though that kiss had been the right first step. He was surprised too at how good it had felt. It wasn’t that it had been exciting or electrifying, nor had he found himself at a loss for breath at any point, but it had felt right. It felt natural, like it was a part of them, maybe something they’d been doing already, only mentally and emotionally instead of physically. But now adding the physical aspect to it just seemed like a natural progression.
When Lukas leaned up against him Bastian immediately shifted just a little to accommodate him, his arms still lying wrapped around Lukas. Now that the moment had passed and he was really able to think about what had just happened he couldn’t help but feel completely floored. That had been a ridiculously huge step for Lukas, one that was extremely important as well. Bastian was smiling now as he thought about it, unable to keep a straight face. He never thought he would have ever felt so giddy after kissing a person, but this time it had been different. He supposed it was the intense worry over such a short period of time; after all only twelve hours ago he’d gone to bed thinking that Lukas hated him, contemplating what life would be like if he were forced to live it without his best friend. But now it was so obviously certain that nothing would ever pull them apart. He was confident in the knowledge that they would be together, in some sense of the word, for the remainder of their lives.
It was an exciting thought, especially right now. He was feeling very grateful that he had the day off, grateful for the opportunity to be able to devote this first day to them. Going to training now would have been torture. But instead he could sit back and enjoy the afternoon, he could spend every second of it with the only person he wanted to be around. He’d be fine to go for training tomorrow; the shock over all of this would be gone by then, leaving behind a calm serenity in its place.
For minutes they sat together, nothing more than silence between them, their game forgotten for the time being. There was nothing to compete about anymore either, they’d both won. Finally Lukas was the one to break the silence. “I guess we should have some lunch, huh? We can sit on the balcony; it looks like it’s nice out today.”
Bastian nodded, feeling a little hungry himself. That was another good thing about this having worked out so well: his appetite was back. Food was important to him and his having consumed next to none of it had probably played a factor in his lack of energy the day before. He was certain at practice tomorrow he’d be doing much better than he had over the past few days. He just hoped the guys wouldn’t ask too many questions about his improved mood.
Lukas pulled himself away from Bastian and stood up. He turned around and extended his hands down to him; they were taken and Lukas pulled him up. Once on his feet Bastian didn’t let go of the hands, instead using them to pull Lukas closer. He slipped his arms around him again, still so happy about that kiss and what it meant that he couldn’t help but keep making this contact. He just hoped it wasn’t going to annoy Lukas.
When Bastian hugged him again Lukas couldn’t help but shake his head. “We already established that I won’t ever leave again, so really, you don’t have to plaster yourself to me at every second.” He was grinning while he spoke. He wasn’t bothered by the touching at all; in fact he rather liked it. It felt nice to know that someone wanted to be close to you so often.
Bastian saw the grin and knew that Lukas was teasing him. He smiled, letting him tease. “Well, it’s just that I’ve been waiting for days to plaster myself to you like this, so you’re just going to have to let me get it out of my system.” Bastian let him go finally, but kept an arm around his shoulders as they walked out to the kitchen.
Lukas just smiled. “Don’t get it out of your system.” He knew it was potentially dangerous to admit how much he enjoyed the attention, certain that Bastian would one day find some way to use it against him. It probably wouldn’t be anytime soon, but eventually, once Bastian settled more into the reality that they were giving this a shot, Lukas was certain he’d find a way to use it against him. That was just the way Bastian was, always taking note of any sort of weakness and storing it away for future use.
Bastian beamed at the comment, secure in the knowledge that it wasn’t going to annoy Lukas at all. In the kitchen they made themselves simple sandwiches, neither of them feeling like actually taking the time to cook anything. They sat side by side on the balcony in the warm afternoon air, eating and talking, just enjoying the day and each other’s company.
Lukas told Bastian about the conversation he’d had with Tina, about how he’d finally realized that he had to come back to talk to him again before he could really decide on anything. Then he mentioned what it had been like coming back last night. “You never picked up when I called, so I was certain you weren’t here. Then when I went down to your room and you weren’t in there, I was worried that you were angry with me. I thought you’d changed your mind. I probably spent an hour just worrying about it.”
“Really?” Bastian was a little surprised to hear it, but pleased.
“Yeah. If things didn’t work out between us, I wanted it to be due to the both of us deciding that; not because I was a thoughtless jerk who left you.” They’d finished eating by now and were just sitting, content for now to talk a bit more about the past few days.
“I’d never change my mind that quickly, you know that.” Bastian couldn’t help but smile at the thought. They’d both drawn some pretty stupid conclusions about what the other was thinking; both of them disregarding what the past few years of close friendship should have reminded them of.
“I know that, but at the time I was scared of things changing. I was worried that things were going to happen too quickly. A lot has changed recently; I wasn’t ready for anything else at the time.” Lukas sipped from his glass of water, his eyes looking out over the city.
“Are you really okay with this?” Bastian couldn’t help but ask. He’d been certain a little earlier, but Lukas was right. A lot had changed for him recently. Bastian didn’t want this to put any added stress on him.
Lukas looked at him and grinned. “Are you just trying to get me to kiss you again?” They both laughed and Bastian said that he wasn’t and that he just didn’t want to rush anything. Lukas looked back out over the city. “I’m really okay with this. Being close to you has helped me a lot so far anyway, so it only makes sense that the closer I get the better off I’ll be, right?”
Bastian nodded. “I like that logic.” They stayed outside for a bit longer before finally going back in, deciding to spend the remainder of the day watching movies. They sat on the couch, each at one end of it, stretching their legs out to conveniently kick each other.
Even after everything they’d said to each other, that desire to tease and bug one another was still running strong. That was something that made Lukas feel more comfortable about it all. If things between him and Bastian had changed in a more drastic manner, he wouldn’t have felt so ready for this. But things between them were still exactly the same, the only difference being the heightened instances of physical affection. He could handle that little change, in fact he enjoyed it. It felt comforting to have someone there, someone so in tune with you who knew exactly how best to interact with you at any given point in time, someone who wasn’t afraid to show you how much they cared about you. He needed someone like that.
Bastian was like that. He was more open with his feelings; not in an overly emotional way, but you could look at him and tell what he was feeling. Lukas wasn’t sure if he was that easy to read, but he hoped Bastian could read him that well. He hoped that he knew how much he meant to him, how much he cared about him. And he was still thinking about the roles they would both play in this relationship. What would his be? What would he give Bastian back for everything he’d received so far? He still wasn’t sure, but he hoped he could figure it out soon.
They took a break a few hours later to make something for dinner, baking some fish and potatoes. They sat at the counter to eat, discussing the movies they’d watched, laughing again at the stupid scenes from the comedy. It was starting to get dark out now as it was closing in on the evening hours and once they finished eating they returned to the living room couch. Instead of sitting at opposite ends again though, this time they sat closer together.
While waiting for the movie to start Bastian looked next to him at Lukas, grinning and slipping an arm around him. “You know, today has made the past few days all worthwhile. It’s been a good day.”
Lukas looked at him with raised eyebrows, wondering what, if anything, had sparked the comment. “Well I’m glad to know you feel that way. I’ve been kind of bored, myself.” He could have responded with something a bit more serious, but he just couldn’t help but joke around and tease Bastian for the comment.
The teasing had been expected on Bastian’s part and he pinched Lukas for it. “I know you don’t really mean that. Would it kill you to be a little more verbally affectionate?” They were both teasing each other now.
“Excuse me? I seem to remember someone mocking me for being verbally affectionate earlier today, thank you.” Lukas pinched Bastian back.
Bastian mustered the best look of surprise to his face that he was capable of. “You’re not insinuating that it was me, are you? I would never do that to my chubs.” Bastian grinned after using the nickname, expecting a strong reaction from Lukas.
Lukas didn’t disappoint him. He slapped Bastian’s arm before speaking. “Would you stop with the stupid nickname already?”
Bastian could tell by the expression on Lukas’ face that he didn’t find it anywhere near as annoying as he said he did. The grin on his face widened at the realization and he grabbed Lukas’ arms and pushed him back onto the cushions until he was lying over top of him. “You like it, don’t you? You like my stupid nicknames?”
Lukas struggled against him, trying to look annoyed. “No I don’t! They’re stupid.”
“You do too! Don’t lie, Poldi! I know when you’re lying, you’re a horrible liar. You like the nicknames. Admit it.” Bastian remained on top of him, his legs on the couch behind Lukas’, but his arms still pressing into the couch on either side of him.
“I’m not lying, I think they’re stupid!”
“I didn’t ask if you thought they were stupid, though. I asked if you like them. And you do. I can tell just by looking at you, you give yourself away so easily. You love it when I call you chubs, admit it.” Bastian was grinning devilishly now as he watched Lukas trying to keep up with the annoyed façade.
“No I don’t, now get off of me.” He turned his head, not wanting to look at Bastian. He didn’t trust himself not to laugh, which would only give his real feelings away even more obviously.
Bastian remained on top of him, but shifted slightly so he wasn’t pressing down on him so much. He leaned on one arm behind Lukas, the other draped over his best friend’s chest. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. It’s more fun if you keep pretending that it annoys you.” He leaned his head down, kissing Lukas along his jaw bone. He had a feeling that this relationship was definitely going to be an entertaining one.
Lukas shook his head and didn’t respond, but he did shift just a little to accommodate Bastian, moving just a bit to give him more room. One of his hands rested on Bastian’s arm, very gently rubbing over it. He felt Bastian settle behind him, lying snugly in between his body and the back of the couch. It felt nice to lie so close, to feel that body pressed against him. It was calming and soothing and he smiled as he felt Bastian’s arm pull him just a bit closer now that he’d settled back. The smile widened when he felt lips pressed to his neck. It felt like a little piece of his life that had been missing thus far was settling into place, the closer he and Bastian were getting. It was unfortunate he’d been missing having a connection like this for so long, but if he’d had someone in his life prior to all of this, he knew this never would have been possible. In some ways that would have made things easier, but as he was lying here now he was happy that things had worked out this way instead. He was certain that there was no way anyone else in the world could possibly know him as well as Bastian did, after all. He wanted to be with someone who really knew him, someone who understood how he worked and who knew how to react to everything he did. Bastian was all of that, so he was willing to take the chance.
Bastian was quite comfortable settled behind Lukas. He was surprised that Lukas was so comfortable with the closeness though, not having expected him to be so quickly adaptive to this kind of affection. It was a different kind of closeness that they had now, as opposed to what they’d had before. It was something that Lukas wasn’t used to having. But he seemed pretty okay with it all so far, so Bastian was intent on keeping it up. He was still a little worried about pushing things too quickly though. He wanted things to work, but he was going to have to let Lukas dictate the pace. For now he was content to just lie here with him while they watched a movie.
They watched one more after that one before it became late enough for them to head off to sleep. Bastian did have morning practice the following day after all, it wouldn’t do to stay up late. Lukas went to his bathroom to brush his teeth, while Bastian followed suit. While the day had gone off excellently after their talk this morning, Bastian was finding himself a little unhappy at the prospect of it ending like this. If the decision were up to him, he’d join Lukas in his bed. He wasn’t ready to give up the closeness yet. He knew he shouldn’t be hoping for that much just yet, they’d only figured things out this morning after all. But after being so close to Lukas all day, the prospect of sleeping alone was not one he was looking forward to. He couldn’t let it bother him that much though since he needed to sleep tonight. But he was still a little sad about it.
He finished getting ready, slipping into a pair of pyjama pants, which were the only thing he wore to bed, then went off down the hall to Lukas’ room. He kept telling himself not to expect an invitation to sleep in Lukas’ bed, because he didn’t want to be too disappointed if he didn’t get one. But he still couldn’t help but feel as though that was the only way he’d be able to really rest well tonight. He was at least going to get another kiss, that much he was willing to push for. He’d leave the rest up to Lukas. “I came to say goodnight.” He stopped inside the door, leaning up against the wall. Lukas was standing by his bed, setting his alarm clock.
Lukas looked up at him, a little smile on his face. “Is that all you came for?”
Bastian smiled too, and pushed himself away from the wall. “Well, I did come for something else too.” He walked up to Lukas, who hadn’t moved from his spot by the bed, but who was clearly expecting what Bastian was looking for. Lukas still had his jeans on but he’d taken his shirt off and the belt he was wearing was undone. Bastian stopped in front of him, close enough to slide his arms around Lukas’ back, pulling him closer. Lukas moved willingly as Bastian drew him in, slipping his own arms around his back and completing the embrace. There was a momentary pause as they both just stared at each other for a brief second, before Bastian broke it by closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to Lukas’. The kiss was soft like the one they’d shared earlier, but definitely longer this time. Bastian’s fingers were lightly tracing over the skin of Lukas’ lower back, while Lukas’ hands lay flat against Bastian’s.
Seconds later they parted, and Lukas lowered his head a little, his lips very nearly brushing the skin of Bastian’s shoulder. “Are you staying?” It was a question, not a request. He hoped the answer would be yes, but in much the same way that Bastian didn’t want to push things, Lukas wasn’t sure if he should.
“Do you want me to?” Bastian had felt nothing but relief at the question. He wanted to stay, but only if Lukas asked him to. This was close enough to a request for him.
“Yes.” Lukas looked at him again, pleased with himself that he’d asked. It wasn’t the prospect of sleeping in the same bed with Bastian that had him nervous, but it was the act of asking for it, of taking the next little step to figuring out where they stood in every aspect of the relationship. Lukas didn’t feel as though he’d sleep soundly either if he was alone, not after today.
Bastian smiled when he answered, his hands finally laying flat against Lukas’ back, gripping him ever so slightly. “Then I’ll stay. I didn’t want to push you into it; I was hoping you’d ask.”
Lukas smiled too. “If you want something, push for it. If you don’t, then we wouldn’t be standing here right now, would we?” He slid his hands up Bastian’s back to his shoulders, fingers ghosting over the skin there softly as they traveled down the arms. He leaned forward to kiss him again, their lips meeting for the fourth time today.
Bastian grinned after the kiss and brought his arms back around to the front, allowing Lukas’ hands to continue their travel down toward his own. When they reached their destination Bastian interlaced his fingers with Lukas’, looking down at their hands and smiling. He squeezed Lukas’ hands gently before pulling away and moving to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers and sliding underneath the blankets. After getting rid of his jeans Lukas did the same, sliding into his bed and closing the newly created gap between him and Bastian. They looked at each other for a moment and broke into smiles at the same time, both sharing in a brief moment of disbelief that they were actually doing this.
Bastian broke the silence. “Turn around.” He hadn’t meant to make the request in such a commanding way and was about to add in a ‘please’, but Lukas hadn’t appeared to mind. He was laying on his other side now as requested, back to Bastian, waiting. Bastian didn’t waste any time, he slid his left arm underneath Lukas’, leaving it lying snugly across his chest, as though he were intending to hold him throughout the night. The rest of his body pressed against him too, their legs brushing each other, his chest pressed firmly to Lukas’ back. Their heads were on the same pillow now and Bastian leaned his slightly forward, kissing the back of Lukas’ neck.
Lukas hadn’t minded at all when Bastian had made the request, his question about how they were going to sleep together being answered. He’d been wondering if they’d be close like this or if they’d spend the night here together, but with space between them. He wasn’t used to sleeping with another person, but it was an awfully relaxing position right now. The kisses to his neck that Bastian was currently in the middle of issuing made him smile.
After a few more instances of pressing his lips to Lukas’ skin Bastian finally stopped, his arm tightening just a little around Lukas. He had a feeling that he’d be sleeping very soundly tonight. “Goodnight chubs.” He couldn’t help but bring up the nickname again. He needed something a bit more personal to call Lukas after all; he wanted something that no one else would use. He knew Lukas would never let anyone else use the nickname.
Lukas couldn’t help but smile at the comment, not even bothering to pretend to act upset about it right now. It was having its desired effect. He leaned his head down to kiss Bastian’s hand, as it was resting on the sheets not far from his mouth. Once he settled his head back onto the pillow he spoke. “I love you.”
Bastian had smiled when Lukas didn’t say anything about the nickname, grinning when he felt the kiss pressed to the back of his hand. And when Lukas spoke he grinned even wider. “And you love your nickname too, don’t you?”
Not in the mood to pretend tonight, Lukas knew he was finally busted. “Fine, yes. I love you and your stupid little nicknames, too.” He laid his hand on Bastian’s arm, thumb tracing patterns into the skin, while his other hand he laid over top of Bastian’s.
Bastian smiled when he finally got Lukas to admit it. He kissed his neck again and pushed his hand back into Lukas’, feeling a calm sense of serenity settle over them as their fingers brushed together. “I love you too.” That was the end of their conversation for the night, at least of a verbal sense. But their bodies were constantly speaking through the night while they slept, constantly shifting slightly, pressing together and molding into one another. They both slept soundly.